Joker's Wild
[crowd] Heeeyyyyyy!
"Welcome to another exciting episode of Del Ray's #1 game show: The Joker's Wild! Shaggy, tell us something about tonight's contestants." "Heeeyyyyyy!, mutha fuckas! Get ready for the killer show for this bitch! We got a cop, we got a judge, and we got a redneck. So step the fuck up and play The Joker's Wild!" (WooHoo!)

Everybody smile! Guess who's back on your underground dial! (who?) It's the game show host with the most (Violent J) And tonight we gonna have a little pig roast. (hehe-huh) Top copper! It's been a long while! Lace up your boots and come on down the aisle. Mr. Big Man packin' that steel. But tonight you ain't shit. Now spin the fuckin' wheel! (Woooo!) Looks good nice try! Now let's see just how you gon' die! Lucky, lucky, it landed on Carpenter Jed. He just pounds nails in your forehead. The pig got lucky that time. But let's take a look who's next down the line. Oh, the 43rd District Judge. Hey pal! Remember me? You threw me in jail! Take a spin or I'll snap your neck. The clicker's landed. Let me check. The Jookie, hey it ain't bad at all. We just cut your face off and slap your skull. Who's next for the games and fun? Hillbilly Earl, C'mon down! Run! The redneck that sic'ed his dog on me. Now that's gonna cost you a spin buddy! Spin around and around it goes! Staple your lips shut, cut off your toes! Then I throw your corpse on top of the pile. Anything goes on the Joker's Wild.

[timer clicking] "Tell me. Who killed seventeen people and later ate their dead bodies?" "Jeffrey Dahmer?" "No! The correct answer would be your mother!" "WAAA!" "Shaggs?"

"Aww shit, mutha fuckas. Get ready for round 2 in this bitch! So if you want your fuckin' neckbone chopped, step the fuck up and play The Joker's Wild!"

Ya like big money and prizes don't ya? You'd probably kill for a big prize won't ya? You little bitch! It's your turn to spin. "Free money!" Now spin again. Oh goody, now unzip your drawers. I'm gonna clip this chain on your balls! Raise you upside down for the big batta. Now we bust your head like a piniata! (Yeahhhh!!) The audience loves that shit! Listen to 'em cheer when your forehead splits Wait, cut to a break! Oh shit dat-damn uh, We got guts on the camera.

"The Joker's Wild is brought to you by:" "Faygo!" Everybody sing! "Send yo' momma straight up to tha sto'! Tell that bitch to bring home a Faygo!"

Welcome back to the carnival show! Here's your chance for the big money cash flow! Hit your buzzer, pull your lever! Joker, Joker, Lemon! We sever your head! Pick a door! 1,2,or 3 It's the same behind every door, me! There's no escape. Now gimme that bald head! The crowd can't help, look, their all dead! At home they just watching your doom. We broadcast from hell to your living room. I ripped off his neckbone, wicked clown style. Anything goes on The Joker's Wild.

"It's time to play hit or miss! Contestant #1, open your mouth! Contestant #2, get ready! Will he hit or miss?" [spear hits] "He Hit!" [crowd] Yeaahhhhh! "What's next?!" "We got money, we got cash, we got prizes! We got blood, we got cocks, we got naked dead bitches! On The Joker's Wild!"

I got my yellow suit, and my purple tie. Somebody's gonna die! Oh, my! It's Mr. Thompson my next door neighbor. Always bitchin'! Yellin' from the kitchen... window. See he died then he went to hell, though. We meet again! I got my own game show. Spin the wheel 'cuz I just can't fuck around. [Bell rings] "Bonus round!" Oh, shit! The end of the game. Bonus round. We goin' out with a bang! You got a chance for money and prizes! You got a chance at death too! (eheheh) So get ready, I'm comin' at ya fast! Your chance for freedom at last! Four questions. So are ya ready Jack? "Uhhh, I-I think so..." Load the gun!

"The governor...?" "Beechpot?" "Yes! The square root of 2...?" "Uhhh..." "Correct! Nutsacks don't belong in...?" "Buttcracks?" "Richboys eat...?" "Caviar?" "NO! The correct answer is bullets!" [machine gun fire] "Oh hoho! Oho Geez! Oh! Well, this is Big Chipperwinks saying so long till next week folks! Seeya later! Goodbye!"

"That's it. Go home." [crowd] Awwwwww!


