The water was scalding. Too hot to provide any sense of comfort, but that didn't matter. That wasn't what he was looking for. The drops falling from above weren't meant to ease the tension in his shoulders, or to somehow wash away the dream that still haunted his thoughts, deep from the back of his mind. He could barely feel the burning sensations on his skin as he stared blankly ahead, water falling into his eyes. He was in a daze, unaware of his surroundings. All he could see was the image in his mind. The image from his dream, that had felt so real, he was sure it had been there.
Finally feeling the effects of the hot water, Justin leaned down and turned the water off. Drops slid down his long, hard body, sliding to his feet and to the cool tub below before finding their way to the drain. He could feel the cool air from outside the shower mix with the heat around him, the combination mixing against his skin.
Blinking several times, Justin ran his hands over his face, before pushing his fingers roughly through his hair. Sighing deeply, he looked above him, closing his eyes.
He could hear the faint hum of the air conditioner back in his room. The steady thunk of drops of water falling from his naked body to the bathtub below. His mind was aware of every noise around him, but at the same time, he was somewhere else.
Pulling the shower curtain back a few inches, he reached out and pulled the towel from the rack just outside the shower in with him. Wrapping it around his waist, he slid the curtain the rest of the way back, allowing the cooler air in the bathroom to hit his hot skin. Stepping out onto the towel at his feet, he looked around the bathroom.
The countertop crossed the entire room in front of him, his various items from his shaving kit scattered across the top. His clothes sat on the lowered toilet seat, out of the reach of the water drops still falling from his body. The giant mirror in front of him was fogged, blurry from the condensation from the shower.
For some reason, he felt odd this morning. Maybe from the dream, maybe from his reality. He didn't know which. But for some reason, he had a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach; a feeling he just couldn't seem to shake.
Sighing again, he shook his head at himself as he stepped away from the shower and towards the counter. Grabbing a small face cloth from the rack at his side, he slid it across the mirror, removing the condensation that had gathered. Drops of water slid along the glass, leaving trails in their wake. Looking up, he saw himself. He frowned.
He hadn't been able to look at himself the same way in months. He didn't feel like himself. In more ways than he cared to admit, he hated himself.
He hated the lying. He hated the secrets. He hated the fact that everything he had been doing lately, was a result of a mistake he made. A mistake he had to live with, and hide from the one person who deserved to know the truth most.
His fans still loved him. They saw him as the perfect, talented, honest man that he had thought at one time he had been. But looking at himself now, he couldn't see any trace of that man staring back at him. He barely recognized the man staring back at him.
Giving himself one last hard look, he lowered his eyes to the sink in front of him. He knew it was useless to continue to beat himself up over this. He had made a mistake; a mistake millions of people make every day, but for some reason, he just couldn't let it go.
But somehow, he had to carry on. He had to get up every morning. Breathe in and out. And one day, he hoped he wouldn't have to remind himself to get up every morning. To breathe in and out. And that on that day, all the traces of the man he had grown to hate, would slowly disappear, and the man he once was would shine back at him in the mirror.
One day, that day would come.
But that certainly wasn't today.
Brushing his teeth, Justin rubbed a towel roughly through his hair, absorbing the excess water before tossing the towel in the corner. Carrying through his normal morning routine, he quickly got himself ready for the day. He didn't look at himself in the mirror again.
Picking his clothes up from his side, he opened the door and stepped out into the cold air of the hotel room. Tossing the clothes on the chair, he rummaged through his bag in search of something to wear. The silence in the room was deafening, so he picked up the remote and turned on the TV.
Settling on MTV, he turned back to his room and continued to rummage through his bag in search of clothes as Nickleback played around him.
Pulling out a pair of jeans and a blue Nautica t-shirt, Justin dropped his towel and slowly began to slide it across his body, drying off any extra water that had stayed on his skin. Finally dry, he slid on his clothes, his mind blank as he carried out his actions.
Smiling to himself, Erins voice entered his mind. She was the only thing that had been able to make him smile lately, even when she wasn't around.
