If someone had told him a year ago that he would one day find himself in this very situation, he would have called them a liar. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever expect this to be a reality for him. For him to actually have to deal with such a feeling in his stomach. To have to come to terms with something that he had done. Something that he promised himself he would never do.
This was certainly one thing he could do without.
Sitting here across from her now, a mixture of emotions churned in his body. Nervousness. Confusion. Guilt. Anger. And those were just the ones he could make sense of. There were so many things going through his mind, that he knew it was pointless trying to focus on any one emotion. He probably wouldn't be able to make sense of it even if he tried, so why bother?
Moments ago, his chocolate cake had received his full and complete attention. Now, it remained neglected and half-eaten. He had simply lost his appetite
Justin stared at her for what seemed like an eternity. Although it was probably only a few moments, he kept telling himself to look away before she confronted him for staring.
Here he was, across from this person he didn't even know. This person who held a permanent fixture in his life. Because no matter what was to come of their encounter, she would always be with him. In the back of his mind, as the one thing he wished he could do over. The one mistake he wished most that he could rectify.
The one memory he wished he could erase.
"You look good." she said, breaking him from his thoughts.
Nervously, he smiled at her and nodded.
She grinned inwardly as she took secret pleasure at his obvious discomfort. She noticed Justin nervously squirming in his seat and reached out her hand across the tabletop to lightly touch his. She smiled warmly and said, "Don't be so nervous, Justin."
He looked down at the hand holding his, confused for a moment. Why was she holding his hand? She didn't even know him, and she was now holding his hand as if acting as a comforting friend? He didn't pull back, however. If anything, he wanted this encounter to go better than the last, and he didn't want to hurt her anymore than he felt he already had by leaving the way he had that morning. All he had to do was make it through the next little while with some sort of composure and dignity, and it would be over and done with. He could move on to the next city, leave her and everything that was connected to her behind him. And hopefully, with some luck, be able to move on.
Trystan pulled her hand back, placing it on the table in front of her. Her sweet smile still pressed her lips, and it dawned on Justin that she didn't seem nervous at all. All the fear he felt, was surely shown on his face. Whereas, she was completely devoid of emotion other than the smile pressed to her face. It was puzzling to him first that she would want to meet with him after what had happened. Confused him that she had been able to track him down first at the hotel in Philadelphia, then again now at the hotel in Cleveland with what seemed like no effort. And now, here she was sitting across from a man she barely knew; a man she had a one night stand with over a week and a half ago, and she seemed completely at ease. As if she was sitting with an old friend whom she hadn't seen in years, catching up on all the missed gossip.
Suddenly, the waitress appeared. She smiled at Trystan, who returned the gesture.
"Can I get you something, miss?" the woman asked, pulling her paper and pen from a small front pocket on her shirt.
"Just a glass of water for now, thanks." Trystan said, her smile still rooted in place.
As the woman left, she turned back to Justin. "So, how is the tour going?"
Justin couldn't stop the confused expression from coming to his face. 'Why is she so casual about this?' he thought. He was practically crawling out of his own skin, and she was asking how the tour was going?
Still, under the ranting thoughts in his head, he kept calm. He was used to dealing with hard questions in interviews. Part of the job. But this time, it wasn't prying questions that were making him nervous. "Fine. Its over soon, thank God."
Trystan grinned wider, her perfect teeth flashing. "Getting tired?"
Justin nodded. "Yeah. I love touring, but it gets really tiring after a while. I just need to get home and forget everything."
Justin caught his own meaning to that final statement, but if Trystan had, she didn't let on. Her smile was still in place, and she nodded in understanding.
"I'm sure things get crazy. The fans can be a little wild, I'm sure."
The waitress appeared again, placing Trystans water on a napkin at her side. She nodded in appreciation before looking back at Justin.
They found themselves in an awkward silence, and Justin didn't know how to bring up the questions that were racing through his mind. He usually hated these kind of silences. He was the kind of man who always had to be making noise. Always. But this time, he didn't mind it so much. He didn't want to be there, talking with her. Hell, he didn't even know what he should say, so he may as well just sit there quietly until she got to the point of her meeting. She seemed so calm and confident sitting in front of him, while he was driving himself insane.
