The JWL extends its condolences to the families of Bam Bam Bigelow, Mike Awesome and Allen Coage. R.I.P.
Live from the Pepsi Center, Denver, CO
We do ten-bell counts for Bigelow, Awesome and Bad News Allen.
You know the drill.
We get a video package of highlights from the Great American Bash.
JR and Mike welcome us to the show and announce that Raven has demanded a rematch with JWL World Heavyweight Champion Chris Benoit tonight and that the rematch is tonight's main event.
Kurt Angle Invitational: Kurt Angle vs. ???
LG: Please welcome to the ring at this time, the only Olympic Gold Medalist in JWL history, KURT ANGLE!
KURT: This is the third time I will be putting up my Olympic Gold Medal, that I won in Atlanta in 1996 with a BROKEN FREAKING NECK, in the Kurt Angle Invitational. I am in a bad mood already from getting pinned by Crowbar last week at the Great American Bash. I dare anyone from this stinking state of Colorado to get their ass out here and face me, because I will make him tap. Oh it's true, it's damn true.
(Jungle Boogie plays)
2 Cold Scorpio comes out to accept the challenge.
The match starts, and Scorpio surprises Angle by dominating with aerial offense, throwing Kurt off guard. Angle goes back to his terrific technical skills. Scorpio takes control again, frustrating Angle. Finally, Angle shoves referee Nick Patrick out of the way and walks out at 2:45, taking his gold medal with him.
LG: Here is your winner as a result of a disqualification, 2 COLD SCORPIO!
SCORPIO: ANGLE, YOU OLYMPIC COWARD! I am calling your ass out for a match next week.
ANGLE: I accept. You were just lucky I didn't snap your ankle and that I am still recovering from the Bash. Next time I won't go so easy on you. Oh it's true, it's true.
(Rock video package, featuring him singing Smackdown Hotel during his WWE World Heavyweight Championship Last Man Standing Match with Mankind at WWE St. Valentine's Day Massacre, February 14, 1999.
Well since Rock's baby left him
He's found a new place to dwell
It's down at the end of Jabroni Drive at
Smackdown Hotel)
IF YOU SMELL...........
It is time for the debut of THE SMACKDOWN HOTEL!
THE ROCK: FINALLY, THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO THE SMACKDOWN HOTEL! The Rock asks, why did the Smackdown Hotel have to debut in this loser city of Denver and not in New York, Los Angeles, the Rock's hometown of Miami or some place WORTHY of the Rock's presence? This is THE SMACKDOWN HOTEL, the Rock's show. You can take your Piper's Pits, Snake Pits, Barber Shops, Funeral Parlors, Highlight Reels, Cabanas, Heartbreak Hotels, Saloons, Brother Love Shows, [reference to the Lava Lamp Lounge deleted by the JWL and USA Network], roll em all up and shove the whole damn thing up your candy asses! The Smackdown Hotel is guarandamnteed to be better than all of them, jabronies. Speaking of jabronies, let the Rock see who the Rock's guest is tonight. (Checks his notes.) Well, please welcome Jabronie, uh, Crowbar and Daffney Unger.
("Head Like A Hole" by nine inch nails plays)
Crowbar and Daffney enter the ring.
THE ROCK: First of all, why in the blue hell are you two fools on my show?
CROWBAR: Look Rock, I pinned Kurt Angle in the six-man tag involving the Misfits versus High Standards at The Great American Bash, so watch who you are calling a jabronie or a fool. Besides, when was the last time you even wrestled a match on television? Oh I remember, it was when Chris Benoit beat you again to retain his JWL World Heavyweight Championship after WrestleMania. Besides, you haven't beaten anyone of substance since the JWL started.
THE ROCK: The Rock says, know your damn role and shut your mouth, you stupid-named jabronie. The Rock is the greatest world champion of all time and if the Rock remembers correctly, you lost a match that night too. So the Rock doesn't want to hear about you in some stupid six-man tag.
DAFFNEY: (SCREAMING)
ROCK (wincing): What the hell was that? Why is she screaming like that? Who wants to hear that crap?
CROWBAR: Rock, I am tired of you insulting us.
ROCK: The Rock says, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHETHER YOU ARE TIRED OF BEING INSULTED! THE ROCK IS THE MOST ELECTRIFYING MAN IN...
CROWBAR DECKS THE ROCK! Crowbar has just clotheslined the Rock and is stomping on him. William Regal and Christian of the Royals, the Rock's stablemates, have come out to make the save and are beating on Crowbar. Daffney is screaming and the Royals can not figure out why, until Gangrel and Luna Vachon of the Misfits come and save Crowbar. Crowbar and Rock trash talk each other as we go to a commercial break.
(We see clips of the previous Ron/D-Lo-Dudleys match from Episode 48 and from the Faces of Fear-Dudleys double tables match for the JWL World Tag Team Titles from the Bash, which the Faces of Fear won.)
