Another flash of lightening illuminated the darkness outside the window, the rain falling harder by the second.
The power in the room flickered, but came back on immediately.
Joey snickered. "Just great." he spat. "Just fucking typical weather for this fucking perfect day."
Sprawling out on his couch, he couldn't get the image of Lois out of his head.
But it wasn't her that was killing him. Not all of her, anyway. It was her eyes. How they avoided him. How they looked at anything but him. How they seemed empty and hollow.
And it was all because of him.
He shook his head at himself.
"Fuck," he said to himself. "Like hell I'm going to feel bad about this." Looking around at the empty room, he laughed at himself. "Aw, man, now I'm talking to myself."
Standing up from the couch, he walked into the kitchen, pulling a glass from the cupboard above the sink and walking up to the fridge. Pouring a glass of Pepsi, he sat at the table, rubbing his forehead.
How the fuck had things gotten to this? he wondered. A week ago, everything seemed fine. He had a great girl. A wonderful career. And amazing friends. Now, the career was the same, but the girl hated him and the friends either hated him or loved him.
Only in his life could something like this happen.
Rubbing his face, he thought of Rae. Repeating her story in his mind, he thought of the look on her face as she spoke. The hurt in her eyes, and the pain in her voice. The emotions caused by the actions of a guy who was too afraid to face what was in front of him.
And now Joey was that guy.
He shook his head at himself.
"Why do I keep thinking like that?" he said to himself. "Like I did something wrong?"
A knock at his door interrupted his conversation with himself, and he stood up from the table.
He really didn't want to answer it. He was in no mood for company. As he made his way to the door, he thought about just pretending he wasn't home. His car was in the garage, so no one would know that he was there.
Sighing, he pulled the door open anyway, and gasped at who he saw.
"Hey." the woman said, her voice quiet and weak.
Joey only gaped at her.
"Can I come in?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
Joey didn't answer. He simply stepped back to allow her inside.
She was wet, drops of water falling from her hair. Removing her coat, Joey hung it on the rack inside the door.
The woman turned to face him, smiling at his shocked expression. "I take it you didn't expect to see me?" she said.
Joey grinned at himself. "No, actually, I didn't."
She laughed. "Well, I didn't really expect to be here, either. Funny how things work, huh?"
Joey smiled at her before, leading her into the living room.
Sitting on the couch, Joey watched her as she fumbled with the hem of her shirt.
Finally, he spoke up. "What are you doing here, Rae?"
She shrugged. "I don't know." she whispered. A few seconds later, she shook her head. "No. That's a lie. I do know what I'm doing here." Turning to face him, she leaned her arm on the back of the couch. "I don't want to be him."
Joey looked at her confused. "You don't want to be who?"
"Landon." she said. "My best friend. The guy who walked out on me." She shook her head again. "He walked out on me for being honest. And today, I did the same to you." She paused for a moment, before finishing. "I don't want to make that same mistake."
Joey shook his head. "But I wasn't honest with you," he countered. "What I did was horrible, and you have every right to hate me for it."
"Yes, I do." she replied flatly. Joey grinned at her blunt words. "But I also have to respect your honesty now, even if it was late in coming." Joey looked down at the couch as she continued. "I know it wasn't easy for you to tell me all of that this morning. Believe me, it wasn't easy to hear. But you did it anyway. And I appreciate that you did. You could have just gone along and never told me. I would never have known if you hadn't had the courage to tell me."
Joeys eyes raised to hers.
She smiled at him. "You took that chance, and what happened happened. You cant change what you did, and you cant take it back. I have to accept that and so do you."
Joey only stared at her in shock.
"Just like you have to accept what Lois told you." she said. "You have to accept it, and do with that information what you will. But don't just push it aside as if it means nothing, because we both know it means everything."
Joey shook his head. "Ugh," he groaned. "But its all fucked up." he said, running his hands over his face. "Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, it did."
Rae looked at him. "What do you mean?"
"I mean she was at the studio today." he said. "She came to pick Justin up, and he ran off to the bathroom and left us alone. I told her that I told you the truth, we got into another fight. She told me that she did love me, and that she was sorry for hurting you but that it was my decision and she wasn't going to allow me to blame her for it."
