Joey leaned over the table, his brown eyes focusing hard on the ball in front of him. Pulling his arm back, he threw it forward, breaking the quiet around him with a clattered of scattering balls.
Straightening his back, he watched at two tiny balls thunked into the pockets of the table.
Maybe he was getting better at this?
Walking around the table, he leaned his hip on the edge.
He didn't know why he was here. And he certainly didn't know why the hell he was playing pool. But he was. He needed something that would help clear his cluttered mind, and so far, this wasn't working. But he couldn't think of anything else at the moment.
All he could think about, was what had happened only a few hours ago. How his life had suddenly, and irreversibly been thrown into turmoil.
How could this be happening? he thought. How in the fuck can she be in love with me?
That question had been repeating over and over in his mind for the last few hours, and not once had be come up with anything to answer it.
He couldn't believe she would do this. That she would actually go to the extreme of telling him she was in love with him, just because she was afraid of losing him to Rae. Didn't she want him to be happy? To be with someone that made him happy? She was his best friend, and of all people, she should be the one to want that.
He kept thinking back to a little over a year ago. He could remember perfectly, sitting on the edge of the stage, one afternoon during sound check when they had been on their last tour.
They were in Boston, and Joey had spent the morning touring the city with Lois. She had taken the weekend off word to fly up and see them perform. She hadn't had a vacation in a while, and jumped at the chance when he asked her to come up. They had taken a bus tour of the city, gone shopping, and ate hot dogs in a park. It had been a day that Joey still remembered clearly, and one that was still one of his favorite days.
It had also been the day that things seemed clearer to him. When he looked at her; this person that was the most important in his life, next than his family and the guys, he didn't just see his best friend. He saw the person who made his life complete.
He had been feeling that sense of completion for a while, and it had scared him at first. How could he feel this way about her. This was Lois, for fuck sake. You just don't feel that towards Lois Lawson, if you are Joey Fatone.
But no matter how he tried to ignore it, or dismiss it as something else, the more it was clear to him that no matter how hard to tried, it didn't change the fact that it was true.
He loved her. He loved her more than life itself. And he would do anything in his power to make her happy.
Dangling his legs over the edge of the stage, Joey laid back on the floor. Staring up at the ceiling, he replayed the day in his mind. How she smiled at an old couple walking along the street holding hands. How she laughed at the couple beside them on the bus, bickering over how much money the woman had spent at a certain store. The way she would look over at him, with complete trust and security.
Suddenly, Justins head popped into his vision.
"Dude," Justin said, looking down over Joey. "Whatcha doing?"
"I was enjoying some peace and quiet, but that doesn't look like its going to be continuing much longer." Joey grinned.
Justin stuck his lip out on a pout, and gently kicked Joeys side as he sat down beside him. "Focker."
Joey laughed at Justins whine, as he sat up. Swinging his legs, he sighed.
"Whatcha thinking?" Justin asked, in a child-like voice.
"Nothing." Joey lied.
"Liar." Justin smiled.
Joey grinned at Justins blatant answer, giving him a look.
The two sat in silence for a moment, before Justin did what he did best. Made noise.
"Ugh!" Joey yelled, pushing Justins shoulder. "Justin, if you're going to fart, go over there by JC."
"No way, dude!" JC yelled from across the stage. "I don't want that toxic gas near me!"
Justin pouted again. "Screw you all!" he screamed. "Its a natural bodily function!"
Joey laughed as Justin pouted beside him.
After a moment, Justin laughed. "Know what?"
"What?"
"I'm peeved at Lois." Justin said.
"Why?" Joey asked, looking at the unhappy look on his friends face.
"Cause." he nodded. "She hid my underwear again." Sticking his lip out in a pout, Justin continued. "But this time, she replaced it with bright pink thongs. Lauren went to get a sweatshirt out of my suitcase, and just about died laughing when she saw the butt floss."
Joey laughed. "Yeah, I know." he said.
Justin gawked at Joey. "What!" he yelled. "How did you know?"
"Cause," he smiled. "I helped her."
Justins jaw dropped, as he glared at Joey. "You suck!" he yelled. "You are Satan, and Lois is the queen of hell!"
Joey laughed harder, before looking down at the floor. "Yeah," he agreed. "But she's my queen."
Justin grinned at Joeys statement, giving him an all too familiar smile. "You luff her" he teased.
"Yeah, I think I do." Joey said plainly.
Joeys confession almost made Justin fall off the edge of the stage. He had teased Joey with that statement for years, and every time, he would answer the same. "As much as a boyle on my ass." was his usual response. Never in his life did Justin expect that answer to change.
"What?" he finally managed to say.
Joey swallowed uncomfortably before looking over at Justin. "I think I'm falling for her."
Justin, again, gawked at him. "What?"
Joey rolled his eyes at Justin, not even wanting to answer him again. "You heard me."
Justin closed his mouth, and looked at the floor. The two sat in silence for a long while before Justin finally said something other than what? "Are you sure?"
Joey slowly nodded. "Yeah. I think I am."
Justin continued to look at the floor, with Joey doing the same. "Wow."
Joey looked at Justin, questioningly. "Wow?"
"Yeah, wow." Justin repeated. "I mean, this is you and Lois, you know?" he looked up at Joey. "You guys are like a power couple, without being a couple." Justins eyes fell back to the floor. "This is cool."
