Never Judge a Book By Its Cover
Chapter 32
--A Few Weeks Later--
"You serious man?" asked Nick excitedly.
"Yep in 9 months we're gonna have another little one running around. Cool huh?" Brian said adjusting the phone onto his ear.
"Cool? That's awesome! You don't seem to thrilled."
"Oh God! No way! I cried when she told me. I'm so happy, there's just something really bothering me."
"What?"
"Well...remember a few weeks ago when we were at your house and Kevin kept going on and on about what happened in Italy?" Nick gasped.
"He didn't tell her, did he?"
"No, he didn't, but now she keeps asking me about it. So far I've been able to skirt the issue, but ya know...eventually she's gonna make me spill and I just really don't know what I'm gonna do when that time comes. It was a mistake, but I don't think she'll accept that. I can't pretend to have to go to the bathroom every time she asks me for the rest of my life ya know." Nick paused. He felt bad for his friend. There really was nothing he could do but tell her the flat out truth.
"Brian, as hard as it may be, you have to tell her. Sit her down and just tell her everything that happened. Granted it's been a few years and she might be a little angry about it, but that's something you decided to do. I'm sure you knew someone would get drunk eventually and start talking."
"Yeah well--"
"Hey sweetie!" I said walking in the room and leaning down to kiss Brian's forehead. He looked up and smiled at me. "Who ya talking to?" I asked taking my jacket off and resting it on the back of the couch.
"Nick."
"Oh," I leaned down and talked into the phone. "Hey Nick!"
"Hey!" I heard from his side of the phone.
"Brian I'm gonna go take a nap, k?" I asked, grabbing my jacket and walking up the stairs. "James wore me out at the park today. I swear Brian, your son is crazy."
"Where is James anyway?"
"Down at Triston's house. Triston came with us to the park and then I dropped the two of them off at his house. He wanted to show James his new toy or something. Who knows," I laughed and blew a kiss to him from the second floor. "I'll be sleeping if you need me." I walked into our bedroom and flopped down on the bed. I sighed heavily. Brian just hadn't been the same for the last couple of weeks. It was like he wasn't even the man I married anymore. He used to be so sweet and so sensitive to my needs, but lately all he did was talk on the phone to God knows who. He used to come ask me about my day, about what I did, about how James was, but he didn't really seem to care that much anymore. I closed my eyes and remembered the days when the two of us would stay up all night long talking about basically nothing. Everything that either of us had been thinking about or concerns we had been having. But ever since Nick told me he wanted a chance it seemed Brian had backed off a little. I could remember the days when a nap was impossible. Even when James wasn't there, Brian was always by my side talking my ear off about something or making love to me. That hadn't even happened since I got pregnant again. When I first told him about James, that night we stayed up all night discussing names and planning out his future, but so far we hadn't talked about this baby at all. When I told him, he was so happy he was crying, but that was it. I heard the door slowly creak open and I turned over and smiled at him.
"Hey," he said quietly shutting the door behind himself.
"Hi," I said. I looked into his eyes and knew something was wrong. "Baby, talk to me. What's going on?" I asked as he sat next to me on the bed. He shrugged his shoulders, then broke down crying into his hands. "Sweetie, are you okay?" I asked running a hand through his hair. He pulled me into a tight hug and cried into my shoulder.
"I'm so sorry, Kate." Worry and concern crossed my face as I tried to calm him down.
"Sorry about what?" I asked rubbing his back. He shook his head.
"It was a mistake," he said, his body heaving from his crying. I hadn't seen him this upset since the day I left to go back to Chicago. I knew something was seriously wrong. He was sensitive, but it still took a lot to make him cry like that.
"What was baby?"
"I...oh God."
"Shhh...calm down baby. It can't be that bad." He pulled away from me wiping his eyes and sniffling back his tears.
"I can't do this right now," he said getting up and walking out of our bedroom. 'Okay, that was strange,' I thought to myself. I looked at the closed door and stood up, walking timidly towards it. I wasn't really sure if going after him was the smartest of things to do, but I couldn't stand to see him so sad. I had to know what was wrong. I walked out the door and down the stairs. I got there and could see him out the back window sitting on the porch staring at the pool. I slipped out the sliding glass doors and walked over to him, sitting with him on the lawn chair he was on. I touched his leg and he jerked his head up.
"Brian, you have to tell me what made you so upset." He dropped his head sadly. I reached over and pushed his head back up. I leaned in and kissed him softly. "Please tell me. I'm worried about you." He sighed and wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans.
"I...I don't know how to say it."
"Brian...is this about Nick?" Brian looked at me and shook his head. "Well, ever since that day when I told you that he told me that he had feelings for me, you've been acting sort of distant. It's the only reason I can think of for you to be acting like this." Brian shook his head again.
"It...it's not about Nick. I mean, he has to do with it, but it's not directly about him." I ran my hand through his hair and down his chest.
"You have to tell me," I said looking him in the eyes. He sighed. I guess maybe because he had no way out of it this time. "And while we're talking, will you please tell me what happened in Italy?" Brian closed his eyes for a few moments then reopened them and looked at me.
"That's what we have to talk about."
"That's what you were so upset about? You don't have to--"
"You don't know Kate," he said shaking his head sadly. "You have no clue."