He couldn't wait to get home and be with her. It had been becoming increasingly clearer to him over the last two months just how important she was to him. He loved her, of that he had no doubt. He wanted her in his life, and truly believed he had no life without her.
He wasn't ready for marriage, he knew that. But he felt that he was ready for some sort of increased commitment in their relationship. He had been toying with the idea of asking her to move in with him even before the whole Trystan ordeal had happened. Throughout the hell he had been secretly living, it had grown more obvious to him that he wanted her with him. Both because he loved her, and partly because he felt a need to protect her.
Toying with the idea as he finished dressing, he pondered whether or not to ask her to move in with him when he got home. Packing up his bags, he turned off the TV and pulled his overnight bag over his shoulder as he scanned his room for any of his items.
He wasn't going to deal with that now. When he got home, he knew it would be clear what he had to do. He wanted her with him, he knew that. All he needed now was to be sure if it was the right time. He didn't want this to be a decision he made out of fear. He wanted this to be all about them, and wasn't about to let any outside emotions regarding Trystan and that whole situation to come into play.
Scanning the room with his blue eyes, he nodded to himself when he saw all of his belongings were packed. Approaching the door, he opened it slowly before turning back to the room.
Stepping out into the hall, he let the door click shut behind him as he made his way towards the elevator.
He had one more stop to make, before going home to her.
Justin stepped into the huge building, the sound of people surrounding him as he pulled his hat further down on his head. Sliding his hands in his pockets, he quickly made his way towards the stairs.
Students passed him as they did the day before, no one realizing for a moment who it was that was walking by them. He looked as any other student would, only he wasn't a student. What they didn't know wouldn't hurt them, right?
The hallway in front of him was crowded, much more so than it had been the day before. Thinking to himself, he realized it was Friday. Chances were that many of these students were planning trips home for the weekend, so the chaos in the dorm would be slightly increased.
Pausing momentarily when a large group gathered in front of him, Justin took a look around.
He had always wondered what it would be like to go to college. To be a normal man for a day. Looking at the face of a student as he scanned a book in front of him, Justin grinned. The guy looked as though he was about to pass out from tension, and Justin almost laughed. He had tension, he knew, but he hadn't felt the kind of tension these people were under. Their hopes and dreams were all in their hands alone. Whatever they achieved, was because of their work.
He knew this was true on his part as well, but he had other factors that determined his success. The fans. No matter how hard he worked, if the fans didn't support and encourage him and his four brothers in their decisions and work, then nothing he did would matter. No amount of hard work could make his career possible, without the support of strangers.
Finding a clearing in the crowd in front of him, Justin squeezed his way through. Sliding past a young woman, about his age, she smiled up at him. Meeting her eyes, he grinned as he quickly carried on his way. The last thing he needed was for someone to recognized him. He waited to hear her scream, frantic at the fact that Justin Timberlake had just passed her in the hall. Turning to look behind him, he saw her retreating form. She hadn't realized it was him.
Quickly jogging up the stairs, Justin found himself on Madisons floor. Stepping out into the hall, he was met with a much quieter environment. Downstairs had been a congregation of students, rushing through the halls on their way to class, home, whatever. Up here, there were only a few people standing in the halls. Most doors were closed, and he could faintly hear music playing from a few of the rooms.
Removing his hands from his pockets, Justin made his way towards Madisons door at the end of the hall.
He felt as if he had just been here. That he had never left. Every word she had spoken to him still echoed in his mind as he made his way down the hall.
He wondered if she had spoken to Trystan yet. He wasn't sure if she would even be able to contact her, considering she hadn't spoken to her since the meet and greet. And technically, she shouldn't even know that Trystan was still in Orlando. Hopefully Madison had her ways of finding out what she needed to know, and she would be able to make their plan work without arousing Trystans suspicions.
Deep down, Justin had his hopes. He hoped that Madison had been able to talk some kind of sense into her friend. Somehow proving to her that her efforts to pursue him were futile, and that she had nothing to gain from the experience but more pain.
