As Long As You Love Me

"Okay. It's time for the big decision....should I get a tongue stud or an eyebrow ring?"

    "AJ, you're going to give little girls nightmares if you do any more to your appearance," Emily pointed out.

    "Oh that's taken care of. He already does," Nick muttered. We all busted up.

    "Well, okay. So maybe not this time, but Gilli, you are getting a tattoo. Today. In New York City. Right now. Pick what you want and we're doing it," AJ directed. He had been urging me to get one for the longest time, because I said once, once, that I thought a tattoo would be fun to have on my ankle. So, he told me that when the tour came around and we hit New York, I would be getting myself a tattoo. No matter what.

    Well, the time had come.

    "Uhhh...I don't know though J! And you're paying for it! Cuz you're the one that wants me to get it!" I pointed out. Everyone crowded around me as I eyed every pattern. A scary looking man with an eyebrow ring and as many tattoos down his arms as AJ, if not more, sat behind the front desk, chomping on gum. AJ had also told me that he would take me to do something spontaneous when I finally reached 18 and didn't need a parent's consent for anything. This had to be it.

    "Hey Steph, look at this fish," Howie shoved a catalog in front of me. There was a whole bunch of funky looking fish on the page he had the book opened to. The one under his finger was sorta like an angel fish, only with those bugged-out eyes. I laughed.

    "What? Should I get that and have it say 'Gilli' on the inside?" I asked, sarcastically.

    "Yeah! Totally!" D cried. "Get it on your ankle!" I chuckled. He passed the catalog around and everyone agreed that it was definitely me. So, taking deep breaths, I told the man at the front desk that I was ready. He handed me paperwork, which I signed, and had me follow him to another room. Bone had agreed to come with me because he had gone through the same thing a million times. I told the tattoo artist what I wanted to be done on the outside of my right ankle, and he began to clean the skin where it was to be placed. I was wearing shoes without socks that day, because I knew J was planning this. I grabbed my best friend's hand with my right hand and squeezed it as tight as I could.

    The pain was unbearable. I couldn't watch. To look at the needle would scare the hell out of me. I didn't want the thing to have any color because it wasn't worth any more pain that what I was already going through.

    "I'll be lucky if I have a hand by the time you get this over with," Bone mumbled. Right then, a sudden wave of pain shot throughout my body. My left hand shot around and clutched his arm. I gripped at his muscles, wincing at the pain.

    "Almost done, hun. Just gotta put Gilli on there. That's G-I-L-L-I, right?" I told him it was.

    "I had to get that damn name put on there, didn't I?" I yelled angrily. AJ laughed. A few tears squeezed out of my eyes.

    "A few more minutes, Gilli," J whispered, watching the tattoo artist at work. "Hey! That looks phat! Just be glad you didn't have Dancer Girl put on there." I chuckled a little, despite the pain. Just then, I felt the man dab at my ankle a little, then put something cool on it.

    "Done. Now, it'll hurt a little. And don't get it wet just yet. Let it air out a little bit, but definitely don't get it dirty," the tattoo guy instructed. I wiped away the few teardrops and nodded my head. I let go of AJ's hand and sat up. I watched as AJ shook his hand vigorously to get some feeling back in it. I had practically cut off the circulation in it. Just then, I tried to stand up, but my ankle hurt like crazy. So I plopped back down on the chair.

    "What's wrong now?" Bone asked, looking at me.

    "I can't walk you idiot!" I cried. He laughed even harder, reaching for my hand. Leaning on AJ's right shoulder while his right arm was wrapped around my waist to help hold me up, I walked out of the room to greet the others. All eyes immediately shot down to my ankle.

    "That's so wack!" Nick replied.

    "Phat!" Brian exclaimed.

    "Great choice Steph," Emily complimented.

    "I like it!" Fatima said.

    "I guess I just have the greatest taste!" Howie joked.

    "Well, I didn't hear any screaming, so it must not have hurt that much," Kevin sarcastically remarked.