Dead Body Man

[Channels Changing] "This is a Channel 7 news brief because the news is happening now! "Good evening, Mort Perkins reporting. Our top story tonight: Police and investigators are still trying to figure out how and why somebody stole four dead bodies from the Wayne County morgue late Monday night. Police say the apparent body theif entered through the basement window, but how they eluded the security and alarm system is still a mystery. But what we at Channel 7 are wondering: What kinda sick FUCK would steal four dead bodies anyway? Details at 11."

Dead bodies, dead bodies all over the street. 55, 65, bodies at least. I hang with the stiffs till the break of dawn. I'm always finding bodies when I'm mowing the lawn. Drag 'em in the house, throw 'em in the oven. Wicked clown lovin' that dead body grubbin'. Tastes like chicken, finger lickin deepfried. I ate a dead body, but don't tell. I lied. I just ate my first dead body last week, Still got the fingernail caught in my teeth. Before ya start yellin' and cursin' my name, Remember somethings wrong with my brain, insane. Second I was born, doctor threw me against the wall. Kicked open the doors and he whipped me down the hall. I'm sliding and I'm bouncin' off shit like a hockey puck. And my mother's like, "What the fuck?!" He said I was born of an alien race. Born with a hatchet and a juggalo face. But I'm not a martian, you wouldn't understand. I'm just a Dead Body Man.

"We've got bodies! Dead bodies! We got fat ones, skinny ones, males, females, hermaphrodites! We got somebodies! We got nobodies! Bodies, bodies, bodies! WOOO!"

Dead bodies, dead bodies in the back of my van. All the little kiddies love the dead body man. I drive through my neighborhood ringin' my bell. Some people run cause they don't like the smell. Others line up just as quick as they can. To try to catch a glimpse of the dead body man. It's all good, if you can stand the funk. but uh..... Just don't look in the trunk. I drive down central kickin' the bass. Chillin' with my freaks and I'm pickin' her face. Maggots and bugs like to crawl on her head. Cause my bitch is dead, I'd rather that instead. Of a hoe you can't trust, always diggin' a nut. A dead body bitch learned to keep her mouth shut. Riding in the back is my dead body crew. Only they can never think of nothin' to do. If you think I'm sick, take a look at yourself. You got dead deer heads up on your shelf. On your key chain is a little baby rabbit's hand. I'm just a Dead Body Man.

"We also collect dead bodies! So if you know any dead people, or you yourself are planning on dying soon, we'll be happy to come to your house and pay cash for it! We appreciate good, healthy, stiffs for our dinner! WAHOO!"

Call me the dead body man (Some'll give 'em to me!) Call me the dead body man (Just sell 'em to me!) Call me the dead body man (You can mail 'em to me!) Call me the dead body man (But, Bring 'em to me!)

Call me the dead body man (Won't ya give 'em to me!) Call me the dead body man (You can sell 'em to me!) Call me the dead body man (Just mail 'em to me!) Call me the dead body man (But, Bring 'em to me!) (repeats)

Call me the dead body man... Call me the dead body man...



Lil' Somethin' Somethin'

"Um, Mr. Jackson, what are you talking about? Well, I've heard about those parties, they're immoral. Mr. Jackson I thought you were a respectable gentleman..." "Now, don't give me that "respectable gentleman" bullshit you little bitch." "Mr. Jackson!" "Now stop playing dumb you ditsy cunt!"

(chorus): Hey, Baby I heard you like to freak. ("Well, I guess so.") Then come out to play with me. ("Heheh.") Baby I heard you like to freak. ("Well, I guess so.") Then come out to play with me.

Hey what's up I'm new in town. I work for the circus, Shaggy the Clown. Anyway, yo girl I've seen you around. I guess I'm tryin' say that I wanna be down, hey! We had ice cream, sat in the park. I walked her all the way home when it got dark. She took me inside and when the door shut, Next thing you know, I had my nuts in her butt, uh. I wanna bitch that's down to fuck right away. And even does my homies if its ok. A little bitch that's down with a quicky, A lil' chicky chicky. I ain't being picky though. So you might be a little bit fat. You might even stink a bit, I don't mind that. Even if you don't fuck on the first date. Just put my nuts in your mouth and I'll stray. I need a girl that just don't give a fuck. So I'm caught stroking her mom. I mean, so what? A little a skins here and there ain't nothin'. I just need a bitch who's down with a Lil' Somethin' Somethin'.

