After Connor and I had stopped playing our "game", we didn't talk much, but just watched the guys play golf for a while. I smirked because AJ looked so cute - oh no, I used the girlie word - in his outfit. The conservative polo shirt covered not even half the tattoos on his arms and the white gloves made me crack up, when I had first seen them today. Again this warm, peaceful feeling spread through me, as I watched his every move.
"A penny for your thoughts", Connor smiled.
"I think AJ is so..." I paused to find the right word.
"Gorgeous?!" Connor exclaimed in that high-pitched voice again.
"No", I answered. "Mysterious."
"Mysterious?"
"Yeah. I mean look at him. If people had no clue about who he is, they would have a totally wrong picture of him. If you met him on the street, covered in tattoos, his hair red or pink or with blonde tips, in a tank top and Hawaiian shirt and with those huge gold chains around his neck... One would think he's a criminal, or some wannabe, or...just a freak. They would see him and say: look at the freak!, never even knowing how much is hidden underneath his crazy outfits and tattoos." I sighed. "His fans don't know what he's really like, even though they know so much about him. Or at least they know more than others. I knew many people back at home who thought he was a wannabe or who even said he's disgusting. I'm sure he has his bad sides, we all do. But I wish they could look deeper and see the cool, beautiful guy that he is. There's so much more than meets the eye."
"Tell me about it", Connor said, just as deep in thought as I was. "AJ knows how some people are talking about him, but by now he just ignores them. It's not like it doesn't affect him at the moment he hears it, but he's strong enough to walk right over them. Nick had a harder time when it came to that. He wasn't as confident as AJ is, but he's on his way as well. It might have helped that the two hang out together more than before. They now have topics like tattoos to talk about, since Nick is so into it as well. I don't think he is copying AJ, but he's seeing him as some kind of role model. Nick is in a phase of his life where he finally is confident enough to experiment. Be it tattoos, hair styles, girls or whatever - and he knows that AJ has done all that."
"Is that why Nick isn't playing with Brian?" I asked. In various interviews and articles about the Boys you could read that Brian was Nick's best friend in the group, as was Howie for AJ, so maybe that's why I expected them to also play golf together.
Connor shrugged. "Don't know. Probably Kev and Brian have some family-talk to do. But... it's not unusual anymore that Nick is hanging with each of the guys."
"Anymore?" I asked surprised. "They've been together as a band for years. Why would it be unusual that Nick hangs with anyone but Brian?"
"They've been together as a band for years, they've grown closer than brothers, but only since a few months have all of them really become friends", Connor said. "You know, it has never been easy for Nick. The world he knew was turned upside down when he had just turned a teen. One would've thought that he'd get along great with AJ because they were the closest in age, but just like AJ needs someone special like Howie to understand him and put up with him, Nick needed someone like Brian. Brian was the only one who was a perfect match as an older brother figure for Nick. The age gap between him and Kevin was too big, Kev was always looking out for him in that fatherly way, that's why they were at each other's throats more than once. And Howie was occupied with keeping AJ sane. So there was Brian. He's a great guy. Always patient, honest, naturally nice and he understands Nick. That's why he was kinda Nick's everything for a while. Frick and Frack... If there hadn't been Brian, Nick would be a very different person today."
"And what has changed?"
"To say it in few words: Nick grew up. It's not like he doesn't need Brian at all anymore, but... he's got his circle of friends away from the group now, he's getting more independent when it comes to his family after having moved out and everything. He finally learned how to deal with his life the way that it is. He knows now what he's doing, why he's doing it and what he tries to achieve. All that has...I guess you could say calmed him down. Only a year ago he was still touchy and easily irritated, so he had a lot of fights with people, even though he didn't mean to. He doesn't like tension in the air. He's happy when he senses that everything around him is running smoothly and everyone else is happy as well."
I looked at Connor surprised. "It sounds as if you are talking about your best friend. How do you know all this anyway?"
"That's 'cause I know what Nick's thinking, and you don't", he grinned, but turned serious again. "To be honest, when I became Nick's guard I thought I would hate this. Not being what I am now, but being it for who I am with now. Just like many other guys, I thought the Backstreet Boys were a bunch of suckers, who made lots and lots of money with crap and had girls hanging all over them. Which means: like other guys, I've just been envious. But then I got to know them personally, and I got to take a pretty good look behind the scenes of this business and I wouldn't wanna trade places for anything. The whole hype isn't as much fun as it seems to be and money doesn't make you any happier if you have insane chicks screaming at you day and night, if you have no privacy at all and you can't even get away from it all when it makes you go crazy. I learned that not even the many girls you could take up to your room with you are fun. You use them, they use you and you basically feel like crap sometimes, no matter how great the night was. This business is hell." Connor turned his head and looked at Nick. "Now just imagine you grew up in an environment like that."
I didn't know how to comment on that. I hadn't seen the really dirty sides of their job yet, but I could imagine anyway that it must be difficult to stay down-to-earth in a world like that.
"He's not stupid, you know", Connor told me. "If you say people don't know what AJ is like, then they'll never even get close to knowing who Nick Carter really is. The only people he talks to openly, the only people who see him cry are people he trusts 110%. And he cried a lot, believe me."
"I guess it wasn't just homesickness", I said silently. It touched me to see how concerned Connor really was about Nick.
"Many think that pop-stars aren't your typical Joe Schmoes, not like all of us. But they are. Nick isn't perfect. But there's half the fans who claim he is and half the fans, who make fun of him. And I better not start on those who don't like the Backstreet Boys. Sure, he makes mistakes and sometimes he says stupid stuff, but then again who doesn't? Even the other Boys do, but it seems people always clearly remember Nick's stupidities. He's under a lot of pressure and just recently learned how to deal with it. It hurts him to hear people say that he's got no talent whatsoever, that he's dumb or that he's fat. The Boys are working hard, harder than they'd probably have to and they deserve the success. But they don't deserve all the crap they get. I know that not everyone can like them, I still don't like their music either. But it's wrong not to acknowledge the hard work behind it all."
Connor sighed and put on a halfway cheerful face. "Anyway! What I was trying to say was that people who don't know him personally will never get to know him at all. He likes to keep his stuff private, especially his feelings. That's why people think he's shy, but he isn't. Not even with girls, as they say. It's a good thing that he's coming around to finding out what he's all about and who he wants to be. It will still take a while, but now he's confident enough to do his own thing and stop caring about what people want him to be like."
I smiled at Connor. "Dee told me to use my chances to get to know the guys better. I sure learned a lot about Nick today." When Connor smiled back at me, I added: "And about you."
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