He found himself wondering what she had been thinking over the last week or so. Where he found himself worried, nervous and upset, did she feel any of those things for what had happened between them? The fact that she had slept with a man she didn't even know had to have some weight on her mind, even if it didn't consume her the way it had been to him.
By looking at her, she didn't seem like the kind of woman who would do such a thing with a light heart. She didn't seem like the type to just go around, having meaningless one night stands, then completely forget about it the next morning without any analyzing or second thoughts to what she had done.
In all honestly, in some strange way, she made Justin think of Erin.
Maybe it was the dark hair, or the calm demeanor. He wasn't quite sure what it was about her, but she held some sort of inward quality that made him think of his girlfriend.
Maybe that was why he had been drawn to her that night. In a drunken state, maybe he had been attracted to her because she made him think of Erin. At this point, any explanation was possible.
Sipping her water, Trystan placed in back on the table lightly, before clasping her hands together in front of her.
Her smile was still in place, though not as enthusiastic. It occurred to Justin that neither of them had said anything for a long while, and she was probably getting a little nervous at the silence they were experiencing.
As odd as it was, it gave him some comfort to think that she was finally feeling as awkward as he was at the moment.
"Well," she said, a light sigh following her words. "You're probably wondering why I wanted to meet with you?"
Justin smiled at her question, nodding his head. It had been plaguing him since her initial call as to why in the world she would want to meet with him, so if she would get to the point, he would be truly grateful. "Yeah, it did cross my mind." was his answer of choice.
"Well, I wanted to see you again." she stated. The way she was sitting across from him, her hands clasped in front of her, her back straight against the back of the booth. Her face pleasant but slightly hard, made him think he was at a meeting with his lawyer. Almost as if she was making some sort of proposition to him. He dismissed his thoughts, and simply decided that this was her way of handling any nervous tension she was experiencing.
"You wanted to see me again?" he replied, his face showing his slight confusion.
"Yes." she nodded. "I knew you were really upset the morning after we..." she paused, not knowing what word to used at moment. Instead, she left that space blank and continued. "You seemed upset, and I felt bad. I just wanted to make sure you were alright."
Justin felt his body fall slightly, as the tension in his shoulders gave way. He was still nervous around her, but the innocent reasoning behind her wanting to see him made him feel much better about being there with her. It didn't so much feel like a hidden secret; a conspiracy to be kept under wraps. Now, it was just someone wanting to make sure he was alright after a rather traumatic experience.
"Thanks." he said, smiling appreciatively at her. "To be honest, I didn't handle it too well. I feel really bad for running out on you like I did."
"I know you do." she nodded, her smile reappearing. "I know you wouldn't have done it under different circumstances."
"I just hope that you are okay."
"I am fine." she smiled. "Everything is great. I was a little shocked that morning, just as you were. I don't usually do things like that." A nervous giggle escaped her lips before she continued. "But I know that everyone makes mistakes. And some things happen for a reason."
Again, he found himself confused at her explanation, but decided once more to ignore it. Everyone had their own special way of wording things, so maybe this was just how she expressed herself when she was nervous.
He was all for fate and things happening for a reason. But for the life of him he didn't know what kind of reasoning could possibly be behind this happening to him.
"I'm here for a couple days visiting a friend." Trystan continued. "I figured I would just check up on you since we were in the same city again. I hope I didn't disrupt your schedule too much."
"No, no." Justin said, shaking his head. "You didn't disrupt anything. We have a show tonight, but that is all."
"Yeah, I heard about the show tonight." she said, a slight pause in her sentence. Her face lightened before she let a soft laugh escape her lips. "To be honest, my friend tried to get tickets a while back but they were sold out." Trystan laughed a little harder, her hand covering her mouth. "If she knew I was sitting here with you, she would probably have a heart attack."
Justin allowed himself to grin, but the uneasy feeling in his stomach had returned. He had a feeling that he knew where she was taking this line of conversation, but wasn't sure if he should allow it to go there.
