This couldn't be happening.
It was all a dream. It wasn't real. She wasn't standing out in that audience, watching him. Smiling at him as if she were any other fan who had been allowed admittance to the sound check.
Because she wasn't just any other fan who had been allowed admittance. She was the one person he was trying to forget. The reasons behind why he knew her haunted him still, even though less frequent than they had been before.
But the truth remained the same. She was there. Watching him. Smiling.
And he was terrified.
His mind was racing with more thoughts than he knew he was able to process at one time.
How did she get into the sound check? It was mainly for contest winners, and the chances of her being one of those winners were very slim.
What was she doing here in Orlando? She lived in New York, for Christ sake! It was bad enough that she had tracked him down in Cleveland, but now she had followed him all the way to his hometown which was across the country.
What did she want from him now? He had found such a sense of comfort knowing that he had left her behind that night in Cleveland. After the concert, he had been able to let go of some of the pain he felt for what he had done, just by knowing that she was going to be so far away from him. Knowing now that she held no animosity towards him for his actions that morning. Knowing that she was dealing with what happened much better than he was. Finally being able to put some sense of closure to the whole ordeal.
She had wanted to see him in Cleveland to see if he was alright. She had, so there was no reason for her to need to see him again.
But that didn't change the fact that she was now here.
Justin couldn't find his voice, and his eyes remained locked on her. The more he tried to fight it and make himself regain some sort of composure, the more he lost himself in the panic he was feeling.
Partly because this time, it wasn't just him and her. Now, there were fans around. And more importantly, the guys were around.
The other members of NSync had become experts at reading Justin over the years they had been a group, and he knew that if they noticed his gaze, or the tense stance of his body, they would know something was wrong.
Quickly, he managed to move his eyes towards the back of the stadium. Focusing on a seat far in the back of the arena, Justin concentrated on his breathing.
This tactic had helped him a lot over the last few weeks. It had become his relaxation technique in some ways, and he was needing it now more than ever.
But damn it straight to hell, it wasn't working this time.
"Okay, now that we have the initial greetings over with, are you guys ready to help us with this sound check?" JC asked the crowd, his question causing a screaming frenzy in the fans below them.
JC smiled out at them before continuing. "Okay, well, this is pretty simple. You guys sit there, relax, and we sing. Sound good?"
Again, a deafening siren of screams filled their ears.
The fans made no attempt to sit in the seats provided for them. They still hung close to the barricade at the bottom of the stage, watching intently as the guys stepped back and prepared to do their first song.
Justins mind was racing, and he had to shake his head at himself to bring his thoughts back to where he was, and what was expected of him.
He knew if he could get through that concert she had attended back in Ohio without raising any suspicion, he could get through this.
The first notes of God Must Have Spent began to play, the music sounding louder than usual since the arena wasn't filled to capacity with screaming fans.
Closing his eyes, Justin lowered his head. He could do this. He just had to keep his eyes and mind away from her. He would deal with her later. He had a job to do.
Lifting his head, his eyes remained closed as the words began to fall from his lips.
Singing softly, Justin could feel her eyes on him. He knew the chances were that everyone's eyes were on him at that moment, but he could feel hers as if they were burning into him.
Thankfully, the sound check went by relatively quickly. The bad part was now it was time to interact with the fans. Normally, this would be the fun part of the experience, but it wasn't everyday that the woman Justin had an affair with was standing amongst the fans.
Security was close as the guys stepped down from the stage and walked over to the barricade. They stayed on their side of the fence, the fans on theirs. It was safer to keep some sort of block between them, in case a fan got out of control.
Justin made sure to start his interaction at the other side of the stage from where Trystan stood.
Signing an autograph for a young girl, around the age of seven, Justins eyes inadvertently drifted to where she stood.
She was talking with Joey, a smile wide on her full lips. Joey, of course, was flirting with her as he signed her CD.
"Are you still with Erin?" a voice called in front of him, causing Justins eyes to raise to the young girl. She was smiling at him so wide, he was sure her cheeks were going to burst. The happy, youthful excitement that came with her young age radiated from her, and it was almost enough to energize even him.
He smiled at the girl. "Yeah, I am." he answered.
"Good." the girl smiled. "She's pretty."
Justin grinned at the young girl.
The majority of their fans were very supportive of their relationships, but there was always a few that were never too happy at the thought of the guys being with someone.
But then there were the fans like this, whos honesty and support made them realize that those unsupportive fans were thankfully few and far between.
Handing the girl back her autograph book, he smiled at her. Raising a hand to her cheek, he leaned in towards her. The girls eyes widened at the realization that Justin Timberlake had his hand on her cheek, and was leaning in to talk to her. Justin could feel her begin to shake beneath his palm, and fought the urge to laugh at her excitement.
Lowering his voice, he whispered. "You know what?"
"What?" she managed to squeak.
"Thank you."
"For what?" the girl couldn't help but be confused.
