A Thousand Pieces ~ Part Four

December 24

Well, we're officially snowed in, and it doesn't appear to be stopping anytime soon. Angie's boyfriend arrived yesterday, and they've been nauseatingly cute to the point where I just can't be in a room with them. As usual, I'm spending most of my time alone.

It didn't always used to be that way. When AJ and I found each other that summer, we were joined at the hip. It's like when you wait your whole life for something, and then once you get it, you just can't get enough. We were like that. Except we didn't even know that we were waiting for each other. But we were.

Okay, today I have a lot of spare time. (Angie has decided that one is not allowed to do anything on Christmas Eve; we must all sit around the house and "feel the holiday spirit.") So, where was I? Oh yes, yesterday I was remembering when AJ first introduced me to Howie. That was only a few days before I was set to graduate from college. AJ had big plans for that summer...

"Come with me," he had told me. It was the night of graduation. AJ and I had gone out dancing to celebrate and then come back to my apartment. At the moment it was about two-thirty AM, and we were lounging on the couch. I had a permanent grin plastered on my face and was thoroughly enjoying my newfound freedom. Then AJ had suggested...this. "I'm serious. Come with me," he repeated.

"What?" I asked, incredulous. "AJ, you know I can't just up and go with you to Florida for the summer. I just got out of college, I have no money...I have to find a job!"

"You can come back to New York in the fall and find a job. You know I can't stay here with you forever. Come to Florida...Right now I just want to be with you, every minute of every day..." he grinned and suddenly tackled me, pinning me to the couch and tickling me until I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.

"Stop! Alex McLean, stop it right now!" I shrieked, giggling, tears running down my face.

"I'll only stop if you do one thing..." he said evilly, his fingers finding the sensitive spot on the side of my stomach and causing me to erupt in another fit of giggles.

"Anything! Just stop...tickling..." I gasped as he reached down and lightly tickled the back of my knee. With a loud, happy squeal and a resounding thunk, I rolled off the couch and pulled AJ down with me. He didn't give up that easily, though. "Come on, what do you want me to do?" I squeaked out between laughs.

"Say you'll come to Florida for the summer," he whispered into my ear, his hands falling still. I took a deep breath and looked into his eyes as he lay on top of me. I remember my heart beating so hard and so fast it was slamming against my ribs at breakneck pace.

"Yes," I breathed, as his mouth lowered to capture mine.

Oh shit, Angie's decided that we need to do some Christmas carol singing to get in the mood. It's amazing, though - I was actually having an AJ memory without getting all teary-eyed. Maybe this whole journal-writing scheme of Ang's is actually getting somewhere.

December 26

Merry Christmas. Well, late Christmas, since it was yesterday. It wasn't as merry as it could have been, but I suppose it also could have been a whole lot worse. Overall I would have to say that it was pretty uneventful. We got up early, exchanged gifts, and spent the rest of the day eating the insane amount of food Ang's mom had sent with her.

Angie noticed that I'm still wearing my Me Too ring that AJ gave me last Christmas. She didn't say anything, though. I'm pretty thankful for that - I know she's all for me going out and getting on with my life. She respects that I'm half a person without AJ, but I don't think she understands. There's a big difference between respecting and understanding.

So we're going back home tomorrow. We really don't have any plans for the new year. I'm sure Angie'll do something. I'll probably be at home watching Dick Clark. At least he's dependable.

Anyway, while I still have the peace and quiet of the mountains up here, I might as well do a little more reminiscing. I do believe I was writing about AJ's unexpected proposal that I go back to Florida with him for the summer. As you can imagine, I was a bit taken aback by it, but after a day or so, the idea started to grow on me. And I started getting excited.

We caught a flight to Orlando about a week later. AJ was so excited to be going home after having stayed in New York with me for the last month. He absolutely refused to sit still on the plane, whether it was crossing and uncrossing his legs, or playing with his sunglasses, or plucking at his goatee. He reminded me of a little kid, but it made me smile.

We were met at the airport by Howie, who evidently had nothing better to do that day, and AJ's mother. I was a little anxious about meeting her, but I loved the woman as soon as I laid eyes on her. I got the feeling that I would get along with her far better than with my own parents.

"So, what do you think of Florida?" Howie asked me with a smile as the four of us drove back to AJ's house.

I watched the palm trees whiz by me as we zipped along. "The sky...it's so blue," I murmured. "And everywhere I look, there are seagulls and sand and sunshine."

"That's Florida in a nutshell," AJ's mom chuckled.

"Especially the seagulls," AJ added. "Damn birds aren't good for a thing except stealing your food." He threw me a grin and then went back to looking out the windshield as he drove.

Fifteen minutes later, we'd arrived, and Howie offered to help me carry my things inside the house. I told him that it would probably be more helpful if he took some of AJ's stuff in, since he had decided to bring all of Manhattan back with him to Orlando. At least, that's what it looked like from all the suitcases.

Standing in AJ's driveway, breathing in the humid air, a lazy smile spread across my face. An entire summer of AJ and me and the hot Florida sun stretched in front of me seemingly without end. Just thinking about the infinite possibilities sent a grin to my lips and a shiver down my spine. I couldn't believe I had actually hesitated to agree to this trip. As far as I could tell, it was looking to be the best summer of my life.

What a joke it is, thinking about this now. Summer? All I see is cold white snow when I look outside my window. And AJ? It doesn't matter where I look. The only place I'll ever see him is deep within a memory, buried under a mountain of sorrow.

~

Continue to part five

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