Chapter 9:
The days went by fast. We were never longer in one city than for two days and by now, after almost a week that I had "arrived", we were even in a new country.
Jerald had been right that I would be spending a lot of time with him. It was always fun when he and Marcus were around. But so far I couldn't say that he was right about seeing my being as a guardian angel as a job. But of course "losing the vibe", as the two of us called it, would take much longer than just a few days. I was still learning something new every day, for example how to distinguish AJ's feelings from my own. After a while it became easy to tell what came from him and what was mine.
Spending time with everyone was wonderful. There was so much to know about them and I got to know everyone better and better. From little things like finding out that Connor was from Britain to having serious conversations like the one I had with Renae one day.
Renae had turned out to be far more lovely than I had expected. But she was definitely the one that was the most bitter one of us all. I was sure that it had to do with the way she had died. It didn't help either that she was extremely worried about Kevin, who had been very moody lately. Nobody, including Renae, had a clue what could be wrong with him. I'm sure he didn't know it himself.
Anyway, one morning when both Kevin and AJ were working out together again, I told Renae about my afternoon with Connor on the golf course. She rarely seemed to be in a great mood anyway, but when I told her how Connor had spoken about Nick she turned very serious and slightly sad.
"You know", she sighed, "I think it will be very hard for Connor. Being Nick's guardian angel, I mean. I'm not sure if angels can have a crisis as well, but... Connor was only 17 when he died. Every day now he sees Nick growing up to be a man, sees him growing older and becoming more mature. Connor will never grow older. There are so many things he hadn't had the chance to do, so he kinda uses Nick to grow with him, to find out what it feels like to become a man. Not physically, but in any other way. It's not fair, but that's all he's gonna get."
I had thought a lot about what she had said, and it made sense. I wondered if I was ever gonna feel like missing out on something, but so far I was alright. Wasn't I? I kept wondering though, why I seemed like the only one who had got something good out of this whole "angel-thing". It wasn't like the others were complaining, or that they were feeling really bad, but I knew none of them had wanted to be here. None of them had wanted to die, or asked for a new life. I was the only one who was completely contented with the way things were. Had you known what my life was like, you would agree that being an angel rocked.
But while I said at another empty concert venue, watching the Boys doing their sound check, my mind was on other things. Luckily I was accompanied by Jerald and Cat. When a question popped into my head, it was always good to have one of the others around, because it meant I would learn something new. This time was no exception.
"Guys?" I spoke up. "We can touch things, right?" Cat and Jerald nodded in agreement. I sighed audibly. "Well, surprisingly enough I don't think I ever tried, but...I should be able to touch AJ as well. Correct?"
"Correct", Cat replied. "What's going on in your head?" she then smiled.
I turned to her. "We can not only touch things, but we can also move them. So if I can touch AJ, I can make him..." I thought about a good example, but instead came up with a funny one: "Can I make him punch himself?" I asked.
Jerald laughed: "I don't see why not. But why would you wanna do that?"
"I don't know. Why not?"
"Because he'd think he's going crazy!" Cat replied, but she wasn't joking. "Seriously, Carrie. Don't do anything like that."
I was quick to brush her worries off: "Relax, Cat, I'd never. I'm not gonna make him know I'm there. But...I'm just curious. What if an angel ever did that? Why shouldn't we?"
"It's just like Cat said", Jerald replied. "Imagine while you've been alive, you'd suddenly stated moving your arm, but had no control over it. You'd wonder what the heck is wrong with you. And if things like that happened more often, you'd believe you're going crazy. I'm sure your angel never did that", he added laughing.
"I doubt I had an angel", I murmured. When Jerald's eyes looked at me curiously, I quickly got back to the subject at hand. "So nobody ever did that? Or...well, there are a lot of insane people on earth. Maybe their angels drove them crazy."
"I doubt that", Cat laughed. "I can't be sure, but I've never heard of a guardian angel doing that. I've never even heard that an angel let the person they guard know that they exist. As in really exist, without a doubt. But, of course you can use that power for good things. I did once or twice."
My eyes grew wide with interest. "What did you do?"
"Oh!" Cat sighed, trying to remember. "Umm, Brian had had a fight with his brother over the phone. The next day he started writing him a letter, explaining himself and arguing some more. But I knew that he was struggling with himself to just write down that damn apology, even though somehow he wanted to. So, as he sat there, pen on paper ready to write, but not knowing what to write, I simply put my hand over his and made him write what he was thinking. That worked." She smiled: "You can do little things like that. He never knew I touched him, and even if he felt it he had probably brushed it off. Should he ever look back and think that incident was queer in some way, he'll just tell himself that it happened unconsciously. That he just listened to his heart, when he wrote the letter."
"Well, I guess in a way he did, right? 'Cause you knew that was how he felt and what he wanted."
Cat nodded. "The important thing is, I didn't write the whole thing or so. I just made him start, just the first few words. The rest he did himself." She looked at me seriously: "You can do little things, Carrie. Nothing more."
I nodded. "I won't. I'll behave, don't worry." I turned to Jerald. "Did you ever do something like that?"
Jerald laughed at the memory. "I just wanted to find out what happens, when I touch Marcus. I just placed a finger on his arm quickly, or on his forehead. Stupid stuff like that."
"And?" I asked.
"He was scratching himself, wherever I touched. He probably thought there was a fly in the room, landing on his arm or so." The three of us chuckled, then turned our attention back to the sound check.
It was a good thing I had learned that lesson that day. AJ's problems and my mission started sooner than expected - if I had expected anything at all, that is. The first signs of trouble came the following night. But it was going to be a long road for both of us.
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