I woke up. It was quiet in my house. Too quiet. Yet I couldn't figure out why. Something wasn't right. Almost instantly, I realized what was wrong and dialed Memory 1 on my phone.
"Hello?"
"HOWIE! Is everything ok?" I cried, worried.
"What? Everything's fine....did I not call you?" he wondered.
"NO! D, you freaked me out! I was sooo worried as to what was wrong with you! Don't scare me like that!" I told him.
"Geez, I'm sorry sweetie. I didn't know I was so important to your mornings!" Howie replied.
"Howie, you're part of my daily morning ritual. Life wouldn't be the same if I didn't have your wake-up calls," I explained. "I could completely forget to wake up!"
"Steph, you're such a cutie. I'm sorry I didn't call you. Want me to come over and pull you out of bed myself?" Howie offered.
"No, that's ok. But come and jog on the beach with me this morning, please! I'll enjoy your company," I told D. He obliged, and I told him to come to my house in an hour and then we'd leave for the two mile walk down the beach and back. I hung up the phone and leaned back against my headboard to catch my breath. I didn't realize how frantic I had become, how much my heart beat had sped up, or how worried I was, until I had put the phone down. Howie was always punctual and never missed a thing. It was part of our daily schedules for him to call me every morning. When we were on tour, he'd even call from bus to bus. And if I was lucky enough to get to ride in their tour bus (sometimes there would be a sixth bunk and I'd crawl in and live with the boys just to keep their heads on straight), he would wake me up by either reaching across and sticking his head through my curtain, hitting the top or sides of his little cubby hole--which was right next to mine, or he'd stick his hand down and pat my head until I slapped it away--depending on which beds we were sleeping in. I had grown to expect his presence every morning, unless they were out doing some TV show and he was in the middle of doing something. But then, I knew he wasn't gunna call me and I set my alarm clock. It was all confusing me. So, instead of exhausting myself then, I pushed aside those thoughts and got ready for the jog.
I put on a sports bra, tank top, and bike shorts. I found a cap and stuck it on, putting my ponytail through the hole in the back. Then, I lathered sun screen on, put on my good running shoes, and went into the kitchen, where I was greeted by my loving dog. I picked him up and let him outside for the morning. Sometimes I took Chachi out on jogs with me, but I decided not to let him come today. In my fridge, I found an fresh, Pink Lady apple and sunk my teeth into it, while pouring some milk into a tall glass. That was usually enough to keep me awake and energized until lunch. Then, I dug a bottle of Crystal Geyser out of the fridge in my garage and set it in the freezer so it'd be nice and somewhat frozen while I was running. When I heard scratching at the glass door, I went and brought Muchacho back in. The dog was shaking, so I took that as a sign that the morning's breeze was cold. I went into my bedroom and dug out an old sweatshirt Nick had given me because he had outgrown it. Tying it around my waist, I mosied back into the living room and turned on the radio to the Dave Matthews Band, then began to warm up my muscles for the jog.
By the time I was ready to go, the doorbell rang and in came Howie. I turned off the radio, grabbed my water bottle, and walked over to him.
"Ready? Got yourself all stretched out?" I asked.
"Sure! Let's go!" D cried.
"Bye Chachi!" we yelled simultaneously, before he opened the door and I walked out.
When we finally reached the beach, the air was chilly, just as I had predicted. D and I walked to where the sand was wet and the tide once rolled up to, and began our jog.
"So, where were you this morning?" I wanted to know.
"Oh I was just so exhausted that I didn't wake up in time, I guess," Howie explained.
"Are you sure you're okay? I mean, that's not like you to forget something that's so habitual," I asked.
"Yeah I'm fine. I don't know what happened this morning, Steph. I'm not sick, I know that. Maybe I'm finally catching up on all that sleep I've lost in the past few years. All the hype is beginning to wear me down," Howie shrugged.
"Well if you're sick, let me know, okay? We can't have you being sick at this time of year, D!" I said, between breaths. He lightly chuckled. Suddenly, the conversation went dead. There was nothing to say. It was almost awkward.
"Wanna go for a swim?" Howie randomly burst out.
"WHAT??" I cried. Howie grabbed my waist and pulled me into the water. I fell and landed on my butt. Then, I splashed water at him. We cracked up. I was nearly soaking wet. I got up and pulled D down with me. We were laughing hysterically. The waves came up around us as we sat in the shallow water, splashing each other.