Still, he felt he owed something to her. Even though she had told him more than once that she was alright with everything that had happened, he still hadn't forgave himself for handling it the way he had.
There was nothing material that would make it up to her, but there was nothing else he could offer.
"Well, I sort of have a connection with the group." he smiled at her as best he could. Lightening the mood with lame humor was always something he did when he was nervous. "Would you like a couple tickets for tonight?"
Trystans face lit up, but only for a moment. She didn't want to let on that she was excited, and quickly smiled to cover the expression on her face. "I don't want to be any trouble."
'Too late for that.' Justin thought, but quickly answered her more appropriately. "No trouble at all." he said. "I can leave a couple tickets for you and your friend at the venue box office."
Trystan sighed, her smile still in place. "Are you sure?"
'Not really.' he thought to himself. "Yes, I'm sure."
Smiling wider at him, she tilted her head. "Thank you Justin."
"You're welcome." he said, picking up his fork. He poked at his cake, still not in the mood to eat any more. He had only picked up the fork out of a nervous reaction. A need for something to do to take away from the fact that he yet again made a mistake in handling this.
He wanted to move on; to forget anything to do with this woman, and now he was giving her tickets to the show? He certainly wasn't going about this the right way.
A quiet beep sounded at the booth, and Trystan looked at her watch. "Oh, gosh, I'm sorry." she said, pushing a small button on the bottom of the silver watch around her wrist. "I have to go. I'm supposed to meet Madison, my friend, back at her dorm." Gathering her purse, she set two dollars on the table for the waitress. It was a nice gesture, especially since she only ordered a water. "Are you sure its no trouble to leave tickets for us?" she repeated as she smiled at Justin from across the booth.
"I'm sure. Don't worry about it." he nodded, trying his best to be convincing.
Smiling at him again, she stood up. "Thanks again, Justin. You've been really great."
He wasn't sure how he was being great, and was pretty well convinced that he was the biggest shit head in the world, but he nodded in appreciation to her comment.
"It was nice seeing you again." she said. Leaning down, she kissed his cheek.
Justin immediately tensed at the contact, but Trystan didn't seem to notice. Touching his arm lightly, she smiled at him before turning to walk away.
Taking only a few steps, she stop, and quickly returned to the table. "I almost forgot."
Justin looked up at her quickly. "What?"
"My name." she said. "You don't even know my last name."
Justin looked at her confused for a moment, wondering why it was important that he knew her last name. He was having a hard enough time erasing her first name from his memory and his everyday thoughts, knowing her last name may break him.
Noticing his look of bewilderment, she grinned. "For the tickets. You need a name to leave the tickets under, right?"
"Oh," he said, shaking his head at himself. "Yeah."
Grinning at him, she lowered her head. "Michaels. Trystan Michaels."
The name sent a slight shiver down his spine at the way she said it. He wasn't sure why, but something in her voice at that moment was......spooky, for lack of a better word. Almost as if she wanted her name engraved in his mind.
Nodding, Justin pursed his lips. "Okay. Ill leave two tickets for you."
"Thanks. See you tonight." she said, before turning at quickly walking from the cafe.
The moment her tall figure was out of the cafe and rounded the corner out of sight, Justin let a long, deep breath escape his lungs.
It had only been about twenty minutes, but it had seemed like forever. That short time had caused more emotions, thoughts, and confusion in him that anything else had in the past year.
He had agreed to meet her to make sure she was alright. And she was. He wanted to apologize for the way he had acted. He did. And he wanted to use this as some sort of closure to what had happened; what had been haunting him. He had failed in that attempted.
Instead, she was going to be attending the concert tonight. And almost as if it was some sick joke, she was there because he invited her. He was going to have to leave tickets at the venue box office for her.
Looking down at the chocolate cake sitting in front of him, he shook his head.
It was as if this had been a test. This encounter was to test his character, and how he would handle the situation he found himself in again. A mere twenty minutes was all it took to show him if he was really as strong as he thought he was. If he was really going to be able to go through his daily life, and be able to forget what he had done.
Those few moments had tested him. And he was pretty sure he had failed.