(chorus)

My name's Violent J, so I can't fuck around. Who's the dirtiest bitch in the whole town? There she go, she workin' at Dairy Queen. Bitch couldn't be a day over fifteen. So I threw her in the butt like that. I hit it so quick, I made her butt cheeks clap. haha Why wait around 'til she gets married. Cause I'm ready as long as her neden's hairy. Tootsie, Tootsie, Pumpkin Pie. Oops, looks like you nut in your eye. My fault, I didn't notice you were still there. Now go and wash that shit out your hair, bitch. I want a girl not afraid to bone, Even if her mommas and pops is still home. And if her daddy suddenly walks in, He just might see my nuts on his daughter's chin. Everybody in the hood says that your easy. You look a little cracked out, a little sleezy. Your a basic, baby, it ain't shit. I'm still down if you down, For a Lil' Somethin' Somethin'. Somethin' Somethin'

(chorus)

Bitch let me hit it, I won't be long. As soon as I nut I'm gone. (Guess ya don't know.) Bitch let me hit it, I won't be long. As soon as I nut I'm gone. (But ya dawg did.) Bitch let me hit it, I won't be long. As soon as I nut I'm gone. (It's the Southwest.) Bitch let me hit it, I won't be long. As soon as I nut I'm gone.

"Oh-Hey, watch out! My legs, My legs don't bend back so far!"

(chorus)

"Mr. Jackson, it's been so long since I've been fucked! Uh-uh!" Hey, "Mr. Jackson, it's been so long since I've been fucked! Uh-uh!" Hey, "Mr. Jackson, it's been so long since I've been fucked! Uh-uh!" Hey, "Mr. Jackson, it's been so long since I've been fucked! Uh-uh!" Hey.

"Last one undressed has to kiss everybody's ass"

"AAAHHHHH!" "Welcome sons of fuckin' bitches to the wicked carney theater! Tonight's feature presentation is so fuckin' scary, it'll take the wrinkles out of your nut sack and fade your butt hair. So get ready mutha fuckers for tonight's main attraction! I give to you: Ol' Evil Eye! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!" [crowd clapping] "Alright shut the fuck up!"



Ol' evil eye

"Start the movie."

"I loved the old man. He had never wronged me. He had never given me insult. For his gold I had no desire. I think it was his eye. Yes, it was this. One of his eyes resembled that of a vulture. A pale, blue eye with a film over it. Whenever it fell upon me, my blood ran cold. And so, by degrees, very gradually, I made up my mind to take the life of the old man and thus rid myself of the eye forever."

So I'm headed door to door with my grandmother's cookie jar. I'm sellin' cookies, 12 for a dollar. I ring the doorbell, nobody wants any. I resort to goin' cheaper, 2 for a penny. Anybody, everybody, they hate me. I can tell when they spit and degrade me. There's only one house left, the last on the block. Old Man Willie on the hilltop. I ring the doorbell, the door creeps open. And there it was starin' and scopin'. The man's left eye, red, big and drippin' I was trippin'. "Ahh, seeya!" I ran home. I couldn't stop thinking About his eyeball winking and blinking. And it looked not a damn thing like the other. Ugh! Shoulda wore a patch on the motherfucker. It hypnotized me, mesmorized me. Traumatized, paralyzed, terrorized me. Creepers, where'd you get that ball? And tell me how it even fits in your skull. I want a big long knife to stick it in. I wanna lift up the eyelid and kick it in. He's gotta die. I want his eye buried in my backyard. It ain't hard, I'm killin' Old Evil Eye!

(chorus): Evil eye... Oh-Oh-Evil Eye (The bitch gon' die! Die-die-die-die-die, knife in his eye) Evil eye... Oh-Oh

"Now this is the point. You fancy me mad. Madmen know nothing. But you should've seen me. You should have seen how wisely I proceeded with caution with what foresight, with what patience I went to work. I was never kinder to the old man than during the whole week before I killed him."

A day gone pass since I heard about J, Oh, met up in this sleigh, cuz I don't fuckin' play. Anyway, I gotta do him in. Got a rusty revolver. Put the silver bullets in. I'm plannin' on playin' one right to his nugget. Down my drawers with the bucket. It's time to go, fuck it. I stuck it up... to his neck when he came to the door. I really didn't know what I was in for. First the cold man stared, no a gaze, no a stare. Kinda like there was no one there. How weird, my body froze with the blink of his eye. Evil eye, sendin' chills up my spine. What to do? What to do? I gotta try to break. I gotta try to make.. my way to the gate. Wait. I can't move, I'm stuck to the ground. W-What the fuck was that? I think I heard a sound, Turned around, there it was, starin' at my face. This little old man's eye's makin' me a mental case. That's when I felt the pain deep inside, Deep inside, now his eye's open wide. I want a big long knife to stick it in. I wanna lift up his eyelid and kick it in. He's gonna die. I want his eye buried in my backyard. It ain't hard, I'm killin' Old Evil Eye!