"Oh thanks D! Now we gotta turn around and run a half mile back to my house in soaking clothes!" I cried. He chuckled. I took my hat off and hit him in the shoulder with it. We got up and shook our shirts out, so they'd be somewhat dry. Then I took my wet sweatshirt off and tied it around my waist. It was so wet and I was almost dry underneath. Howie took off his shirt and tucked it in his pants, so that half of it was hanging out. Ya know...the cool way...haha.
"Oh! So you got buff and shiny all at the same time!" I joked, patting his waxed stomach. "Quit playing games with my heart...quit playing games with my heart, before you tear us apart, quit playing games with my...I should've known from the start...ya know you gotta stop, you're tearing us apart, QUIT PLAYING GAAAAMMMMMEEEESS!" Howie came up from behind and shoved me right as I started "BABY BABY!" I continued, though. "The love that we had was so strong. Don't leave me hangin' here forever! Oh baby baby, this is not right. Let's stop this tonight..." I loved mocking J, and I was REALLY good at it, too. Howie jogged up to me and put his arm around my shoulder loosely. I looked at him.
"Well?" D sighed.
"Well?" I answered.
"Whaddya say we head back to your place and get in dry clothes, so that we can go and rent some movie and watch it," Howie suggested.
"Sounds like fun!" I replied.
"Race ya!" Howie cried. Suddenly, he was off, running as if for his life.
"HEY!" I yelled, starting to run after him.
When we caught up to each other at my house, we both put our hands on our knees and rested. We looked at each other and laughed.
"Hell with changing clothes. Let's just go swimming in them! In a real pool," I said. We walked through the side gate to the backyard, where I put on my sweatshirt and jumped in the pool. I did a few laps, then jumped into one of the five mini spas that only held two people in them. D got in the spa next to me and put his arms up on the cement.
"Life...is good," he sighed, closing his eyes. I reached over and splashed water in his face. He suddenly looked at me.
"Hey! You deserve it!" I snapped, teasing him. I yawned and got out of the spa to go get towels out of my garage. As I walked by, D splashed water at me. I looked back and playfully glared at him. He laughed even more. When I came back with the towels, I handed one to Howie and he got out to dry himself off.
"Still wanna do the movie?" Howie asked me.
"Right now, I feel like pool. Wanna?" I told him, frankly. He agreed to play a few games, and we went over to my patio and took off the cover so we could play. Howie was as good as me, so our games lasted forever. By the time we were done with three games, it was lunch time and we were both starving, so I fixed some tuna for us to make sandwiches.
I went over and checked the messages on my answering machine. One from Brian, one from Nick, one from Lacey, one from AJ, one from Amanda, one from Kevin, one from Danielle, one from Tae, one from Swoop, one from Fatima, and one from Emily.
"You're one busy person today, aren't you?" Howie remarked.
"No kidding!" I cried, after listening to all of the messages. "Do you mind if I call them all back?"
"Oh go ahead. Why are you even asking? It's not like I'm offended by it, Steph!" D said.
"True true. Ok. Well, I'll call them all back, then we'll figure out what to do, 'kay?" I suggested. Howie D agreed, so I dialed up memory 3 -- Brian. One by one, I talked to every person who had left a message and got the same answer from each of them.
All called, wanting to know where I was and if I knew where Howie was. Eventually, I ended up planning a dinner date with all the boys and their girlfriends. Brian and I used our party lines to talk to everyone at the same time. When I got off the phone, I explained the plans to Howie. He was fine with it, and left to go to home, so we could begin to get ready.
It was about 4:30pm and the reservations were for 6:00. I quickly jumped in the shower and refreshed myself. Time to primp up. I usually didn't, because I was always hangin' out with the boys, dancing, working out, or doing something with the girls. And when I DID get all done up, someone was usually there to do me up. I was on my own tonight. I decided to live up to my famous nickname I shared with Howie and wear my hair with its natural curls. The dress I had picked out was a simple, satin, red one. I had worn it to a few award shows that the boys had taken me to, and it had become my favorites. To wear over the dress, I had found this little red jacket. And a cute hand purse to go with it...
It took me about a half hour to get ready. When I was all set to go, I got in my nifty little yellow Mustang and cruised on over to Amanda and Amy's apartment, where we were to meet.
Brian answered the door. I looked at him and laughed.
"Where's Curly?" he asked.
"What?" I cried.
"You were supposed to pick him up, weren't you?"
"No. He's gunna come in his car," I told Bri.
