Lauren couldn't stop crying. She hated to cry. She had only cried once when Jimmy had hit her, and that was only because it was the very first time and she couldn't believe it had actually happened. Since then, she learned that it was better not to show him her emotions, because it would only fuel his feelings of dominance. She had cried a few other times since then. Mostly in the last three weeks. But they were usually just a few tears that she wasn't able to hold back. She hadn't cried uncontrollably in a very, very long time.
But she was now. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop. She would calm slightly for a few moments, settling her nerves and slowing her breathing. But the moment JCs hurt expression reentered her mind, the waterworks turned back on. She had never seen him so hurt. And it killed her to know that she had been the one to hurt him. She was the one who put that look on his face.
She pulled herself into a tighter little ball on her bed. Laying on her side in the fetal position, one fist balled and pressed to her lips to muffle her cries, the other clenching a tissue. Several other used tissues scattered around her on the bed.
She sucked in a quick breath, hyperventilating. Taking a few deep breaths, she was able to slow her breathing down a few notches. She was finally starting to settle, when she made the mistake of raising her eyes to her night table. A picture of her and JC at a New Years party stared back at her. They wore those stupid party hats, toy horns hanging from their mouths. She could see Chris and Joey jumping up and down behind them, trying to get in the picture. She smiled slightly at the photograph, before her chin began to quiver and the tears flowed from her eyes again.
She rolled over to her other side, resuming her protective position. It would be better if she didn't have to look at any pictures of him right now. She attempted to control her breathing again. She had been crying like this for quite a while, and was starting to make herself sick.
A soft knock sounded at the door. Looking up from the hand clenching a tissue in front of her face, she saw Justin peak his head into the room tentatively. He smiled at her sweetly. A small, reassuring smile.
"Hey." he whispered, still keeping his body on the other side of the door. "Can I come in?" This was the first time he had ever asked before entering a room. He usually just barged right in.
"Sure" Lauren croaked. Her voice was weak and raspy from her sobs, which were slowing a little. Her breathing was still quick, but it wasn't nearly as fast as it had been moments before.
Justin slid his long body into the room, carefully closing the door behind him. He stood at the door, placing his hands in his pockets. Lauren realized he always did that when he got nervous. "Is it okay if I sit with you?" he asked.
"Sure." That seemed to be the only word she could get out at the moment.
Justin made his was over to the bed, and laid down beside her. Tucking a hand under his head, he placed the other on top of Laurens. His thumb rubbed comfortingly against the back of her hand.
They laid in silence for a long while. Having Justin in the room was comforting for Lauren, just because he had been there for her through everything. She loved him more than she could ever express. He was always there for her, and she vowed to always be there for him.
Laurens eyes were locked on her feet, and Justin realized she must be trying to think of something to say. She didn't need to say anything, because he only wanted to comfort her, not make her talk about what had happened. He had no idea what was said between her and JC earlier, but he was pretty sure he knew it was along the same lines as the night before.
Without raising her eyes, Lauren managed to push a few words past her dry lips. "Justin?"
"Yeah" he answered, softly.
"Is being in love always this hard?"
Now that was not what he was expecting her to say. He knew she loved JC, but he didn't think she would just come out and admit that to anyone just yet.
"I don't know." he replied. He thought about what to say to her next. He didn't really have an answer for her question, but felt that he should say more. "I think that the rainbows of life follow the storms." Lauren smiled recognizing one of the quotes from her book. Did Justin sneak into her room and read that thing when she wasn't around? His voice continued. "So you have to have the storm, to appreciate the rainbow, ya know?"
Lauren simply nodded. She didn't think that he was actually expecting a reply, which was good, because she didn't have one.
"So," he spoke up again. Lauren noticed a little unease in his voice this time. "You're in love with JC?" He finally asked the question he had wanted to hear her answer for a very long time.
Looking back down at her feet, a sad smile pressed her lips. "Yeah. I think I am." she shrugged. "I mean, Ive never felt this way about anyone before. The last thing I expected was to fall for my best friend. But my best friend just happens to be the most wonderfully amazing person I know." Her smile faded. "And my best friend hates me right now."
