The Way You Said Hello ~ Chapter Nine

I flicked the switch on the wall, and the large hotel room was filled with soft light. I walked to the bed where my bag already lay and set my purse down next to it. AJ followed closely behind me and sat down on the other bed. I dug through my bag and pulled out a change of clothes.

"Don't go anywhere," I told him softly. He winked, and we both smiled. I walked into the bathroom and shut the door.

I quickly changed out of my nice clothes into blue boxers and a soft, white cotton tank top. I splashed my face with cold water and then toweled it off. I took my hair out of its bun and let it cascade down my back in soft waves. Staring at my reflection in the mirror for a brief moment, I willed it not to let me make a complete fool out of myself.

I swung the door open and saw AJ sprawled out on one of the beds with his eyes closed. Smiling, I walked over to the bed and leaned over until my nose was only about three inches from his.

"Boo," I said, and he jumped. Laughter caused my head to shake, and my hair fell from behind my shoulders to land on his face.

"That tickles!" he shouted. He then suddenly grew very silent and stared at me. His brown eyes - pools of liquid chocolate - grew very wide.

"What?" I asked, backing away, suddenly feeling very self-conscious.

"Your hair," he breathed. "I've never seen anything like it."

"Of course you have," I said shortly. "Don't try to flatter me, pal, 'cause it isn't gonna work." I turned around and put my things back in the bag on the other bed. I turned around to face him again.

"No, seriously," he said earnestly, sitting up. "It's beautiful."

"Well, it's usually straight. It's only wavy now because I had it up."

"No, no! Don't apologize!" He slid backwards on the bed so his knees were bent, feet up on the bed, and his elbows leaning on his knees.

"I thought you were falling asleep on me there," I said, approaching him.

He grinned. "Well, I was trying to re-energize myself before you got back. I somehow got the feeling this would be a pretty long night."

I smirked. "Oh yeah?" I took a step toward him. "Don't get any ideas, lover boy." With that, I punched him softly in the stomach and hopped onto the bed next to him. I sat cross-legged facing him and studied his face.

It was the first time I had a good look at him in decent lighting. His hair was brown, but still had reddish tints to it, probably from his last dye job. It was relatively long, maybe an inch or two, and it was sticking up, spiky, from his head. He had a thin moustache that connected to his small goatee. His eyes were beautiful without sunglasses covering them, for once; and his lips were turned upward in a small smile. He looked almost exactly like I had seen him in that concert that got shown on pay per view, except that he was wearing different clothes, of course.

He wore a sleeveless black shirt with a silver design down the front and very dark, baggy blue jeans. He had on tennis shoes before getting up on the bed - now his feet were covered by socks. His sunglasses were perched on top of his head, making his hair stick up in many interesting directions.

I giggled and ruffled his hair around the glasses.

"Hey!" he growled. He covered his head with his hands, trying in vain to protect himself from my attack on his hair. He stuck out his lower lip and pouted.

"Aww," I laughed. "Poor baby." I sat back again and watched him try to make himself presentable again.

"Don't worry, babe. You look cute," I declared.

"Just cute?" He placed his hand on his chest and pretended to be offended.

I raised an eyebrow. "What do you want me to say?" He grinned. "On second thought, don't answer that question!" I laughed, then sighed. "How can you still be single when you're rich and famous, and…well…look at you!"

He gave me a wide smile, but it quickly faded. "That's just the thing, Becky. It's the money. People see me not as AJ, but as a Backstreet Boy with a new album coming out and a new source of cash. It's hard."

I felt a small tug at the back of my conscience. It said to me, whatever he's been through, I've been though worse. But I put it behind me and placed my hand on his arm in sympathy.

He continued. "I've been through pain, heartbreak even." His deep voice rasped more than usual, and he wouldn't look directly at me. "But I know that love will find me when it's ready."

"Of course it will," I murmured. I removed my hand from his arm and stood up. I looked around uneasily, searching for something to do that would give me an excuse to get away from AJ. It's not that he was making me uncomfortable; in fact, I had never felt so happy or at ease with someone. But I was afraid I was letting myself get too attached.

"What's wrong?" AJ asked concernedly.

"Nothing," I quickly muttered. "Well," I corrected myself, "that's not true. AJ, I've been though hard times too, and it's really affected me." I paced slowly around the room, but stopped suddenly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up. It's nothing compared to what you've been through."

"No," he said. "Tell me. Talk to me."

"Are you sure? Because we can just change the subject right now-"

"Yes, I'm sure. I want to hear what you have to say."

I resumed my pacing and crossed my arms tightly across my chest. I started slowly, "It's really nothing in specific, I guess. I've just had a history of choosing the wrong person to be with. I've been lied to, cheated on, beaten. I used to be easily fooled, easily deceived. I would open up my heart to someone and they'd take advantage of my emotions. I learned that showing your feelings only makes you weak and vulnerable. Finally I'd just had enough. Love certainly wasn't doing me any good. I was tired of spending my nights sobbing to myself, alone, because of what some guy did to me. This way I could just concentrate on protecting myself from getting hurt again." I glared at him. "And I'm no different from anyone else who's been hurt, so I don't need your sympathy. It was a personal decision. I guess if I ever find the right person, it could change, but I don't think that's gonna happen for a LONG time. Until then it's no big deal. I can just shut people out and poof, no pain."

He jumped to his feet and grabbed my shoulders. "No big deal?! Are you crazy? Please don't say that." His eyes searched mine. "I have trouble trusting people too, but you have to let people in sometimes."

I wrenched myself free from his grip and walked to the window. I looked out at the lights of the city spread out below me, a reflection of the stars that were barely visible through the clouds.

"You don't always have to run, Becky," AJ said quietly from somewhere behind me.

I whipped around and pinned him with a sharp glare. "Yes, AJ, I do!" I shouted angrily, though my anger wasn't directed at him. "I always have to run! The last time I didn't, I opened up my heart and I had it stepped on, sliced, diced, and eaten for someone's fucking breakfast! Anyone can take advantage of my feelings. The only way I can protect myself is not to show any. Especially to someone who could be the wrong person."

AJ looked at me sadly. "If you close yourself up, afraid of being hurt by the wrong person, then you're going to end up by yourself. Lonely."

My voice was as hard as steel as I spat, "There is *nothing* lonelier than being with the wrong person."

I walked past him and sat down on the bed. I curled up so that my knees were pulled tight to my chin and my arms were wrapped around my legs. I was trying to make myself as small a target as possible.

AJ's face softened as he stood by the window watching me. He slowly walked toward me and sat down next to me. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed me close to him. I sighed but didn't move - until he leaned close and whispered in my ear:

"Someone once told me something that I've taken to heart. They said, 'You've got to dance like no one's watching, and love like it's never going to hurt.' If you don't do that, Becky, what's your life for, anyway? Don't be afraid to open up. It's the only way for you to find yourself." He paused for a few moments, and his arms gripped me a bit tighter as he said, "When I'm ready, when we're both ready…all I know is I want you to be the one." His breath tickled my earlobe and I gave an involuntary shudder. I unfolded myself from my position and moved closer into his arms without a word.

We sat like that in silence for an eternity. My eyes drifted shut, and the next time I opened them, morning light was shining through the hotel room curtains.

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Continue to chapter ten

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