Lois closed her eyes, almost painfully. Slowly, she released her grip on Joeys neck, allowing herself to slide down the length of his body and touch the floor again.
Taking a few steps back, she stopped, her eyes to the floor, still closed.
He still didn't move. He stayed in place, his back to her.
She couldn't tell if that was a bad sign or not. But more than likely, it was definitely not good.
Raising her eyes, she looked at his back.
He still didn't move.
She thought she should say something, but really, what was there to say? She didn't really remember what she had said the night before, but she had a pretty good idea. Her memory was jumbled between her night at the bar with Xavier, and that fucking Friends episode she had watched before going to the bar. She couldn't really remember what was fiction and what was reality, but she knew, unfortunately, that this definitely was reality.
Slowly, Joey turned. Almost as if he was afraid to look at her, he moved around to face her.
Lois wasn't sure what expression she would find on his face. Anger? Confusion? Happiness?
None of these things were what she saw.
Instead, she saw a blank expression. Nothing. As if he hadn't heard anything, and nothing had happened.
But, alas, this wasn't the truth. Damn it.
Lois sighed inwardly, waiting for him to say something.
Oh fuck, she thought. Oh fuck, oh fuck oh fuck.
Yup. The extent to her vocabulary at this moment was the word fuck.
Joey opened his mouth to say something, but no words escaped his lips. Lois jumped slightly at the action, waiting to hear something she probably wasn't going to like. When he closed his mouth again, she relaxed a little.
They stood, staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Wouldn't this be the part where someone said something?
Joey reached up and scratched the side of his head as he pursed his lips in thought.
Looking at Lois again, he spoke.
"Who's Rachel?" he asked.
Lois couldn't stop the confused expression from coming to her face.
Of everything that she had probably said last night on that message, that was what he focused on? And she wanted to be with him? She didn't know who was stupider. Him for asking such a moronic question. Or her for still loving him in spite of it.
"What?" she managed to squeak out.
"Um," Joey sighed, scratching his head again. It was as if he couldn't quite understand what she had said. Like he was trying to put the pieces of a puzzle together.
And Joey had always sucked at puzzles.
Shaking his head, he narrowed his eyes. "You're over me?" he asked, his voice thick with confusion.
Lois closed her eyes painfully again, not ever wanted to open them. If she had to open them, then she would have to face reality. And right now, her reality sucked. Fuck, getting drunk last night was her way of escaping reality in the first place, and now things were more fucked up than they were to begin with.
Lois didn't respond. She only stood still, watching him.
"Um," he muttered again. "When were you--" he paused, not knowing what to say. "Under me?"
She almost laughed. Trust her luck, and her life for that matter, to this closely resemble a Friends episode.
Instead, she covered her face with her hands, turning her back to him.
Quickly, she felt his hands on her arms, turning her back around to face him again.
"Lois." he said forcefully. "What the hell is going on?"
The tone in his voice, almost caused her to break. The confusion, misunderstanding, and slight hint of anger almost made her want to jump up, laugh and yell 'Just kidding.' But she knew that wasn't a possibility. She knew she had to face this problem head on, and face what she had done last night.
If only she could make herself raise her head and look at him.
She didn't have the chance to battle with herself over when to look up at him. Instead, Joey placed a finger under her chin, raising her eyes to his.
"What's going on?" he repeated. "What the hell kind of message is that?"
Shaking her face out of his grasp, she shook her head. Stepping back away from him, she headed towards the living room. She needed to sit down. For some stupid reason, she thought this would all be better if she could sit down. Maybe then, when he fainted, he wouldn't have far to fall.
Joey was right on her heels, not missing a step as he followed her into the living room.
Flopping down on the couch, she folding her hands in her lap, uncomfortably twiddling her thumbs as he sat beside her.
His steady gaze was making his even harder than she thought it would be. She figured she would tell him tonight, but had completely forgotten the fucking moronic message she had left on his machine. This wasn't exactly what she had in mind when she thought of how to tell him, but oh well. This worked too.
"Lois." Joey said, trying to get her attention. "What is that supposed to mean? You're over me?"
"Um," she managed to say. She wasn't sure what to say next. Um was the extent of her thoughts at the moment. Well, that and Oh fuck. "Lately," she said, clearing her throat. "Ive sort of. Kind of." She reached to her side, pulling a small pillow on her lap as she fiddled with the corner. Anything she could focus on instead of him. "Ive kind of been having," she cleared her throat again. "Feelings for you."
Again, Joey didn't move. Not a movement. Not a sound. Hell, Lois didn't even think he blinked.
Her eyes stayed glued to the little blue pillow in her hands. The poor subject of her nervous fidgeting.
Joey leaned back against the couch, placing his hands in his lap. He didn't say anything, his face scrunched into a ball of confusion.
Lois glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. Well, she thought. At least I told him.
"Who's Rachel?" Joey asked again.
This time, Lois couldn't help but gawk at him. She just told him that she had feelings for him, and he was asking who Rachel was? Who the fuck cares who Rachel is? she thought. You would think that there was a more important subject discussed in that message.
Lois groaned, dropping her face into her hands. God, this was going horribly.
