Everything was as it should be. Everything was just as perfect as he had imagined it in his dreams, when he pictured what his life would be like at this stage.
He had a career anyone would die for. A job that drove him to the creative edge, making him strive more and more each day to work harder and harder for what he loved. To do what he loved for people who loved him. It was challenging at times, hard to look past the fame and the status to see the real reason behind his choice of line of work, but in the end, it was worth every picture, every autograph, every intrusive question. He did what he loved, and he wouldn't have it any other way.
He had friends he would die for. Every one of them was burned into his heart and soul, and he honestly couldn't picture his life without them. They were his rock; his center of gravity when everything around him seemed as if it was spinning out of control. They were his guide, and his conscious. His shoulder to cry on, and his reason for happiness. They would do anything for him, just as he would for them, and no matter how long they were together, he honestly couldn't find a way to thank them enough for everything they brought to his life.
He had a family like no other. A mother who supported him to the end, and always would. She made great sacrifices for him to take the chances he did with his life, and make the career he had for himself. She did without, so he could have one more opportunity. Just one more chance to make it, and to make his life. She did more for him than he would ever know, and he knew no matter what happened in his life, she was his heart. She made him, and loved him, and she carried him through the best and worst times in his life. He would spend the rest of his life trying to make her proud, always striving harder to make her more so.
But most importantly, he had the woman he loved. A woman he loved more with each passing day, who made his life complete. Everything he loved, everything he worked for, and everything he cherished, was heightened by her presence in his life. He knew he was lucky to have all he did, but having her made it even more evident just how fortunate he was. When he felt lost and confused, she was the light guiding him towards the right choice. She always had an answer, and she always stood by him. She would always have his heart.
He gave his heart to her completely a long time ago. And he knew that no matter what happened in the future between them, that he would never really get it back. Not all of it, anyway. It would always be hers, for the rest of his life.
Long ago he thought that it would he hard to find someone he could trust the way he did Erin. He had always been taught to be cautious with the people he allowed in his life, mainly because of his career and status. It was surprising just how far some people would go to make it into the spotlight. Riding in his wake just for a few seconds to be recognized or heard. Anything to make their lives seem more important or worth while.
But she was never like that. She was the exact opposite, actually. She had been reluctant to be with him because of his fame, and was always nervous whenever she had to attend a public function with him. It was more and more obvious with each day why she was with him. She was there for him. To be with him. To love him.
Not the money. Not the cars. Not the homes, celebrities or fame. She was there because he was the one that drew her into the life he lived. He was the reason. All the rest was just background noise.
He knew he was lucky for that. He had had relationships in the past, and he would continuously convince himself that they were there for him. Not for the fame. For him. But time and time again he was proven wrong. He was too quick to fall in love at times, and was the first to admit that he gave his heart too easily. But now, it was more obvious to him that all those other times were never true love. Not really. They were affection, but never admiration. He never admired the person he was with, because deep down, he knew their true intentions, even if he wasn't willing to admit or recognize it. Now, he could truly admit that he was in love. True, deep, passionate, endless love.
One that he never thought possible. One that he would fight for with everything he had. That he would give his life for.
The only bad thing in his life at the moment, was Trystan Michaels. The one mistake in his otherwise perfect world. The one thing that no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't remove from the equation.
These were thoughts that passed through his mind more than once over the last couple of days. Ever since the photo on his bed that day, he hadn't been able to get it out of his mind how easily Trystan had been able to enter his world.
He was always so careful with his life. Very careful with who he allowed into it. And somehow, she had made it into his world with very little difficulty.
That made him angry, and scared.
He was angry for the reasons she was able to gain such access to his life. To his mind and his entire world. She would always be with him, even years from now, as the one mistake he would give anything to take back. Just as his friends, family and Erin were part of him, so was she. But where they were things that brought him joy, all Trystan brought was regret, pain, and anguish.
