"Never There"
By: Cake
I need your arms around me
I need to feel your touch
I need your understanding
I need your love, so much
You tell me that you love me so
You tell me that you care
But when I need you (Baby)
Baby (you're never there)
On the phone long long distance
Always through such strong resistance, and
First you say you're too busy
I wonder if you even miss me
Never there
You're never there
You're never ever ever ever there (Hey)
A golden bird that flies away
A candles fickle flame (Hey)
To think I held you yesterday
Your love was just a game
A golden bird that flies away
A candles fickle flame
To think I held you yesterday
Your love was just a game
You tell me that you love me so
You tell me that you care
But when I need you (baby)
Baby
Take the time to get to know me
If you want me why can't you just show me
We're always on this roller coaster
If you want me why can't you get closer
Never there
You're never there
You're never ever ever ever there
Never there
You're never there
You're never ever ever ever there (Hey)
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"Yeah, it's okay, I understand...No, I'm not mad, just a little upset...Just call me later okay? I love you...bye," Jaylyn placed the phone back on its cradle and looked down at it for a second, before standing up. 'I don't get it,' she thought to herself. 'If he really loves me as much as he says...then why do I feel so unloved all the time?' She pushed the thoughts out of her head and walked out of her bedroom. Her boyfriend, Kevin Richardson was in a famous well-known group called the Backstreet Boys and...as always...he was away on tour. Everything had been running smoothly between the two, until he left. They had been dating for roughly 3 months and this was the first time she had to deal with him being gone. He had had those 3 months off. Jaylyn walked into the living room and threw herself on the couch. She didn't know what to do. She missed his arms around her...his soft touch...his cute accent...his laugh...everything. She called him everyday, hoping that he'd be able to talk to her...for at least 10 minutes...but he was always busy. She supposed she should be understanding and supportive, but sometimes she questioned the real reason he didn't have time. She hated having to question her own boyfriend...but she just had this horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach that was telling her that something was wrong. When he was there with her...she never had any doubts...but the second she saw him get on that tour bus...she just had this fear that what was happening to her now, would happen. She sat up and walked back into her bedroom and picked the phone back up, dialing Kevin's cell phone number again.
"Yo," he said after the third ring.
"Hey Kevy," said Jaylyn.
"Jay, didn't we just get off the phone? I told you...I'm busy."
"I know, but I just...wanted to know why you had to go. I miss you, Kev...you just seem like you're never there anymore..." she said, holding back her tears. Kevin sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.
"Look, Jay, I'd love to talk about this right now, but I seriously have to go. I have this really important photo shoot in like a half an hour, so I gotta go meet the guys, ok?"
"Yeah...big surprise you have to go again," she said.
"Look, would you rather me go to this photo shoot and make some money so our kids can have a good future or stay on the phone with you all day and the two of us can go hungry."
"Kevin, don't be ridiculous, no one is going hungry," she stopped and sighed. "I just feel like I'm loosing you..."
"You're not loosing me, dammit! I have to go, okay? Maybe I'll call you later, maybe I won't, either way I love you with everything, and if you don't believe me...then that's fine...don't believe me." He heard her whimpering quietly on the other end of the phone. "Jay baby, I'm sorry. I'm just...I have to go. Listen to me baby, I love you with everything and that's how it will always be...no matter what happens, ok?" Jaylyn nodded her head.
"Yeah, Kevy. I love you too."
"Good. No more tears, ok?"
"No more tears."
"Good. I have to go. I'll talk to you later...Love you."
"I love you too, Kevy."
"Ok. Bye."
"Later." She clicked off the phone and rested it on the cradle again. She knew she should have felt relieved after hearing Kevin promise to her that he loved her...but nothing had changed...she knew he'd forget to call...then she'd call later and he'd be busy...just like it always was.
--2 months later--
"Really?" asked Jaylyn excitedly. Kevin had just told her that he'd be in town for a couple days in a week.
"Yeah...but I don't think I'll have time to see you. I'm only going to be in Orlando for like 2 days...and I have concerts both nights and rehearsal during the day both days...and a couple interviews...so I really see no time for me to even go home. I'll probably end up staying with Brian or something...since he lives really close to the arena."