    "If you had heard any screaming, it would've been coming from me," J answered. "D, your girlfriend has got SOME grip there. I thought I'd lost all feeling in my arm for a few seconds there!" We all laughed.

    "It looks tight," Amy told me.

    "TOTALLY you!" Amanda smiled at me. Kevin flicked open his cell phone and dialed up a number.

    "Dani! You gotta see this! Steph got a tattoo!" he cried into the phone. "Uh huh. It's a funky looking fish with Gilli inside of it. Totally phat. Yeah. Okay. Just had to call and tell you! We'll send you a picture of it! See ya later! Bye."

    "Kevin, your phone bill is going to be HUGE by the time this tour is over with," Brock muttered. Kevin shrugged.

    "I don't want Dani to miss out on all the action up here!" he cried. We all laughed. That boy cared so much about Danielle, yet he was so blind he didn't even see it.

    "Come on, let's get out of here before AJ forces anyone else to get tattoos. Besides, this place is giving me the creeps," Amanda replied. When J was finished paying the tattooed guy, we quickly left the building.

    "Where to next?" Nick wanted to know, after the boys had pulled on their hats and sunglasses.

    "Ya know, I don't know why you guys even try to disguise yourselves. If girls stare at your picture every day, don't you think they'd know your nose, body, mouth, smile...." Amy asked.

    "Well yeah of course, but not from a distance," Brian pointed out.

"Well.....except for AJ. But he does that all by his own choice." Just then, AJ tore off his hat and stopped walking. The other four ducked away into a nearby store, leaving me, Emily, and Fatima standing there with him. Almost instantly, a few girls gasped and ran up to him. A passing taxi screeched to a halt and two more teenage girls fell out of it to get to him. It took a couple minutes, but he signed pieces of paper and the girls' shirts, talked to them a little while putting his hat back over his bright blue hair, and sent them on their way, before we left. As soon as the girls left, a few more came up and he talked to them and signed some things for them.

Then, we went into the store where Brian, Nick, Amanda, Howie, Kevin, and Amy were hiding.

    "Why do you always do that? I mean, I never quite figured out your logic in it," Howie asked.

    "Aw come on. It's fun being famous and getting attention. You know it too, D!" Bone pointed out.

    "Okay, well let's leave because I don't think being spotted in a liquor store would give us a good rep," Kevin said.

    "Kevin! Why are you always worried about your rep?" Fatima cried. "Have a good time for once. Don't pay attention to what others think!" He gave her a hug, chuckling. We made our way out of the liquor store anyways, because we had no reason to be there.

    Once out on the street, we continued walking by the stores. I had been dying to check out Virgin Records, but I couldn't go in with the guys. Instead, we ended up walking around town, going in and out of the different stores without buying anything.

    "I remember the last time I was down here," Amanda sighed, while we were strolling through Central Park. Brian, who's right arm was draped across her shoulders, pulled 'Manda into a tight hug and kissed her forehead. We all smiled. It was nice to get a little downtime in such a big city. Central Park was so big and popular, no one paid attention to who else was in it. We walked onto a bridge, then stopped at the top to watch the water flow beneath us.

    "I promise you, in a small town, we'll get to walk around without these dumb disguises," Nick told Amy.

    "Yeah Nicky. In a town with the population of three if we're lucky enough!" Brian joked. We responded with soft laughter.

    "Actually, down on the coast of California, my cousins told me about this little town called Harmony. It has a population of, like, 15 and is totally hidden from everything. When we get to California, we'll have to check it out," I pointed out.

    The sun had started going down. It was getting really hard to see with sunglasses on, so the boys were forced to take them off. The ten of us found a spot in an open field and lied down to gaze at the stars. The sun was gone quickly and the sky was soon filled with stars. Because the lights surrounding the city were so bright, the stars were faint, but they were still visible. We girls lied in the boys' arms on the cool grass. Well, except for Fatima. She was on her back, staring straight at the sky.

    "I wish Dani were here with us," Kevin sighed, when he spotted a shooting star. Fatima sat up and looked at him over the eight of us who were sitting between them.