He was scared for the ease at which she was able to stay in his life. Yes, she was part of his mind now. She would be there in the back of his mind always taunting him as the one scar on his life. But that should have been the end of it. A mistake he chalked up to alcohol and loneliness, and one that he would move on from. But no matter how hard he tried to move, she had him pinned down. Everywhere he tried to go, she followed. Everything he tried to do, she watched. Everything he tried to stop, she passed by with no effort.
And it was driving him insane.
The more he thought about it, the more his guilt snuck up on him again.
He couldn't get over what he had done to Erin, and although he had been able to push it to the back of his mind rather well since it happened, the knowledge now that Trystan knew Erin was living there, and had actually entered their home, brought all his pain back to the surface.
He had been very affectionate to Erin since then. Not that he wasn't always, but it seemed to be more so now. He told her that he loved her more frequently, and made sure she knew just how much. He would spend the rest of his life making this up to her, even if she didn't know why.
Now, lying in bed, with her peacefully asleep beside him, Justin couldn't help but feel his heart ache. He had thought about telling her the truth quite often over the last couple of days. To just get it out in the open, and hopefully relieve some of the pain he felt for keeping it from her.
Also, if Erin knew, then Trystan would have nothing to hold over him. That was part of her power. The fact Erin didn't know gave Trystan the upper hand in this situation, no matter how you looked at it. The only way to loosen her grip was to come out with the truth.
But for the life of him, Justin couldn't think of how to do that.
Looking at her peaceful face as she slept, Justin could almost see the pain in her eyes at the truth. The anguish in her heart, and the hatred she would feel towards him. Not just for the fact that it happened, but for his dishonesty. For the fact that he kept it from her all this time, with no intention on telling her the truth. The fact that the only reason he was being honest was based on another womans pressure. The push she gave him to be honest, so that Erin wouldn't have to find out elsewhere.
She would see completely that it was Trystan making him tell her, and not because he wanted to or felt he should.
And each time he considered telling her, each time he decided against it.
He just couldn't. He knew it was cowardly and it was just another lame excuse to save his own ass, but he just couldn't do that to her. In his mind, telling her would yet again give Trystan another win. She would tear them apart, and it would end well for no one but her.
He wasn't going to let her win. He promised Madison that he would not let her win, and he would be damned if he was going to break that promise.
Lightly rubbing his cheek deeper into the comfort of his pillow, Justin adjusted his hands beneath his head as he continued to watch Erin, and think of what he had to do.
It had been three days since the photo appeared in his room, and each morning, Justin woke nervous to the world around him. Anxious to see if Trystan would try anything else to disrupt his happiness.
And with each day, nothing happened. No phone calls. No intrusions.
And although that was definitely a good thing, Justin also wasn't stupid. He knew that there was always a calm before the storm, and he found himself anticipating the thunder in the distance.
She wasn't going to let this go. Not after everything she had already done and put him through, there was no way in hell she was going to walk away now. She was in this for good, and he had to wonder what she was plotting next.
Erins deep intake of breath beside him brought Justins attention to her, and he found himself grinning at her face.
Her eyes were closed tightly, her entire face gentle with a relaxed ease. She was lying on her back, facing him. One arm was crossed over her stomach, the other reaching above her head. Her long brown hair, which was pulled back in a ponytail, was beginning to loosen, as strands came away from their confines and found their way to her face.
Breathing deeply again, Justin anticipated her waking, but she didn't. She simply sighed, her eyes never opening, as she mumbled something and fell back into her sleep.
Grinning wider at her, Justin almost laughed.
She would kill him if she knew he was watching her. It drove her crazy. She had caught him doing it quite often, and he would always get hell for it. She said it made her nervous, and she always wondered if she was saying something in her sleep that she shouldn't, or if she was drooling. Justin would always ask what kind of things she thought she may say in her sleep that she didn't want him to hear, and she would always just smile and come up with some smart ass comment like "Oh, I don't know. How the hot love affair I had with Nick Carter last summer resulted in a child in which I had to give up." Justin would always roll his eyes while she playfully swatted at him.