(chorus) "That night it ceased. The old man was dead. I placed my hands on the heart and held there for many minutes there was no pulsation. He was stone dead. His eye will trouble me no longer. His eye will trouble me no longer."

(chorus) (chorus) (chorus) (chorus)



12

[Thunder and rain] "Wake ...Wake ...Awake... Revenge is mine. 12 people will die tonight." [voices] Guilty...guilty...guilty...guilty...guilty...guilty...guilty...guilty...guilty..

Now I've woken been reborn. Though I have just until dawn. I remember every face, Spirits show me every place. First one sleeps inside his bed. Place my fingers on his head. To each temple push and smother, Till my fingers touch each other.

Next one makes love to his wife. Only wish to take his life. For his family's done no wrong. Place his children on the lawn. Tell the misses leave the room. Les' she wish to witness doom. Grab the squirmy, filthy, goat, And shove the dresser down his throat.

I must quickly use my gift. Next 2 work the midnight shift. Drinking coffee in the back. I will listen to them chat. Hear them speaking of my death. Hear the laughter in their breath. But the laughter quickly died, When their heads collide.

(chorus): Ya care ta die? Ya care ta die? (9x)

Now my anger's growing worse. Next one's working as a nurse. Have to make a doctor's call. Drag my body down the hall. Grab a scalpel and a blade. Time to play the nurse's aid. Operate and strap her down. Carve her face into a clown.

Killed another, then 3 more. Now we're down to only 4. This man drives a taxi cab. `Nother wicked life to grab. Screaming that he thought I died. Let's go for a taxi ride. In the wreck of twisted steel, The steering wheel becomes his meal.

This man watches his TV. Scanning channels endlessly. Stops at station 44 It's the wicked clown show. Watch me juggle, watch me dance. In 3D watch me enhance. Watch me crawl out from the screen And squeeze your neck until you're green

(chorus)

Time-Time-Time-Time-Time-Time-Time-Time-Time-Time-Time-Time-Time-Time....

Even though there's just one left, I feel my bones becoming stiff. And now I wander endlessly, The spirits have abandoned me. My lips are falling piece by piece. My ears and fingers in the street. But still ya see no morning sun, And here's my victim's early run.

Quickly grab him from behind, 'Round his neck with fishing twine. Keep him still and pull the string, Watch his head go bobbaling! Listen to my riddle song, Even though my crime was wrong. Murder me just for your law And I'll be back for all a ya'll!

(chorus) (chorus) (chorus) [kid laughing]



The Killing Field

Laying in my bed, I think of many horror tales. Yet I better move, my bed is made of nails. I try to roll off, my skin slowly tears away. My flesh is stuck to the bed as I begin my day. Walking out the house this morning, the sky is red. The streets are crowded with the bodies of the living dead. They're tryin' ta die, they're leaping off a roof tops. They only scream in pain as their body flops. I rather stay inside my home and only pray to die. But my house has been on fire since like `85. I can only stand a night of the fatal smoke. But see you never die, you only burn and choke. And so I leave out the house, and walk the land. Wild pigs run and feed off the dying men. And look around you, there's bodies hanging from the trees, But they're not dying, they're only crying, "Please!" I hear the thunder in the sky so I run and hide. The Deadly Rain soon come down, you've got to get inside. The lunatics see the lightning, they're screaming, "Yes!" It's raining blood, the streets are a bloody mess. About once or twice a week, though, with thunderstorms. That's when giant, heavy, red and black clouds form. It's raining blood, kidneys, and livers from the sky. Prepare, cuz when you die, you're coming to the Killing Fields.

(chorus): (Come, come on down, down.) "What shall it be? What shall it be? When that fine moment comes." (Come, come on down, down.) "When the curtains are drawn, the windows are shut, the doors closed, and you've written what you've written, you've said it, that's it!" (You're going to the Killing Fields). (Come, come on down, down.) "What will it be? What about it mister, when you've had you're last beer? (Come, come on down, down.) You've laughed at you're family and laughed at you're little wife. She begged you not to go out to that bar."

