Lauren stood, frozen in place, staring blankly at the sight before her.
She had thought about what it would be like to be in this situation while she sat, staring at the photo of her and JC. The final photo on her little walk down memory lane had made her think of a million different things. It made her think about how happy she had been that day. How she had felt so safe with him. She also thought about everything she had gone wrong since then. About everything that she should have or could have done to keep herself from being in the situation she was now.
When she finally started to think about who would have or could have done this, quite a few people crossed her mind. None of them seemed possible, although she very much hoped that one person in particular had been the one to do this for her. An image had filtered through her mind as she sorted through who could have been the cause for this little arrangement, the image of the one person she wanted to talk to most in the world, actually being there for her to talk to.
But now that she was faced with that very scenario, she wasn't so sure she wanted it anymore.
Standing near the doors to the house, his features dimly lit by the glow of the candles that surrounded him, was JC. His hands were clasped nervously behind his back, a small smile directed at Lauren as she gaped at him stupidly.
'Oh my God.' she thought to herself as she mentally controlled her jaw from dropping to the ground. 'Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!' Her repetitive thinking distracted her from keeping her jaw closed, and it fell open slightly before she caught it and pulled in back closed.
JC continued to smile at Lauren shyly as she stared at him. She hadn't moved since noticing him, and he was beginning to wonder if she was even breathing. He had stood watching her from a few feet outside the doors for a while after she sat to look at the photo. He found himself wondering and wondering what she was thinking. Was she thinking about how happy they had been that day? How much had gone wrong since then? He knew he had been thinking those very thoughts when choosing that photo as the final one on the little tour. Maybe she was thinking about how much she hated him now, after all he had put her through? Maybe she was thanking God for showing her now just how much of an ass he was? He pushed those thoughts aside as he continued to stare at her back from across the yard. He knew he had to do this no matter what, and thinking things like that would only make it harder.
So here they were. Both staring at each other timidly, neither moving or saying a word. Normally, this would be the moment where Justin or Chris would come running through screaming like a maniac to lighten the mood, but they both knew that was not going to happen this time. One of them had to make the first move.
When it was clear to him that Lauren wasn't going to make any attempt to move, JC took the initiative. Stepping towards her slowly, he crossed the distance between them. It was a short distance; maybe twenty or thirty feet, but to him at that moment, with her staring at him the way she was, it felt like the longest walk he had ever taken. He stopped a few feet away from where she stood, still staring at him in shock.
Luckily, she hadn't moved away when he had stepped towards her. JC had fully expected her to retract from him as he approached, given everything that he had put her through. She needed him to be there for her, and he wasn't. He had promised to always support her, and when she needed his support the most, he withdrew it and reprimanded her for things that weren't really that damn important. The fact that she hadn't moved away from him was a good sign. Maybe there was till hope for him to fix everything.
Standing a few feet away from her, he repositioned his hands behind his back. He knew when he got nervous he fidgeted, so this way he would appear calm and would not make her even more nervous. This way, he would be the collected one, all the while pulling his fingers apart behind his back.
As he stood in front of her, Lauren took notice of his clothing. He was wearing plain black slacks, and a fitted black t-shirt. She had always been a sucker for guys in black, and he knew that. The sneaky bugger. The only thing that took away from the handsome picture he made, was the giant red X painted on the front of his shirt. She stared at it blatantly, completely confused as to why in the world JC would have painted an X on himself. Then it clicked. The map. At the end of the rose petal trail, there had been an X. After coming out into the field of candles, Lauren had assumed that they were meant as the X, and hadn't really expected an actual X to be part of the plan. She had dismissed it and completely forgot all about the X until now, as she stared at it on the front of JCs shirt.
"Not exactly what you had in mind, huh?" JCs smooth voice broke Lauren from her thoughts, causing her to retract her eyes from his chest to look over his shoulder. She wasn't ready to look directly at him yet. She didn't answer him. She didn't really know what to say, because everything she had said the last couple days had ended in a fight. She was sure at this point she could say 'spaghetti' and he would get mad.
JC noticed she was avoiding his eyes, but didn't bother trying to force her into looking at him. He knew how uncomfortable this had to be for her, because he wasn't feeling all that self-assured himself at the moment. But they couldn't spend the whole night standing out here like morons, so he spoke up again.
"Justin had quite the fun time painting me. He got more on himself than me, though." JC added a small laugh in an attempt to at least make Lauren smile a little. No reaction crossed her face. She just continued to stare over his shoulder at the candles burning bright behind him.
"So, um..." JC paused as he tried desperately to think of something to say. "You followed the map, huh?" Now that had to be the stupidest thing he had ever asked. Obviously she had, or she wouldn't be standing here. Bravo, Chasez. Bra-vo.
