Ryan tried repeatedly to keep her attention on the road ahead of her, but her thoughts kept wandering to everything from Justin to why in the world she hadn't woken up fifteen minute early to have breakfast.
She hadn't slept much after getting off the phone with Lois, but her thoughts had settled a little. She wasn't quite as worked up or worried about the decision she had made to distance herself from Justin for a while, and felt better knowing that Lois was now in her side about her plan.
It confused her a little that Lois had done a complete one-eighty in the mere twelve hours since they had made the plan to when Ryan had called her that night. When she had left Lois' house, she was doing everything but tying her in a chair to keep her from going through with it. Now she was all for it, saying that it was the best thing for Justin and that it was just what he needed to help him get his life back together.
Ryan knew Lois better than to just assume that she had a change of heart, and wondered most of the night what it was that changed her mind. The thought of her talking to Justin had crossed her mind more than once, but she dismissed it. If Lois had talked to him, surely she would have mentioned something to her when they were on the phone the night before. Even if it was just to tell her that he called, even if he hadn't mentioned or asked about her, Ryan thought for sure that Lois would have at least hinted or let something slip that she had talked to him.
In the back of her mind, Ryan had hoped to find Justin at her parents house that morning. Either sitting in her room waiting for her to wake up, or downstairs with her parents. Either way, just having him there would show her that he did care.
But he wasn't. She woke up to her empty room, and went downstairs to find a note from her parents saying that they had taken Katie to her piano lesson so Ryan could have a day to herself.
They knew very well that something was up with their eldest daughter, but knew her well enough to know that she would work things out on her own. There was no need to push her or question her actions or intentions. She was a smart girl who always did what was best for her, and they trusted her judgment.
They knew that it had something to do with Justin, though. That was a given. There was nothing else in her life to make her feel like she had to get away.
They adored Justin as if he was their own son, but knew what a hard head he could be. They figured that he was being difficult, and that Ryan just needed time away to keep herself from killing him.
Driving down the highway, Ryan took her time. There was no need to rush to meet up with Lois, and she really felt that she needed to relax. She had spend the last few weeks stressing over Justin, and she had left to get away from that stress only to stress even more on whether or not it was the right decision. It was time for her to chill out and let things happen on their own.
She found herself wondering what Justin was doing at that very moment.
It was ten thirty in the morning, so he was either working out, or sleeping. Either way, she had a feeling that he wasn't thinking about her or even aware that she was gone.
She mentally scolded herself for her depressing thoughts. She needed to keep her mind off of him for more than five minutes, and it wasn't working out as well as she had hoped.
Turning on the radio, Ryan rolled her eyes when the first song that hit her ears was Bye Bye Bye.
Oh crap, even the radio Gods were against her!
After changing the station several times, she settled on an easy listening station that she knew rarely played NSync.
She really wasn't sure what to expect from all this. She knew that leaving Justin behind, even if only for a short time, was a drastic step. And it was a big risk considering that he was already angry with her and hostile to everyone else around him.
She wasn't too sure if her plan would work out the way she wanted, but she felt like she was out of options.
She had tried talking to him. It didn't work.
She had tried reasoning with him. It didn't work.
She even tried having the other guys change their work schedule to help Justin ease up on his body. Again, it didn't work.
Nothing she had tried had worked at all, and this was the last step. If this didn't work, she didn't know what else to try.
But if this didn't work, it would be more than Justins health that was losing. If he didn't at least try to contact her, she was certain that their relationship wouldn't survive. If he didn't even have the inclination to call or try and talk to her, then what were they doing together? Obviously, then he didn't care about her as much as she did him, and what was the point in carrying on in a one sided relationship?
She didn't want to lose him, but felt like she already had. He hadn't been the same person for a long time, and she didn't like the person that had taken his place.
This person was cold, distant and hostile. She missed her warm, confident, affectionate boyfriend, and couldn't stand the thought of having to go through another few months with the person who had taken over.
Ryan shook her head at herself, and forced her mind to stay away from Justin.
Yeah, like that would work. It hadn't worked for the last three years, there was no way in hell that it would work now.
She tried to think of something else, and found her mind falling towards Doc.
She missed the old man, wondering to herself if things would be different now if he hadn't died.
He and Justin had become very close during his stay at the hospital, and she knew that there was no way that Doc would have allowed Justin to carry on the way he had. No matter what the situation, Doc would have put him in his place. And since he was an elder, Justin wouldn't have dared to back talk him. His mother would have kicked his ass from here to Iowa if he had spoken to Doc the way he had been to everyone else lately.