She heard Joey sigh beside her, and felt the couch move as he stirred uncomfortably.
"What do you mean you have feelings for me?" he asked.
She wasn't sure if she was ready to spill all her thoughts and emotions, but was at least happy that he wasn't asking stupid questions anymore.
Refocusing her attention on the pillow in her lap again, she began to ramble. "Um, I guess, sort of." she cleared her throat. "Over the last little while, Ive sort of been having feelings for you." she repeated. She didn't look up to his face, but could feel him tense beside her at her confession. "I don't know what it is, or why I am realizing this now, but I am. I tried to ignore it," she insisted. "I really did. But I couldn't. I tried to say it was something else. That I was just scared I was losing you since we haven't spent much time together lately. But the more excuses I made, the less excuses made sense. I knew what was wrong, and why I was so unhappy, even if I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to admit that it was happening." Sniffling, Lois felt a tiny tear fall from her eye, sliding down her cheek. "I didn't want to let anyone know that," Looking over to Joey, she felt her chin quiver. "I'm falling."
Joey looked at her, an unreadable expression on his face.
For some reason, Lois felt the need to fill in the silence.
"I guess its just that I don't want to lose you. Or at least that's what I tried to tell myself. That I was just nervous that you weren't going to need me anymore now that you were spending so much time with Rae." she paused, feeling guilty for saying Raes name. "When you told me that you wanted to call off the bet because you were having feelings for her, that's when I knew. When I knew for sure, anyway." Finally, she gained the courage to look at him. "I realized that I loved you." When Joey moved to say something, she continued. "When I left here that day, I was upset. I told you that I was having feelings for Brian, and that I wanted to call off the bet, too. But that wasn't true. Yes, I wanted to call off the bet, but not because of Brian. I wanted to call it off because I wanted some reason to get you back. Some way to get things back to the way they were between us." she almost didn't know what she was saying until it was already said. And she couldn't stop herself from babbling. "I went over to Brians when I left here, and made a complete fool of myself." she said, rubbing her face with her hands. "I do like him, but not that way. I adore him, but I don't feel that thing with him. Not like that I feel with you." she sighed. "We started talking, and I let it slip about the bet. When he asked me about it, I told him the truth.
Joey sat up, looking at Lois in shock.
She immediately continued. "I told him everything. About how you picked him for me, and I picked Rae for you. The truth. I thought he was going to freak. That he was going to get mad, yell and scream. But he didn't." Lois smiled at the memory of Brian that day. How supportive he had been. "He told me even though he wasn't happy with the fact that we had done that, that he figured I was learning my lesson now."
Joey looked confused. "In what way?"
"Because it took something like this," she said. "Something that we started as a joke, to make me realize how I feel. And now that I realize," Again, her lip quivered. "You're gone."
Joey looked at her. So many expressions playing on his face. Anger. Confusion. Bewilderment.
Lois closed her eyes, replaying everything she had just told him.
She knew she had probably say way too much. At least for right now. But whenever she got nervous, she rambled. And she had never been as nervous as she was right now.
"So," Joey said, his face confused. "You love me?"
"Yes" she replied quietly.
"Because you saw me with Rae, and think you're going to lose me?"
"No," she defended. "This isn't my way of keeping you to myself. I really do love you. It just took something this stupid to make me realize."
She wasn't sure if she was wording this right. But how much sense did he expect her to make right now?
Joey sat motionless, and Lois could tell he had a million thoughts racing through his mind. What she wouldn't give to be able to read his mind right now. Hell, she could give away her last jar of grape jelly.
After a long and excruciating silence, Joey looked at her.
"Why are you doing this?" he asked, his face angry.
"What?"
"Why are you doing this to me?" he repeated as he stood up from the couch. "Why the fuck, after all this time! After all the times we said it was nothing. We were just friends, and nothing more! After all the times I told myself that you didn't feel anything more towards me, and after all the times that I told myself to let it go, you fucking go and do this now!? Now that I have actually given up? Now that I have finally moved on and found someone else?"
Joey started to walk away, and Lois jumped up after him.
"What? Joey wait!" she yelled after him as he made his way towards the door. "What do you mean you told yourself that I didn't feel anything more?"
"What the fuck does it matter?" he spat, reaching the door. Grabbing his keys from the rack at his side, he slid on his shoes. Standing up quickly, he glared at Lois. "I cant deal with this."
Pulling the door open, Lois leaned against it to close it again. "Joey wait, we have to talk about this."
"Why?" he said, giving her a questioning look. "Why now? Because of Rae? Because now you have something to lose? Well sorry sweetheart," he said as he pulled the door open again and quickly left the house. "Looks like you lose. Both the bet, and me."
Lois could only stand in the door way of the house, her arms wrapped protectively around herself as she watched Joey climb into his car, and quickly speed down the driveway and out of sight.
Feeling the warm tears slide down her cheeks, cooled by the light breeze, she fell to the ground. Laying huddled on the floor, she sobbed.
He was right. She had screwed everything up. She never should have made that bet.
Now she really had lost. But this time, it was something much more important than some stupid plans to a house.
This time, she lost him.