"Brock, cool it. I wouldn't forget D. And can I please come in? I'm freezing!" Brian let me in and took my coat and purse. I walked in and said hi to Amanda, who was sitting in the kitchen, drinking a glass of water. She was wearing a long, satin, indigo blue dress that had a heart shaped top, thin straps, tight torso, and flowy skirt, and her hair flowed past her shoulders in natural curls.
"Amy's in the bathroom, still getting ready," 'Manda told me when I asked where she was. I sat down on a couch in the small living room, and looked over at them.
"When are the rest supposed to get here? The reservations are for 6:00 right? And it's 5:15 right now," I wanted to know, looking at my watch. Right as I looked back up to Brian, the doorbell rang again. Brian opened the door to find Howie on the other side.
"Howard! Don't you look nice tonight!" Bri stated, when he saw D in a black tuxedo with a red bowtie. Howie smiled, said thanks, and walked in as Brock shut the door behind him.
"Oh wow! You match Steph!" Amanda commented. Howie chuckled innocently and sauntered over to say hi to her. Then, he came over and sat down on the couch next to me.
"That dress again?" he teased me. I glared at him. "How many places have we gone where you've worn that?"
"And if I recall correctly, you were the one who picked it out and insisted I get it!" I sarcastically shot back. We glared at each other playfully, then burst into giggles.
"You do look great tonight, Steph," Howie complimented me, finally.
"And so do you, Howie," I returned. Then, for some reason, D took a strand of my hair and twirled it around his finger.
"Aren't we blessed to have such curly hair?" he asked.
"Why yes we are, but don't tell Amy, her hair is straight and she has a hard time getting it to curl like ours," I told him. I had come to realize that every single person between the kitchen and the living room had naturally curly hair...well, that quickly changed when the bell rang again and Nick came in. He was holding a rose, for Amy, so he marched into the bathroom (the door was open) and suddenly we heard a surprised, high pitched shriek followed by a 'thank you!' All four of us laughed. Not long after, Danielle and Kevin showed up. They were soon followed by AJ and Emily.
"He takes more time to get ready than I do!" Emily cried, when asked why they were the last ones to get to the apartment.
"Well, we might as well get going, cuz it's 5:45 and reservations are for
6:00," Brian declared. All ten of us grabbed our things and walked out the door and into our cars and waited as Brian and Amanda locked the door and got into his BMW. I told Howie I wanted to take my car, so he climbed in beside me and we were off.
When we got to the restaurant, we decided we were all a little too dressed up for the occasion. But what the heck, we didn't care. We walked in and waited for the waitress to seat us. We were led into a private conference room that had a long table. Perfect for our huge group of ten. On one side sat Brian and Amanda, me and Howie, and Emily, with AJ on the end. On the other side sat Kevin and Danielle, and Amy and Nick.
We all got situated and the guys took our coats and stuck them on a coat rack. Then Amanda excused herself, pulling me along with her. The guys rolled their eyes as one by one, each girl decided to come with us.
"Hurry back!" Howie said to me, looking straight into my eyes. I laughed and got up.
"I'll take extra time, just to make you mad!" I jokingly remarked. The guys all busted up.
When in the huge restrooms, we all sat in front of the mirror while the other four checked their make-up. I was blankly staring into the mirror, when I noticed that Amanda was gazing at me, studying my expression as if she was looking for something.
"What?" I cried.
"I don't understand you and Howie. I may have only known you for a month, but you two act like you're newlyweds or something," Amanda pointed out. I giggled softly.
"We've known each other since I was 3 and he was 10, so we're close and treat each other like brother and sister. I'm his little sister. I'm all the boys' little sister," I tried to explain.
"You are sooo right Amanda. Steph, sorry, but you know I've known you since 6th grade and though you and D have been tight, your relationship has gotten a lot deeper lately. Maybe it's cuz we're getting older, but something tells me there's a little more between the two of you now," Emily jumped in. Amy and Danielle began to agree. I blushed. I was so frustrated and tried not to believe what they were saying, but I couldn't help but wonder if they were right. I shrugged my red cheeks away and said we should all go back because the boys would get impatient.
At the table, the guys were all sitting impatiently.
"D, I don't get you. You are falling for Steph, and you won't even admit it!" cried Nick.
"What? I'm not--" Howie tried to deny.
"SEE!" Nick pointed out. Howie became flustered.
"You guys spend a lot of time together. And we all know you've known each other since she was three and you were ten, but still, you guys have gotten a lot closer this past year or so," Brian added.
"You actually spend more time with Steph than any one else does," AJ said. Howie began to blush a little. He couldn't say anything because now they had him all confused. Just then, he saw us girls walking back to the table and told the boys to the end the conversation.