   "Kevin. Why didn't you bring her on the tour?" she asked.

    "I didn't want to get too exclusive, I guess. We had just broken up and I didn't want her to spend nearly a year with us if she and I had just met," Kevin made up an excuse.

    "Why don't you call her and have her join us?" Amanda wanted to know.

    "I don't know....please guys. I don't want to be bugged about this. I just want to keep this to myself," Kev pleaded. We shut up and continued to watch the stars and planes. It was hard to keep from falling asleep, and at the first sign of extreme tiredness, we all woke ourselves up and made our long trek back to our glamorous hotel, Le Parker Meridien.

    "Rise and shine Gilli!" I heard a voice shout. I looked up to see Howie standing at the foot of my bed. I weakly smiled at him. In the hotel, he and I shared a room, (BUT NOT A BED!) while Kev and AJ were together in another one and Brian and Nick were in a separate branch of our suite. The girls shared rooms across the hall.

    "Hello Sweet D. What time is it?" I asked, sleepily. I reached over, grabbed my watch, and glanced at it, before slamming it back down in anger. "7:45? We're not doing anything today! Why are you waking me up so early?!"

    "Just doin' my job! Besides, Steph, I ordered room service so you kinda have to be up in order to eat it!" Howie told me. I crawled out of the bed in my t-shirt and boxers, and stumbled into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I splashed some cold water on my face, brushed my hair, then left. When I reentered the room, I noticed the food on the table.

    Fruits of every kind covered the little table in the corner of our part of the suite. Howie stood by one of the chairs. I smiled gratefully at him and walked over to the table. He pulled the chair out for me, which I sat in, then went to his seat, and we stared at the mountain of delicious, healthy foods. Then we dove in.

    "Hey guys!" we heard Nicky yell. D and I turned our heads to see an overgrown child diving onto my bed.

    "Nick! You're too BIG for that stuff! You'll break the bed!" I cried, looking at him. Nick sat up and smiled. He had come in through the connecting doors.

    "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! STAGE DIVE!!!!!" Brian called, heading straight for Howie's bed. When, he landed, Nick reached over and gave him a high five.

    "Perfect 10, Bro!" he joked.

    "Thank you, thank you!" Brian replied. The two boys were in their silky pajamas, their hair messed up and their shirts unbuttoned. "I must admit, yours was about a 10 too. Form, muy excelente. Strength? Well geez, ya almost broke the frickin' bed!"

    "Uh, hi guys?" Howie made himself known.

   Brian and Nick turned around and, in unison, said "Hi D!"

    "Well, are you going to join us or are you going to go back and order your own food?" he asked impatiently. Nick got up and looked at the contents of the table, licking his lips. He grabbed a banana and began to unpeel it. Brian followed him and stole a few strawberries.

    "Thanks!" Brock said.

    "THERE YOU ARE!" cried Amanda. She was in a pair of boxers and an oversized jersey. Her hair was up in a quickly made bun, loose strands spurting everywhere. Brian went over and gave her a hug.

   "Mornin' babe. Where are the others?" Bri wanted to know.

    "The girls? Amy's still asleep, Emily and AJ went down to the restaurant for breakfast, and I guess the dancers are all doing something or other," Manda informed us all.

    "Where's 'Tima?" Howie asked, after swallowing a bite of watermelon.

    "She and Kevin went out clubbing last night, so they're both still asleep," Amanda told him. She reached past Brian and grabbed a small red apple, then sunk her teeth into it greedily.

    "Ya know what,  hun? I'm gunna go and take a shower so I don't get left behind by everyone once again!" Brian announced. He gave Amanda a kiss and walked into the bathroom, pulling off his unbuttoned top. D and I looked up at Nick.

    "Wow Nicky! You've gotten so buff over break! You're such a cute little boy again!" I teased Nick, patting his bare stomach. He laughed sheepishly.

    "Well, I try..."

    "Tell me again why we're up so early?" I yawned.

