Never Judge a Book By Its Cover
Chapter 34
--Next Day--
"Jamie, sweetie, I don't expect you to understand all of this right now, but someday you will. Mommy and Daddy got in a fight so I thought it would be best if you and I came and stayed at Uncle AJ and Aunt Jenn's for a few days until we can figure the whole thing out," I said, holding James on my lap. He looked up at me with his big blue eyes. I knew he didn't understand.
"But momma, why can't you and daddy just kiss and make-up?" he asked. I sighed and adjusted him on my lap.
"Baby, mommy would really like to do that, but you have to understand, he didn't steal my favorite toy and he didn't push me down in the mud. He and I have a bigger problem then that," I said pushing his hair away from his eyes.
"I'll talk to daddy for you," he said smiling. I smiled back at him and kissed the top of his head.
"Thank you Jamie." He nodded his head. "But right now we have to get ready because Daddy will be here soon to take us to see 'Rocky and Bullwinkle' at the movie theater."
"Popcorn Land!" he said jumping off my lap and running to the drawers where his clothes were kept for the time being. I laughed at his term for it and stood up as well, helping him get dressed. I felt bad that he didn't understand what was going on, but I didn't know how to explain the whole thing to a little 4 year old boy. Hell, I didn't know how to explain it to myself.
--10 minutes later--
I sat next to James on the curb in front of AJ and Jenn's house waiting for Brian to pick us up. I had decided it would be good for us to go out together as a family. We needed to insure James that he was still going to be loved by both of us no matter what happened. After the movies, Brian was going to take James home with him to spend the next couple of days with him. James needed his real father around, not just his stand-in, AJ. Brian pulled up and got out of the car. He ran around and picked James up off the ground, then reached down to help me up.
"Hey buddy," he said smiling at James. James smiled and kissed Brian's nose. Brian smiled and looked over at me. "You ready to go?" he asked, picking up James' bag off the grass. I nodded my head and he opened the passenger door for me, then opened the back door and set James down. "This is going to be a lot of fun!" he said as he slipped into the driver's seat. The ride to the movies was basically silent...for me at least. Brian kept making faces at James in the rearview mirror causing James to break into a fit of giggles. I pretty much just stared out the window the whole time, thinking. When we got there, I felt Brian's hand slip out of my own. I hadn't even realized we were holding hands. He looked over at me with a worried expression on his face. I turned my head and looked back at him and smiled.
"I'm fine," I said before opening the door and getting James out of the back seat. Brian and I walked on either side of James, each holding one of his little hands and swinging him around periodically. It felt good to have Brian with us again. He paid of course since he never let me pay for anything and we headed into the theater. James sat between the two of us. I knew Brian was little disappointed when I sat James between us, and to tell you the truth, so was I, but I wanted to keep up that family feel. When the movie was over, the three of us walked out of the theater together. Brian and I walked a few steps behind James, listening to him going on and on about the best parts in the movie.
"Hey James!" said his friend, Triston walking over. Triston's Mom wasn't far behind. Brian and I stopped not too far from them to talk.
"This was nice," I said smiling. He nodded his head.
"Do you want to go get some lunch? Take Jamie to Micky D's or something. Let him play in the ball pit while you and I talk over petrified greasy chicken sandwiches?" he asked smiling. I laughed a little and nodded.
"That'd be fun." He smiled and took my hand in his and we walked over to James, Triston, and Gwen, Triston's Mom.
"Hi," she said as we walked up. We both smiled and said hello. Brian, Gwen, and I talked about school starting soon and how none of us could believe that Triston and James were already going to be in kindergarten, while James told Triston all about the best parts in the movie with sound affects and actions, of course. Triston had seen "Chicken Run" so he told James all about the best parts in that. Soon, Gwen told us she had to go so she and Triston left. Brian picked James up and gave him a piggy back ride out to the car. When we got out there, Brian put James back in the back seat, and then ran around to the other side of the car to get in. He looked in the rearview mirror at James.
"Hey Jamie," he said as he pulled out of the parking lot.
