JC honestly couldn't remember a time when he had been this nervous. He had been standing outside Laurens bedroom door for the last fifteen minutes. Justin had walked across the hall a few times, pretending to go to the kitchen. But he mainly just wanted to see if JC had gone in yet. The final time he had come out of the living room, he looked directly up at JC. Noticing he was still standing there, Justin threw his arms in the air in frustration and groaned before stomping back into the living room.
So, here he was. About to tell his best friend in the whole world that he was in love with her. Didn't this kind of stuff belong in the movies somewhere? Or in some kind of fictional stories their fans wrote about them? God, even a fan couldn't write something as corny as Justin drawing a map and stick figures. JC shook his head at his retarded thoughts.
He clenched his hands again, noticing his sweaty palms. Jesus, this was hard. He didn't even know what the hell to say to her. What did someone say at a time like this? He wished he had actually watched more of those stupid chick flick movies she had tried to get him to watch. Hell, even Justin had watched them. Maybe he should be at the bottom of the stairs feeding him his lines or something?
'Okay, this is it. Just go and do it.' he coaxed himself.
He didn't move.
Damn it!
"Would you go already!" Justins yell streamed from the living room. How the hell did he know JC was still standing there?
Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. Reaching for the doorknob, he turned it and walked inside the room before he had another chance to chicken out.
He had fully expected, almost hoped, for her to be asleep. But she wasn't. She wasn't even in her room. Damn it! He had just spent the last fifteen minutes standing outside her door for nothing?
He walked around the room, peaking his head in the bathroom, in the closet, and even looking outside before heading back out into the hall. Where was she?
He started back to the stairs, when something caught his attention. Turning to look inside his bedroom, he saw her. Entering his room quietly, he smiled at the sight of her.
She stood out on his balcony, her back to him, wearing her white robe. Her hair was damp from a recent shower, strands blowing slightly in the wind. Her arms were folded in front of her, as she stared out at the stars and moon above her.
Taking a few cautious steps towards her, JC felt his anxiety sneak up on him again. Was he really ready to do this? What if she laughed at him? What if she told him he was being stupid and his feelings weren't for real? What if........
"You know what I love most about being here?" her soft voice brought JCs attention to her. She still stood with her back to him, staring up at the sky. How had she known he was there?
"What?" he answered, taking a few steps closer to the glass door leading to the balcony.
"This. Just sitting out here looking at the stars. Its so quiet and peaceful out here." She didn't turn around. It was almost like she was talking to herself.
JC emerged through the doorway, taking a small step out onto the balcony. He continued to stare at her back, the light strands of her brown hair flowing more easily in the wind as they dried.
Turning her head to face him, she noticed him staring at her. "I'm sorry." she whispered.
"I already told you not to be sorry." JC said, leaning towards her as he smiled.
"I know." She returned her gaze to the twinkling stars above her. Why couldn't she be a star? Sure, you were a giant ball of gas, but then so was Joey when he ate Mexican food.
JC knew he couldn't just come out and tell her that he loved her. She would probably be so shocked that she would fall off the balcony. Instead, he opted for something simpler.
"Britney called."
"Yeah"
"She says hi"
"Hi" Lauren smiled up at the sky. Damn it, why wouldn't she just look at him already!
Looking down at the ground, he shook his head and sighed. "Lauren,"
"JC, what happened when Justin took me to the van?" She turned her body to face him, her question catching him off guard.
"What?" he stared at her with a stupid look on his face.
"Between you and Jimmy? What happened?" Her voice was calm. Like she was asking any old question that had any old answer.
"You want to know if I hit him, don't you?" he asked bluntly.
She didn't answer, just continued to stare at him.
"Yes, I did." he admitted. May as well start with the honestly.
"What did he say?"
"What makes you think he said anything?" he inquired
"You're not the only one who knows when someone isn't telling you everything." she smiled knowingly.
Well, she brought it up, so he may as well tell her. "He told me that there had been other threats." He fought to keep his temper, clenching his fists at his sides. "He told me that he called you. And that there had been other notes"
Laurens eyes went wide, and he realized that she hadn't expected that to be what Jimmy said. "He told you that?"