"Oh..." said Jaylyn quietly. "Well...I understand, I guess. I mean, just because I am your girlfriend and I haven't seen you in 2 and a half months, yet you can't drive 20 minutes to see me...I guess I understand."
"Please Jay...don't start again."
"I'm sick of this Kevin. I can't take this anymore. I talked to Jenn the other day and you know what she told me? AJ's going to drive all the way to her house just to see her. I talked to Jill, too. Nick's going all the way to Tampa to see her and you can't fucking drive 20 minutes?"
"Jay, just shut up, ok? Stop bitching for once. You know I love you, what the fuck else can I do? Kiss your ass? All you do is bitch and moan to me whenever we're on the phone and I'm fucking sick of it. I don't have time to see you, so get the fuck over it, ok?"
"You asshole! I can't believe you! All I want is to see my boyfriend for at least 10 minutes and you can't even give me that? You can't give me 10 minutes of your precious Backstreet Boys time? Dammit Kevin I love you and it hurts me knowing you don't give a shit about us...all you care about is you," she said sobbing.
"You don't know what I care about so don't fucking even act like you do. Do you know exactly how long Jill and Nick have been together? 2 and a half fucking years..AJ and Jenn have been together longer then that and you and I have been together for not even 6 months yet! I can understand them driving miles to see their girlfriends, but it's not like it really even matters with us."
"It matters to me, Kevin!" she yelled, getting furious. She couldn't believe what was coming out of her boyfriend's mouth. "It doesn't fucking matter how long we've been together...all that matters is how much you love me which obviously isn't very much. Brian's staying with Jessica while he's here, then Jess is going with him to Tampa for the last show. He's not even going to his house. He's staying with her because they love each other...they haven't been going out that long, either Kevin. Jessica doesn't live any closer to the arena then I do, either. So, if you're needing somewhere to stay, why can't you just stay here? And what about Howie? Howie's driving all the way to Ashley's house to be with her...they've only been together for 3 months."
"Look, Jay, if I find time, maybe I'll stop by and if not...we'll go out for lunch or something, ok? That's the best I can do. I don't want to promise you something and then end up not being able to go through with it."
"Well, I guess I'll have to take care of it if I really want to see you. Kevin, I miss you. I want more then to just go out for lunch. I want you to hold me, Kevy...I miss you so much," she said as tears lightly pierced her eyes.
"Fine Jay, I'll come home, ok? Will that make you happy?"
"Not if you're going to be such a fucking asshole about it."
"GOD DAMMIT!!!! Would you please fucking decide what you want and then let me know, so I can accommodate? I'll stay with you...but I doubt I'll be there very much...and when I do get home, I'll probably be too tired to do anything anyway..so I hope you're not expecting much."
"Just knowing you're there is enough for me, baby."
"Good. I have to go. I'll see you in a week."
"Ok, bye," she said quietly. She knew he was pissed, but he was acting stupid. Why wouldn't he want to see her?
"Yeah," he said and hung up the phone. Jaylyn stood there with the phone still to her ear as she quietly whispered "I love you," into the phone. She shook her head and placed the phone back down.
--Back w/ Kevin--
"Yo Special K," yelled Brian walking into Kevin's hotel room behind AJ. They both stopped when they saw a tall exotic looking girl laying on top of him on his bed.
"Whoa!" said AJ backing up, almost tripping over Brian. The 2 walked back out of Kevin's room silently. They stayed silent until AJ finally broke the silence. "Did he and Jay break up?" he asked quietly. Brian shrugged his shoulders.
"Not that I know of. I swear, if he's cheating on her...he's dead," said Brian through clenched teeth. He and Jaylyn had been best friends for about 3 years before he tried setting her up with Kevin, thinking they would be perfect for each other.
"Brian, it's really none of our business what Kevin does in his love life...You can't kill him for what he does..it's his problem, not yours."
"But Jay is one of my best friends and I set them up...so if he cheats on her, she'll hate me too."
"Brian...just mind your own damn business. What goes on in their relationship is their own damn problem and if Jaylyn's going to just dump you off when...if her and Kevin break up then maybe she's not a good friend..."
