Live from the Target Center in Minneapolis, MN
You know the drill.
JR and Tenay tell us that Bret Hart has demanded a rematch against JWL World Heavyweight Champion Chris Benoit and that we will see that match as our main event tonight.
Before we get to the first match, we see the Stranger and Shawn Michaels brawling around the arena.
(We go back to the Rock introducing Randy Orton and Dave Batista as the newest members of the Royals last week and their respective wins over Spike Dudley and the Sandman.)
Opening Match: Mikey Whipwreck vs. "The Animal" Dave Batista
LG: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall."
("Unleashed" plays)
LG: "Introducing first, representing the Royals, from Washington, DC, weighing in at 315 lbs., 'THE ANIMAL' DAVE BATISTA!"
Crowd boos.
("Pepper" by the Butthole Surfers plays)
LG: "And his opponent, representing the Hardcore Alliance, from Buffalo, NY, weighing in at 187 lbs., MIKEY WHIPWRECK!"
Crowd cheers.
Mikey gets in some good offense, but this match belongs to Batista. Batista finishes with the spinebuster and the Batista Bomb at 7:00.
LG: "Here is your winner, DAVE BATISTA!"
Crowd boos.
Batista continues pounding on Mikey until Balls Mahoney and Mike Awesome make the save, much like they did last week for the Sandman.
(Video package covering the feud between the Dungeon of Doom and the Franchise Foundation.)
"The Laughing Man" Hugh Morrus (w/"The Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart) vs. "Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner
LG: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall."
HOLLA IF YA HEAR ME!
LG: "Introducing first, representing the Franchise Foundation, from Bay City, MI, weighing in at 280 lbs., 'BIG POPPA PUMP' SCOTT STEINER!"
Crowd boos.
(The Dungeon of Doom theme plays)
LG: "And his opponent, being led to the ring by 'The Mouth of the South' Jimmy Hart and representing the Dungeon of Doom, from the Isle of Nowhere, weighing in at 280 lbs., 'THE LAUGHING MAN' HUGH MORRUS!"
Crowd cheers.
Morrus and Steiner have an exciting, well-worked match. Morrus fights back from Scott's power stuff and suplexes with a powerbomb and the No Laughing Matter moonsault for the pin at 6:30.
LG: "Here is your winner, 'THE LAUGHING MAN' HUGH MORRUS!"
(Commercials)
(Video package of Randy Orton in WWE and his JWL debut win over Spike Dudley)
LG: "Making his way to the ring, Royals member RANDY ORTON!"
ORTON: "I am here to prove why I am called the Legend-Killer. I am calling out any wrestler in the back who is 40 years old or older."
Dead silence, then the lights go down and some weird music plays.
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To Orton's horror, the awful smoke pours into the ring area and THE BOOGEYMAN comes crawling out with the clock in his mouth. Boogeyman laughs and smashes the clock over his head. Orton, who is very superstitious and afraid of anything weird or, especially, supernatural, is terrified. The Boogeyman does his jumping dance with the smile on his face as Orton is too scared to move. Orton tries to escape but referee Tim White calls for the bell!
Impromptu match: The Boogeyman vs. Randy Orton
Boogeyman chases Orton around the ring to start. He grabs Orton and yells "I'm the Boogeyman, and I'm coming to get you!" Then the Boogeyman puts the worms in his mouth! Boogeyman does his dance while eating the worms. He throws Orton around for a bit. The crowd cheers for everything he does. Orton is far too scared to even think about trying any moves. Finally, the Boogeyman picks up Orton and hits the Goodnight pumphandle powerslam for the pin at 3:30!
LG: "Here is your winner, THE BOOGEYMAN!"
Boogeyman then spits the worms and worm juice onto Orton, to Orton's and the announcers' disgust and the fans' delight. Boogeyman collects his clock and smoking staff and does his crazy dance to the back. Referees and security gather up the worms and carry Orton to the back.
As JR and Tenay try to make sense out of what just happened, "American Girl" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers plays, bringing out Revolution member Beckie the Farmer's Daughter to a good pop.
BECKIE: "Last week, Francine was talking about feeling left out of the Women's Title scene. Who is she to complain about not getting a title shot? She's barely a wrestler. She got what she deserved last week. If anyone has been left out of the Women's Title scene, it's me. I wasn't even included in the Royal Rumble for the Women's Title at SuperBrawl. I am calling out my fellow Revolution stablemate, the JWL Women's Champion Molly Holly, because I want a shot at the gold."
"Revolution" plays, bringing out Molly, who looks eager to accept Beckie's challenge, even as the rest of the Revolution (Ivory, "The Heavy Metal Maniac" Riot, "The Total Athlete" Roxy Powers, Jungle Grrrl, "The Latina Super Woman" Caliente, Boom Boom the Volcano, Paradise, "The Real Deal" Selina Majors, the Disciplinarian and Caged Heat [Loca and Delta Lotta Pain]) follows with looks of concern on their faces.
Ivory is trying to be a peacemaker even though Beckie and Molly clearly want to go at it.