Ron Simmons and D-Lo Brown vs. The Dudley Boys
Ron and Bubba start, and a total power vs. power match results. Ron controls and gets a big clothesline for 2. Ron keeps up the offense, but Bubba fights back and hits the Bubba Slam and second-rope senton for 2. Bubba keeps control and tags in D-Von, who continues to work over Ron. Ron fights back and tags in D-Lo to a good pop. D-Lo controls and gets a couple of 2-counts. We get the double-KO spot and the race to tag. Ron actually controls, finishing with the Dominator for the pin at 8:00.
LG: Here are your winners, the team of RON SIMMONS AND D-LO BROWN!
Rhino attacks after the match, but we hear the eerie *BONG*s again, with the lights going on and off a few times.
Joey Styles joins JR and Mike Tenay for a JWL News Update.
JOEY: Fans, I have some important news for you. MNM were originally on their way to the JWL, but there has been a change in plans. Johnny Nitro and manager Melina Perez are coming to the JWL, but without Joey Mercury, who is not coming for reasons we cannot discuss on the air. They are promising a new tag team partner to replace Joey Mercury. Speaking of tag teams, the former WWE World Tag Team Champions the Redneck Wrecking Crew, Trevor Murdoch and Lance Cade, are also coming to the JWL and they have definitely set their sights on the Faces of Fear and the JWL World Tag Team Championships. Everyone in the JWL is looking forward to these teams entering the JWL and looking forward to more exciting tag team action.
(Cruiserweight video package)
Psicosis vs. Shoichi Funaki (w/TAKA Michinoku)
We get some matwork to start, then Psicosis hits a dropkick to the face and we're off and running. Psicosis hits some fast armdrags, but Funaki suplexes him twice and drops a second-rope elbow for two. Psicosis fights back and sends Funaki to the floor and climbs up for the Guillotine Legdrop to the floor. But Funaki rolls back into the ring, so Psicosis responds by hitting a splash off the top as Funaki gets back in the ring. It gets two. Funaki comes back with a belly-to-back suplex and a running senton for two. The crowd is into this. Psicosis comes back and goes for the Guillotine Legdrop, but TAKA distracts him. This gives Funaki the opportunity to climb up himself and get the Tornado DDT for the win at 9:00.
LG: Here is your winner, SHOICHI FUNAKI!
Kaientai beat down Psicosis after the match, but Super Crazy makes the save.
(Video package covering the feud between the Hardcore Alliance and the Royals.)
?
"The Hardcore Chair-Swinging Freak" Balls Mahoney and ? vs. The Royal Assassins ("The Legend-Killer" Randy Orton and "The Animal" Dave Batista, w/Jerry "The King" Lawler)
The Royals come out first. Lawler insults everyone and hands Orton the microphone.
ORTON: Now, everyone knows about the reputations of the Legend-Killer, the Animal and the King. Speaking of killing legends, (mic goes out)
When we come back, Balls Mahoney is out and has the microphone and a chair.
BALLS: Listen, you two no-good punks need to learn some respect for the legends who helped build the wrestling business and who meant a lot more than you two jerks. What you were saying about Awesome, Bigelow and Bad News was a load of crap. My partner and I tonight are going to wrap these chairs around your pretty faces and walk out with a win. Now, I have as my tag team partner the baddest SOB to come out of Japan since Godzilla. Please welcome (dramatic pause) MASATO TANAKA!
Crowd pops as Tanaka's music hits and the man walks out with a chair of his own. Balls demands that this be made a hardcore match and the Royals agree.
The match starts, and it is an ass-kicking. Balls and Tanaka just level the heels with chairs, fists and whatever else is available. As Balls pounds away on Orton, JR makes a dismissive reference to Orton's two reigns as OVW Hardcore Champion. The crowd pops big when Tanaka pulls out a CHEESE GRATER and starts cutting up Orton and Batista with it. The heels are both bleeding big time and the faces just keep pounding on them. Finally, Tanaka hits the Diamond Dust on Batista and Balls hits the Nutcracker Suite on Orton on a chair for the pin at 8:00.
LG: Here are your winners, the team of BALLS MAHONEY AND MASATO TANAKA!
(Commercials)
(Video package covering the feud between JWL World Heavyweight Champion Chris Benoit and Raven.)
Main Event, JWL World Heavyweight Championship: "The Crippler" Chris Benoit (C) vs. Raven
JR: Fans, I'm being told that I have to warn you all that this match will not be for the weak of heart. It is likely to even outdo the violence of our previous match.
Benoit and Raven tear into each other without missing a beat. They fight around the ring area and into the stands. Rhino goes to attack Benoit, but he moves out of the way of the Gore. The brawl continues as they use all manner of plunder against each other. Raven gets control and goes for the Raven Effect, but Benoit shoves him backwards into the wall. Benoit hits the German Suplex on the hard floor. Lacking anywhere to hit the Diving Headbutt from, Benoit goes for the Crossface and gets the tapout at 12:00.
LG: Here is your winner, and still JWL World Heavyweight Champion, 'THE CRIPPLER' CHRIS BENOIT!
End of show.