If the first few hours of this morning were any indication as to how the rest of the day was going to go, then he wished he had just stayed in bed. It seemed as if with every passing second, something went wrong. With every minute, another thought flashed through his mind of what he was going to have to do in a few hours. With every hour, he was just that much closer to something he had been dreading for the last few days.
He felt a little bad for feeling such dread about having to see her again. But he honestly couldn't help it. Regardless of what kind of person she was; whether she was a sweet, nice, generous person to volunteered at the local old folks home on the weekends or delivered toys to sick kids, to him she was merely a reminder of the one thing in his life that he would give anything to forget. The biggest mistake he had every made, and the one thing he had been letting eat him alive for the last two weeks.
Leaning his chin on a hand, which was propped by my his elbow resting on the table in front of him, Justin tried to keep his attention on the interview going on around him.
They were at a local Cleveland radio station, doing yet another interview. Lucky for him, the rest of the guys had been doing the majority of the talking. Which was a good thing, considering his attention was anywhere and everywhere but here in this room.
Every few minutes, his mind would wander, and he would have to mentally beat the shit out of himself to make him pay attention. Twice already, he would hear his name, and look up to find everyone staring at him waiting for the answer to a question he hadn't heard. Thankfully, no one had made a big deal of his wandering attention, and hopefully no questions would be asked later.
Justin had received a message from Trystan at his hotel only hours after arriving in Cleveland. Again, it baffled him on how the woman was able to know what hotel he was staying it. He didn't even know what hotel he was staying at unless someone told him.
She had left her cell phone number and the number of her hotel in Cleveland, asking him to call her and set up a time when they could get together.
He knew he had told her than he would see her, but it one of the worst things he had ever agreed to. All he would think about was how wrong it was to be there with her, and how wrong he was to keep something like this from Erin. But most of all, how horrible he was for the circumstances around him even knowing Trystan in the first place.
He had called her hotel and left a message for her telling her to meet him at a small coffee shop two blocks away from his hotel. He didn't want her coming to the hotel, in case one of the other guys saw them together and asked him about her. He didn't want her at the venue, for the same reasons. Plus, if any fans saw them together, who knows what crazy stories would arise.
In Justin's mind, this was the best way for them to get together, without the chances of being caught. Sure, it was a public place, but this way it was easier for them to blend in. He was getting pretty good at being able to go out without security and not be noticed, so hopefully this would be a good way for them to get together, and not have any outside influences.
"What do you think, Justin?" a voice broke him from his wandering thoughts. Looking up, Justin once again noticed the group around him watching him closely as they waited for his response.
Feeling his cheeks grow warm with embarrassment, he smiled shyly. "Sorry, what was that?"
He hadn't missed the strange looks from JC and Lance as they watched him try to cover the fact that he hadn't been paying attention. Joey and Chris were too busy finding the situation amusing to noticed that it was odd that this had been the third time he had done this.
The DJ smiled at him, before repeating the question. "I said that it seems like the fans have become much more accepting to the idea of you all dating. You were told early on in your careers to keep any relationships a secret, but now it seems like you are free to carry out normal lives as far as romance goes."
Justin nodded. "Yeah. The fans are a lot more understanding than some people give them credit for. They want us to be happy, and understand that if the people we are seeing make us happy, then that is a good thing."
"Since you are one of the taken ones, Ill ask you this," the DJ continued, leaning forward on his elbows across the table. "Have you ever had any bad experiences with fans while out with your girlfriend?"
Justin felt a little unsure of where this line of questioning would go, but dismissed the concern. What was the harm in answering these questions? He had answered similar ones before, and no problems arose. It was probably just his nerves that were making him feel apprehensive.
"Actually, no, not really." Justin answered. "Sure, we have to be careful if we go anywhere, but any time that we have been out and have been approached by fans, they had been really wonderful to us. They've been really sweet to my girlfriend, and are always telling me that they are happy for me. Its really great to know that they support us in not only our careers, but our lives as well."
The DJ smiled at his answer, before asking his next question. "That's good. Its good to know that they treat you with the respect that they would any other person."
"Yeah, it is. I know we say it all the time, but our fans really are the best." Justin said, smiling.
Sighing with relief when the DJ directed a question to Lance, Justin sat back in his chair. Noticing JC lean over to him, Justin looked to his right.
"What's wrong with you, dude? That's the third time you've had to snap out of some daydream." JC said, keeping his voice low.
Justin knew it was too much to ask that no one would question his odd behavior. Granted, if any of the other guys were acting as strangely has he had been, he would probably do the same.
"No, I'm fine." Justin said with a convincing smile. "I'm just thinking about how great its going to be next week when we finally get home."
JC smiled, nodding in agreement. "I know what you mean. I cant wait to be able to sleep in my own bed."
Justin had to fight back the urge to laugh at JC. Trust him to be thinking about sleeping, when the rest of them were thinking about family or friends.
"Well, I would just like to thank NSync for being here with us today," the DJ said, giving the five men a genuine smile. "I'm sure all the fans out there were happy to have to here today. And I'm even more sure that the ones attending your show tonight are ready to show you their love."
