The pain in his face registered slowly. At a snails pace, a burning sensation flared in his cheek, and he could feel the blood rushing to the abused area. His eye watered slightly from the impact, but he did not allow his face to show any sign of shock.
Because he wasn't shocked. Not at all. He had no right to be shocked. After all, he deserved it and so much more.
He hadn't even seen her arm reach out, her hand slapping across his cheek in a blinding action of anger, hurt and confusion. Justin could tell by the look on her face that she hadn't expected to actually slap him. There was shock in her own eyes. But not regret. She didn't regret for one second hitting him. He could tell that she wanted to hit him again, but she held back.
He wished she wouldn't. He wanted her to hit him. Beat the fucking shit out of him. He deserved any physical punishment she could do him, because nothing could compare to the emotional and mental struggles he was facing at the moment. The physical would be a welcome distraction.
They sat quiet again, neither saying a word. Justins eyes were focused hard on Erin as she sat across from him, her eyes fixed hard on a spot on the carpet at her feet.
She couldn't stand to look at him.
So many thoughts were racing through her mind, that she didn't know which one to focus on first.
He cheated on her. He cheated, and he lied. He cheated. He lied. He kept it all from her, and now the girl he slept with was stalking him and was actually capable of hurting them?
This was all too much for her.
Slowly, she shook her head, as if the movement would jumble the thoughts into some sort of working order, where, possibly, they would make sense.
Not fucking likely.
Justin didn't speak. He had said all he had to say, and knew there was nothing else left for him to say. Not that he hadn't said, or that would make any kind of difference. It was Erins turn to talk, and he sat patiently waiting.
It was a long silence. One that was more awkward than any other that either of them had ever been in. But it didn't matter. Who the fucked cared about awkward silences? There were so many more important issues to worry about other than filling a long silence.
Finally, Erin shook her head a little more forcefully, her eyes closing tightly as she tried to make sense of the thoughts running through her mind, and the information she had just been given.
"So," she said quietly, her voice as if speaking to herself. "Let me get this straight." A loud, annoyed, and hurt sigh broke her sentence. "You cheated on me."
Justin was quiet for a moment, but answered. "Yes." he said plainly.
"And you lied. You had so many chances to tell me, but you chose not to. You chose not to because you didn't want to hurt me, is that it?"
"Yes." he replied. When she put it that way, he could tell just how stupid he had been. It was such a lame and moronic excuse, he felt himself grow embarrassed for the reality that it had been his reasoning.
"This girl kept following you while on tour. And is now in Orlando, stalking you?"
"Yes."
"And you actually think she is capable of hurting me, and that is why you told me?"
Justin was quiet for a short while, but replied. "Yes." It was the truth. Just a few more points needed to be added for it to be the complete truth. He told her because he knew that Trystan was getting closer, and because he was afraid for Erins safety. But also because he had no other choice. He was hoping she wouldn't notice that point.
"And all the calls on here are to her number?"
"Yes."
"So you told me because you had no other choice." she stated. "You knew I was going to ask questions, and knew that she was getting more and more bold. Really, you did this because she forced you to. Not because you wanted me to know."
Justin sighed inwardly, and knew this was only the beginning. "Yes, but that's not all. I wanted to tell you, Erin. So many times, I was so close. But I just couldn't. I know it was cowardly, and I have no right to use it as an excuse, but it is the truth. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to have you look at me the way you are now."
"How is that, Justin?" she said, her voice thick with a burning pain she was fighting to control.
"With hatred."
Erin laughed bitterly. "And how the fuck do you want me to look at you? With love? With acceptance? You actually think I am going to look at you the same way, when all you have done for the last three fucking months was lie to me, cheat on me, and keep it all a secret for your own fucking selfish reason!?"
Justin didn't respond. There were no words needed, and none that were appropriate to fill in at the moment.
They found themselves in another silence. But it was short lived.
"Why should I believe you?" Erin said, her voice quiet.
"What?"
"Why should I believe that this girl.....whats her name?"
Justin could hardly force the name passed his lips, but he knew he had to. "Trystan." he said quietly.
Erins eyes narrowed at the name, her stomach tightening. "So, you say that this girl," Erins eyes burned into his. "Trystan," she spat. "Broke into the house, and called herself? All to make sure you got caught?"
Fuck, this wasn't going well at all.
"Yes." he nodded.
Erin shook her head. "I don't believe you." she said plainly. "For all I know, you have been fucking this girl behind my back all this time, and now that you get caught, you make up this stupid fucking story to keep me from getting angry at you for being unfaithful to me! You are twisting the truth to suit you!"
"That's not true." he said, unable to bring his voice up from a soft whisper.
"Why should I believe you? You fucking lied to me all this time, so who is to say that what you are telling me now is the truth? As opposed to your version of the truth?"
"Because I said it is."
"And that is supposed to mean anything to me?" she spat. "So you didn't call her?"
"Yes, I did, but only once."
Reaching out to the table in front of her, Erin threw the phone bill pages at Justin. "Prove it!" she screamed. "There are a million calls on that paper to prove you wrong! How am I supposed to know which ones you made, and which ones she did? And why should I believe she made any of them?"