Ryan remembered seeing Docs deck of cards, the set that his grand daughter had given to Justin the day of his funeral, sitting on Justins night stand a few nights ago.
He hadn't played with them yet. Probably not knowing whether he should use them or just set them aside to remember his lost friend.
Ryan had caught him looking at them a few times, and wondered what he was thinking.
Maybe the same thing that she had been thinking moments ago. What if he was still here, and how would things be different for them if he was?
There was no point in wondering about that now, since there was no way of changing reality.
No matter how much you care about someone, you cannot bring them back. Reality is gruel at times, but there is always a reason for everything. Even if you cant see what it is.
Pulling off the highway, Ryan turned her car down a quiet street towards the meeting place for her and Lois.
Tiny shops lined the street, as people carried on with their busy days.
Ryan smiled as she noticed an elderly couple, walking down the street holding hands. It was nice to see that after all the time that they had probably been together, they still took the time to show each other that they cared, even if it was only in that simple gesture.
She frowned when she realized that she couldn't even remember the last time Justin had taken the time to show her that he cared with that simple gesture.
She was really beginning to piss herself off, now. She had only made it for two minutes without thinking of him. And that was the best time so far.
Driving a little further, she found herself just outside of the small town, pulling onto another quiet street before heading into a parking lot.
Looking around, she furrowed her brow when she realized that it was deserted.
Lois had said that they were to meet there around eleven, and it was almost ten minutes to the hour. Ryan figured that she was probably either just late as usual, or picking on Joey. That always took up a lot of her time.
Shutting off her engine, Ryan decided to go ahead and set off to where they planned to meet. She was thinking about waiting for Lois to pull into the lot, but the idea of having a little quiet time to herself at this peaceful spot was too inviting to her at the moment.
Locking her car, she tossed her keys in her purse before throwing it over her shoulder and setting out across the grass.
She hadn't been here since that day with Doc. The day that they had taken him out for a day of Doc Fun, and had spent the day listening to his stories.
Justin had been so happy that day. Both to be out of the house and to have his friends around him. Ryan smiled at the memory.
Stepping further out onto the lawn, Ryan reached down and removed her sandals, continuing through the grass barefoot.
The cool grass felt nice under her feet, as she scuffed along the way to the pond in the distance.
The warm breeze blew her hair around her face, as a young boy ran passed with his dog pulling him along the way.
There were hardly any sounds around her. Just the chirping birds, the blowing wind and the sound of her own heartbeat.
This was the calmest she had been in months.
She smiled when she realized that that was probably the reason Lois had chosen this place to meet up. She knew more than anyone how stressed Ryan had been over the last little while, and knew how peaceful this park was. It was the best place to get away and gather their thoughts.
Ryan looked around her as she walked, enjoying the quiet surroundings and the warm weather.
She could hear the faint sound of the ducks quacking in the pond ahead of her as they swam around in the water.
She stopped and closed her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she let all her frustrations, emotions, confusion and stress out as she exhaled.
Opening her eyes, she realized that she had broken her record.
It had been about ten minutes, and she hadn't thought of Justin once since stepping into the park.
Lois was a genius.
Continuing on her way, Ryan reached the same bench where they had all spent that afternoon with Doc by the pond.
Approaching, she noticed that there was someone else sitting at the bench. She couldn't make out what they looked like, only being able to see their back. A hat covered their head, but she noticed that the person seemed completely at ease as they stared out at the pond in front of them.
She looked around and couldn't see Lois anywhere. She wondered if she should sit down at the bench along side this person, or head back to her car and wait for Lois there.
She was enjoying her surroundings so much, that she didn't find the thought of returning to her car overly appealing. It was a wide bench, and she figured that she wouldn't be bothering the other person if she sat at the opposite end and quietly waited.
Decided that she liked the latter idea better, she stepped up closer and sat at the end of the bench.
She didn't turn to look at the stranger, not wanting to disturb them while they enjoyed the quiet.
Leaning her back against the bench, she watched as the once tiny ducklings swam around the water, now as big as their mother.
Suddenly, she had this strange feeling that someone was watching her. Looking over her shoulder, she scanned the park for any sign of Lois, but couldn't see her anywhere.
Turning back, she looked over to the stranger at the other end of the bench, and noticed him watching her.
When she looked at his face, her heart stopped and her breath caught in her throat.