    "I really don't know. Usually we're all out till late in the morning but today, almost everyone's up and running. This is quite unusual for any of us when we're on tour," Nick pointed out.

    "It must be the fact that we have such lovely ladies to wake up to each morning!" Howie cooed. I leaned over and kissed his cheek. Then, I reached down to attend to a rather annoying scratch on my ankle. I looked down and gasped, whispering 'ohmigod'. Howie freaked out. "What is it Steph?" I busted up.

    "Uhhh...I got that thing yesterday," I chuckled to myself. Nick, Amanda, and Howie laughed their heads off. I hit my head with my fists, giggling a little. I couldn't believe I had forgotten about the tattoo.

    "I think I should get going guys. I want to get all my stuff packed so I don't leave it when we load the buses back up today to continue our trek through the states. See ya later, ok?" Amanda said. She snagged a strawberry and walked out of our suite through the regular door.

    "Me too. You guys enjoy the rest of your breakfast. I'm gunna clean up my mess so I don't forget anything. Bye," Nick stated, while leaving our room.

    "Well, back to the two of us again," Howie replied. I smiled.

    "Let's see how long it lasts this time!" I joked. Just then, we heard the shower water turn off. A few minutes later, Brian walked back in, wearing a white terricloth robe and drying his hair. By now, our extravagant fruit plate was almost gone. He grabbed a few orange slices and quickly walked back into his room, without saying a word.

    I finished eating the last piece of fruit I could handle and got up, thanking Howie for breakfast with a kiss. Then, I went to my bed and began to pick up the notebooks, shoes, and discman that were lying on either side of it. Howie did the same. We continued packing our stuff, until Nick was through in the shower. Then I snuck in and used it, with D following as soon as I was out.

    "I want my blankie baaaaccccccckkkkkkk," AJ whined, barging into the room. He came and sat next to me on the bed and laid his head on my shoulder. I rubbed his back as he sleepily sighed. "I miss it!"

    "Tell ya what. When we get back home, I'll let you borrow mine, okay?" I told the big baby. AJ lifted his head and smiled at me. "Where's Em?"

    "She's mad at me again, for some reason," J confided in me. I gave him a sympathetic look. "She says I need to cool it with fans. I can get moody. Am I really moody with fans? I try to be as nice as possible."

    "I never thought you were moody with them. It's just afterwards, when you've just been horded by millions of them," I told AJ.

    "I feel like I'm always trying to be either the perfect boyfriend or the perfect Backstreet Boy. It gets tedious! No one ever lets me be me anymore. I always have to put on that act." I rubbed his back some more, then got up.

    "Emily just is used to seeing you as the sweet natured, wild guy who loves who he is. She's never really experienced you as AJ the Backstreet Boy who likes to meet his fans," I tried to explain, getting up to kneel down in front of Bone. He let his whole body drop, so it was hanging over his knees. The boy was exhausted, and I didn't blame him.

    "J, why don't you go back to bed? Maybe one of the guys or I can talk to Em later, okay?" I suggested. We stood up and AJ gave me a hug before making his way back out into the hallway. Just then, Howie walked in. He was drying his hair.

    "What's up between AJ and Emily? I didn't hear much, but it must not be good," D said.

    "They're having a fight. Emily thinks that J is moody with his fans. He said she doesn't like the way he acts around the fans," I told him.

    "AJ acts like AJ the Backstreet Boy when he's around his fans. Nothing out of the ordinary and he's definitely not moody with them. It's just afterwards, when he's away from all of them. Then he can get a little testy. But we all do. It's because some fans hit the wrong button or ask the wrong question. We keep it inside ourselves until we're away from the fans, then we'll let it out. You know that," Howie explained to me.

    "Yeah I do. But Emily's never been on tour before. She doesn't know," I replied.

    "Are you going to talk to her?"

    "I don't know. I was thinking maybe one of you guys could. You'd be able to explain the way he acts better than I could because I'm never out there with you guys and all the fans."