Lauren still didn't answer him, but she did let a small sigh escape her lips. It wasn't an annoyed sigh, one of frustration and anger at the fact that he would have the nerve to stand here trying to make small talk with her. It was one of sadness. One of complete loss. That small sigh stabbed at his heart, because he knew he had been the one to put it there.
"Lauren," he spoke to her softly, lowering his head a tiny bit in an attempt to make her look at him. She didn't. "I know I have no right to ask for your forgiveness after everything I have said and done to you the last couple days." JC didn't miss the small intake of breath Lauren took at the reminder. "But I am still going to apologize." He had her full attention, even if she didn't let him know it. She was completely aware of everything he was saying, but she was even more aware of him. The feeling of him standing so close, speaking to her in the tone that he was, was making her very, very aware of him. JC continued to speak softly to her as he stared at her with the most gentle look shining from his blue eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you when you tried to explain to me why you had kept the threats from me. I know why you did, I understood all along. I was more mad at myself than anything."
Now that, she hadn't expected to hear. "Why were you mad at yourself?" she questioned, her face scrunching slightly in confusion. She focused on one of the candles, like she had with that tiny blade of grass in the park. This little candle was going to be her lifeline, and keep her from losing all control.
He was a little shocked at the fact that she had actually spoke, but made sure not to show it incase she withdrew again. "Because I couldn't be there to protect you. Because I wasn't able to keep you from having to go through all that." he answered.
"Whether you knew or not, you wouldn't have been able to stop it from happening, JC. It would have happened anyway." she assured him. She still didn't look at him, but her voice was calm and controlled.
"I know that now. It just took me sitting outside for two nights with Justin bitching at me to make me figure it out." he laughed at himself. Lauren just continued to stare at the candle over his shoulder.
"I just don't want anything to happen to you, Lauren. I don't know what I would do if I lost you." his voice was emotional now. He stepped up closer to her, and thankfully, she didn't move away. Taking that final step, he stood right in front of her. She didn't meet his eyes, she just continued to stare at that little candle a few feet over his left shoulder. The small flame flickered in the breeze, reminding Lauren of the way the little blade of grass waved just the same way.
Noticing she was concentrating on anything but him, JC knew he had to bring her attention to him completely. "I'm gonna ask you something I already asked you once. And I want you to answer me honestly." he whispered, raising her eyes to his with a finger under her chin. She didn't resist the touch or the guidance of his finger, but was reluctant to raise her eyes to his. JC lowered his head again slightly, moving his eyes into her point of view. Finally, she raised her blue eyes to meet his. He felt a slight quiver in her chin, but if he hadn't felt it, he wouldn't have known it. Her face remained expressionless, but soft. Lowering his voice to a low tone, he spoke up. "Do you trust me?"
She lowered her eyes again, trying desperately to find that little candle again. She had already told him the answer to this question. Why did she have to repeat herself? If he didn't believe her the first time, what would make this time any different? She resisted the urge to move away, and instead answered his question with the same response as the last time.
"With my life" she whispered, finally locating her candle again.
A small, but nervous smile pressed his lips. A smile that made her stomach flip, and heart race. He titled his head to move again into her view, blocking the little candle.
"Then trust me with your heart."
Her eyes shot up to meet his, startling him slightly. She didn't say anything, but the confusion was clear on her features. She hadn't been expecting a statement like this.
Smiling a little wider, JC gazed into her eyes. Why in the world had it taken him to long to realize this? Why hadn't he fallen in love with her the moment he met her? He knew the only thing that really mattered, was that he knew now. And he was going to do something about it.
"I know that this is probably coming at a less than perfect time, but I know that if I don't say it now, I may never get the courage to do it again." JC closed his blue eyes, taking a deep breath as if trying to gather enough courage to force the next few words passed his lips. He thought back to when he was a kid, and his mom told him that whenever you had something hard to say, just take a deep breath, and let the words out with it. Taking her advice, he let the words escape his lips as he released his breath. "Lauren........" he opened his eyes again. "I'm in love with you."
The only reaction he got to his confession was a quick intake of breath from Lauren. She made no other reaction at all. No change in facial expression, no words. Not even a blink. Didn't something like this at least deserve a blink? Maybe she hadn't heard him?
"Lauren," he repeated a little louder. "I said I'm in love with you"
"I heard you" she answered, her face still frozen in a blank stare.
'And?' he thought to himself. 'Arent you going to say anything?' He spoke to his mind as if speaking to her. 'I think this is the part where you say Oh JC, I love you too! Or even, You're such an ass! Anything! Anything is better than you staring at me like this!' He nervously began fumbling with the hem of his shirt. How in the world had it gotten to this?
"How did you know?" she asked. She continued to look at him, but almost as if she wasn't really looking at him. Her eyes were fixated on his, as if she was looking right through him.