"Yes, he did." JC answered "But what I want to know is, why didn't you tell me?" He was getting angry now. He was fighting with everything he had not to go postal on her. Postal? Where the hell did that come from? "Do you even understand what I felt when I had to hear from Jimmy that there had been more threats?" he continued, his voice getting angrier. "That I had to hear things from him that I should have been hearing from you!"
"I didn't mean to keep it from you! Honestly," Lauren was getting upset now, tears filling her eyes. JC had never been angry with her before. "But I was scared of what would happen if you knew. The last time I told you something, you went out and beat him up!"
"But you should have trusted me! You didn't even trust me enough to be honest with me, Lauren!" he was yelling now. He noticed her eyes welling up with tears, but his anger was speaking for him now.
"I swear, JC, I didn't mean to keep it from you." She was crying now, tears flowing steadily down her cheeks. "But Justin and I......."
"Justin!" JC screamed. "Justin knew!" Oh this was too much.
"No, I......." Lauren was cut off by JCs angry voice.
"So he didn't know?" he asked, raising a questioning eyebrow. JC knew damn well that Justin knew.
"Yes, he knew, but...." she was cut off again.
"So not only did you not trust me enough to tell me the truth when I flat out right asked you if you had gotten anymore threats," JC was so angry he would hardly see straight. "But also Justin was the one you confided in!"
"NO!" she screamed back. "I didn't confide in him, JC. He figured it out. When he asked me, I admitted it."
"But you wouldn't admit it to me?" he replied coldly.
Laurens lip quivered, as she tried to think of what to say. How had things gotten to this? Five minutes ago, she had been standing out on the balcony, staring at the stars wondering what to do about her feelings for JC. She had realized them completely that day in the pool. Even if she wouldn't admit it to herself until later, she knew that was the turning point. She had been struggling with what to say to him before he came out there and started yelling at her.
She had broken his trust. She knew that. She had promised to always be honest with him, no matter what. Now she was here, and didn't know how to fix what she had done.
"Well?" JCs angry voice loomed over her, bringing her from her thoughts.
"I don't know what to say?" she admitted, shrugging her shoulders defeatedly. Looking down at the ground, she nervously slid a foot over the floor of the balcony.
"Well, I think I do." JC took and step back towards the balcony door. "Everything we ever had was based on trust, right?" She didn't respond, so he continued. "And you broke that trust, Lauren. I don't know how to fix that." he lowered his head. "I don't know how." His voice shook with emotions ranging from anger, to fear, to hurt. He shrugged his shoulders, not knowing what else to do.
They stood in silence for a long while, both staring at the ground. Finally, JC couldnt take it anymore. "I have to get out of here." he turned and quickly headed out the door before his temper overtook him again. He walked quickly towards the bedroom door, Lauren running back into the room behind him. 'Just tell him the truth, Lauren'
"JC, I...."
She was cut off by the sound of the door slamming behind him. Standing in the empty room, she wrapped her arms around herself tightly. Her lip quivering, she stared at the closed door.
"....love you" she whispered. She had to finish her sentence, even if he wasn't able to hear her.
Turning her back to the door, she lowered her face to her hands, crying. God, she had screwed up everything! She had hurt the one person she swore she never would. The one person she cared about more than anything in the world.
The door opened again, and she spun around thinking it would be JC returning. Instead, Justin stood at the entrance, a questioning look crossing his face. "What happened?" He had seen JC running down the stairs, before he grabbed his keys and took off. Justin just stood at the bottom of the stairs, looking back and forth between the front door JC had escaped from and the closed door to the bedroom that held Lauren. It wasnt supposed to happen like this.
"You know, Justin." she spoke up, dropping her eyes to the floor, sniffling back a tear. "This is the part I hate the most."
"What part is that?" Justin was really confused now.
A single tear ran down her cheek, which she wiped away quickly. "The part where your heart actually starts to hurt."
JC sat on the hood of his car, staring up at the sky above him. The same sky that Lauren had been staring at hours before. Before went up there to confess his feelings to her. Before he had confronted her about lying to him. Before he had yelled and screamed and made her cry.