"Well, I would if you would talk to my once in a while," I reached over and took his hand in mine. "Please talk to me." He sighed heavily and wiped of his sweaty palms one last time.
"Well, remember a few years ago, when I was on tour w/ the guys and the night before my birthday the tour stopped in Italy?" I nodded my head. "Well, that night the guys thought it would be funny to hire a few strippers for my birthday. They of course didn't tell me this until the doorbell rang and I was already about to pass out." He paused, wiping a few tears from his cheeks. "So the girls came in and danced and to tell you the truth, I don't really remember much else."
"That's it Brian? The guys hired you strippers for you're birthday 2 years ago and you're this upset about---"
He shook his head. "I'm not done." I nodded my head, allowing him to continue. "Well...like I said all I remember is the girls dancing, but I woke up in the morning..." he paused sniffling back a few more tears and breathing heavily "...I woke up in bed with everyone...naked." My hand flew to my mouth and I shook my head, not believing it. "It was the biggest mistake I ever made," he said, tears rolling down his face. "But you have to believe me, I never would have done anything like that if I was completely sober. You know me Kate, you know I would never do that to you." Tears streamed down my face and I kept shaking my head trying so hard to pretend that I didn't hear it. That it didn't really happen. That he hadn't cheated on me.
"I...I..." I tried to catch my breath. To calm down. "You disgust me," I choked out. Those weren't the exact words that I was looking for, but they sure as hell worked.
"Please You have to believe me. Never in a million years would I--"
"I flew in that day. The 20th. The day of your birthday as a surprise. I wanted to take you out for lunch, but you wanted to sleep. You said the cops were making the 5 of you stay in the hotel for security reasons. You lied to me." My tears slowly subsided and now I was just completely pissed. Not hurt, not upset. Pissed. If a meteor had struck the house right then and James and I were the only 2 survivors in the neighborhood, I couldn't have cared less.
"You and James are my entire life," he said, tears streaming down his face, "please believe me, I would never purposely do that to you."
"I know you wouldn't Brian, but the fact is you did," I said, dropping his hand. I hadn't even realized that I was still holding it. I stood up and wiped the few tears escaping my eyes away.
"Please don't leave me," he said quietly. His voice was filled with shame. I knew he hadn't meant it, but that still didn't erase the fact that he had. We were already married then. James had already been born. And besides all of that, it was 2 years ago. He could have at least been man enough to tell me that he fucked up earlier. Like right after it happened. Yeah, I would have been mad, but not as mad. I didn't realize that I was walking towards the door until I heard Brian yell from behind me, pleading with me not to leave, asking me to at least sit and talk about it. It was too late to talk about it. What was done, was done. Nothing he could possibly have to say would change that. I stopped and looked at him. For a minute I felt sorry for him, and I almost stayed, but then I shook my head and took a step closer to him.
"I'm not saying we're going to get divorced because of this, I really don't want to. I love you so much and you know that. There's no way I would be able to just completely end all that we've worked for and to tear our family apart." I shook my head, not wanting to even think about that. "But, I mean, you did betray my trust, and that might take a while to earn back. Until you can, James and I will be at my mom's house."
"IN CHICAGO? No please! You can't go all the way to Chicago. Please. I'm begging you. I can't stand the thought of you and James all the way in the Northern part of the country." I sighed and nodded my head. It wasn't my place to take James and go to a completely different state. I wouldn't be able to do that to him.
"All right. James and I will be with AJ and Jenn for a while, then." I looked over at him, curled in a ball on the lawn chair, crying. He nodded his head sadly. I sighed and walked over to him, sitting back down next to him. "Listen to me, Brian. We're not over, our family isn't splitting apart, I just need some time, ok? I just need some time to think about everything. And this also doesn't mean time apart with other people. It's just a break for a while."
"How long is a while?" he asked meekly. I shrugged my shoulders.
"I really don't know, Brian. A week, a month, maybe longer, but I doubt any more then a month. I don't think I would be able to live without you for that long." He smiled a little at me. "I love you, don't forget that. We'll make it through this, I know we will, it's just going to take a little time." Brian nodded his head. He looked so sad. I'd never seen him look that sad in my life. My heart tightened in my chest, but no matter how much my heart told me to forget about it, I just couldn't. The thought of him being with another woman, let alone a few just grossed me out. Knowing that he had touched someone else made me want to throw up. I pushed those thoughts aside and stood back up. "I'm gonna go." He nodded his head again. I turned and started to walk away when I felt him slip his hand into mine. I turned around and faced him. He was now standing up. He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine. For a second I almost wrapped my arms around him, but instead I pulled away and turned around, walking towards the sliding glass doors.
"Will you call me?" he asked. I nodded.
"Of course," I said, pulling the door open. I looked back at him one last time.
"I love you," he said as a few fresh tears rolled down his face.
"I love you too," I said and closed the door. I ran upstairs and grabbed some clothes for James and I, then walked out of the house and hopped into my car and drove down the street to pick up James. I didn't know what I was going to say to tell him in a few days when he asked where daddy was. I'd have to tell him the truth, or else I would be no better then Brian had been. Once James was in the passenger seat and buckled in, I sped to AJ and Jenn's house, praying that they would be home.
-=Chapter Thirty Three=-
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