The Way You Said Hello ~ Chapter Seventeen

The next morning, I woke up feeling like shit. It's really the only way to describe it - I just felt terrible. I was tired and cranky, and very confused. I needed some time to think…think about what had gone on the night before. I was still rather in shock about the entire episode, so I did what I always did.

When I woke up, I lay in bed for twenty minutes, a dull ache originating in my stomach and spreading outward until I was totally immersed in it. I tossed and turned restlessly, tangled hopelessly in the confining sheets. This ache was an ache of misgiving and emptiness, and I wallowed in it until I had had enough. I rolled out of bed, groaning, and plodded listlessly into the kitchen. I poured myself a tall glass of orange juice. It felt blessedly cool in the back of my parched throat. After draining the glass and setting it in the sink, I continued on to the living room.

When I first sat down at the old, dusty piano in the living room, I didn't intend to play for very long. But as soon as I started, I lost track of time - as my fingers flew over the ebony and ivory, time was kept not in seconds or minutes but in quarter notes and eighth rests. This was how I worked out my feelings. It was the only time my head was completely clear. I tried to think about what I would do next regarding AJ as I flew through Debussy and Brahms. My feelings quickly became more complicated as I moved on to Beethoven and Mozart; and just as I started with Bach's Piano Concerto #2, the phone rang.

My fingers hovered for a moment - I was caught off guard. I heaved a sigh and stood up, pushing the piano bench back. I ambled lazily to the kitchen, annoyed at being interrupted, and picked up the phone just before the answering machine did.

"Hello?" I said shortly.

"Yeah, Becky?" a guy's voice said on the other end. The connection was rather scratchy, and I heard lots of people talking in the background.

I squinted my eyes in confusion. "Nick?" I asked curiously, sitting down at the kitchen table. "Why are you calling?" Interesting, I thought. I imagined that none of the guys would ever want to have anything to do with me again, after my performance last night.

Nick cleared his throat anxiously. "Well…Ryan gave me your number, obviously, and since I know you the best out of the rest of the guys, I mean, except for AJ of course…I was elected to call you," he stammered. "I just wanted to let you know, AJ's really confused about everything that happened last night."

"Oh, is he now?" I said, scowling. "Confused? Hmm…no, I wouldn't know how that feels," I spat sarcastically.

That threw Nick off guard. "Well…" he said again, "All he heard what that you ran out and said that you never want to see him again."

"Okay, so what's there to be confused about?" I muttered, kneading my temples with my fingertips. I could feel a massive headache coming on.

"Everything!" Nick exclaimed. "And for that matter, none of us other guys know what's going on either. You just ran out suddenly…and no one knows why."

Morning sunlight streamed through the kitchen windows, getting snagged on the dust floating in the air before finally pooling on the tile floor. I wondered how everything could look and feel so right, how the sun could shine so gently and the sparrows outside could trill cheerfully, when every feeling inside me felt so torn and chaotic.

I explained everything to Nick. I told him about hearing AJ on the phone with someone else, telling her that she could come over, that they would be alone…I told him how betrayed I felt and why I needed to run. I couldn't take it.

"Oh my god," Nick said excruciatingly slowly. "No way."

"What?" I asked cautiously. Silence. "Come on, Nick," I warned. "I don't have all day."

"Becky," he said finally, "if you weren't really upset about this whole thing, I would have to kill you."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I sighed, exasperated. I drummed my fingers anxiously on the wooden table - a nervous habit of mine.

"That was no other girlfriend AJ was talking to!" Nick exclaimed excitedly. "That's his cousin! She's coming in from out of town this week…she got in last night and she wanted to go over to AJ's. But see, she did want to be alone with him, because she's kinda freaked out by this whole AJ fame thing. She hasn't seen him since they were, like, eleven. And of course he told her all about you and she was really shy about meeting you. She wanted to hang out with AJ a while first and make sure everything was cool." My jaw fell open in shock. Nick continued, "Oh my god, Becky…I wish you had just asked one of us first before you ran out like that!"

I moaned softly to myself. Dear god…what had I done? I totally overreacted. It was all my fault…AJ would never forgive me.

Suddenly the thought that I had screwed things up with AJ struck me. It echoed inside my ears and made my heart beat faster. My breathing grew heavy; tears pricked my eyes, and I regretted everything I had said and done last night. AJ was the only thing that mattered to me right now, and if I had just lost him, I didn't know what I would do.

I brought myself back to reality. "Nick, thank you so much! You're too good to me," I said hurriedly. "I really appreciate this very much and I'll find some way to thank you…but right now there's something I have to do." The words tumbled haphazardly from my lips, faster than my brain could even think them. "Give Ryan my love, all right? Tell her I'll call her. Thanks Nick! Talk to ya later!"

I quickly hung up the phone with Nick and hit speed dial button number one. The phone number to AJ's house in Kissimmee dialed and connected. The line at the other end started to ring, and I silently hoped to myself that some way, some how, I would fix this mess.

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Continue to chapter eighteen

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