Brian watched her running along the pier with so many emotions inside of him that he didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. But he knew that the dominant feeling above them all was the love he felt.
"Littrell, what are you waiting for?" she called, still laughing as she turned around to him, so he increased his speed to catch up with her.
When he reached her, his arm went around her waist and he buried his face in the crook of her neck. His heart was heavy as he took in her sweet perfume and the soft feel of her skin. He had to be aware of every single moment, for both didn't know how much more time they would be given.
Alessandra ran her fingers through his short hair, whispering into his ear. "Brian... Hey, B.! You promised not to have a sad face tonight, remember?" she asked softly. She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight for a moment. "I don't want to see the worry in your eyes, Brian. Not tonight." She lifted his head from her shoulder and, looking straight into his eyes, repeated: "You promised. All I want is one night."
Brian nodded, fighting back tears. "I promised, and you're gonna have a night of fun. You're gonna have the night you wanted." He leaned in and kissed her, both carefully but firmly. He tried to memorize every little thing about how she tasted. He never wanted to forget.
Alessandra took his hand and together they walked down the pier, until they reached her favorite restaurant. Brian tried his best to keep his promise to be just a normal couple, only this one night, but it was hard not to ask her if she felt any pain, if she needed anything or if she wanted to rest. It was hard to hide his fear and worry.
They exchanged sweet words and promises of love during dinner, talking about beautiful memories they shared and Brian's soul cried because he loved her so much. He knew this was real, she was the closest to heaven he would ever be, but the one thing, the one person he couldn't live without was not the one destined to spend the rest of his life with him.
After dinner they drove to her favorite club, which was also near the beach. He loved to see her on the dancefloor, letting herself fall into the rhythm of the music and letting her body flow with the melodies. But at the same time he knew she was hiding the pain. She refused to admit it not only to him, but also to herself. Brian wished he could just take her home and take care of her, but she deserved this one wish to be fulfilled.
They spent two hours dancing in the club, before Alessandra's face became pale. She looked up at Brian with tired, but happy eyes. "Take me home, Brian!" she smiled. The painful look in his eyes broke her heart.
On the way home she was silent. She was thankful that Brian tried to chit-chat with her, but she could tell the nervousness behind it. The time for them to separate grew near and he seemed to push it all away by denying it would happen.
"Do you want something to drink?" Brian asked, as they entered their house. Alessandra had moved in with him a year ago, but she had only returned home a week ago. Returned from the hospital, where she had spent five horrible months. That's why she had wanted this night tonight. She wanted to do all the things they had done before and just forget about the shadow hanging over them.
"Yes, please", Alessandra replied. "Do we still have OJ?"
"Yeah", Brian called from the kitchen. He joined her in the living-room, where she rested on the couch, handing her the glass of juice - and her medicine. Alessandra took both, but put the small pill away, flashing Brian a small smile. He knew she didn't take her medicine anymore.
"I had a lot of fun tonight", she smiled happily. "Thank you!" she added softly, caressing his cheek.
At this moment Brian broke out into tears. His head fell to her chest, where she held it, quietly soothing him. Her own eyes filled with tears, but she was too tired to cry, and she didn't want to. She caressed Brian's hair, while she whispered comforting words over and over again.
"I don't know if I'm strong enough", Brian blurted out between sobs. "Sandra, I'm not strong enough."
At this the first tear slipped down Alessandra's face. "You are strong enough, baby, I know that. You've been so strong for me all the time. When I'm gone, take your time to be weak, but remember that I will always be with you. Don't cry too long, ok? You know I don't want you to cry."
Brian looked up, shaking his head. "I can't... I can't be without you, I can't. Oh God, Sandra, I can't let you go."
She wiped the tears from his eyes, only to make room for new ones. She leaned towards him, kissing his lips lightly, tasting the salt on them. Brian's hands around her pulled her close and he deepened the kiss. His hands roamed freely over her body, caressing her hair, her face, her waist and legs, and he couldn't stop crying all the time. When they broke apart, he hugged her once more, clinging to her and not wanting to let go.
"I'll have this kiss forever", Alessandra smiled. "I'm taking every memory you ever gave to me, all the love you had to give me with me. And I'll be watching over you, watching happily as I see you grow old, while I'll be waiting for you, Brian. Forever."
Brian closed his eyes, wanting the tears to stop falling. He had always wanted to be strong for her, during her fight against cancer and ever since they found out two months ago that she would die. He had never broken down in front of her, only in the arms of his family and his friends. And now, now that she only had another few days, maybe only hours, he couldn't control all the emotions inside of him anymore and crumbled to pieces in her embrace.
"I feel so helpless", he admitted. "I would do anything, anything, if only I wouldn't have to be without you. We wanted to have a family, we wanted so much in life. Without you I have nothing. I don't want to spend a single day, not a single night without having you by my side. I don't want to live if you're not with me..."
"Brian, no. Oh baby, please... Don't cry. I'll be fine, I'll be somewhere good. You know if I could, I would hold you 'til the end of time. And somehow I will, you gotta believe that. I'll never really be gone, if only you remember this."
Brian just nodded, before he whispered: "I wish I could take the pain away. I wish I could die instead..."
Alessandra rested his head at her chest again, stroking his hair. "I want you to know that you've made my life paradise, Brian. The days I spent with you were the happiest I had. I lived to love you and I can't imagine any better reason to live than to love you. Having you here with me makes everything easier, makes it bearable. I would've given up a long time ago, if there hadn't been you."
Not much later they lay in bed, just holding each other for a while. Even though they knew this could be their last night together they didn't want to sleep with each other a final time. What they shared now was a love that was more intense than anything could be. He didn't need to be physically inside of her to be inside of her. They were one and Brian knew that when Alessandra passed away, a piece of him would die with her.
Brian just held her, caressed her. He was afraid that if he spoke up, he would break into tears again. She let her finger run over his lips and he choked when she smiled at him. He didn't know how he would live, when she was gone.
"Don't let me fall asleep, Brian", she said. His eyes widened a little with fear, but she calmed him down: "Don't worry, the time hasn't come. Yet. But I want to spend all the time I still have with you, awake." Her face suddenly turned sad and her voice was breaking as she said: "There's still so much I want to say..."
It was a warm summer night outside, so Brian picked her up in his arms, with the blanket around her and carried her to his roof garden. They sat down on the couch there, cuddling and talking, while the stars disappeared and the sun rose.
They talked about the past and all the times they had shared and told each other everything they still needed the other to know. They talked about the future and Alessandra made Brian promise her a lot. She told him that she wanted him to go on, to be happy and fall in love again. She told him she wanted to see him raise kids from wherever she was watching and wanted him to continue with his music. Brian promised to try, weeping all the time. They talked about what lay ahead for them, and wished to be back together again some day - and that that time would be for eternity.
When the sun stood above them, Alessandra placed a finger over Brian's lips to silence him. With tears streaming down her face she smiled and calmly said: "This is my last sunrise, Brian. It's so beautiful." She laughed and sobbed, saying: "I'm scared, Brian. Oh God, Brian..."
He held her even closer than before, kissing the top of her head. Alessandra clung to his arms, finally breaking down herself. Tears flowed over her face, over her smiling lips as she took in the last sunrise she would see on earth.
"I love you, Alessandra", Brian cried. "I love you."
"I know", she said. "I love you, Brian. Forever." Her lips met his another time, staying there for a moment, before she sunk back onto his arm around her. "I love you", she repeated, closing her eyes. Forever.
The End.
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