"Yeah daddy?" he asked, looking up.
"How'd you like to go to McDonald's and play in the ball pit?" James' face lit up and I turned around and smiled at him.
"You up for it baby?" I asked. He nodded his head excitedly.
"Yea! Mickey!" he said smiling happily. I turned back around in my seat and smiled over at Brian. He took my hand in his and kissed it then smiled back at me.
--Later--
We pulled up in front of Nick and Erika's...my sleeping destination for the night. I figured Jenn and AJ would like a night alone, and I felt kind of bad for staying there for almost a week anyway. Especially since they both thought I was being stupid about this whole thing. Brian put the car in park and looked over at me. I smiled at him and opened the car door.
"James, wait here, k buddy?" he asked. When James didn't respond he turned around to look in the back seat to see him sound asleep. After the movies, McDonald's, go-carting, and Nintendo at the house, he was undoubtedly exhausted. Brian unbuckled his seat buckle and ran to catch up with me, halfway up the driveway. He grabbed my hand and spun me around. I smiled up at him.
"Thank you for such a nice day, Bri."
"It was my pleasure. Jamie seemed to have had a lot of fun. He's passed out in the back seat," he said taking both my hands in his.
"I figured he was. I didn't want to disturb him by saying good-bye, so I just let him sleep." Brian nodded his head.
"I had a lot of fun today. More fun then I've had in the past week at least," he said softly.
"Same here. It was nice not to sit and wallow away in my sorrows for a change."
"Yeah a whole day and not a single tear," he said and laughed uncomfortably. He looked down at his shoes then back up at me. "I'm really happy that you decided to come along. I think it was good for both of us." I nodded my head.
"Me too," I paused and just looked into his eyes. "I miss you so much," I said wrapping my arms around him. He wrapped his around me hesitantly.
"I miss you, too, you know that, but I'm always here whenever you need me or just want to hang out."
"I know," I said pulling out of our hug and brushing away a few tears that had managed to escape my eyes. “I love you. I don't want to be apart anymore," I said crying. He pulled me back into his arms and smoothed out my hair, calming me down.
"So come home with me. Please my angel, come back."
"I can't, Brian. It's not that easy. There's so much shit going on in my head right now, and so many feelings I'm having, I just don't know what to do anymore, but I do know that coming home so soon isn't going to help a thing. It'll just end in a huge fight because all I would be able to think about would be your hands on some other chick." I paused and kissed his cheek. "I love you, you know that right?" He nodded his head and sniffled back a few tears. "I will always love you no matter what, but I just need some time."
"I know...it's just really not what I want to hear."
"I'm sure it's not, baby, but believe me, everything will be better if you just give me the time that I need."
"I believe you," he said pulling out of my arms and I wiped away his tears. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. Our kisses still felt the same. Still the same intensity. "I love you," he said as we pulled away.
"I know, and I love you too," I said kissing him again. We pulled away and he looked over at the car.
"I'd better go. If Jamie wakes up alone in there, he'll freak." I nodded my head and he kissed my hand, before dropping it and walking down the driveway.
"Goodnight!" I yelled. He turned around and blew me a kiss then mouthed goodnight. I watched as he got in the car, waved one last time, then drove away. A few tears trickled out of my eyes. How did everything get so screwed up? Things had been so perfect, why did they have to change so suddenly...or at all? I sighed and walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell. Erika threw open the door and pulled me into a hug.
"Nick told me all about what happened. Girl! Let's go kick his ass!" she said, practically squeezing the life out of me.
"Whoa ok, Erika, can't breathe." She laughed a little and let me out of her embrace.
"Are you okay?" she asked me looking concerned. I nodded my head, trying to make her and myself believe it. Nick came around the corner eating a sandwich and smiled at me.
"Hey Kate! How are you?" he asked, walking towards us. I shrugged my shoulders and tried to smile.
"I'm fine." He looked at me with a 'uh huh..yeah ok' look on his face. "I'm serious, Nick. I'm fine." He just nodded and looked over at Erika.