Before he had destroyed everything they could have had, with a few angry words.
Faintly, he could hear a song playing on his car stereo. Staring up at the dark gray sky, he listened to the words filtering through the open windows.
"Now I'm gonna confess that I love you..........Ive been keeping it inside............feeling like I could die............If you turn away baby, that okay.............at least we'll have a moment before you say goodbye............You cant lose what you never had"
Why did songs like this have to play now? Jesus, even the radio Gods were against him!
"I think I was too hard on Lauren for listening to Backstreet," Justins voice caused JCs head to spin around. "How was I to know that you listened to Westlife?"
Justin grinned as he slowly walked up beside JCs car. Standing beside the hood, he put his hands in his pockets.
Lauren had told him everything that had happened. How JC had told her what Jimmy told him. How he had freaked out, saying that she broke his trust and he didn't know how to get it back. She even told him that JC knew that he had known about the threats. Justin wouldn't blame JC if he hit him. He would kick anyone ass who kept something like that from him. But he had to talk to him. He had to make him realize what was really important before it was too late and he screwed things up even more.
She didnt tell Justin what she had been thinking about when she was out on the balcony. She didnt think it was right to tell Justin that she loved JC before she even told him. She had made enough of a mess of things as it was. But she didnt have to admit it to Justin. He could tell just by looking at her. If she didnt love him, she wouldnt have been this upset. This wasnt just an upset over a fight with a friend. This was an upset over the person you loved walking away from you.
"What are you doing here, Justin?" JCs voice made it clear that he was none too pleased that Justin was there. Turning his head back to the sky, JC took deep calming breaths.
"You always come here when you need to think." Justin replied, shrugging. "Ever since we were on the MMC, you've been coming here."
Justin was right. JC had been coming here for as long as he could remember. It was just a small park outside Orlando. It wasn't anything spectacular, but it had always been a place where JC could just sit and gather his thoughts. He had spent many nights there when he first moved to Orlando, just staring at the stars like he was right then. God, if only he knew how screwed up things would get for him.
"You didn't answer my question." JC commanded.
"I talked to Lauren. She's really upset." Justin dragged his foot along the dirt at the base of one of the tires. "She thinks you hate her."
JC groaned. Why was it that whenever you were mad at a girl, they automatically thought you hated them? "I don't hate her, Justin."
"You still love her." Justin made it sound more like a question than a statement.
"Of course I do." JC answered, finally turning to face his young friend. "I'm mad at her Justin. I could never stop loving her."
"Then go back there and tell her, JC." Justin demanded.
"I cant go back right now." JC leaned back to lay across the hood and windshield. Placing his hands behind his head, he continued to stare up at the stars.
"Why not?" Justin asked, confused.
"Because I am still mad. If I go back now, Ill probably say something else wrong." JC turned to look at Justin. "I will fix this. I just need to figure out how I'm going to do it, first."
Justin understood. He couldn't very well drag JC back to the house by his ears and make him tell Lauren he was sorry. Although he wanted to do that very, very, very badly. This was their problem to work out. He would be there to help them along the way, maybe even draw them another map, but he couldn't do everything for them.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you I knew about the threats." Justin admitted. May as well get that part out in the open.
"I know. She made you promise. What kind of friend would you be to her if you told me?" 'Wow, he was really going to be understanding about this?' Justin thought to himself.
"But that doesn't mean I'm not gonna kick your ass later." JC noted.
Damn.
Sliding up beside JC on the hood of the car, Justin leaned back mimicking JCs position.
"So," JC looked over to Justin, who stared up at the sky. For some reason, he had started counting the stars. "Do you remember any quotes from Laurens book that could help me out now?"
Justin smiled, turning his hand to look at JC. "The damage is irrepairable. But the rewards are incomparable."
JC turned back, smiling up at the stars looking down on him.
"I got a ton more. I practically memorized that book. We could make some pretty deep shit songs with those quotes of hers." Justin stated.
JC laughed. "Let 'er rip." he smiled.
"Happiness doesn't run in circles. If it did, it would never end."
JC laughed again. This was going to be one long ass night.