"He doesn't hate you, Lauren." Justin was quick to come back with a statement. "He could never hate you. Ever." Justin placed a hand on her cheek, her eyes meeting his. "He's so upset because," Justin knew it wasn't right for him to be the one to tell Lauren that JC was in love with her, but he felt like he had to assure her in some way. At the last minute, he chose another course of action. "He feels like he failed you. Like he couldn't protect you."
"I didn't mean to hurt him, Justin" Her chin began to quiver again, tears flowing from her eyes. "Id never intentionally hurt JC. I care about him so much that it scares the hell out of me. Ive never needed anyone the way I need him." She took a few breaths before continuing. "Last night, before we got into that big fight." She looked at Justin as if to see if he knew what she was talking about. She knew very well he did, but it was a nervous reaction. "I was standing out on his balcony, staring at the stars. I just kept thinking 'My God, what the hell did I do to deserve someone like him in my life? And why was I so stupid not to fall completely in love with him the moment I met him?' But then I realized that I had. The moment I met him, I I loved him." She looked at Justin with a sad smile "Does that sound stupid?"
"No, of course it doesn't." he smiled back at her, tilting his head as he ran a thumb over her cheek soothingly.
"I just didn't realize it until that day in the pool." Justin smiled knowingly. They all knew that JC and Lauren had a 'moment' that day, but no one had said anything to either of them. "I don't know why it was that moment, but it was. And Ive been thinking about it over and over ever since. Trying to figure out what it was about that moment that made me realize. Why I didnt realize sooner? When exactly I started feeling this way? Why in the world I would be so completely insane as to fall for him in the first place. So many things that I cant even begin to describe them all." She could barely make sense of her thoughts, so she wasn't about to try and explain them to Justin.
"But I do know what I feel for him." Her eyes fell again, a single tear running over her cheek and landing on the pillow beneath her head. "Ive never been so sure of anything in my life."
Justin could only smile at her. God, he wished JC would have been able to hear this. Justin made a mental note to kick his ass the moment he found him.
"I just wish I had been able to tell him all this before. Not that it would make what I did any less hurtful, but at least I would know that I'd told him, you know? At least he would know."
"He knows." Justin smiled. "He just doesn't know it yet"
Lauren had to laugh a little at Justins silly comment. Only Justin could make a statement like that.
"Yeah, well, if he ever talks to me again, it would be nice to be able to tell him myself." she sniffed back another tear. "I swear, Id give anything to be able to just tell him." she smiled.
If it was the last thing he did, Justin was going to make her keep that promise.
"So here I am again." JC spoke out loud to himself. "And I'm just as fucked up as I was last night."
"You know, you do have friends. You don't need to talk to yourself."
JC dropped his head, shaking it in disbelief. Why in the hell was this kid always following him?
"What are you doing here, Justin?" JC asked annoyed.
"Well, if you were smarter you would have thought to go to somewhere else than the most obvious place in the world for me to look for you." Justin smiled sarcastically as he walked up beside JCs car. "And if you were smarter, you wouldn't be such an asshole." Justins smile was gone. Replaced by it was a look of anger. "But I guess not everyone is as amazingly brilliant as me."
JC could only stare at his young friend in disbelief. Justin had never challenged JC this way about what he did with his life. It was usually JC telling Justin that he was screwing up. When had the roles reversed, and why hadn't anyone told him?
They found themselves in the same position as the night before. JC sitting on the hood of his car, music playing from the stereo inside. The only difference was that it was a rock station this time, instead of a pop station. Too many sappy love songs on pop stations, which never helped when you were already depressed.
Justin stood beside the car, the same way he had the night before, hands in his pockets again. He stared at JC, noticing the shocked expression on his face.
"Don't look so surprised," Justin spoke up. "Someone had to tell you what an ass you were being. Who better to do that than me?"
