The silence was deafening.
It was strange to him, that in his life full of noise, excitement and confusion, he figured that silence wouldn't have an effect on him anymore. That no matter what, he would always hear noise. He was programmed that way.
But this wasn't the case. It was the exact opposite. To him, now, silence was louder than noise.
And right now, it was driving him insane.
He was listening intently to any sound he could hear. Faintly from the other side of the door, he could hear crickets beginning to chirp outside. The steady ticking of the clock down the hall. Of the air conditioner turning on and off. The fridge in the kitchen humming gently.
Everything. Every little sound in the house was magnified.
He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting there, but he was pretty sure it had been at least an hour or two. The sun was setting, the light in the house softening and changing to a combination of pink and blue and purple and yellow. He had heard the clock down the hall chime for six o'clock, and a little while ago, it sounded again to signal seven.
He had been in this spot since Erin walked out the door, which was against his back. Since she walked out of his life.
He hadn't moved an inch. His knees still pulled to his chest, his arms crossed around them protectively. His head still lay on his arms, his eyes closed.
He hadn't moved.
He had stopped crying a while ago, even though he could feel tears brimming that wouldn't fall.
His mind had turned off now. For the first while, all he could see behind his closed eyes was Erins hateful stare. The anger and confusion and hurt in her eyes would forever be in his mind, along with the knowledge that it was his mistake who put that look there.
But slowly, the image had faded, and now he saw nothing. Not Erin. Not Trystan. Nothing.
He just kept his attention on the noises in the house, because now, they were all he had to focus on.
He knew he would eventually have to stand up. It seemed like the hardest thing in the world for him to do at the moment, though. Standing up. Fuck, he couldn't even raise his head.
But he knew he was going to have to get up, dust himself off, and figure out what to do about the mess he was in.
He had expected this. He had fully known that her reaction wouldn't be a good one. He wasn't stupid enough to think that she would forgive him instantly, hugging him and standing by him through it all. That she would dismiss all the lies and the pain that she felt from his infliction, because he asked her to.
Life just didn't work that way.
But he was still taking it hard. Whether he knew she would act like this or not, it didn't make it any easier to deal with the fact that the person he loved more than anything had walked away from him.
Yes, he was going to have to stand up. He was going to have to figure out a way to put his life back together, and somehow convince Erin to come back to him. But for right now, he was rather enjoying sulking with his head between his knees, thankyouverymuch.
But his sulking was interrupted by a loud knocking on the other side of the door. The impact caused a vibration in his back from where it rested against the wood. Raising his head for the first time in hours, Justin turned to look at the door as if it was a foreign object. Again, the knocking sounded.
Justin sighed to himself.
Could it he Erin? Not likely. She was furious with him, and there was no way she would be back. Not right now.
Trystan? Had she been watching from the shadows, watching Erin leave as Justin watched her go? Likely, but he didn't think that was it.
Still not feeling like standing up, Justin rubbed his eyes as he called to the visitor.
"Who is it?" he asked, his voice hoarse.
"Its me, jerkass. Open the fucking door."
Justin had to grin. How did Landon have such timing?
Sitting for a minute longer, Justin pushed himself up from the floor. His legs were stiff and sore, his back aching from leaning against the door for so long. Rubbing his hands on his pants, he turned towards the door, pulling it open.
He was greeted by Landons smirk.
"What? Were you sitting at the door waiting for me to come over like a good little boy?" Landon teased as he walked passed Justin and into the house.
Justin rolled his eyes, closing the door behind him.
"No" he answered dully.
Landon turned and for the first time took a good look at Justin. He noticed the pale face, worried expression and swollen eyes.
"Dude, you look like shit." he stated. "What's wrong?"
Justin smirked at his words. "Thanks man. Good to know I look like shit. Kinda goes good with how I feel."
Landon looked at Justin confused. "What's going on?" he asked again. Looking around the house, he noticed that no other sound came from around them. "Where is Erin?"
"Gone." Justin said, rubbing his eyes.
"What do you mean gone?"
"I mean gone. You know.....Gone! Do I need to sing it for you? You've heard the fucking song, man, you know what it means."
Landon still looked at him confused.
Justin shook his head, turning towards the living room. Landon followed, close behind him.
The two men sat on the couch, Justin with his head in his hands, Landon watching him intently. Neither said a word. Justin because he didn't know how to start, and Landon because he still had no fucking idea what was going on.
"J," Landon said, his voice gentle and supportive. "You can tell me. Did something happen to Erin?"
Justin sighed, his head lifting from his hands to rest against the back of the couch.
"God, man, if only I knew where to start." Justin sighed, his eyes staring out the window across from them.
"Just start at the beginning." Landon replied.
Turning his head to face his friend, Justin looked at his concerned expression. He knew he had to tell someone. He had to talk about it, and there was no one better than Landon.
"I cheated on Erin." Justin blurted. He didn't know how to start, and really, there was no need for bullshit stalling. He may as well just get it out in the open.
Landons eyes widened, his mouth dropping open slightly. He regained his composure quickly, but his eyes remained wide.
"What?" he squeaked.
"You heard me." Justin said, turning his head back to look at the ceiling. "I cheated on her. But I didn't mean to. Back on tour, I was going through a hard time. I was missing her like never before, I was lonely and upset. One night in New York, I went out. I got drunk, and the next morning....." Justins voice trailed off, but he knew he didn't have to finish the sentence. It finished itself.
