Nick Carter sighed, as he folded the sheet of paper in his hands and put it into an envelope. Another letter, another attempt to keep in touch with his far-away friend. Another time hoping the letter would be answered. As he stared at the name and address on the envelope, Nick lost himself in memories...
It had been almost a year ago that the Backstreet Boys had visited Russia for the first, and so far last, time. They had given a concert in Moscow (or Moskva, as he liked to call it after Joanna had taught him the native name of Russia's capital city), but the truly exciting thing had happened before the concert. The band had been invited to dinner - with no other than one of the most influential Russian politicians and his family.
Nick remembered how nervous all of them had been. His four band members, along with their bodyguards, AJ's mom Denise and their road manager had arrived at the house in two limousines. It would've been nerve-wrecking enough to meet such an important man, but the soldiers, armed with machine pistols, who looked like Dolph Lundgren look-alikes that protected the house caused more nervousness than all of them liked.
Once those Dolph Lundgren's started to talk to you they could actually be quite nice - at least some of them - Nick found out, but he couldn't help feeling shaky whenever his gaze fell on their guns. He had almost shitted his pants when one guy, his name was Sergej, if Nick remembered correctly, had suddenly loaded his gun right beside Nick and asked him if he wanted to hold it once.
"But...shhh, you know", Sergej had added, putting a finger to his mouth. Both Sergej and Joanna had laughed their asses off at his terrified face!
Nikita... Nick's eyes wandered to the framed picture that sat on his bedside-table. It was a picture of all the Backstreet Boys and Joanna's family because Nick didn't have one of only him and her. He knew that she did have one and wondered, if she had it framed and placed in her room somewhere. He wondered if she was thinking of him at all anymore. He wondered if she dreamed about him sometimes, like he was still dreaming of her.
He would never forget the moment he had laid eyes on her. The Backstreet Boys were standing in the large hall of her family's house, being greeted by Ivan Matin, the politician who had invited them. Suddenly a tall beautiful woman entered the room, followed by a younger version of herself and a small cute girl. It was Ivan's wife, with their daughters Joanna and Katarina. Joanna...his "Nikita", as he had only called her later on. She had looked so beautiful in her long, tight black dress. Her blonde hair fell down to her waist, dancing as she walked. The silver necklace she wore shone like her grey, almost transparent eyes and her red lips greeted him with a smile. She had blown him away in the very first second.
Nick's heart ached as his mind began playing tricks on him. He could hear her talking to him with this adorable little accent of hers, as if she was standing right behind him. But if he would turn around, he would find he was alone in his room. As so many times before. He knew chances were more than low that they would ever meet again, that he would ever hear her say "Nick", in that way only she could, again. It had always made him grin, when she had stressed the 'i' in his name. Adorable...
He let himself fall onto his bed and - once again, for the hundreds time - recalled the events of that day. The events after the dinner.
The guys had found that Ivan was actually a "pretty cool, very impressive man", as AJ had later on said in an interview. Ivan had talked to Kevin a lot about their common, unfulfilled dream of becoming a pilot. He had been interested in hearing about the Boys' music and their tours and AJ and Ivan had even kinda become "friends", after Ivan had found out that underneath all those tattoos and hair-dye AJ was a very nice guy. Nick laughed as he remembered AJ's flushed face, when Katarina, Joanna's eleven year old sister had asked to see his tattoos. All the Boys had worn suits to the dinner and AJ had been especially determined to look decent, but then Katarina had come along and crossed his plans. Ivan had knitted his eye-brows at the body art first, strictly telling his daughters not to get any ideas like that and AJ had felt horrible, thinking Ivan had a bad impression of him. But only two minutes and a joke later, Ivan had his arm around AJ's shoulders, laughing with him like with an old friend.
But despite the other Boys' fun, Nick hadn't felt very relaxed the whole time. The only good thing he remembered about the first two and a half hours was stealing glances at Joanna and finding her staring back at him also.
Looking back now Nick was able to laugh about what happened next. But way back then he had almost gone into cardiac arrest! Joanna had scooted a little closer to her father and started talking in Russian to him. Suddenly both of them had looked up, straight at him, Ivan's face with a not happy expression. Nick thought the next best Dolph-look-alike would storm the room and shoot him for having looked at Joanna for too long or something like that. He must've been as pale as if no drop of blood was left in his head. Ivan glanced at him, then turned back to his daughter, again mumbling words no one understood. To Nick's luck he wasn't shot! Instead Joanna had stood up, asking: "Nick" - his heart had lost its rhythm at that for a few seconds - "would you like to see the surroundings of the house?"
Nick had to keep his jaw from dropping. He looked at Denise, who just smiled and shrugged her shoulders. Brian grinned like an idiot. So Nick got up as well, answering: "It would be a pleasure!"
Once they had been out of ear-shot, Joanna had started laughing. Nick, too shy to ask what was so funny, had just kept his mouth shut.
"I thought once away from them you'd relax a little", she grinned. "Or was I wrong and you really are that quiet?"
"Huh?" Nick was pretty confused about what was going on.
Joanna rolled her eyes at him and, still grinning, explained: "I know that the others were probably just a little bored sometimes, but you seemed to be very unhappy to be here. I hope you're feeling better now. Is everything ok?" He could hear concern in her voice.
Nick smiled at her: "Yeah, thanks! I guess...all this just isn't...my world..." He looked into her eyes shyly, looking for something that would tell him he had maybe insulted her by saying that.
But she just replied: "I know what you mean." Then she added: "By the way: I told my father you looked sick and that you probably need some fresh air. Just in case you're wondering."
