Learning How to Smile
Entry #6
February 4, 2001-
I'm slacking again in my entries, I know. I've been so busy though since my family got here. I told them that night like I said I would...Brian was there and helped to comfort them and helped me force the words out of my mouth. Like I predicted, my mom was hysterical...hell, my whole family was. My dad cried...I've never seen him cry in my life...talk about hard to deal with. I wish this wasn't happening to me...I hate seeing the hidden pain in their eyes when they laugh at my jokes and wonder how much longer they'll be hearing my stupid puns and crazy antics. I introduced Dave to my family and they all seem to like him. BJ asked me if he was my boyfriend...so I kind of told her what I was going through. She thankfully understood and promised not to say anything, but she said it was pretty obvious...she said I look at him differently then I looked at Mandy. Jeez, I hope no one else has caught on...that's all I need is them thinking I'm lying to them. It's nothing like that at all, though...like I said, I just want to be sure before I say anything. My parents said they're gonna start looking at apartments in Tampa so they can be here for me a lot of the time. They didn't want to buy another house cause, damn they already have like 4! I make fun of them for it constantly and my dad says it's because my mom's indecisive. I love my family...I'm gonna miss them. I don't know whether Aaron doesn't understand or if he's just not accepting it...the night I told them, he just kind of stared at me for a while and didn't say a word. I've wanted to talk to him, but our family is a group movement kind of herd. We rarely have time alone when we're in the same town at the same time. I think it would be best to talk to Aaron alone. So anyway, I'm thinking about enrolling in the University of South Florida. I know, I know what about the group? Well, college is something that I've always wanted to experience, and since I don't know how much longer I'll have the chance, I want to do it. I'll of course talk it over with the guys first...I mean, I'm not going to be able to go on tour for a while anyway...not until the doctor gives me the all clear on my T helper count and even then I don't know if I'll be able to because of the treatments and all. I'm not excited at all to get back on the road...thank God we're on break. Thank God for Brian and Dave...I don't know where I'd be without them. I know it seems like Dave's more a part of my life, then I am of his, but see...his family is different. They love him and all, but they're not as loving as my family is. Does that make sense? Probably not. My family is tighter then his is. When he was younger his dad worked a lot and his mom was rarely home, so he didn't get much attention from either of them and being the only child, he needed that attention...I guess he sort of resents them for it, which I can kind of understand. But I mean, it's hard to fathom it because my family has always been there for me and my siblings...I can't imagine it being different. As for breaking it to his friends, he's decided to wait or not do it at all...he doesn't feel like his friends would care. I feel horrible for him, that's why I try to include him in things with my family and friends, because I know they all like him, and from what he's told me, he loves them to death...he thinks I've got the best parents in the world, they treat him like another son...and as for the guys, they're the coolest group of friends a guy could have...they welcomed him with open arms into our circle. He and Brian seem to have the most in common, and he's said he likes him the best...I think it's important for everyone I love to get to know him. Well away from all that, these last few days have been awesome! My family, Brian, Dave, and I all went to Busch Gardens for a day and had a blast. Brian stayed off the roller coasters with my mom and dad while Dave and I went on all of them with BJ, Leslie, Aaron, and Angel. I hadn't been there in so long that I almost forgot what it was like. Luckily we were only approached 2 or 3 times. I don't know why, but I think those girls let their guard down when we're not on tour or something. It seems like when we are on tour, every time we turn a corner we hear screeches. While Brian, Aaron, and I were taking pictures with the few girls who did recognize us, I looked over at Dave who was just standing there smiling at me. He made fun of me for it the rest of the day. We'd be walking and I'd say something to him and all of a sudden he'd go "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God...Nick Carter...THE Nick Carter just said something to me! I think I'm gonna piss myself!" Like I said, he's a funny guy...I told him I'd throw him off the next roller coaster if he didn't stop making fun of me. I really like him, he's an awesome guy. I'd better go now, it's nearly 3 o'clock in the morning and we're supposed to be getting up and going out to breakfast early tomorrow. Just the family...no Brian or Dave. Then I think we're going to church, but I'm not sure. I'm nearly falling asleep. Peace.
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