"For reminding me what great fans we have."
The little girls huge smile returned, and Justin could see her beaming with pride and happiness at his words. "You're welcome Justin." she said.
Giving her another smile, Justin look on to the next girl waiting for his attention.
Taking the CD from the girls shaking hand, Justin began to sign his name.
Again, his eyes drifted towards Trystan. She was standing with another girl, who looked vaguely familiar to Justin.
He couldn't remember where he had seen her before, and scrunched his face in thought.
She was tall, about the same height as Trystan. Her long, dark blonde hair fell past her shoulders in waves. Her blue eyes were aparent from even where he stood, and her trim figured matched that of her friend.
Fighting to remember where he had seen her before, it hit him.
The concert.
She had been with Trystan at the concert that night in Cleveland. The girl must be the friend she had been visiting at school that weekend.
Why would the girl come all the way down to Orlando? Better yet, why would Trystan?
The anticipation was killing him. The last thing he wanted was to talk to her again, but at the same time he was wanting to talk to her more than anyone else.
He wanted to know why she was there. How she got into the sound check. And most importantly, what she wanted.
He knew he would have to keep his cool, calm demeanor, especially with all the fans around. But he knew it was going to be hard. It had taken every bit of strength he had to stay calm in the cafe in Ohio, and they had been by themselves. This time was different. This time, he had no warning before seeing her again, and this time there were even more questions racing in his mind than the last time.
He heard the girl in front of him begin to ramble to him about how much she loved him, how she adored their music and how it was her dream to meet him.
It was flattering, he couldn't deny that. But after hearing this same speech from millions of girls over the last few years, it lost its meaning. Not that he didn't believe her sincerity, it was just something he had heard too many time from too many people to hold any deep meaning to him anymore.
His mind was elsewhere, and he fought to keep his attention on the excited girl in front of him.
He knew he had to stay normal. Act as he would at any other meet and greet, and make sure no one suspected that deep down inside he was losing all control.
Thanking the girl, he handed her back her CD, which she quickly hugged tightly to her chest.
Moving on to the next girl, and the next, and the next, Justin became more and more nervous as the gap between himself and Trystan closed with each step he took.
Glancing over to her, his breath caught in his throat when he saw her watching him.
She had a look of composed control on her face, and small smile pressing her lips. She looked as if she was meant to be there, and that he had no reason to be so worried.
Looking away quickly, Justin shook his head at himself.
He didn't want to be this worried. She was just another girl. Just another fan.
He smiled to himself.
Yeah, fucking right.
There was nothing normal about the reason she was there, he knew that for sure.
He knew that if he hadn't slept with her that night in New York, the chances of her being there in Orlando, at that sound check at this very moment, were nil.
Never the less, she was there, and he had to deal with it the best he could.
Stepping up to the next young girl, Justins stomach began to turn and he noticed Trystans friend standing right next to him. After he was finished talking to this fan, she would be next.
Now that he was so close to talking to her; so close to finding out why she was there, he wasn't so sure he was ready to know.
Quickly, he took the girls notebook as she stood in front of him, and signed his name like he had a million times before.
This girl was calm. She was older, around nineteen, and had the maturity that came with the older age than the rest of the fans. She told him that she respected them as musicians and wished them all the best.
When she didn't say anything more, Justin tilted his head at her. He had just spent the last few minutes listening to so many declarations of love from people he had never met, that this comment made him smile.
"Thank you." he said, feeling himself relax in the presence of this girl.
"You're very welcome." he said, smiling genuinely at him.
Handing back her notebook, he looked at her a moment longer.
She seemed completely unfazed by him, which was something he rarely saw from fans anymore. She had a confidence that came with experience, and a cool air of calm around her. Justin could feel his nerves settling as she smiled at him.
"I don't want to sound like a teeny," the girl grinned. "And I know I'm probably going to kick myself for this later, but," she paused as if wondering whether or not to ask her question. Justin leaned his head forward, encouragingly. Looking up at him. the girl sighed. "Can I have a hug?"
It was a request he had heard a million times before, and of course, gave willingly.
Stepping up closer to the barricade, Justin reached his long arms over and wrapped them around the shoulders of the girl across from him.
Her arms closed around his body, her chin resting just off from his neck. He could feel her smile over his shoulder, the sensation causing him to smile.
Feeling her arms around him, even though she was a complete stranger, was comforting.
It had been too long since he had been held.
Pulling back, the girl smiled at him. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." he replied, returning her warm grin.
The girl waved to him as she stepped to the side and began talking with Lance. Justin watched her for a moment, finding comfort in her.
Sighing, he took a step to the side, and turned to face the next fan.
Immediately, his smile faded to a look of nervous fright. His stomach jumped and his breathing became sharp.
"Hi, Justin." she said, smiling at him like she would an old friend she hadn't seen in ages.
Swallowing hard, he forced his voice to cooperate.
"Hello, Trystan."