"We cant wait!" Joey said enthusiastically. "See you tonight, Cleveland!"
"Thanks again guys, and good luck tonight." the DJ said as he turned his attention to the switchboard in front of him. "This is KJ the DJ and we'll be right back with the new song from NSync, to kick off what I'm sure will be a kick ass night." Flicking a few switches, a song began to play on the radio and the man removed his headphones before smiling at the guys. "Thanks again, guys. This was great."
"No problem, man. Good to be here." JC said, standing up from his chair to stretch his back.
After shaking the DJs hand, they all filed out of the small booth and headed for the meeting room down the hall to meet up with their security.
Walking through the door, Justin almost rolled his eyes at the looks he was getting.
"J, man, did you even hear one thing the man asked you today?" Jake said, teasingly.
"Shut up, dude." Justin whined, punching Jake playfully in the arm as he stood beside him.
"Sorry, man, but you did sound pretty dorky on there." Dre, another security guard, pointed out.
"Well, then everything sounded normal. We all know just how dorky he is, so at least he showed them his true self." Chris said as he tried to jump on Dre's back.
Rolling his eyes, Justin turned back to the door. "Can we go now?"
"Yeah, yeah. We're going." Jake laughed as Dre tried to push Chris off his back. After a moment, he gave up and walked down the hall with Chris still clinging to him.
Reaching the back door of the studio, Justin could faintly hear a few screams coming from the front of the building. He knew fans were gathered out front, and was actually thankful that they were able to use the employee side entrance to make their escape. He loved the fans very much, but he had too much on his mind right now to deal with any more questions.
Sliding into a van with JC, Lance and Jake, he allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief when the door was slammed shut, and the faint sounds of screaming fans was blocked out.
As the van pulled out of the alley and onto the street, a few fans noticed and began to rush up to the vehicle. Thankfully, they pulled out and onto the street before they had a chance to get too close.
The van with Joey, Chris Dre and Lonnie was close behind as they made their way back to the hotel.
Thankfully, the conversation was light on the drive back to the hotel. Jake told them of a few of the fans trying to get into the radio station during the interview, while JC leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes peacefully. It still amazed Justin to this day how JC was able to sleep anywhere, anytime.
It took less than ten minutes for them to arrive back at the hotel. No fans were out front, after hotel security made it clear that they were not allowed to stand out front all day and night. There had been a few fans the morning before when they had arrived, but they were quickly sent away.
Making his way to his room, Justin breathed a sigh of relief when the door closed behind him and he was finally left in silence in the comfort and protection of his room.
It was only one in the afternoon, and they weren't scheduled to be at the venue until six that evening. They had done a sound check the day before, giving them more time to relax before the show today.
Sitting on the edge of his bed, Justin reached down and began to untie his shoes.
He had a little over an hour before he was supposed to meet Trystan. It seemed as if the closer it got to two thirty, the more he felt like he was going to be sick. He had considered calling her and telling her he couldn't make it, but knew that would only be prolonging the inevitable. He had to at least meet with her, and that way it would be over and done with. No more anxiety, nervousness or wondering. The sooner he met her, the sooner it was over with.
Tossing his shoes to the side, Justin slid his long body up and onto the bed. Sprawling his arms out to the side, he flopped his legs out wide. Reaching behind him, he untangled one of his pillows from the neatly made bed, and covered his face.
He knew he probably made an amusing sight, and under normal circumstances he would probably even laugh at himself, but right now he didn't much give a shit. All he wanted was a few moments to himself. A few moments that would hopefully be thought free.
Sighing deeply, he felt a little hint of panic overtake him as he had difficulty breathing due to the pillow over his face. Removing it, he placed it behind his head and closed his eyes again.
He had a little over a week before the tour was over. After tonight's show in Cleveland, they had one in Lexington, Memphis, two in Georgia and two in Orlando, with a few days off in between. After that, they were free to go home. For three months, they were free men. Able to be as normal, loud, and stupid as they wanted to be without having to worry about any fans around watching their every move.
Joey had said more than once that he couldn't wait to be able to walk around his house in his underwear. This comment, of course, causing endless smart ass remarks from Chris.
No matter how stupid Joeys comment was, Justin understood what he meant. The ability to do things that normal people were able to do whenever they wanted. The things that they were denied most of the time because of their careers. But for those few spiratic months during the year, they were able to enjoy the simple things in life. In Joeys case, walking around in his underwear.
After what felt like only a few moments, Justin opened his eyes and looked over at the clock on the night stand to his right. He had twenty minutes before he was supposed to meet Trystan.
Groaning to himself, he pushed up from the bed and swung his legs over the edge. Rubbing his face with his hands, he tired to ignore the feeling of dread and nervousness that invaded his stomach and mind.
'In a few hours, it will be over.' he told himself. 'In a few hours, everything will be done and you can put this behind you.'
He knew it wasn't going to be as easy as that, but at this point he would tell himself just about anything to get rid of his nervousness.
Standing up, he gathered his shoes that he had thrown aside, and quickly slid them on.