"I'm going to bed baby, you two can plot Brian's death together," he said, giving her a quick kiss. "Night Kate," he said as he walked down the hallway.
"Goodnight," I said taking a seat on the couch. Erika came over and sat next to me.
"So how was your day with him?"
"Wonderful as usual...which makes this whole thing suck even more. I mean, if it was just about any other guy in the world who did this shit too me, I could easily just hate them...but I can't...cause it's Brian, ya know? I love him too much to hate him. But it would be so much easier to just be like 'Fuck you', take James and move back up to Chicago. Hell, I can't even go to Chicago and see my Mom since it's so far away from him. I can't stand the thought of being all the way like at AJ and Jenn's house let alone in another damn state." I stopped and dropped my head, crying.
"So I guess you're not alright, huh?" she asked wrapping her arms around me. I shook my head.
"Not even a little."
"Well, then if you can't stand to be away from him, why don't you go back to him? Your slowly killing yourself and him and you know that you'll end up back together eventually anyway. Why not just put yourself out of your own misery?"
"I know, believe me I thought about it. I almost got back in the car and went home with him tonight, but it just doesn't seem right. I mean, I'm worried that if I give into it this soon that our marriage will completely just crumble. It disgusts me to know that he touched another girl and I think if I just tried to forget it and move on, eventually it would resurface and cause more pain then the pain I feel now," I said, pulling my knees up to my chest and resting my head on the back of the couch. "I just don't know what to do. I'm pulling myself in a million different directions."
"Well, all I know, is you should do what you think will be best for you and James. Granted that may mean hurting Brian, and I know you care about him more then you care about yourself, but you just have to think about James while all this is going on."
"And this one," I said, patting my stomach.
"Yeah, and that one. I can't believe all this had to happen now. It couldn't have happened when you two were just together, not married, no kids. Of course not, it had to happen right when everything was getting even better." Nick walked back into the living room and sat on the other side of me.
"Listen," he said putting his arm around me. "I'm gonna tell you something my Mom told me. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe Brian finally telling you meant you were supposed to take some time apart, or maybe it meant that the two of you were never what you thought you were. I know how close you two are, and to tell you the truth, I've gotten jealous of it before, and I know that it's probably extremely hard to be apart, but maybe this is good. Maybe taking a break is what you need before one or both of you go insane."
"But Nick, I've never not liked being with him. I never felt like he was suffocating me or anything. I enjoy being his world. He's the first person that's ever been able to look at me and know exactly what I'm thinking or feeling. I know him better then I know myself and I like it like that."
"Yeah, but maybe you just didn't realize what was happening and him being with another girl was God's way of telling you that you need to step back and breathe for a while." I rested my head on his shoulder and cried. "Don't cry, Kate, it's not even worth it. You need to just listen to your heart. Screw what I have to say, what Erika has to say, what Jenn and AJ have to say. Hell, screw what Brian has to say even, you have to just listen to your heart and it will guide you."
"I know Nick, my heart tells me to go back to him, but at the same time, I just don't think that's in anyone's best interest."
"What's in your best interest?" asked Erika. "That's what you need to be concerned with. In the end, the only person you have to live with is yourself." I dropped my head and cried into Nick's chest.
"I know...but myself is nothing without Brian."
"That's not true, Kate, no matter if you and Brian are attached at the hip or not, you still are your own person," said Nick. "Erika and I will be here for you through all of this. Through your pregnancy if you and Brian aren't back together by then, through your healing process, through everything. We'll be the embodiment of Brian," he said smiling. I laughed a little and looked up at him.
"Thank you so much." He nodded. I looked over at Erika and she wrapped her arms around me, so did Nick.
"Group hug!" he yelled. The three of us laughed. "You can stay here as long as you need to, Kaitlyn," he said when our hug was over.
"Thank you guys," I said standing up. I think I'm just going to get some sleep. I'm exhausted from all this crying." They nodded and stood up as well, watching me walk down the hallway and to their guestroom.
-=Chapter Thirty Five=-
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