Never Judge a Book By Its Cover
Chapter 30
The next few days whizzed by..everything was perfect. Let me rephrase that, everything except going to sleep was perfect. Maybe even a little too perfect, but that thought never crossed my mind. James was growing rapidly by the day, it surprised me to see how much he really did look like Brian. It was obvious already that this kid was going to be spoiled his whole life. Brian did anything and everything for him. I guess it was the normal family pattern- the dad being the fun, energetic, 'I'll do anything for you' one and the mother being the strict, 'These are the rules' one. I didn't mind my role at all, though. Sometimes I'd slip into dad mode with Brian, just to see what it was like. Nick and Erika were great. He was still working on regaining all her trust..taking things slowly, day by day and he almost had her- that was apparent. Brian started recording his album finally, it seemed like he had been building up to that point for forever. I was so excited for him, yet at the same time I was a little upset, because the sooner he finished the album, the sooner he'd be on tour. He had planned for James and I to be on tour with him the whole time, but to tell you the truth, I wasn't ready to be away from one place for that long, and I knew being on the road for that long...living out of a suitcase and going from hotel to hotel was not what was best for James so we decided that he and I would be on tour with him whenever we wanted to. We'd just buy plane tickets to wherever it was that he was and show up at his hotel.
I walked through the front door expecting to hear Brian and James running around the house, but instead I walked in to see Brian asleep on the couch with James asleep on his stomach. It was the cutest, most precious thing I had seen in my life. I tiptoed into the kitchen to get my camera- this was definitely one of those "Kodak moments." I tiptoed back into the room and took their picture, then set the camera down on the table and walked over beside them, kissing them both softly on the forehead. Brian's eyes slowly opened and he blinked, trying to make his eyes adjust to the light of the living room. He looked at me and raised his hand to touch the side of my face. I leaned into his hand and smiled. He looked down at James on his stomach and smiled softly, then looked back to me needing some help. I carefully picked James up in my arms and carried him upstairs to his bedroom. Once I had him tucked into his bed, I walked back out of his room and shut the door. The second I did, I felt Brian's arms wrap around me from behind and felt him nestle his face into my hair. I smiled and intertwined my fingers with his resting on my stomach. I pulled out of his arms and led him back downstairs and back onto the couch so we could talk.
"How was your day?" he asked, taking my hand in his and stroking it. It was moments like this that made me realize how special our love really was. Moments where we'd just sit on the couch and talk about anything with no disturbances. No press. No fans. No fame or fortune. Just he and I being ourselves. I kicked off my shoes and pulled my legs up onto the couch.
"It was okay. I think the interview at the Sentinel went really really well, or at least I hope it did. They knew who I was from doing articles about you and the guys, which at first kind of disturbed me, because, I mean, I don't want to get a job because I'm you're wife, I want to get a job because they think I have talent." I stopped and sighed, then looked back up, "but they seemed to like the article I wrote about gay rights, so maybe it will be based on talent."
"I'm sure they'll see how much ass you kick and give you the job, and if you do find out that it's because of me, I'll go down there and kick some ass myself." I laughed and smiled at him, not saying anything, just looking over his beautiful face. God I loved moments like those. "Something on your mind?" he asked pulling me closer to him. I rested my back against his chest as he held me tightly. I sighed and shook my head. "Then what's with all the sighing and smiling? Happiness is a big no no here in Orlando. You know that." I laughed lightly and looked down at his fingers, placing my own on top of them.
"I love you so much," I said, bringing his hand up to my lips and kissing each one of his fingers softly. He wrapped his other arm tighter around my waist.
"I love you too, baby," he whispered into my ear. I smiled and kissed the palm of his hand. "Wow, a moment alone...I don't know if I even remember what that's like."
"Do you think we'll have anymore kids?" Brian pulled my shirt up, revealing my stomach and stroked it softly running his fingers over it. I loved it so much when he did that.
"I'd like to...but I think we should wait a little longer until we're ready again. I mean, one little me is enough for now."
"Yeah," I paused and held his hand tightly in my own. "I've been having those nightmares again." Brian sighed and squeezed my body reassuringly in his arms.
"I know you have," he said softly, playing with my fingers. I turned around and looked at him questioningly. "I can tell when you have them. I can't sleep when you do. I sit and speak to you, trying so so hard to calm you down. Why all of a sudden have you been having nightmares about your father?"
"I don't know," I said maneuvering myself around so I was half sitting on his lap, and half on the couch sideways so I could look at him. I folded my legs under my body and pushed my hair behind my ears. "They've gotten a lot worse, though."
"Worse then before? My dear Lord, how could they possibly be worse?" he asked running his hand up and down over my back. My eyes watered up and I looked down at my hands in my lap.
"They...they're not threatening my life anymore..." I said as my body began to shake and a few tears rolled down my cheeks. Brian wiped them away, then kissed my cheeks where my tears had fallen.
"But that's a good thing, isn't it?" he asked as I laid my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"No. They're...he...he threatens to take you and James from me. He threatens to...to..." I couldn't hold in the burst of tears that wanted to be released from my eyes. My body heaved up and down as my tears fell down my cheeks faster and faster. Brian's arms held my tighter against his chest. He was trying so hard to calm me down, but I could feel his defenses against his emotions weakening and I felt him shudder. He always shuddered when he was trying to suppress his tears.