"She's right." Rae interjected.
Joey looked up at her.
"You made the decision, and you cant blame her for it. She made the decision to do the same thing to Brian, and she has to live with the consequences of that decision just like you have to. But she didn't make you do it. She didn't hold a gun to your head. So don't blame her for what you did."
Joey gaped at her. "How can you do that?" he asked.
"Do what?"
"Be so," he paused as he tried to think of the right word. "Forgiving? Understanding? Sympathetic?"
Rae smiled. "Because everyone makes mistakes." she shrugged. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not happy that you two did what you did. Actually, I'm madder than a bee in a bonnet, but I have to accept what is done. And I have to decide if I want to spend the rest of my life hating you for it? Or accept what you did, and give you the chance to correct it?"
Joey looked at her confused. "How the hell can I correct it?" he asked. "There is no way to correct what I did to you."
"No, but you can learn from it." she said. "You know now how wrong it is to play with peoples emotions. And the funny thing is, that it is you and Lois who are hurting the most from this. Not Brian or I."
Joey smiled. "That's the same thing Brian said when Lois told him."
Rae laughed. "I knew I liked him."
They sat in silence for a while, before Rae spoke up. "So, how do you feel?"
"Like shit. You?"
Rae laughed. "No, I mean about Lois."
Joey frowned. "I don't know."
"Yes you do." she said flatly.
Joey looked up at her shocked.
"You know, that's why you are so mad." she continued. "If you didn't love her, you wouldn't care this much. You wouldn't be so confused. You are just scared to admit how you feel, because then everything will change."
"But everything has already changed." he countered.
"Yes, but she was the one who put herself out there." she said. "She was the one who took the chance, and has something to lose. You don't. But if you admit how you feel, and take the chance to be with her, then you are just as vulnerable. You have something more to lose than just a friend. You have your heart."
Joey looked back down at his hands. Rae reached over, and took his hands in hers.
"Are you willing to do it?" she asked quietly.
"Do what?" he whispered.
"Lose?"
He looked up at her.
He thought, after this morning, that he would never see her again. What he had done to her had been horrible, and he wouldn't have blamed her one bit if she never spoke to him again. Hell, he wouldn't blame her if she kicked his ass with steel toed boots.
But instead, she was here now. Understanding, and even trying to help him through what would surely be the most difficult decision he would ever have to make.
He knew that no matter what it took, he would make it up to her. He knew that it wouldn't be easy, but he would do anything to take back what he did to Rae. That wasn't possible, and he knew it, but that didn't mean he couldn't try his damnedest to make things right between them.
She didn't have to be this understanding. She didn't have to help him, or even comfort him. But that was just what she was doing now.
He knew that now, no matter what happened with Lois, that things wouldn't be the same between him and Rae. He knew that she would never be able to trust him completely again, and he understood that.
They would never be able to have a relationship, considering that trust is such a big part of a successful one. That trust had been broken, and it wasn't something easily rebuilt.
But he knew he wanted her in his life. Even if just as a friend. He couldn't think about what he would have done now if he hadn't have met her. If he didn't know her, he never would have been able to experience this. That a person can be this understanding, in a world that is sometimes so cruel.
What was funny to him, was that she was right. Everything she was saying, was exactly what he was feeling and thinking.
He did love Lois. He always had, even if he wasn't willing to admit it.
But now he had no choice. He had to make a decision, and this time, it would define their friendship and his life forever.
Last time, the decision wasn't to hard. He knew he didn't want to risk their friendship, that was true. But mostly, he was scared. Scared of putting himself out there, and having his feelings not returned.
Lois had been strong enough to take that chance, and what did he do? He pushed her away. Called her a liar. And walked away from her.
Everything he had been afraid she would do to him all that time ago.
Now, he had the chance to do it all again. He had the chance to make the right decision, and do the right thing.
And this time, the decision didn't seem so hard.
"So," Rae spoke up again. "Are you willing to lose?"
Joey sighed, before smiling at her.
"Everything I have."