BECKIE: "I know the Revolution is supposed to stick together, but I don't see why I can't get a title shot. As I understood it, the goal going into SuperBrawl was to get the belt home in the Revolution's camp so we could keep our eyes on it. Well, I am tired of looking at it from afar. Even if I win, the belt will still be in the hands of a Revolution member. So, what do you say Molly?"
MOLLY: "I never back down from a challenge. Let's go right now. Get a ref out here."
Referee Jim Molineaux hits the ring and we have another impromptu match. Molly tells the rest of the Revolution that everything is okay and that they should go back to the locker room. They leave.
JWL Women's Title: Molly Holly © vs. Beckie the Farmer's Daughter
Crowd is split 50-50 here. Molly and Beckie proceed to have an excellent, well-worked match with plenty of good moves. Beckie tries for the Barnburner (450 Splash) but misses and Molly capitalizes and hits the Molly-Go-Round for the pin at 7:00.
LG: "Here is your winner, and still JWL Women's Champion, MOLLY HOLLY!"
Molly and Beckie shake hands, they raise each other's hands in victory and head for the back to the cheers of the crowd.
(Commercials)
(Taz video package)
(Christopher Nowinski video package)
"The Human Suplex Machine" Taz (w/Paul E. Dangerously) vs. Christopher Nowinski
LG: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall."
("Pomp and Circumstance" plays)
LG: "Introducing first, representing High Standards, from Watertown, MA, weighing in at 270 lbs., CHRISTOPHER NOWINSKI!"
Crowd boos.
("War Machine" plays)
Crowd cheers.
LG: "And his opponent, being led to the ring by Paul E. Dangerously and representing the Dangerous Alliance, from the Red Hook section of Brooklyn, NY, weighing in at 240 lbs., he is the Human Suplex Machine, ladies and gentlemen, this...is...TAZ!"
JR mentions that Mr. Bob Backlund, the manager of High Standards, is still recovering from the beating he, Royals manager Jerry Lawler, and Dream Team manager Dusty Rhodes all took from A Half Ton of Holy Hell, Abdullah the Butcher, King Kong Bundy and Abyss, in the cage match at Slamboree. Tenay points out that this is a teacher vs student match, since Taz was one of Christopher Nowinski's trainers during the first ever WWE Tough Enough competition.
Taz and Chris go right at it with solid moves from both guys. Nowinski hits a powerslam and a legdrop for 2. Then a DDT for 2. Taz fights back and hits a big clothesline, a Big Boot and a few Tazplexes to wear down his opponent. Chris comes back and goes for the Honor Roll, but Taz backdrops out of it. Taz then hits the T-Bone Tazplex and Tazmission combo for the tapout at 7:30.
LG: "Here is your winner, TAZ!"
Chris gets up and Paul E. smashes him in the head with the phone! Chris does a stretcher job as Taz and Paul E. walk to the back victorious.
Non-Title Match: JWL World Tag Team Champions The Faces of Fear (w/"The Taskmaster" Kevin Sullivan) vs. Rick Cornell and Kwang
LG: "The following non-title tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. In the ring at this time, from Las Vegas, NV, weighing in at 240 lbs., RICK CORNELL! And his partner, from Osaka, Japan, weighing in at 180 lbs., KWANG!"
(The FOF theme plays)
Crowd cheers.
LG: "And their opponents, being led to the ring by 'The Taskmaster' Kevin Sullivan and representing the Dungeon of Doom, from the Kingdom of Tonga, at a total combined weight of 610 lbs., they are the JWL World Tag Team Champions, MENG AND THE BARBARIAN, THE FACES OF FEAR!"
The match is a total squash, ending when Meng pins Kwang with the Tongan Death Grip at 2:30.
LG: "Here are your winners, and still the JWL World Tag Team Champions, THE FACES OF FEAR!"
(We look back at the Benoit-Bret match for the JWL World Heavyweight Championship at Slamboree.)
Main Event: JWL World Heavyweight Title Rematch: "The Crippler" Chris Benoit © vs. Bret "The Hitman" Hart
LG: "The following contest is our main event. It is for the JWL World Heavyweight Championship and is scheduled for one fall."
("Hitman" plays)
LG: "Introducing first, representing High Standards, from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, weighing in at 235 lbs., BRET HART!"
Crowd boos.
Bret says some of his usual stuff on the mic and hands it back to Lillian.
("Rabid" plays)
Crowd cheers.
LG: "And his opponent, representing the Four Horsemen, from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, weighing in at 220 lbs., he is the JWL World Heavyweight Champion, 'THE CRIPPLER' CHRIS BENOIT!"
Benoit and Bret pick up right where they left off at Slamboree, with lots of chops, suplexes and other great moves. Bret gets several two counts. Bret goes for the Sharpshooter but Benoit turns it into an inside cradle for the pin at 12:00!
LG: "Here is your winner, and still JWL World Heavyweight Champion, 'THE CRIPPLER' CHRIS BENOIT!"
End of show.