Justin lowered his head, the tears streaming down his cheeks now. He hadn't even realized he had been crying.
"I don't know." he said quietly, shrugging in defeat.
Again, silence overtook them. Justin looked at his knees, while Erin stared at the ceiling, ranting thoughts still pushing at her mind.
Finally, she spoke.
"Wait a minute," she said, thought in her voice. "You said you went and saw her friend."
Justins eyes rose to Erin, and he knew that he was going to have to explain again. But he wasn't going to lie, and he wasn't going to try and sugar coat it. Any questions she asked, he was going to answer with the truth. She already hated him. He had nothing left to lose.
"Yes." he said.
"You went to see her? In Cleveland?"
"Yes."
Justin could see Erins mind working, trying to figure out when he had gone to see Madison.
"When?" she asked.
"A few weeks ago." he admitted. "When I said I went to see my brothers, I was actually in Cleveland."
Again, Erins eyes glazed over with red fury. The silence this time was deafening, and Justin waited for her screams. But they didn't come. Her voice was surprisingly calm.
"So, you lied to me about her, too?"
"Yes."
"Are you fucking her too?"
"NO!" he shot, his eyes widening. "I went there because she was my only way of getting to know what Trystan was capable of. She told me about things she had done in the past. Fuck, Erin, she almost got killed because she helped me. Trystan followed me there and tried to kill her. I had to leave her in the hospital. I had to come home, and I had to leave her there. And she was there because of me. She has nothing to do with this, other than trying to help me fix the fucked up mess I made for myself."
"Have you talked to her since?" Erin asked.
"Yes," he admitted with confidence. It was the first answer he had given that didn't hold regret. "I have. I called her once in a while to make sure she is okay. I owe her that, Erin. That and much more. I am so sorry for everything I have done, but I wont apologize for keeping in touch with Madison."
He half expected Erin to scream at him again, to demand to know if something was going on between him and Madison. But she didn't. She watched him closely, and Justin could tell she was trying to figure out if he was telling the truth. Finally, after a long while, her shoulders lowered, and he knew she was leaving Madison out of this.
It really had nothing to do with her anyways.
"So, she is stalking you?" Erin said, her eyes emotionless despite the anger raging inside her.
"Yes. She has been the one calling. She has followed me, and more than likely she has followed you as well. She has broken in here more than once, and I'm scared of what she may do next. She is getting more and more bold, and there is no telling what she is thinking. You have to believe me when I say that I never wanted this to happen. It was a drunken mistake, and now, you are paying for it in more ways than I ever wanted or thought were possible. If anything happens to you, Erin, I will die. I will do whatever it takes to make sure nothing happens to you."
Erin seemed unfazed by his speech. Instead, she stared at him hard. Her eyes burning into his as he sat across from her, waiting for some sort of reaction.
Finally, her head lowered. Justin couldn't see her face, as her hair fell over her shoulders covering her face slightly. After a moment, he noticed her shoulders begin to shake slightly. He could faintly hear her crying, and it killed him. His heart ached worse than ever before, and he felt his chin quiver.
Sliding across to her, Justin put his arm across her back comfortingly.
The moment his touch registered to her, she pushed him away so forcefully, he almost fell off the couch.
"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!" she screamed. Her voice was so shrill and angry, Justin thought the windows were going to burst.
Justin sat back, giving her the space she requested in no uncertain terms.
"Don't ever fucking touch me again, you bastard." she stated. Her eyes were locked hard on his eyes, tears still staining her cheeks.
She glared at him, before standing up quickly and turning to leave the room.
Justin was on his feet in a matter of seconds, following her out of the living room and into the foyer. She was already at the door, sliding her shoes on.
"Where are you going?" he asked as he approached.
"Anywhere but here." she said. Straightening her back, she grabbed her jacket and purse from the hangers at the side of the door.
Justin knew he couldn't let her leave. If he did, he may never get her back. She may never listen to him, and she had to listen. He had nothing left to say, but she still had to listen.
Stepping up to her quickly, he grabbed her arms. "Erin, you cant leave. We have to talk about this."
"There is nothing to say Justin." she said, her voice small and heartbroken. Jerking her arms from his grasp, she took several steps back. "I have nothing to say to you."
"You cant leave. I love you."
"Well I'm sorry for that. Because I never want to see you again."
Before he could stop her, she was out the door and running towards her car. By the time he snapped out of his daze and reached the door, she was already speeding down the driveway and out onto the street in a screeching hurry.
Justin watched the empty yard for a long while, before turning back into the house and closing the door. Leaning his back against the door, Justin slid down the length of it, until hitting the floor. Once in a seat position on the floor, he pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them tightly.
He finally did it. He finally broke his own misery and told Erin the truth. Trystan no longer had a hold on him.
But in this newfound freedom, was the ultimate loss.
Silently, Justin lowered his head to his knees, shielding his face from the empty house around him. He cried, not in sobs, but quietly and softly to himself.
He was free of the torment and haunting of Trystan Michaels. She had nothing to hold over him now. But now, things were worse.
He lost everything to gain this freedom.
