The Way You Said Hello ~ Chapter Thirty-Three

"AJ, what are you doing here?" He stood in front of me, soaking wet from the rain. At first I wasn't quite sure if I was hallucinating - if this was a dream - or if this was real. It couldn't be real, it just couldn't be…I wasn't that lucky.

"I came back." Rain traced patterns down his face as he stood motionless in front of me. I stepped outside into the rain with him, incredulous.

"You came back." I repeated what he said, skeptically. I was still in shock, so this really wasn't making a whole lot of sense to me. "Could you please repeat that?"

He made a few hand gestures in an attempt to silence me. "Look, don't say anything yet, okay? Just let me talk. I know you probably never want to see me again-"

"No!" I blurted out unintentionally. It was just so untrue…but he simply gave me a look and continued to talk.

"-But I came a hell of a long way to see you, and I'm not leaving until I finish." For a moment, all was silence but the pattering of the rain.

"What *are* you doing here, though, AJ? The tour-" I asked, falling apart inside. Confusion overwhelmed me; the world spun.

His deep voice cracked as he spoke with feeling. "The tour means nothing to me now…nothing! Not when I can't hear your voice…talk to you…hold you."

I grew indignant, as I was too emotionally jumbled up to really FEEL. "But you can't just do that!" I said stubbornly. "The fans-"

"Screw the fans!" he shouted, drops of water spraying from his lips. "I mean, maybe I couldn't just do that…but I did. Don't you get it?" He was frustrated, wanting to tell me something, but having trouble getting the words out.

I shook my head no. I didn't get it! I wasn't even believing that this was truly happening. It was too incredible - that AJ could be standing three feet in front of me when he should still be in Europe. This was all so crazy… I had been wishing for a chance to fix things up with AJ for weeks. Now I had a chance, but I was paralyzed - I couldn't think, couldn't move, couldn't speak. I could only stare at him and hear the words come out of his mouth.

"My life means nothing without you, Becky! All I want is another chance."

We were now both standing totally in the rain, and now I was as drenched as he. The raindrops pounded down hard on my skin - my hair was bedraggled, my clothes were soaked and clinging to my body…but I didn't care. I didn't even notice at all.

We faced each other at arms length. We kept so much distance between us, because we were afraid to let ourselves get too close. But our eyes were locked together - his burned into mine with such passion I was floating in them. The front door of the house was hanging open, as I forgot to close it behind me when I wandered out here in a daze. Rain was blowing inside, but it didn't matter…nothing mattered now. AJ was here, and all the things he was saying to me…oh god…the things he was saying to me!

He continued again after a moment of silence. "I know you're afraid to love…you've told me countless times. You've been hurt and can't bear the thought of being hurt again, so you push the people who mean the most away from you. Right? To protect yourself. But now…I want to be the one to protect YOU. Let me help you through this, Becky…let me be there for you. It's all I ask…" His voice was slipping into that special tone that was reserved for times when emotion ran through him like lightning. This was one of those times, and his voice was hoarse and deep.

"Why?" I whispered, my face in my hands. I tasted salt water mixed in with the rain drops and realized that I was crying. That made two of us.

"Why what?" AJ responded, a little confused.

There was a brief pause while I thought…my head was whirling around, and I couldn't sort them out. Through my tears I managed to say: "Why do you care so much, AJ? Why do you come back again and again when all I've done to you is push you away? Why do I deserve you? Because, trust me, I don't think I do. I have problems…and…it makes me not good enough for you. AJ, you can do better…you can be with someone who can love you without being afraid. Why do you waste your time on *me*?"

He stared at me blankly for a moment. "You have got to be joking. Waste my time on you? How could that be possible? I don't ever want to hear you say that again!" He was upset, his face twisted in agony.

"I won't…just…" I whispered, still incoherent.

"Do you really want to know why I can't tear myself away from you?" Raw emotion in his voice - desperation - something more…

"Yes…no…I don't know!" I was so confused…I wanted to tell him so badly what I'd just realized while he was gone… that I - but I was cut off when he started to speak again.

"Becky, there has never been, and never will be, anyone else like you. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. It's like without you, I was just half a person, but when I'm with you, I feel whole. … You make me smile when no one else can. The way you look at life is unbelievable. I would give it all up - every dollar, every fan, every second of fame I've ever had - just to be with you."

"AJ…" I tried to stop him, to tell him - but no, he kept talking - he wouldn't shut up until he had said everything he had come to say. Couldn't he tell that it was pointless? That I was already his?

He went on: "Just say the word and I'll stay here, with you, forever. No more touring. No more press conferences. Just you and me. Just us." He spread his hands out before him in a final offer of complete selflessness. He was laying it on the line now. I knew that if I turned him down once more, he would walk away and never return. I couldn't live with myself if that happened. I had found him again, and I wasn't going to let him go this time.

I gazed at him with such wonder, such amazement - I didn't deserve him, not with all I'd put him through. But…I couldn't help myself any more. No longer could I possibly hold back from him…We were still standing a few feet apart from each other, and the distance was killing me. The rain still fell relentlessly, but my skin was numb to it.

AJ took a shuddering breath and told me the final thing he had come to say. It struck a chord in my heart, and I knew that I was too far in this to ever go back.

"I fell in love with you the first time I heard your voice. It must have been the way you said hello." He gave a half-smile, looking away almost in embarrassment.

Before, I had felt dizzy, lightheaded, shocked - but now my thoughts were clear. I was more certain of this than I had been of anything in my life: I wanted AJ. I wanted him now, and I wanted him for the rest of my life.

Trembling, I lifted my eyes and looked not into his eyes, but into his soul - a whisper passed huskily through my lips:

"I love you, AJ."

With those words, time stood still - the earth stopped turning. I could not move: he held me transfixed, and all I could do was breathe.

And then he was talking too, speaking ever so softly: "God Becky, I love you too, I love you so much" - over and over as I collapsed into his arms, finally allowing the sobs to wrack my body uncontrollably.

I wept onto his shoulder, crying, "AJ, I'm so sorry - I am so sorry - never leave me again, never, never…I love you so much AJ, I love you, I love you…"

Those three little words became six and nine until I finally lost count, saying them over and over. It felt so good to let myself utter them after holding back for so long: my fear was gone. I had finally come home.

And then suddenly there his lips were, pressed against mine. We were melting together - the boundaries were blurred, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to tell where I stopped and he began. It was as if every time we had kissed before, it was only practice for this; and we were finally really kissing for the first time.

And I felt this time a heat like never before: though the rain chilled me through and through, I was burning, I was exploding with a passion I had never felt before in my life. AJ's hands were everywhere: my face, my hair, up and down my back - and mine were just as hungry, roaming everywhere they could reach. And the feel of his mouth on mine: frenzied, countless kisses that kindled an aching fire low in my stomach.

We were falling into each other, both literally and figuratively. Without a word, without breaking our chain of kisses, I led him up the front steps to the door. We leaned against the door frame, desire increasing with every second we touched. These kisses were fast becoming more desperate, and I had no doubts or apprehension. We stumbled inside, slammed the door shut, and made our way to my bedroom.

~

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