    "Okay. I'll talk to the guys, then," D sighed. Then, we turned around to face the beds and finish packing up our mess.

    "Got everything packed?" Q asked. Howie walked up and double checked everything in front of his bodyguard.

    "Gilli, where's all your stuff?" D called to me. I was in the bathroom, making sure everything was out of it.

    "I stuck it in one big suitcase!" I yelled from my spot. I checked the countertops one last time, found an earring, then walked back out to the two men. "You almost forgot this." I dropped the small loop into Howie's open hand, then turned around and scanned the room quickly. "Got everything," I exclaimed. Q picked up the suitcases and carried them to the elevator, Howie and I following close behind.

    As soon as the elevator doors opened in the lobby, cameras went flashing and screams filled the room. Howie gripped my hand tighter as we made our way through the crowd to the buses. He regretted that he couldn't sign any autographs, but with me in tow, it was really hard to. Plus, the next day, we were scheduled to perform in Boston, Massachusetts. Getting out of hotels where fans knew they were was always like this. We quickly climbed on the bus and sat at the table. Just then, I looked out the window to see Brian carrying Amanda out to the bus. He knew the fans would surely horde her if he had let her walk. Within seconds, they were on the bus as well. Nick and Amy had gotten on a few minutes before, and I caught a glimpse of a very sleepy AJ being lead by his bodyguard.

    "Hey Manda, where's Em?" I wanted to know.

    "She left with the dancers a half hour ago," Amanda informed me. I was a little taken aback.

    "Really?"

    "Yeah. She and I switched places. So, I'll be sleeping on the bus with you guys for awhile," she said. All I could say was "wow." I didn't know their fight had been so intense. As AJ climbed on the bus, I could see he was hurting.

    "On the road again....just can't wait to get on the road again..." Howie and AJ sang from the couch on the bus. AJ had stuck on one of his hats and a random pair of sunglasses. I grabbed D's new Polaroid and snapped one of the two of them. Nick was in the back lounging area, playing Nintendo with Amy. We usually didn't bug him unless he needed one of us to play with him.

    "One grilled cheese sandwich! Cooked and ready to eat!" Amanda called, holding up a deliciously smelling plate. Brian walked by and grabbed it from her hand. She then started on the next sandwich. Bone took a peek out the window.

    We were a few hours down the highway. A few cars were trailing our bus, but soon left because they couldn't stay with us forever. I reached over and stuck Usher's cd in the stereo system. "Make Me Wanna..." soon blared over the speakers. Howie, AJ, Brian, Amanda, and I began singing at the top of our lungs. Just then, Kevin popped out from his cubby/bed and walked over to us.

    "Could you guys be a little quieter please? I'm on the phone," he said.

    "Tell Dani we love her and wish she was here!" Amanda cried.

    "Tell her I miss her soo much!" I added. Blushing, Kevin climbed back into his bed and closed the curtains. I turned the stereo down a little and we lowered our voices.

    "I smell grilled cheese...." Nick called from the back lounge area. He walked out to the front section of the bus and peered over Amanda to look at what she was making. She quickly turned around.

    "Nicky! Why do you do that? You know I feel like a munchkin whenever you stand over me like a tower!" she told him.

    "We represent the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild. And in the name of the Lollipop Guild....we wish to welcome you to Munchkinland," Howie sang in his best munchkin voice. Amanda looked back at him and laughed.

    "That's it! No sandwich for you, mister!" she cried, shaking her spatula at D. He chuckled.

    "Hey Steph?" Kevin asked, suddenly showing up right beside me.

    "Oh hi! Whaddya need?" I wanted to know, after being surprised by Kev.

    "Dani wants to talk to you. Is that okay?"

    "She wants to talk to me! WOO HOO!" I grabbed the phone from Kevin and excitedly cried into it, "HEY DANI!" She laughed. "What's up?"

    "Nothin' much. It's all good down here. Ya miss me yet?" Dani asked me.

    "YET? We've missed you since the day we left! I wish you were here right now Dani. I really do," I confessed. I could imagine her blushing.