As I feed off a dead pig, I'm thinking back. To when I had a heartbeat, and how I would act. I would steal from the poor. I'd laugh at the sick. But in the Killing Fields, you'd get your fuckin' neck ripped! So as I walk along I meet a lot of strange folks. Some people with no eyes, and gashed open throats. And if they notice your eyeballs are working well, The try ta dig them out your skull, and go for self. Now in the summertime, it's like a whole other realm. Water becomes fire, and oceans overwhelm. To walk outside, the heat will surely cook your brains. Try to run across the street, your hair will burst ta flames. Victims in a panic run from the heat and light, Underneath the city, into the sewer pipes. Until the fire's gone this becomes your new land. But, there's no food so you feed off the other men. And now it's been seven months, I'm barely fed. I chase a baby billy goat with a human's head. It's steady screamin' "Lemme be, lemme be!" But while I chase it there's another demon chasin' me. All of time moves backwards, I'm growing old. And still the clouds are burning fire, and so I'm told. That there's a lot of living souls such as the rich, That choose to live like a bitch, I'll see you in the Killing Fields!

(chorus): (Come, come on down, down.) "You've had your big time in lust, sin, and filth!" (Come, come on down, down.) "What is it going to be when you realize the time is up? You've crossed the finish line! Going in the wrong direction." (I'll see you in the Killing Fields) (Come, come on down, down.) "What shall they all be? What about it gentlemen? When you've spent your life in a few years' time?" (Come, come on down, down.) "Your a burned up shell at 25 years of age. What shall it be?" What about it?

You can go to HELL(echoes) "What shall it be?" (repeat 5x)

Come, come on down, down. Come, come on down, down. (you're coming to the killing fields!) Come, come on down, down. Come, come on down, down.



I'm coming home

I lived my life in the gutter! And this gutter is who I am! Take me back home to my gutter, and that's where I won't ever leave again!

Hey! I'm comin' home, home to the criminals and crooks, Home to the gangbangers shootin' dirty looks. Home to the killer cops beatin' down my ass, Home to my `72 Vallary prayin' it will last. Past all the rich bitches try'na play me out. Doggin' on my neighborhood, don't know what it's about. So now I'm clockin' nuggets, never hangin' with the rich. I'd rather hang out with the crookeds at the party store, bitch! Gimme Coney, dawg, with a little smog, Cuz it tastes better than the poisonous fog. Seen it from the sewers in my slummy neighborhood. But the ghetto got love and the love is all good. So I don't give a fuck about your mansion by the lake. You can suck my dingaling until your neck breaks. Cuz all I wanna do is hang with the zombies in the zone. Break out with the Faygo. I'm comin' home.

(chorus): Home to the creatures, home to the crooks, Home to the fools readin' witchcraft books, Home to the monsters roamin' the land, I wanna come home but ya don't understand.

Bitch, I'm comin' home, and I'm not alone. Jokers and freaks and the dead body bones. Every single thing that ya never wanna see, Add it all together and ya got me. Ah, Nobody gives a fuck about your punk ass rules. Keystone coppers and your hypocrite schools. I'd much rather lay around the streets and the gutter, And make dirty phone calls to your rich mother. Quarter past midnight and I'm wakin' up the dead. And we playin' kickball with sombody's head. We go skinny-dippin' in the barrels of toxic waste, After that, I pour myself a little taste. So tell your daughter that she's nothin' but a fat bitch, And all my homies don't care if the hoe's rich. Somebody out here, please let me know if there's a phone, I need to call my mother, and tell her I'm comin' home.

(chorus)

I'm comin' home. Chicken, chicken bone. Sugar plumb wishes and Ice cream cones. All these fake people sayin' hi to one another. Then they sit around and talk shit about each other. Watering the grass, diggin' in they ass, Try'na make sure they didn't lose any cash. Workin' hard all you life, and now you're finally rich. But look at you, you're just another whack bitch! heh. Call in the slum, that's where I'm from, Murderers, and slaughterers. So that's what I become. Spare a little change, cuz I just ran outta gas, Reach for your quarter and I'll stick your fuckin' ass. Nobody wants to be around the ghetto breed. The ghetto got each other, and that's all we really need. So what the fuck I'm doin' down here? I got a land of my own, Hey, yo, dawg, fuck it, we goin' home.

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