"What does he do, sweetie? You have to tell me. You have to get it out in order to let it out of your mind." I heard his voice waver. I knew he hated seeing me so upset. He hated it when I cried. He hated it when anyone close to him was in pain. He couldn't stand it. He wanted everyone to be happy, especially me, his family, and the guys.
"He...oh God, Brian. He...threatens to...to kill you and James. He tries to make me choose between the two of you. That's when I jerk myself awake. I...I don't know how much more of this I can take. He's driving me insane," I said softly, holding tightly onto Brian's body- almost as if I had been thrown of a ship and he was my life preserver...which in a way, he was. If it hadn't been for him I wouldn't be able to face these nightmares. I would have given up by now. They were so vivid. I could give you an in-depth description of the basement the three of us were locked in. I could tell you exactly what each of us were wearing right down to the color shoelace. I could even tell you exactly how many bruises lined my arms, legs, stomach, face, hands...every part of my body basically. I could hear a soft whimper escape Brian's lips as I clung onto his body. I realized I was digging my nails into his shoulders and pulled my hands away. "I'm so sorry," I said rubbing over his shoulders.
"It's ok. Listen, Kaitlyn, I know these nightmares scare the shit out of you. Hell, they scare the shit out of me too, and that's just from hearing you talk about them, I don't have to even see them to know how horrific they must be, but believe me Kaitlyn, dreams can't hurt you, or me, or James. These nightmares you're having are all in your head, none of them are real, or are ever going to be real as long as I live. I promise you this, Kaitlyn, you will never ever be hurt as long as I'm alive. No matter what happens. Everything will be ok, baby, I promise. I'll always be here with you, right beside you always." My grip on his body eased a little bit, but I wasn't ok. I knew these dreams. I knew them from the last time my father found us. They weren't dreams, or nightmares- they were warnings...premonitions. How could he possibly find me though? I didn't have the same last name anymore, and my mom had changed her last name a while ago so he couldn't find her either.
"Brian, this isn't the first time these nightmares have occurred."
"What do you mean?"
"Remember when I told you about how I was raped when I was 13 and I got pregnant so we moved to Charlotte, North Carolina and that's where he found us?" Brian nodded his head. "I had these dreams before he found us there. These aren't just nightmares, Brian, they're like a warning...telling me to get away from here right away." Brian wrapped his arms tightly around me.
"Kaitlyn, nothing's going to happen, I promise you. But if you want to leave, then let's go. I'll call and order plane tickets right now." I shook my head.
"He'll find us no matter where we go. Maybe you and James should go stay with your mom for a while."
"I'm not leaving you alone. We can send James up to stay with mom, but I am not leaving your side, no matter what." It was times like this that made me wish that Brian didn't care so much about me. I knew what would happen...I knew these dreams were real, but Brian had no clue...he had no idea how horrible my dad was. He had no clue what he was getting himself into. I had to get him to leave somehow. I loved him too much to let him be hurt, or even worse killed by that bastard. Why had I let myself fall in love? I knew from the beginning that this would happen, that he'd find me...I had promised myself that I would never fall so deeply in love with someone that I would marry and have kids with them, but it's hard to ignore your feelings towards someone when they're so strong you can barely breath without having that person near you. If anything happened to Brian, I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that it had all been my fault.
"Brian, please just take James and go. Please, you have no idea how horrible this man is. You have no clue how ruthless he is. Please don't argue with me, just go."
"I told you, Kaitlyn, I'm not leaving you alone. The day we got married I made a vow to never leave your side till death do us part and I intend on keeping that vow. We'll hire the best bodyguards we can find. Shit, I'll get the secret service out here if I have to, but nothing is going to happen to you, or James, or me. I promise you that right now." For a second I believed the words that rang through my ears. I believed it all, but then I remembered my fathers wrath. When he had found us in North Carolina, it wasn't just me he was after. He was after my ex-boyfriend, my friends, everyone who I remotely gave a damn about. He was even after my friends families. Brian felt me tense again after my two-second period of being relaxed and he looked down at me in his arms. " He can't get to us I--"
"Brian," I cut him off suddenly, "this isn't just about me, or you, or James it goes a lot further..even further then Nick, AJ, Kevin, or Howie. It even goes to their families, not to mention your family, and their girlfriends. I mean, Nick's family, even though they live in California are still at high risk when it comes to him. He stops at nothing to destroy everything around me." Brian stared at me. He had no clue it was that bad. I knew he didn't...there's no way he could have known. He still didn't know the half of it. It was scary to know that someone could get so into your life. I wouldn't doubt it if he was already talking to someone I knew and loved. Brian kissed my forehead softly.
"We'll take the necessary precautions then, Kate. We don't even know for sure that anything is even going to happen yet, so let's just both calm down a little. We have to stay strong for each other. First thing tomorrow we'll have the guys over and we'll sit down and talk to them about it so they know what we think we know. Everything will be ok, Kate. I promise." I repeated his words over in my head. "'Everything will be ok, Kate. I promise.' Dear God, I hope you're right," I thought silently, resting my head on his shoulder. My eyelids suddenly became extremely heavy and soon my eyes were closed.
-=Chapter Thirty One=-
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