"How did I know what?" he asked, confused.
"That you loved me?" she answered plainly as if it was the most common question to ask at a time like this.
What kind of question was that? Who the hell asked something like that after being told that their best friend was in love with them? JC couldn't stop the baffled look from crossing his face, but spoke up quickly. "Um," he stuttered. "I just knew." Shrugging, he lowered his eyes and continued to nervously pull at his shirt.. "I mean, I just know. I think I always knew. I was just a little slow in realizing it." he smiled down at his feet as the rest of his words flowed with a little more ease.
He began to get even more nervous when he realized she still hadn't address his confession. Shouldn't she say something about it? Whether to accept his feelings or turn him down, wasn't she generally expected to do something right about now?
Lauren continued to stare at JC, almost as if she was studying him. Programming his features into her memory. Her eyes roamed over his face, over his lips, cheek bones, and back to his eyes as they stared nervously down at the ground.
As soon as her eyes fell back to his, she smiled. He was telling the truth. Never had she seen him look so nervous and so exposed. He had just bared his feelings to her, and she knew all too well just how hard that was. It was time for her to ease his fears a little.
Stepping up even closer, Lauren pressed against JCs chest lightly. He brought his eyes to hers, noticing the small smile on her face. For the first time, her eyes never wavered from his. She seemed completely confident in her words as she spoke to him.
"I'm in love with you, JC. I have been for....." she paused she if trying to actually think back to the distinctive moment. "...for I don't even know how long. Ive been trying to find a way to tell you ever since that day in the pool, but after all this happened, I thought I had lost you."
JC just continued to stare at her. She was mesmerizing, and he was storing every word and every sparkle of her eyes into this memory. He didn't want to forget this night. "You could never lose me, Lauren. No matter how hard you try." JC smiled at her, the corners of his mouth showing his humor.
Lauren returned his smile, raising her arms to wrap them loosely around his neck. JC placed his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him. They looked at each other, smiling for a long while. It struck them both at that moment, that they had never kissed each other. Historically, this was the part where he would kiss the girl. But this time, the girl was Lauren. He had never really thought too much about kissing her. Well, except a few times over the last couple weeks. But he never actually entertained the idea of acting out the thoughts. Sure there had been the odd friendly peck on the cheek, or maybe once on the lips, but they had never really kissed each other. This was a pinnacle moment, and they both found themselves quite nervous all of a sudden.
Taking control of the situation, JC slowly lowered his head to hers. Lauren felt her stomach flip as he neared her, her eyes darting between his eyes and lips. She tilted her head slightly, closing her eyes. 'Oh my God, this is really happening.' she thought to herself. It seemed to be forever that she stood there, waiting. She almost opened her eyes again to see if he had stopped himself, but just as she was about to, she felt the contact of his lips on hers.
It was incredibly soft at first. Almost as if he was afraid she would pull back. When he felt confident that she wasn't going to break away, he gently deepened the contact.
Lauren felt her knees go weak. It was such an innocent kiss, but never had she been kissed like this. The feeling of his lips on hers made her mind race, her stomach flip, and she swore she could feel her heart stop. The kiss got gradually more intense, and Lauren thought that the world had stopped. For them, it had.
After a long while, he lifted his head slightly. Pressing a few tiny kisses on her lips, he raised his head completely, opening his eyes to look down at her.
She stood still in his arms, her eyes still closed. A calm look crossed her delicate features. Finally, she opened her eyes, slowly raising them to his. They smiled back at each other, before JC lowered his head again and pressed a tiny kiss on the end of Laurens nose. Giggling, she felt herself blush. JC had to laugh at her innocence, and pulled her even closer as he buried his head in her neck.
Laurens smile beamed over JCs shoulder as she closed her eyes. Never did she ever expect for her life to turn out like this. She never thought she would go through the hell she had, but lucky for her, it looked like it was going to be a happily ever after.
Opening her eyes, something caught Laurens attention.
Looking up at the house, through the wall of windows overlooking the yard, she could see Justin standing on the walkway joining the two sides of the upstairs. He smiled down at them, arms crossed over his chest contentedly.
Smiling back down at her, Justin stared at the two before he turned, heading for the stairs. He had thought it better that he go home for the night, to give them a chance to actually be alone. Of course he would be back first thing in the morning. There was no question about that. He needed the full report. And he was out of cereal at his place.
Jogging down the stairs, Justin headed for the door.
He opened it slightly, turning to peak back into the yard once more. He could faintly see JC and Lauren still holding onto each other. He smiled at the image they made, before turning back to the door and stepping out into the warm night air.
Crossing the yard back to his own home, Justin smiled to himself.
He knew things would work out eventually.
All it took was another one of his maps.