When Landon didn't say anything, Justin continued. "The next morning, there was someone in my room. We slept together. I didn't remember anything, and I still don't. Neither does she. Needless to say, I didn't handle it well. I fucking just left her there, man. I panicked, we had to leave for the next city, and I fucking left. I thought it was over, but she tracked me down in Philly, and in Cleveland she had me meet with her. Then she showed up at the sound check here in Orlando. I talked to her, and told her to stay away. That I had a girlfriend that I loved, and that what happened with us was a mistake. I thought she understood, but now...." again, Justin paused. "Now, she's stalking me. She followed us to the grocery store a while back. She's been calling here constantly. She's left things in my car. Broken in to the house. Everything. She's not letting this go, and she's made it more than clear that she isn't going to stop. Once, she had me go to her place and talk with her. I thought I would be able to convince her to let this go. But it didn't work. She told me she was in love with me, and that she wasn't going to let me get away with what I did. She said that she couldn't live without me, and that she wasn't going to let me live without her. I freaked out when she threatened to tell Erin, and I pinned her against the wall. I know it was stupid but I thought if I couldn't reason with her, maybe I could scare her, but it didn't work."
"Why didn't you tell Erin?" Landon asked, finally speaking after a long while. "Why not just come clean?"
"I couldn't." Justin admitted. "I know it sounds cowardly, and I know that it is probably right, but I just couldn't. I couldn't bear to hurt her like that. I couldn't stand the thought of her hating me for something I never would have done if I had known what was going on. I would never hurt her, Landon. Never. But I made a mistake, and that mistake is tearing her life apart."
Landon was quiet again, obviously pondering what to say next.
Sighing loudly, he rubbed his hands over his face, trailing them through his hair.
"So, this girl is stalking you?"
"Yeah."
"Do you think she is dangerous? I mean, do you think she would come after you or Erin?"
"Definitely." Justin said. His quick response to the obvious shocked Landon nonetheless, and Justin went on to explain. "I tracked down a friend of hers, and met up with her. She told me a lot about Trystan, and how she was. Man, she is crazy. She lied about a guy raping her because he didn't want to be with her. She tried to kill her best friend because the guy she liked wanted to be with her friend." Justin shook his head. "Then, somehow, Trystan must have followed me to Madisons. Because she tried to kill her too. And I fucking had to leave her in Cleveland, in a hospital because of me. She was nice enough to help me, and almost died because of it. Not only is my life fucked up because of my mistake, but Erin is in pain and Madison almost died. Dude, I'm terrified of what may happen to you or the guys or my family. I just don't know what to do anymore, and I don't know what to expect from her next. All I do know is that she isn't going to stop. Until she has me, or she kills me."
"Go to the police." Landon offered. "Maybe they can do something."
"Like what, man? A restraining order? A piece of paper that says she cant come near me? And what do I do if she does anyway? Call them? For them to show up only after she has already done something to hurt me or Erin? The police cant do anything about it, and I cant prove anything enough to show them that it is her that is doing this. There is no evidence. I only know its her, because she has admitted to most of it, and just because I know it is her. I know it is."
Landon raised his hands. "Easy, man. Calm down. Listen, I'm sure we will figure something out."
Justin turned to look at his friend.
"I'm sorry." Justin said, his eyes brimming with tears again.
"Don't apologize to me, J. Ive been your best friend for years, through a lot of stupid shit you've done. This is no different. You made a mistake, and it will take more than this for me to stop being there for you. I'm going to help you in any way I can." Landon was quiet, before asking the question racing in his head. "I take it you told Erin tonight."
Justin rolled his eyes and nodded. "Yeah. Needless to say, she didn't take it well."
"What happened?"
"She left. She hates me. I told her I loved her and didn't want to lose her, and she told me she never wanted to see me again. Ive lost her, man."
"J, you've said a lot of stupid shit in your life, but that is the stupidest." Landon reprimanded. "That girl loves you, for some reason, and nothing is going to change that. Not even this. Yes, you made a mistake. Yes, you lied when you should have been honest and told her. But there is nothing you can do to change what you did, and I know Erin knows that if you could, you would. But its not an option, so there is no point in wishing it was. She isn't going to stop loving you just like that. It doesn't work that way. She's is going to be mad, and yes she may hate you for a little while. But when she calms down, then you go and talk to her. You make her see why you did what you did, and hopefully, she will find a way to forgive you. She will never forget what you did. Women don't. They don't work like that. But she may be able to forgive you. I cant guarantee it, because I'm not Erin. But I do know how much she loves you, and she isn't going to let that just slip away. If she does, that is her mistake. And it has nothing to do with your mistake. She will be making one of her own, and she will have to live with that mistake, just as you have been living with yours."
Justin looked at Landon hard, as slowly, a smile pressed his lips. "Dude, when did you learn to be all insightful and shit?"
Landon laughed. "I read my moms Dr. Phil book."
Justin laughed out loud. "Man, I knew it! I knew you weren't good enough to come up with shit like that on your own."
"Shut up, focker! I'm still better than you at everything."
Justin punched him in the shoulder, Landon returning the gesture. As their laughter settled, Landon looked at Justin again.
"So, what is the game plan?" he asked, leaning back on the couch to prop his feet on the coffee table in front of them.
Justin shrugged. "I don't know."
He really didn't know what to do next. He knew that life had a way of moving on, and somehow taking you with it. And that was what he was going to have to do now. He was going to have to let fate take him.
And hopefully, it would take him back to Erin.
