Live from The Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, MD.
You know the drill.
Opening match: "The Horny Little She-Devil" Terri Runnels vs. Trish Stratus
We get a video package tracing the feud between The Four Horsemen and Stratusfaction Inc. so far, ending with the Terri-Trish catfight from the last show after SI member Lance Storm defeated Horseman Dean Malenko, and Trish challenging Terri.
LG: "The following women's contest is scheduled for one fall."
("Time to Rock and Roll" plays)
Crowd boos.
LG: "Introducing first, the leader of Stratusfaction Inc., from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, TRISH STRATUS!"
Trish is wearing her usual short shorts and tight top.
(Terri's music plays)
Crowd cheers.
LG: "And her opponent, representing the Four Horsemen, from Live Oak, Florida, 'The Horny Little She-Devil' Terri Runnels!"
Terri does the "Devil Horns" sign and then raises the four fingers of the Horsemen sign.
JR mentions that the Four Horsemen and Stratusfaction Inc. have both been banned from ringside.
Terri is wearing short shorts and a tight top as well.
A feeling-out process to start. Trish gets control and works over Terri on the mat. Trish gets a slam and an elbowdrop for 2. Terri fights back with clotheslines and a slam of her own. Terri then climbs to the top and hits a flying bodypress for 2 1/2. Trish gets a sunset flip for 2, and we get a series of rollups and reversals for 2 counts. This leads to a standoff. The crowd is getting into this. Trish gets control again and goes for the Stratusfaction, but Terri puts her foot under the ropes, and referee Nick Patrick tells Trish she has to let go of the hold. Trish lets go, but Terri avoids the Chick Kick and gets a small package for the pin at 5:00.
LG: "Here is your winner, TERRI RUNNELS!"
Terri struts around to celebrate her win for a bit, but is interrupted by the sounds of Steppenwolf's "Born to Be Wild." To everyone's shock, former WOW stars, Harley's Angels, Thug (TAKFA Peggy Lee Leather, aka Lady X from the LPWA), Charlie Davidson and EZ Rider, ride to the ring on motorcycles. They get in the ring and attack Terri and Trish.
Thug grabs the mic.
THUG: "This goes out as a warning to every woman in the JWL. What just happened to Terri and Trish was only the beginning. We are Harley's Angels, we are the baddest wrestling women around, and we are declaring war on all the women here. I am Thug, and this is my team, Charlie Davidson and EZ Rider. Remember, you'd rather kiss a rattlesnake than to mess with Harley's Angels."
CHARLIE: "And we just made roadkill out of you."
Harley's Angels get on their bikes and ride off, having made their point.
Commercials
The Barbarian (w/"The Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart) vs. "The Big Red Machine" Kane
LG: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall."
("Burned" plays)
LG: "Introducing first, representing The Franchise Foundation, from Parts Unknown, weighing in at 330 lbs., 'The Big Red Machine' KANE!"
(Note: Kane still has his mask in the JWL.)
Crowd boos.
(The Faces of Fear's music plays)
LG: "And his opponent, being led to the ring by 'The Mouth of the South' Jimmy Hart, and representing The Dungeon of Doom, from the Kingdom of Tonga, weighing in at 295 lbs., THE BARBARIAN!"
Crowd cheers.
JR points out that Kane has a decisive height and weight advantage over The Barbarian, though Barbarian has been wrestling for a much longer time.
Both guys go right to work on each other with power stuff (clotheslines, shoulderblocks, slams, etc.). Barbarian gets a flying clothesline for 2. Kane fights back with punches and some big slams and clotheslines. Kane gets a couple of 2 counts. Barbarian fights back for a time, but he can't keep Kane down. Kane press slams Barbarian and hits the top rope clothesline for 2. Barbarian fights back but Kane overwhelms him. Kane follows with the Chokeslam and the Tombstone and referee Charles Robinson counts 1-2-3 at 6:30. Crowd boos.
LG: "Here is your winner, KANE!"
Kane makes some pyro go off to celebrate, and grabs the mic from Lillian.
KANE (monster voice, but without the amplifier): "ALL MY LIFE, PEOPLE HAVE CALLED ME A FREAK AND A MONSTER! THOSE PEOPLE WERE RIGHT! I AM A FREAK! I AM A MONSTER! AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME!"
Kane throws down the mic and leaves. Hart helps Barbarian out of the ring.
Back to the ring.
("I Don't Suck" plays)
LG: "Making their way to the ring, Mr. Bob Backlund and Kurt Angle, HIGH STANDARDS!"
Crowd boos and chant "You suck, you suck!"
High Standards enter the ring.