    "Really? That's so sweet of you Steph," she answered back.

    "How's the town without us?" I asked.

    "It's kinda lonely. But I love watching over AJ's dogs and hanging around in your house. It keeps me company," Danielle replied.

    "You haven't started rearranging things yet have you?" I joked.

    "Not yet, but I was thinking of doing something creative with the hats in the hat room."

    "Cool! Just don't damage any of them okay?"

    "Don't worry! I won't!!!" she assured me. "I was thinking of giving it the rainbow look or something. Have white ones on one side and go all the way to black on the other side of the room. Ya like?"

    "Great idea!"

    "So....uhhh...tell me about this tattoo you got yesterday," Dani slyly replied.

    "What? Oh yeah! I keep forgetting about it. It scared the heck out of me this morning! It's just a medium sized fish with Gilli on it in cursive writing. I'm beginning to get attached to it, strangely enough," I told my friend. She laughed.

    "Sounds awesome! I can't wait to see it!" Just then, I shoved the Polaroid camera into Howie's arms and put my foot up on the couch, pointing to it. Howie took a picture.

    "Done! You'll see it in the next letter from Kevin...or whoever he allows to write to you!" I exclaimed.

    "Got that Polaroid I see," she said.

    "Yup. It's quite handy too. We all have our regular cameras, but we don't get them developed until we get a break. This one is an instant snapshot ready to send! It's great. Howie, Kevin, and I are always using it. We've already got, like, 10 pictures ready to send to you, even though we got the camera yesterday!" I explained.

    "Really? Wow. I'll bet you stocked up on the film too. I can't wait to see the pictures. What are they of?" she wanted to know.

    "Oh there are some pretty goofy ones. There's one of AJ and Howie singing 'On the Road Again' from this morning. There's one of Nicky pretending to be a model in his silky pajamas. There's one of Kevin sleeping. There's now one of my ankle. There's one of me and Fatima. There's one of Brian carrying Amanda. There's one of AJ and his Dopey doll. There's one of me and Howie. One of me and AJ in our matching hats from Virginia, brand new cue sticks, and sunglasses. One of Amy and Nick playing Nintendo. I think that's it. But there will most likely be more before the day is out so who knows?" I told her.

    "I can't wait! Hey, look, I gotta go. I have to get to work soon and I haven't let the dogs out yet," Dani informed me, speaking of Panda and Bear, AJ's shih tzus that she was taking care of.

    "Are they being good dogs?" I asked.

    "Yeah they're great. Just tell AJ that Bear got mad at Panda and now there's a big chunk of fur missing from Panda's back," Dani instructed. I laughed evilly.

    "I will! Talk to you later!" I called into the phone. Danielle said bye and I hung up.

    "How are my little doggies doing?" J asked as soon as I handed Kevin the phone.

    "Uhhh..." (I sighed.) "Dani said that Bear got mad at Panda and took a chunk of fur out of her coat," I lied. AJ took off his sunglasses and stared at me.

    "WHAT? Did she take her to the vet??" J cried, extremely worried. I busted up.

    "Just kidding!" Bone's frightened expression turned into a rather unhappy one. I quickly ducked into the back lounge, knowing he wouldn't be able to come after me because Amy and Nick would be incredibly upset if he ruined their ongoing game.

    Kevin was flipping through a magazine in the back of the bus, while Amy and Nick kept their eyes glued to the screen, their hands tightly gripped on the controls. Every so often, there would be a cry of distress from Amy or an angered shout from Nicky, but that was typical. I dug out my notepad of paper and decided to write a letter to Lacey.

    "Last call for grilled cheese!" Amanda called, sticking her head into the room.

    "I want one!" Nick cried.

    "Make that two," Amy added.

    "Can you make me one as well, please?" Kevin politely asked.

    "Please?" I repeated. Amanda said sure and left the room. As soon as she did, I began my letter to Lace. I sat for a few seconds, wondering what to say, then decided to switch and make the letter out to Lisa.

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