Justins eyes were closed, the feeling of the wind in his hair almost unnoticeable to him as he tried to clear his cluttered mind. The faint smell of the city surrounded him as the car sped down the street on route to the hospital. Leaning his head back against the headrest, he couldn't help but allow the thoughts of blame and fear envelope him.
How could this have happened? Deep down, he had been wary of letting Madison talk to Trystan about his situation, but in a way he never really thought she would do anything to her. She was her best friend; or was supposed to be, anyway. He still didn't know if this 'accident' had anything to do with Trystan, but in his mind, it did. He didn't need anyone to tell him that this wasn't just a normal coincidence that she just happened to be hurt the day he met with her. Nothing is coincidence, he had come to learn.
Eden had explained to him how Madison had been hurt as they stood in the hallway of her dorm.
"Its the strangest thing, too," Eden started. "Maddy is a really good swimmer. She was State Champ back in high school, and is on the swim team here. She lifeguards in the summers and everything," lowering her eyes to the floor, Edens voice began to crack. "I got back from a late class, and she said she was going to do some laps. She told me that she had had a bad day, and had a lot on her mind. Swimming is the only thing that makes her relax. I didn't think twice about it. About half an hour after she left, I got bored and decided to go down to the pool and swim with her. When I got there," a tear forced its way from Edens eye, as she wiped it away quickly. Sniffing, she regained her composure. "When I got there, she was in the water on her back. I just thought she was floating, you know? Just hanging there to clear her mind. I jumped in the water and swam up to her, but when I got close enough, I noticed that she wasn't conscious. I freaked out. I moved her towards the edge of the pool, and pulled her out. That's when I started screaming. A few of the guys from the mens swim team came running out of their locker room, and one of them called the ambulance." Looking up to Justin, Eden sighed, a tear finally making its way down her cheek. "They said that she hit her head. She must have been diving or something, and somehow hit her head on the board or something. She wasn't conscious when I left her this morning, so I don't know what's happened since."
Justin could only stand and stare at Eden in disbelief. This couldn't be happening. It just wasn't possible.
But it was. Damn his life!
He had been frightened about getting Madison involved in this mess in the first place, for the chance of endangering her life as well as his own. It was a struggle he had to deal with for a long time before he decided to ask for her help. When she had told him of all the things Trystan had done in the past, his worry only increased. All night, he worried about what Trystan would do if she ever found out that Madison was helping him remove her from his life. But really, how was she to know? She was back in Orlando, and he was here in Cleveland. There was no way for her to know that he was there. He had had no contact with her since the day in her home, and in a strange way, he hoped that she had taken his threats seriously. Even though he knew the chance was slim, maybe she really did realize the error of her ways, and was going to let it go.
He knew that wasn't a very likely possibility, but he couldn't help but hope. Hope was all he had right now, and he was clinging to it for dear life.
Staring at the floor for a long while, he finally brought his eyes back to Eden, who was staring at the same spot on the floor he had been seconds earlier. Neither of them knew what to say now. She was upset, and Justin was fearful and confused. Reaching out, he placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice soothing.
Eden smiled at him. "Yeah, I'm okay. I was terrified that night, because I just couldn't understand how something like this would happen to her, you know? I mean, why would she be up on the diving board? She hates to dive. She's scared of heights I thought it was strange, but she had said she had a bad day, so maybe she was just diving for the hell of it. Really, there is no other explanation."
Justin knew that wasn't true. There was one explanation in particular that was very, very likely, but he wasn't going to bring Eden into this. He had already endangered and hurt Madison, he wasn't going to bring this girl into his tortured life.
Sighing loudly, Eden turned to her door. Unlocking it, she pushed it open and entered the room, leaving Justin standing in the hall. He stood for a moment, not knowing whether he should wait and make sure she was alright, or if he should go and let her be alone. Before he had the chance to make his decision, Eden was back out in the hall, her purse over her shoulder and car keys in hand.
"I'm going to the hospital to see her," she said. "You want to come with me?"
Justin wasn't sure if he should, although he felt that it was only right. He didn't know how Madison would react to him now that he had almost got her killed. But he had to go, he knew he couldn't just go home and leave her here like this, being the cause of the pain she was suffering.
Rubbing his hands over his face, he looked down to Eden and nodded.
Following her outside, Justin retrieved his bag from the cab which was still waiting downstairs, and placed it in Edens car. He explained how he was just in town for a few days visiting, and that he had to get back to the airport. Eden said she would drop him off there on the way back from the hospital, after they had seen Madison.
The drive was long and silent. Neither of them knew what to say, both because they didn't know each other at all, and because of the situation that placed them in that car together.
Eden stared out the windshield ahead of her. Her eyes focused on the traffic around them. She said nothing, her finger lightly drumming on the steering wheel in time with the beats of a song playing on the radio.
Justins eyes were closed, his head turned to stare out the window at his side. His mind was racing with the fact that Madison had been hurt, more than likely because of him. He knew that there was a slim chance that it really was an accident, but he didn't think it was all that likely. It was way too coincidental to be an accident.
But if Trystan had been the cause of Madisons accident, then that only meant one thing.
She was here in Cleveland.
The moment the thought entered his mind, he felt a surge of panic. How did she know he was there? How did she know he had come to see Maddy, and most of all, did she know why? Had she somehow overheard their conversation? Did she know their plan? Was she watching from the shadows as Justin left her room that day, her anger overpowering as her mind churned with the endless possibilities of why he was there?