"Actually, yeah, I did wonder. You know...you speak English very well", Nick complimented her. Despite some communication problems here and there, he was always surprised to find how many Europeans spoke English, or even more than two languages. Nick only knew his native tongue and sometimes wished he had learned Spanish or French in school.
"Guess I had good teachers", Joanna just shrugged it off.
"How old are you, Joanna? Did I pronounce that right, by the way?"
"Yes, you did", she smiled up at him. "But call me Nikita, that's what my friends call me. And I've just turned 18 a few weeks ago."
"Nikita?" Nick had grinned. "Where does that come from?"
"A long story...", she had smiled mysteriously. To this day Nick hadn't found out that her friends had given her that nickname because he was her favorite Backstreet Boy.
With that their long conversation had begun. At that point Nick would've never guessed that they lived somewhat similar lives. They were two people, one unlike the other, living in totally different worlds. But he found out that they did lead similar lives anyway. In their worlds both of them were privileged, but they also felt like living in a cage. They weren't free to do whatever and whenever they wanted to. Almost every move they made was being watched and bodyguards made sure their safety wasn't in danger. It was crazy.
Joanna had suggested to take a walk around the lake that was behind the house. When they had put on their jackets - it was an ice-cold November in Russia - she had complimented him on how good his long, black coat looked on him. He had wanted to reply that she would look good in anything and how beautiful he thought she was, but he was too shy, as usual. Instead he had just smiled and offered her his arm.
Nick and Joanna had walked through the cold and the snow for more than two hours. Talking mostly, but also going crazy for a while - Nick had never had a better snow fight in his life and ice-skating without skates on a frozen lake had never been more fun. Actually, he had never done the last mentioned before.
Nick liked Joanna a lot. She was full of energy, it practically shone from inside of her. She loved to laugh and didn't forget to try to smile even when she had told him that she felt unhappy and discontent because of the way her life was. In return he had shared his worries and unhappiness with her as well. Usually he would feel depressed very easily, once he started talking about what was bothering him, but Joanna soon had him laughing again. Her smile had filled him with warmth and for a split second he wondered, why the snow around her didn't melt.
Now Nick lay on his bed and felt cold despite the sunny Florida weather. His eyes glistened from tears in it. He missed her so much. He had never heard from her again since after the concert then and he was worried about her to no end. He remembered the way she had hung to his every word as he had told her about his home. Her eyes sparkled as she imagined what it would be like in Florida. In the United States of America, land of freedom and fulfilled dreams. All the things he took for granted were like a wonder land to her.
"I wish one day you could come and visit me, Nikita", he had said. "I would take you out on my boat or we could go to Bush Gardens and-"
"Is that something like Disney World?" She beamed.
"Yeah, kinda. Of course you'd have to see Disney also! Oh boy, there's so much I'd like to show you!"
At that she had turned sad. Joanna looked towards the high walls that surrounded the lake and the Matin's house. "The boys in America call the girls 'birds', right?" she had asked solemnly.
"Yeah, sometimes", Nick had chuckled.
"You see, Nick" - she had motioned to the lake, the house, the walls - "I'm a bird without wings. Even if I wanted, I couldn't escape my cage."
"IF you wanted?" Nick had asked. Hadn't she told him she was unhappy and that she'd love to see the world?!
A small smile had appeared on her face again. She had looked at him, while she answered: "Of course, yes, I do want to see oh so many places around the world. I want to do the things I'm not allowed to do, I want to see the things we don't have here in Russia. But the time, when I thought about running away from home seem long gone. I had to learn a lot of things, Nick. One is that the world is dangerous for me. If I wasn't my father's daughter I would have to worry about only the same dangers as other girls." She laughed: "Which would be: boys!" She turned serious again: "But there are people out there who don't like my father, and therefore don't like his family." She pointed to a soldier in the distance, observing the street from above the high walls. "Those guys are not here just for fun."
Nick's face had fallen and his heart had sunk. He had felt really stupid suddenly. The many times he had been annoyed about the fact that he had to have bodyguards because of his fans...so stupid. He could be happy that all they want was a piece of his shirt. Joanna on the other hand really had to worry about her life.
As if reading his mind, Joanna had taken his hand and smiled up at him warmly. She looked back to the lake and continued: "And the second thing I learned is that, despite everything, Russia is my home. Simple as that. Should I ever have the chance to travel somewhere, or even live somewhere else for a while, I know in the end I'll come back." She had sighed heavily, but silently. "All of that is wishful thinking, it seems. I'll never be anywhere else that in Russia anyway..."
Nick had squeezed her hand lightly. "Never give up on your dreams. That's what I have learned."
He hoped that she would be able to spread her wings some day. She deserved to see the world. She deserved the world.
Nick got up and took the letter. The memories were painful, but it hurt even more not to know what was going on with her. He didn't know whether she read his letters, or whether she got them at all. And if she did, then why she didn't reply. He wished he could just call her, to make sure she was fine and to tell her that, should she ever be able to leave Russia, she would always have a friend out there in the big, wide world.
No matter what would ever happen, Nick knew that "his Nikita" would always have a special place in his heart. He had never felt this strong for anyone he only knew for a day. And someday, someday he might even get answers to all the questions he had...
The rest of the day rushed through his mind as well. The short conversation they had had with Sergej...the maid that had taken a picture of him and her together in the kitchen...the poem she had written and recited for him, even though it was in Russian...and finally when they had met the last time before the concert. Her whole family had been there and the only good-bye they had been able to share was a smile and a few secret words.
Nick stepped into the bright sunlight, burning down on him like the fire that was burning in Joanna's eyes. So many things reminded him of her, it was impossible to forget her, his snow-princess. It tore his heart apart that he would never know how good it must feel to hold her...
THE END
...To Be Continued
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