"Don't start, Justin." JC warned, turning his now angry glare back out to the skyline in front of him. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh I don't, huh?" Justin challenged. Stepping up to the front of the car, directly in JCs line of vision, he starting counting out on his fingers. "What don't I understand JC?" Holding up his first finger, he continued. "That she lied? Nope, got that." Second finger raised. "That you are hurt and mad. Nope, got that too." Third finger raising, Justin bent it back slightly with a finger from his other hand. "That she apologized, and you just got mad and stormed off again in a temper tantrum leaving her alone.....again? Ummm......lets see, NOPE! I got that one too, buddy." Holding up a fourth finger. "That she's at home bawling her eyes out, terrified that the one person she cares the most about in the whole world will never forgive her for something that she would take back in a heartbeat if she could." Lowering his hands, Justin looked at JC disappointed. "Looks like you're the only who doesn't understand that one, Jayce."
"Justin, what would you do if Britney kept something like this from you?" JC looked directly at Justin, his voice filled with anger. "How would you feel if someone was trying to hurt her, and she kept all this from you only for you to have to find out from him!" Justin didn't answer. "Exactly!" JC pointed at Justin accusingly. "You know damn well you would be just as pissed as I am!"
"Yeah, I would be pissed." Justin yelled back. "I would be furious! But I would let her explain, and even if I didn't understand her reasons, I would realize they were her reasons." Lowering his voice, Justin leaned forward slightly. "And I would forgive her. Because I love her."
Now that wasn't fair. He wasn't supposed to bring that into this, but he did. Cheater.
JC lowered his challenging glare to his hands, which were clasped together and hanging from his bent knees.
"You love her JC. And all you're doing by staying mad at something that neither of you can undo, is pushing her away." Justin hopped up on the hood of the car, his sneakers squeaking along the top. JCs eyes widened at the sound. If Justin put a single scratch on his car.......
"Don't make that mistake. Or you'll regret it for the rest of your life." Justin knew that there was nothing left for him to say. It was JCs turn to make a move, and all he could do was sit and wait to see what it would be. Either JC would forgive her, and try and fix the mess that they had gotten themselves into. Or he would hang onto his anger, and push away the best thing that had ever happened to him.
"I don't know how to make this better." JC spoke up, his eyes still locked on his hands. "I want to forgive her, but I just hate the fact that I couldn't be there for her."
"Then be there for her now. I think she needs you more now than she ever did then."
Justin was right, and for the life of him, JC couldn't figure out when it was that Justin had gotten so smart. Must be all the cereal he ate.
"I wouldn't even know where to start." Bringing his eyes to those of his friend, JC continued. "I mean, how in the world do I make this up to her?"
"Just tell her the truth, man. Just tell her how you feel."
"But what if she doesn't feel the same?" JCs eyes pleaded with Justin.
Smiling, Justin scooted over to sit beside JC. Leaning back to lay across the hood of the car, he placed his hands behind his head. His legs crossed at his ankles, Justin swayed his feet to the beat of the music coming from JCs car stereo.
JC looked over at Justin, not knowing what in the world was going on through his curly little mind at that moment.
"Well, I think that's a chance you're just going to have to take." Justin smiled up at the stars.
Above them, the sky was bright by a full moon shining down on them. Millions of stars dotted the sky, and Justins smiled widened. He loved nights like this. The kind of night when you know that something is going to change. This time, thank God, this change was going to be for the better.
Leaning back to lay across the car in the same fashion as Justin, JC looked up at the sky.
The two just sat there, staring above them, both thinking completely different thoughts.
JC was thinking how in the world he was ever going to make up for what he had put Lauren through the last couple days. She had needed him then more than ever, and he had pushed her away. And on top of that, he was supposed to admit he loved her? Any hope he had for her reciprocating his feelings was probably demolished with his angry words.
Justin, on the other hand, was thinking thoughts of elation. If JC didn't screw up again, forcing Justin to lay a smack down on his skinny ass, then everything was going to work out fine. He knew that Lauren loved JC, and that JC loved Lauren. He left like some high school kid, who's friends were using him as the messenger. Now all he needed to do was help JC come up with a way to apologize to Lauren. But it had to be something big. Something that would make her fall completely in love with JC all over again.
And he knew just how to make that happen.