He had pushed the thought away as quickly as it had entered. He didn't want to think about that right now. First, he had to see Maddy. He had to know what happened.
Eden said that she still wasn't awake when she had left that morning to go to class, and Justin wondered if she was awake now. If she was, would she have any idea if Trystan had been involved in her attack?
He didn't want to barge into her room and swarm her with questions, when she was already going to be rather upset and weak. He didn't know how to approach the situation, and certainly didn't know how to go about acting around her now.
Would she blame him? Would she yell at him, screaming for him to leave? Say that it was because of him that she was there?
Chances were the answers to those questions would be no, but he couldn't help but wonder.
A slight bump in the car, and Justins eyes opened to look out in front of him.
They were at the hospital now, Eden making her way towards the visitors parking. Justin kept quiet as she parked the car.
Looking over to her, he noticed her tense body. She was still sitting in her seat, her eyes fixated on something outside, although not actually focused on it. She was obviously thinking, and Justin wondered if he should say something to break her from her daze.
Again, before he had the chance to make a decision, she looked over at him, smiled politely and opened her door to push herself out of the car.
Justin followed behind, walking with her into the hospital.
Entering through two large doors, he could immediately smell that distinctive hospital smell as he walked through the long halls. He hated that smell. He hated hospitals. They had always made him nervous, and this time was no exception.
Following Eden through the halls, he kept quiet. Finally reaching the desired door, both of them stopped, staring at the closed door.
Justin looked down at her, and she returned his gaze.
"Do you want to go in together, or do you want me to?" she asked, pointing to the room.
"No, please," he said, immediately taking a step back. "You go on in."
"Okay," she said with a smile. "Ill let her know you're here."
Justin smiled in response, before taking another step back and watching Eden enter the room. As the door closed behind her, Justin stepped up and peered in through the small window.
His breath caught in his throat at the sight, and he immediately began to feel ill.
Madison was lying on a hospital bed at the far end of the room, a large picture window at her side. A small bouquet of flowers sat on a small table at her side, with another table near the window. Three chairs surrounded the table.
Her eyes were closed, her arms laying lifelessly at her sides.
Justin watched Eden approach her, almost cautiously, as if she didn't know what to expect. As if Madison would jump up and scare her if she made her presence known.
Pulling one of the chairs away from the table, Eden moved it to Madisons bedside. Sitting down slowly, she watched her friend for a long while. Not saying anything, or making a move to try and wake her.
Slowly, Edens hand reached up to the edge of the bed, taking Madisons. At the feeling of her touch, Madisons eyes slowly opened, squinting against the light around her. Looking around nervously, her eyes finally found Eden at her side, and a smile immediately came to her lips.
Eden smiled back, neither of them saying a word for a moment.
Finally, Justin could see Eden say 'Hi' to which Madison returned.
Their lips continued to move as they spoke to each other, Edens hand rubbing Madisons comfortingly.
Suddenly, Madison looked over to the window, her eyes locking on Justins. His heart froze, his breathing pausing as he waited to see any kind of blame or hurt in them at the sight of him.
Eden looked over at him as well, obviously being the one to tell Madison that he was there also.
Looking back to Maddy, he watched for a reaction. He got one, but not the one he was thinking he would receive.
He figured he would see hurt, pain or blame. But this was not the case. Instead, he saw fear. Panic, anxiety and nervousness all adored her face as he watched him.
He could tell that she was nervous at the sight of him, this telling him one thing.
This was no accident.
The look on her face told him that much immediately.
Madison watched him for a moment longer, before turning her eyes back to Eden.
The two girls began to talk quietly to each other for a long while, as Justin watched from the window nervously.
Finally breaking his gaze from the girls, Justin stepped back and out of view from the window. Stepping up to stand close to the wall, he felt his heart begin to beat faster. His mind began to race again, and this time it wasn't anxiety that controlled him. It was anger.
Looking up, his eyes locked on a spot on the wall. Suddenly, his fist flew out, pounding the spot in his sight hard. Just once, he hit the wall with all his strength. Breathing heavily, he turned to rest his back against the wall, his head falling back hard against the solid surface. Closing his eyes painfully, he tried to control his breathing as he slowly let his body slide to the floor.
Finally reaching the floor, Justin pulled his legs to his chest, rocking ever so slightly as he thought to himself.
'She is hurt. She is hurt because of me. She is in there, because I brought her into this fucked up mess that I created. This is all my fault, and now an innocent person is laying in that fucking hospital bed. She was put there by her best friend, but also by me. This is my fucking fault.'
These thoughts raced like that for a long while. Blaming himself had always been a weakness of his, but in the past, it was always stupid things that never really needed blame to be placed in the first place.
But this time was different. This time, someone was to blame.
Yes, it was Trystan who put her there. Trystan, had sought out her best friend with the intention of harming her.
But that was only because of him. If he hadn't contacted Madison, prompted her to help him, and brought her into his fucked up life, then none of this would have happened.
She would be at home, studying for finals. Continuing her life as a normal, happy woman, without the fucked up knowledge of what Trystan was doing, or the worry of having to help someone like him, who she didn't even know.
Madison had helped him out of the goodness of her heart, and all she got in returned was pain.
This was all his fault. No matter what anyone tried to tell him; no matter who said differently, he knew one thing for certain. None of this would have happened if it wasn't for him.
Resting his elbows on his knees, Justin placed his head in his hands as he felt a tear slide down his cheek.