She wanted to punish him for how he had treated her. She had made that clear the day at her home. He had apologized for his behavior, and although he knew that an apology wouldn't exactly fix anything, he wasn't sure what else he could do.
What she wanted in return was something he couldn't give.
She wanted him. And he belonged to another.
He wished that he had stayed longer with Madison, somehow helping her figure out how to handle the request posed to her. What should she say? How should she say it? What were the objectives they hoped to achieve, and honestly, what were the chances that those objectives would be realized?
He felt that he should have been there with her for the phone call. Even if just for support, he wished he had been there. But instead he had scurried off, back to his hotel, leaving her to deal with a problem that wasn't really hers to have to deal with at all. It was his, and he brought her into it. He knew that wasn't fair; none of this was fair, but he needed something. He needed something to somehow bring his life back in order, and she was it. She was all he had.
She was remarkable, he knew that immediately. The fact that she would even talk to him about this was one thing; but actually giving him information to keep her supposed friend away was something that not many would do. Even if she didn't agree with what Trystan was doing, some friends wouldn't be willing to betray each other for a stranger. No matter what the circumstances. But Madison had. She had gone out on a limb for him, and he appreciated it more than she would ever know.
Finally reaching her door, Justin stopped.
Staring at the door in front of him, he noticed it for the first time. A little pegboard stuck to the outside, a small pad of post-its at its side with a pen hanging from a string. Two notes hung from the pegboard. Justin didn't read them. Little stars decorated the rim of the board, the words 'Maddy and Edens Room' across the top. Justin grinned to himself.
Leaning towards the door, Justin listened closely for any sound from inside the room. He hadn't called before coming over, and couldn't remember if he had told her he would be returning that day to see her again before going home to Orlando. What if she wasn't there? What if her roommate answered? Realizing all this too late, Justin shook his head at himself.
Unable to hear any sound inside, Justin reached up and knocked on the door, the small pegboard jarring slightly at the impact.
Stepping back, Justin looked up the hall. Two students stood at the other end of the hall, talking quietly. One was hanging over the shoulder of the other, both scanning a page in a large textbook in front of them. Pointing down to the page, the one student began to explain part of the text to the other.
Turning back to the door, Justin realized that no one had answered. Reaching up, he knocked again. This time, a little more forcefully.
Waiting, he furrowed his forehead. No one answered. Leaning towards the door, he called out.
"Madison?" he said, his voice low to keep from being noticed, but enough to be heard on the other side.
Pressing his ear to the door, he heard no movement from inside.
Sighing, he mentally scolded himself for not calling before coming over.
Taking a step back, Justin turned to leave, but his action was interrupted by a soft figure at his side. Bumping into the figure, Justin reached out and steadied the person with his hands on their arms.
"Oh, I'm sorry," he said, looking up to the girl. "I didn't see you there."
"No problem," she giggled. "I didn't mean to startle you."
Removing his hands from her arms, Justin returned them to his sides.
The girl in front of him smiled at him, her brown eyes brightening. Her short dark hair was pulled up in a baseball cap, her arms overloaded with books.
"Im Eden." she said, smiling at him.
Nervously, he returned the gesture. "Justin." he answered, his voice low.
"You look like you're lost." she smiled, as she balanced the books on her hip.
"No, I'm just trying to find a friend."
"Oh. Who? Maybe I can tell you where to find them?" she offered. "Finals are coming up, so everyone is a little scattered right now."
"Um," Justin said quietly, a little nervous at the fact that he was having a conversation with someone he didn't know in a place he shouldn't be looking for a person he should be looking for. "Madison Underwood?"
Edens smiling face fell, her eyes darkening slightly at the mention of the name. Shifting the books in her arms to her other hip, she frowned. "You mean you didn't hear?"
"Hear what?" Justin asked, confusion immediately crossing his features.
"About the accident?"
"What accident?" he asked. Justin could feel fear slowly creeping up his body as he waited for the words he prayed he wouldn't hear.
"Madison." Eden said, sadness in her voice. "She had an accident last night."