MR. BOB BACKLUND: "Listen, you immature plebeians. The only reason you boo us is because you know you could never be on our level. You do not represent High Standards. Now to more important business. We know that Mr. Angle's former tag team partner, the late, great, 'Mr. Perfect' Curt Hennig, could never be truly replaced. However, I have found someone who is qualified to be part of High Standards. Please welcome, the newest member of High Standards, the only Harvard graduate in JWL history, MR. CHRISTOPHER NOWINSKI!"
(Nowinski's music plays.)
Crowd boos.
Nowinski enters the ring.
NOWINSKI: "Thank you very much, Mr. Backlund and Mr. Angle. It is an honor to work with two gentlemen of your academic and athletic caliber. Now that the three of us are together, High Standards will be unstoppable! So, Misfits, Horsemen, Dungeon, Hardcore Alliance, Team Xtreme, American Badass Inc., and everyone else in the JWL, you will all fall to the power of High Standards."
KURT ANGLE: "Oh it's true! It's DAMN true!"
Crowd boos as "I Don't Suck" plays and High Standards leaves the ring.
Commercials
Main Event, No DQ, No Countout, Falls Count Anywhere: "The Innovator of Violence" Tommy Dreamer and "The Hardcore Icon" The Sandman (w/Beulah McGillicutty) vs. The Rock and Rob Van Dam (w/Jerry "The King" Lawler)
LG: "The following tag team contest is our main event. It is a no-DQ, no-countout, Falls Count Anywhere match."
("If You Smell..." plays)
Crowd boos.
LG: "Introducing first, being led to the ring by Jerry 'The King' Lawler and representing The Royals, from Miami, FL, weighing in at 275 lbs., THE ROCK! And his partner, from Battle Creek, MI, weighing in at 235 lbs., ROB VAN DAM!"
The Royals enter the ring.
THE ROCK: "FINALLY, THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO BALTIMORE! Just so you know, The Rock is not about 'the people.' No, The Rock is about success, money, victories and glory. If it wasn't for that chain-smoking, beer-drinking jabronie The Sandman, The Rock would have won the Royal Rumble and The Rock would be standing here as THE JWL World Heavyweight Champion. So tonight, The Most Electrifying Man in the JWL and The Whole Dam Show are going to teach those two Hardcore Jabronies a lesson, and that lesson is that you do not MESS with The Royals. IF YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING!"
RVD: "Just like The Rock said, it's the fault of The Hardcore Alliance that the JWL World Title is not the property of The Royals. But that's not important, because it will be soon, since that's The Rock, and I am 'The Whole F'N Show' Rob (thumbs) Van (thumbs) Dam (thumbs)."
Lawler insults various people in the audience, makes sure to mention "Extremely Crappy Wrestling," and hands the mic over to Lillian.
("Enter Sandman" plays.)
Crowd cheers and begins to sing along.
LG: "And their opponents, being led to the ring by Beulah McGillicutty and representing The Hardcore Alliance, first from Yonkers, NY, weighing in at 245 lbs., 'The Innovator of Violence' TOMMY DREAMER! And his partner, from Philadelphia, PA, weighing in at 244 lbs., he is The Hardcore Icon, this is THE SANDMAN!"
Dreamer, Sandman and Beulah take their trip around the ring shaking hands and sharing beers with the fans. Sandman busts himself open by bashing beer cans against his forehead.
Match starts, and is the total brawl you expected. Dreamer and Sandman fire away with plunder (chairs, canes, etc.) It's no-DQ, so referee Tim White can do nothing to stop it. He's only there to count the pin. Dreamer and RVD fight in the ring and Sandman and Rock fight on the floor. Rock punches away and hits some chairshots. It's FCA, so Rock slams Sandman and covers him for two. Sandman comes back and canes away on The Rock. Sandman hits The Rock with the ring bell and gets 2. More mayhem. Back in the ring, Dreamer and RVD are having a very even fight, with each guy getting several 2 counts. Dreamer goes for the Death Valley Driver, but Lawler trips Dreamer up and Dreamer hits the mat. RVD recovers and rolls Tommy over for two. Beulah gets mad and attacks Lawler with a frying pan and cookie sheet several times. Lawler blades, basically taking him out of the match. Dreamer and RVD continue fighting. Outside the ring, The Sandman is now dominating The Rock. Sandman gives The Rock twelve caneshots and a DDT on a chair on the floor. Rock is groggy but not completely down, so Sandman chairs him and hits the Singapore-cane-assisted White Russian Legsweep for the pin at 12:00.
LG: "Here are your winners, the team of TOMMY DREAMER AND THE SANDMAN!"
The rest of The Royals (William Regal, Christian and DDP) run in and attack Dreamer and Sandman. Balls Mahoney, Mike Awesome and Masato Tanaka, representing The Hardcore Alliance, run in and make the save. The Royals and The Hardcore Alliance brawl to end the show.
End of show.