The faint sounds of the city could still be heard outside the sliding glass windows that led to the balcony. The window was opened slightly, enough to let a light breeze of fresh air into the hotel room. The sheer curtains were pulled across, fluttering gently against the wind coming in through the window, while the heavier drapes were pulled back and out of the way.
It was well past midnight, the only light in the room was from the dim lamp in the far corner near the window, which he had left on for reasons even he didn't know. Laying in bed, he had contemplated many times going over and turning the light off, but just the thought of the exertion of that simple movement would take more effort than he wanted to have to expel at the moment. So instead, he lay in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling above him, his one arm bent beneath his head while the other lay sprawled out to his side, the lamp in the corner casting odd shadows above him.
He had been lying there for a long while. Probably since a little after ten. But he couldn't shut his mind off. This was something he was used to, but that didn't mean that it got any less annoying, especially when he was already exhausted.
The sound of a horn honking in the distance caused Justin to turn his face towards the window. He could smell the light air coming in from the outside world, the sheer curtains moving gently with the wind. He could hear the sound of cars on the road seven floors below him, with the sounds of people still busily continuing their day, long after most were in bed.
Turning back to the ceiling, he thought of the last time he had been lying like this. Restless, unable to sleep, listening to the sounds of the city around him.
New York.
It seemed so long ago now. Like it had been a different lifetime all together. It seemed strange to him that it had been less than two months. Two months next week. He had been living with the memories of that night for two months, and it had completely drained him. Although he had grown accustomed to the frequent thoughts and nervous actions, it didn't make it any easier. That was probably why it felt like so much longer than two months. Because in that short time, it had been completely draining.
He found himself wondering more than once since that time in New York what his life would have been like if he hadn't gone out that night. If he had just stayed in bed, like he knew he should have, and not gone out to the clubs that night. Not drowned his sorrow and loneliness in alcohol, and more importantly, not met her.
She had become such a large part of his life since then, that he honestly couldn't remember what it was like not to worry or think about her, even if he longed for the peace of mind he had before meeting Trystan. She had manipulated his thoughts and emotions for such a short time, but it felt like an eternity.
It bothered him still that he couldn't remember any of the events from that night. He couldn't remember what clubs he had gone to. Who he had met; other than Trystan, or even what he had been wearing. All the details from that night had been wiped clean from his memory, and no matter how hard he tried to recall even the simplest of details, all he was met with was a blank memory of that night.
It was frustrating, to say the least. He hated not being able to remember things, and cursed himself for getting so drunk that night.
Which was one of the strongest reasons he had against going to the police about the Trystan issue. Questions would be asked; questions he didn't want to have to answer or come clean with. Plus, he didn't remember much about that night, and he knew that more than likely questions would be asked about it. Granted, it had no bearing on the fact that she was, in fact, stalking him, but the reasons behind her obsession were important. Or at least they would be to the police.
All it would take was for one cop to go to the tabloids with the headline of Justin Timberlake taking out a restraining order against a woman he had a one night stand with, because now she is stalking him. That was the last thing he needed in his life at the moment, and he certainly wasn't going to be the one to bring that hell upon himself.
After leaving Madisons dorm that afternoon, he had gone for a long walk around the city. It had been too long since he had been able to just enjoy the sights and sounds of a city, and since there was no reason for anyone to suspect him being in the area, he was able to walk about freely, without even so much as a spark of recognition from anyone he passed. With his simple baseball cap and sunglasses, he was able to blend in with the crowds, not having to deal with the worries of being recognized.
He just spent the rest of the afternoon walking. No particular direction or destination. Just walking. The air was cool, but refreshing as it chilled his skin. The sensation made him feel alive again, even if only for a little while. The simple things in life were what made it worth while, and he was always too busy to recognize the simple things. Just walking around a city he had been to millions of times before, held a new found appeal that he hadn't been able to enjoy before.
Being anonymous.
For those few hours, he wasn't Justin Timerblake of NSync. He was just some guy, walking to somewhere. He didn't think about Trystan. About his conversation with Madison. He didn't think about his worries, his problems or even his own thoughts. His mind was blank as he walked, and it was a nice change from the hectic rushing life he usually led.
By six that evening, he had found himself back at his hotel. He didn't even know where he had walked to, or how he had made his way back, but he was there. Looking up and the huge building, he contemplated going back inside. He had been walking for hours, but still felt restless. He wasn't tired, or even hungry. Going back inside would inevitably force him to think. And he was tired of thinking.
So fucking sick of thinking.
It seemed as though that was all he had been doing lately. Thinking. And his thinking hadn't even gotten him anywhere. He was still in this fucked up mess he called a life. He was still being stalked by some girl he never should have known. And he still wasn't able to come clean to the one person who needed to hear the truth the most.
Thinking really sucked, in his opinion.
But he knew he couldn't hide forever. Walking around the city was just prolonging the inevitable, and if he wanted to find any closure or solution to his problems, he had to think about them.
Walking back through the doors of the hotel, the feeling of freedom and comfort he had felt disappeared. As if only the outside air held the security he was craving, and as he entered the building, it was stripped from him.
Returning to his room, Justin opted for a long, hot shower. The water was soothing against his sore muscles. Droplets of water cascaded down his back, as he hung his head forward under the strong pressure of water falling from above him. He stood in the shower for a long time. Just standing there, feeling the water on his skin. Concentrating on the sensation of the drops sliding down his body. Anything to procrastinate against having to think about Trystan.