Sluffing into the bathroom, he splashed cold water on his face to try and wake himself up a little more.
He had not slept very well since this whole thing happened. His mind just wouldn't turn off, and he spent the majority of the night worrying and wondering.
Returning to the bedroom, he rummaged through his suitcase and pulled out a blue baseball cap, sliding it over his head. Throwing on a pair of dark sunglasses and a white wind breaker, he slid his room key in his pocket and gave himself a quick once over before turning towards the door.
Opening the door, he peeked his head out and looked down the hall. Dre sat in a chair at the end, at the side of the elevator, his arms crossed over his chest. For anyone coming onto that floor, Dre would be a terrifying sight. But Justin knew he was just a big teddy bear. And thankfully for Justin, was usually pretty good at letting him go out and get some alone time.
Stepping out into the hall, Justin allowed the door to click closed behind him as he made his way casually down the hall towards Dre.
Approaching the big man, Justin smiled. "Hey man."
"Afternoon, J." Dre smiled back. "Where do you think you're doing?"
"I just wanted to hop on down to that store on the corner for some snacks. Chris ate all the good candy the other night, and I'm having a sugar withdrawal thing here." he lied with a grin.
Dre looked him over, a smirk coming to his face. "I can go for ya. I wouldn't mind some snacks, myself."
"No!" Justin said frantically. Dres eyes widened in curiosity as Justins outburst as he quickly corrected himself. "I mean, no, don't bother. Ill only be a few seconds, and Ill bring ya back a whole bag full of stuff. I promise."
"You shouldn't go alone, J. You know the rules." Dre said.
"Yeah, I know. But you know I need to get out and be normal. I need to be a normal man and buy my own Pez, dammit! Let me buy Pez, man." Justin smiled, pressing his hands together in a pleading whine.
Dre's booming laughter filled the quiet hall, before he shook his head at Justin. Sighing, he looked up at him from his chair. "You know I'll kick your skinny, white ass if you are more than ten minutes, right?"
Smiling at him, Justin nodded frantically. "I know. I promise. Ten minutes."
Looking down in defeat, Dre nodded. "Go. Quickly, before I change my mind."
Jumping, Justin rushed passed him and into the elevator. "Thanks man."
"And bring me back some good stuff! None of that health conscious crap JC bought me last week."
"Cheezy Poofs and chocolate bars, it is." Justin called as he pushed the button for the lobby and the doors closed in front of him.
Leaning his back on the wall, Justin felt his stomach churn. God, at first it seemed as if the whole day had be flying by, and now it seemed as if it time was crawling. Wanting him to feel this horrible nervousness and anxiety.
A loud ding sounded, and the doors to the elevator slid open. Walking quickly out into the lobby, Justin was relieved that it was almost empty. A receptionist sat behind the main desk, with a few maids and bellboys standing around.
Walking out into the cool air, Justin pulled his hat down tighter on his head. Sliding his hands in his pockets, he quickly turned and headed towards the coffee shop.
His eyes were alert behind in dark sunglasses, watching closely for any indication that any of the people passing him has any idea who he was. Pulling his hat down further on his head, he made sure to walk quickly as he made his way to the meeting place.
Reaching the doors to the small coffee shop, Justin pulled it open and stepped inside. Looking around, he noticed that there were quite a few people there. Mostly business people having a late lunch, but it was still busier than he thought it would be.
He had come here a few times whenever they were in Cleveland. It was nice and quiet, and had a great chocolate cake filled with chocolate that Justin loved. Sitting in a small booth in the corner, he pulled off his jacket and placed it beside him. He was reluctant to remove his sunglasses, but since his back was facing the rest of the restaurant, he figured there wasn't any harm. He would draw more attention if he left them on than he would any other way.
A waitress appeared and he asked her for a cup of coffee, and the chocolate lava cake that he loved. He could tell she was trying to figure out where she had seen him before, but she was nice enough not to ask him.
Moments later, he was enjoying a nice slice of cake. The warm fudge in the center spilled out when he cut his fork into the side, and he smiled as it slid across the white plate. Pulling his fork back, he almost laughed when a huge glob of chocolate fell on his napkin. In his mind, his was the best thing in the world. Sitting in a coffee shop, with his chocolate cake. He couldn't ask for anything more at this moment.
A woman stepped up beside him, and Justin turned to face her with a smile on his face. Thinking it was the waitress again, he was about to ask for another napkin.
When his eyes focused on the woman at his side, his smile fell. His stomach tightened and his face went pale. Gently placing his fork on the edge of his plate, Justin swallowed hard.
The woman smiled at him happily, her blue eyes shining back at him. Her dark hair fell loosely around her face, and she delicately pushed a strand behind her ear as she looked down at him.
"Hi Justin." she said softly, her hands clasping in front of her.
Hearing her voice this time was enough to make him panic. Because this time, she was standing right on front of him.
Fighting for control over his emotions, Justin did his best to keep his face calm, and his voice controlled.
Smiling up at her as best he could, he extended an arm to the seat across from him, offering it to her.
Watching her as she slid into the booth across from him, he forced his voice to cooperate. "Hello, Trystan."