But no matter how many times he got in trouble for watching her sleep, he just couldn't seem to break himself of the habit.
It was a form of intimacy that few ever took advantage of. The stress from the day, or the weight of the world was so far away when you slept, and this gave a person a perfect opportunity to see the real person they were looking at. Without the pre-decided looks or answers. Without the looks of worry or confusion or whatever. Just the real person, in their most vulnerable position. Unaware of anything around them, other than the safety of their dreams.
Watching her now, Justin knew he would do anything to keep this look on her face. The look of safety, contentment and love.
No matter what, he was not going to let that look change.
Finally, when he couldn't resist anymore, Justin reached across the short distance between himself and Erin and gently touched her cheek. It was barely a touch, his fingers barely grazing her skin, but it was enough for him. Just to be that much closer to her.
Even though it was such a gentle touch, it was enough to wake her. Another deep intake of breath sounded in the silent room, lit only by a dim lamp behind Justin, before Erins eyes opened slowly.
It took her a while to come back to the land of the living, but slowly she looked over to him, his hand still on her cheek gently. A smile crept onto her lips, before her eyes blinked sleepily.
"Hey." she whispered.
Justin smiled. "Hey."
Stretching her arms over her head, Erin yawned. "What time is it?"
"A little after three."
Breathing deeply, Erin turned her eyes back to Justin as he lowered his hand beside her, grasping one of her hands in his.
"Why are you awake?" she asked as she rolled onto her side to face him better.
"Couldn't sleep." he said plainly.
"You okay?"
"Yeah."
There was a long moment of silence, as Justin watched Erin as he had been for the last few hours, and she watched him, wondering what he was thinking.
Finally, she spoke up with a grin. "You were watching me sleep again, weren't you?" she asked, her smile touched with unamusement.
Justin smiled at her. "What if I said yes?"
"Then I would be mad." she lied.
"Oh. Well, then, no." he lied back.
Erin laughed lightly, smiling at Justin. "Liar."
Justin smiled wider at her, shrugging his shoulders in response.
Another silence overtook them, and Justin couldn't help but feel protective towards her as they lay in bed. He would do anything to keep her safe, and he knew that he may be put to that test at one point or another. And that point may be coming sooner than he would like.
"What are you thinking?" she asked, her voice still laced with sleep.
Justin was silent for a moment before looking at her seriously. "Just how much I love you."
Erin rolled her eyes playfully at him. Justin immediately spoke up again.
"Seriously, Erin. You make my life worth living. Before you, I don't know what I was, but I wasn't alive. Not completely. You brought me to a place I never thought existed. I don't know what I did to have you in my life, but I am certain that I don't deserve you."
"Yes you do."
"No, I don't. I know that I could never make you as happy as you make me, but I promise to spend the rest of my life trying."
The sincerity in Justins voice touched her heart more than she thought it would, and the desperation in his eyes stirred her mind awake. She had never seen him so desperate to touch her, or to make her know how much he loved her. But he had been showing her more and more over the last few days, and she couldn't help but wonder what sparked this urgency in him.
She hated that she was being suspicious over his intentions or over whether it was genuine, but the desperation and urgency he showed was unnerving.
But watching him now, she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind.
It didn't matter why. All that mattered was that he was there with her, and even if he didn't realize it or agree, he made her happier than anything in the world. She was certain that she was made to be with him, just as he was made to be with her. They were like two pieces of a puzzle, and lying here together, they fit. Perfectly.
"The rest of your life, huh?" she said, her voice teasing.
Justin smiled.
Sliding closer to him, Erin kissed him deeply. Justin returned the gesture passionately, rolling her back on the bed.
Pulling back for a moment, Justin looked down at her as she smiled at him.
Almost breathlessly, she sighed. "Well, there's no better time than now to start the rest of your life." she grinned. Lifting her head slightly until their lips were barely apart, she whispered. "Show me."