Finally, he turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he wiped away the condensation from the mirror with his hand. He stared at himself, almost as if he didn't recognize his own reflection. It had been ages since he had been able to look at himself in the mirror.
Turning away from himself, he returned to his room. The cool air conditioning chilled his damp skin as he rummaged through his bag to find a change of clothes. Sliding into a pair of pajama pants, he dried some of the water from his hair before climbing onto the bed. Laying on the covers, he turned on the TV, flipping mindlessly through the channels. He landed on a movie, and watched for a little over an hour, never really listening to the dialogue or following the story line.
Turning it off, he stared at the ceiling, his mind beginning to return to the restless state it had adopted over the last few weeks.
And that was where he stayed. Almost three hours later, he still had not moved or exerted more energy than it took to scratch his knee.
And he was no more closer to an answer to his problem than he had been when he had laid down.
Turning his thoughts to his conversation with Madison, he thought hard about the information she posed to him.
He had come to her, wanting to know if he should he wary of Trystan. And she said he had every reason to be worried about her.
He had wanted to know if she was capable of anything to harm him or those he loved. She more than confirmed that Trystan was not beyond coming after him or Erin.
He wanted to know if there was any way to stop her. That, Madison hadn't been able to answer.
He appreciated her help more than he would ever be able to show. She had shown him an insiders look at a very complex girl, in a matter of moments. Through her, he was able to get to know the Trystan that probably no one knew. Now it was up to him to decide what to do with this new knowledge.
Madison had agreed to try and talk to Trystan, maybe be able to convince her to leave him alone. He knew it was a long shot, and he was putting Madison in a hard place by even asking, but he didn't know what else to do. At the moment, she was his only hope. Her connection to Trystan was his only chance to get through to her.
Even if Madison wasn't able to turn Trystans thoughts away from him, if she could at least find out some sort of information that would be helpful to him in stopping her. Any hint towards her plan, or what she was expecting to have happen. Anything would be helpful at the moment, since all he had, was nothing.
His flight back to Orlando was scheduled to leave at five the next afternoon. His game plan for the next day was pretty simple. Try and sleep in a little, since he hadn't been able to sleep very well in the last few weeks. Any extra sleep would be beneficial right now.
He was planning on going back to Madisons dorm the next afternoon before going to the airport. Both to see if she had talked to Trystan and if she had any new information, and also to show her just how much he appreciated her helping him. Just showing up, making such a request, and leaving was rude, in his opinion. Even the simple gesture of returning to see her again, and thank her yet again in person, was at least showing that he appreciated it enough to make the effort, rather than to leave her to deal with it, and report back to him.
He found himself wondering if she had talked to Trystan yet. Had she called her after he left? She had said that she hadn't talked to her since the meet and greet in Orlando, and he wondered if it would seem set up if she all of a sudden called her out of the blue. Did she even have Trystans phone number in Orlando? Would she call her cell phone? What would she say? Was she a good enough actress to make it seem as though nothing was amiss, that she was just calling to check in with the person who was supposed to be her friend.
Justin knew that any hint of deceit would trip Trystan off to something going on, and it scared him to know that Madison was going out on such a limb for him.
After being told, in detail, of the things she had done in the past, Justin wouldn't put it past her to harm just about anyone to get what she wanted.
He thought about everything she had done already, and wondered what it was that was going on in her head when she did the things she did. What was she thinking when she lied to everyone about that guy trying to rape her? Did she think it would make anything better? That it would somehow bring him to her? Or that it was a form of punishment for not returning her affection?
And the fact that she had actually gone as far as to hurt the person who was supposed to be her friend, just because a guy chose her over Trystan was almost shocking to him. She would actually hurt her own friend, because of a guy. And in the end, he transferred school and left her anyway. To which Trystan didn't seem to have such a problem with in the end. Probably because she got what she wanted, and there was no real competition anymore. She had him. Now she let him go.
Now, she wanted Justin. And it scared him to think of what she was capable of doing to Erin to get to him. If she was willing to hurt Ashley, her friend, there was no telling what she would do to a girl she didn't even know.
Justin knew that worrying about situations that may or may not happen wasn't going to help anything. All it would do was make him nervous and upset, and cause yet another sleepless night.
There was nothing he could do right now. Everything he had was resting in the hands of a girl he didn't know, who was betraying her best friend to help him. It was all up to her, and all Justin could do was wait and see what happened.
Sighing deeply, Justin turned his tired blue eyes to the lamp in the corner. The dim light still continued to glow, casting shadows on the ceiling above him. The sounds of the city still buzzed outside the window, the wind pushing the curtains at the balcony.
Pushing himself up and sliding off the bed, Justin slowly and stiffly shuffled towards the lamp. Stopping to stare out at the city on the other side of the glass, he sighed. Lights still decorated the office building across the street, while the sound of cars driving down the streets still hung in the air. Everything was noisy, but at the same time, quiet.
Turning his attention back to the lamp, Justin reached up and turned it off with a flick of his hand.
Returning to his bed, he pulled the covers back before sliding in beneath them, wrapping them around his shoulders as he laid his head down and closed his eyes.
Falling asleep to the faint sound of the city, combined with his own breathing, Justin let his mind slowly wind down until any thought or worry was left far behind.