"I'm callin Jay," said Brian pulling his cell phone out of his pocket. AJ grabbed it from him.
"Brian, mind your own business," he said holding it above his head so Brian couldn't reach it. "You would fuck up their relationship and theirs with you if you said something. Kevin would hate you for telling her, and Jaylyn would hate you if it ended up being something completely different then what we think we saw, so just chill."
"Fine. You're right. Give me my phone," he said snatching it out of his hand and turning it on. AJ gave him a warning glare. "Don't worry. I'm just turning it on because Jess is supposed to call soon and I wanna be ready."
--Jaylyn's house--
Jaylyn sat on the couch completely numb. She was positive something wasn't right now. He had never been so cruel to her. Why was he trying to get out of seeing her? And worse then that, why didn't he want to see her? She picked up her phone again, furiously. Her temper was flaring and she was happy he wasn't there with her right then or she would have beaten him down. She punched in the quick dial code and waited for him to answer.
"Mmm...this better be good, Brian, cause now's not the time," he said into the phone. Jaylyn could hear someone moaning in the background and could hear how short his breath was. She dropped the phone and fell down next to it on the floor. She couldn't believe it. The thought of him cheating on her had never crossed her mind. Not once. She couldn't even have imagined him cheating on her. She could still hear the moaning coming from the phone, so she picked it back up and placed it on her ear. She whispered Kevin's name, as tears ran down her face. She wanted to scream at him, but she couldn't...her pain was making her loose her voice. She tried saying his name a little louder this time, realizing that he couldn't hear her over the bitches moans. Finally, she found her voice and screamed his name into the phone. She heard him fumble to pick it up.
"WHAT?" he screamed into the phone. She was shocked at his tone. He didn't know who it was and he was being an ass.
"Kevin..." she whispered.
"Who the fuck is this and what the fuck do you want? I'm a little busy right now."
"You fucking bastard," she said at a normal tone...not wanting to scream...but also wanting to get her point across. Kevin's stern face fell when he heard her voice.
"Jay baby?" he asked.
"Don't fucking call me that."
"Baby, what's wrong?"
"You asshole! I can't believe you have the nerve to sit there and pretend like you don't know what I'm upset about."
"I...I..."
"You what Kevin? You can't say anything can you? Can't say anything because the guilt has overcome your strength to talk hasn't it? All this time that I've been sitting her in our house, our bed, crying at night over you because you wouldn't give me the attention that I craved...you've been screwing some slut. Well Kevin, I've got news for you...I'm not going to take your shit. I was calling you to let you know that it's over and see if you could possibly talk me out of it...but don't even try it now. When you get back, I'll be gone...and you'll never see me again. I'll get over this Kevin, believe me I will...but you...you have to live with the guilt of it for the rest of your life. You'll never be able to look at yourself in the mirror again, will you?" Kevin was silent. He couldn't believe he had gotten caught. He was always so careful about no one finding out about Rita and what they would do together. Rita looked at him, waiting for him to get off the phone and finish the job. He looked at her and mouthed for her to leave. She rolled her eyes and got out of his bed, putting her clothes back on then leaving. Kevin could hear Jaylyn lightly crying on the other end.
"I'm...I'm so sorry," he said, trying to comfort her. Her whimpers transformed into laughter.
"You know something? I am too. I'm sorry I ever even met you...I'm sorry I fell for your suave words and your big glamorous life. I'm sorry that I ever kissed you. That I ever opened up to you like I did...I feel dirty Kevin. I shouldn't feel dirty. I feel used and alone and it's all because of you. All because of your selfishness." Kevin couldn't find his voice. He loved Jaylyn with all of him. He never meant for he and Rita to become as close as they had. He never wanted anything from her...but she was addictive...he was addicted to her and it scared him knowing that he had just ruined not only his own life, but the one person he cared most about in the world too. "Well Kevin, since you have nothing to say for yourself, good-bye," Jaylyn hung up the phone before Kevin could speak. He knew then it was over. He was selfish...he then felt dirty.
"I love you," Kevin whispered into the phone, then placed it back on the receiver, his body trembling ferociously as he broke down crying.
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