We girls got to the table and the boys all got up and pulled out our chairs for us so we could sit down. Then, we all opened the menus in front of us. We all decided what we were going to eat, and ordered when the waiter came back. The dinner conversation had pretty much gotten dull, all because of what was brought up. The girls were intently watching me and the boys were intently watching Howie.
We all sat there and (when they arrived) ate our dinners quietly. I constantly felt as I was in the spotlight. I didn't know that Howie, too, felt that way.
"Hey Steph, are we getting together to practice tomorrow?" Kevin wanted to know. I finished chewing what was in my mouth and began to answer him.
"Yeah. Fatima's stopping by and we're going to go over some new stuff that includes lifting and some other things, I think," I informed them.
"See Nicky! I told you working out would be beneficial for you some day. But did you listen to me? Noooooooooo..." Brian retorted. Amy giggled. Nick shot an evil glance at Frick, who only laughed in return.
"Hey. Well, lifting Amy helps me build muscle...though she isn't even heavy as it is," Nick said. Amy kissed his cheek and he winked at her. "Plus, those girls are all tiny, so it's not like we're lifting someone who's almost our size! Well, ok, so Howie lifting Steph would seem weird cuz he's only an inch or two taller than her, but I'm sure Fatima's gunna stick her with Kevin or
I....wait a second. Where are we gunna do any lifting in the first place? We're not figure skaters!" We all laughed.
"Not lifting lifting. But, like...I think she was gunna have us...oh I don't know. I guess we'll find out tomorrow. Fatima just called me and explained it a little to me earlier today, so I really don't know what we're gunna do. This new part, I didn't choreograph much with her," I tried to explain. "Whatever we're doing, I'm sure it's not that hard. Something simple, like us jumping into you arms for a few seconds or something. And I think I may be partnered up with Kev, just cuz I'm the tallest of us girls. Nick, you'll probably be with Tae, cuz she almost my height. Brian and Howie will probably be with Kristin and Niki. And AJ will be with Nef. But I'm only assuming."
"Hey. It's all good. We'll just figure it out tomorrow. Right now, let's just concentrate on our dinner and our lovely ladies," Nick muttered. He sure could be obnoxious when he wanted to be. I continued to eat, along with the rest of the habitants of the table. We all drank our glasses of champagne quietly. I just knew that the boys had said something to Howie while we were gone...and I couldn't help but wonder what. This really worried me. The air was pretty tense between me and the guy next to me. I looked over and saw Bri giving Amanda a bite of his steak. Danielle was still getting used to Kevin, but I could tell he enjoyed her shyness. Amy was giggling while Nick said something to her in a tone that was so low none of us could hear. AJ was scooting food around on his plate and Emily was watching him and trying to guess what he was doing. Howie was eating. I was eating. God I hated this! I wasn't used to not being able to talk to my best friends.
We quickly finished our plates and got the bill. The boys paid up and we left. Amy and Nick were heading back to his place to play some Nintendo, Kevin was planning on seeing a movie with Danielle, Brian and Amanda were going for a walk on the beach, and AJ and Emily were going to do some playing around with hair colors. We all went our separate ways and they were gone within seconds, once we got outside. Howie climbed into my car, after opening and closing my door for me. I drove out of the parking lot and started back for the apartment, which was 15 minutes from the restaurant. This gave us some time to talk.
I didn't know what to say. My mind was a jumble of thoughts and I had no way of setting them straight. So I turned on the music. I could sense D was troubled by something as well. If I was as good a guesser as I thought, it was probably the same thing as me. Finally, I had had too much of the silence and took a deep breath.
"D?"
"Hmm?" Howie looked over at me.
"The girls were talking to me and they seem to get the impression...do you think we're spending too much time together?" I asked.
"Well, I didn't think we were," Howie said.
"They said we act like we're going out. Even Em said that. Ya think we should stop spending so much time together?" I told him. The fact that I was driving really helped me avoid eye-contact with him.
"I don't know. Maybe we should, but it'll be hard cuz we do a lot of things together. Steph, whatever they said, don't worry about it. They haven't known us for a long period of time, so they don't know how close our relationship has been all our lives," Howie replied, as I pulled into Amy's driveway. We looked at each other, smiled, gave each other a quick hug, and he left. I drove away and hit home within five minutes.
I got inside, went into my bedroom, dug out my journal, and poured out all of my feelings and confusions.
Then, I began to cry.