Joey grinned. "Cool?"
"Yeah, cool. I mean, we always figured that one of you would feel something more one day. Its just cool that its finally that day." Justin smiled.
Joey grinned. He knew that everyone loved to bug them about their relationship. It was fun to make people ask if they were more than friends, secure in knowing that it wasn't anything more.
"So, what are you going to do?" Justin asked.
Joey frowned slightly at the question. "Nothing."
Justins head popped up at the answer. "What?"
"I said I'm not going to do anything." Joey repeated. "We are friends. We need to stay that way."
"But," Justin tired to say something, but Joey cut him off with a raise of his hand.
"Justin, don't." he said firmly. "I know you all think it would be great if we got together, and yeah I agree, but I'm not willing to risk what we have now for something else. For something that might not work out."
"For something that might be better?" Justin countered.
Joey looked at him, frowning deeper. "Even for something that may be better."
Justin frowned, looking at Joey.
How could he just ignore his feelings like that? he thought. What if he makes the biggest mistake of his life?
"And don't worry," Joey said. "I'm fine with it. It is my decision to make, and I'm making it."
Justin looked back down to the floor. He didn't agree with Joeys decision. Not at all. But he knew it wasn't his choice, or his decision to make. He just hoped that one day, Joey wouldn't have to wish he had made a difference choice.
Patting Joey on the back, Justin pushed himself from the floor. "I wont say a word."
Looking up at Justin, Joey smiled appreciatively. "Thanks, man."
Justin only nodded in response, before turning and walking backstage.
The sound of the door opening broke Joey from his thoughts. He looked up, and frowned at who he saw.
"Go away, Justin." he said firmly, turning back to the pool table in front of him.
Justin didn't say anything. Closing the door behind him, he walked into the room and up to the table where Joeys attention was focused.
Joey raised his eyes to Justin, frowning deeper. Justin only looked at him, and Joey returned his eyes to the table. Justin was more stubborn than he was sometimes, so he figured as long as he was quiet, there was no point in starting a fight.
"She does love you, you know." Justin said quietly.
Joey groaned. So much for not starting a fight.
"No, she doesn't." he said loudly. "She is just scared of losing me, so she's trying to make up anything she can to keep me. She feels threatened by Rae, and she's trying to push me away from her."
"That's not it, and you know it." Justin countered.
"HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW!" Joey screamed, throwing his pool cue on the table with such force, the balls scattered around frantically. "You aren't her, Justin. And you aren't me. You don't know what her motivations are, or what she's thinking. You only know what she tells you."
"And I know what I see," Justin said, his voice still calm. "And for the last month, Ive seen her watch you go out with someone else, wishing it was her with you. Ive seen the way she looks at you change, Joe. I know those looks because I watched the same fucking ones on your face a year ago. The same expressions change from friendship to love. So don't you fucking dare tell me I don't know what I'm talking about."
Joey only glared at Justin in response.
"And you know it too" Justin said.
"No I don't." Joey immediately defied. "I don't know what the hell she is thinking. I don't know what the hell she is doing. And I sure as hell don't know what the hell she expects me to do."
"Nothing." Justin shrugged. "She doesn't expect you to do anything."
This caused Joey to turn and look at Justin in confusion. "What?"
Justin shrugged again. "She doesn't expect anything from you." he repeated. "She has no expectations. All she wants, is for you to know how she feels. To know the truth. She doesn't expect you to come running to her, arms wide open. She knows how out of left field this is to you right now. And she also knows how bad her timing is right now." Justin lowered his head, looking at the pool table as he scooted a small blue ball across the surface. "But most of all, she knows how she feels. And unlike you, she was willing to take the chance and be honest."
Joeys face turned red with anger. "Justin, don't even fucking go there."
"WHY!?" Justin yelled back, his calm composure slipping. "Why the fuck shouldn't I go there? Its not her fault you were too scared to tell her the truth back then, Joey. Its not her fault that you made the decision to ignore how you felt. And its certainly not her fault that she feels this way now. So don't blame her for your decisions, or her feelings. She had the courage to tell you the truth, knowing full well that you were probably going to freak. Knowing that you were probably going to break her heart, which you did, by the way, and turn and walk away from her. She knew all that, and she still had the balls to do it anyway."
Joey dropped his eyes to the floor, his head shaking back and forth as he tried to keep his anger in check.
"Don't blame her for your bad decisions, Joey." Justin said, his voice quiet again. "And don't blame her just because she realized it at a time that was inconvenient to you."
Joeys eyes shot back up to Justins, but he didn't respond.
The two men stared at each other for a long while, neither saying anything. Justins eyes pleading with Joey for understanding, and Joeys blazing with anger.
"You said you weren't willing to lose her for the chance at something better," Justin finally spoke up. When Joey didn't respond, he shook his head. "Are you willing to lose her all together?"
Joeys face didn't soften. He didn't answer, and he didn't blink. Pursing his lips to stop himself from saying something he may regret, he shook his head. He pointed at Justin, his hand shaking, but still never said anything.
Finally, Joey turned and quickly walk to the door. Slamming it behind him, he disappeared up the stairs and out of the club, leaving Justin alone in the room.
Justin let his breath out, unaware that he had been holding it in the first place. Looking down at the scattered balls on the pool table, he shook his head.
"I guess so."
