The sun was standing high in the sky above him, its heat the only thing his mind still knew. He didn't know how long he had been walking already, didn't know where to. Wherever his eyes turned to look he would see sand that reflected the hot rays of light from the gigantic star above him that showed no mercy as it deprived him of all strength he had.
He was so weak that he couldn't even moan from the pain he felt, as he fell to his knees and his hands touched the sand. The sand that was as hot as glowing coals. The sand of the desert he was lost in.
How did he get here anyway? Since when was he walking aimlessly through the dunes and why all alone? Why did it feel like his flesh was on fire?
AJ closed his eyes as he rolled onto his back, preparing himself to accept the thought that he would die there. Everything hurt, but when he would open his mouth to let out a cry, no sound would escape because his throat was dry. Just like the rest of his body.
He closed his eyes and dreamed of rain...

"How is he feeling?" Nick asked timidly, entering the room that AJ lay in. AJ had been lying in bed for two days already. When he would wake up from his restless sleep, he wouldn't realize where he was or who he was with. By now he was delirious and never really woke up, constantly tossing and turning in bed though.
Denise McLean looked up at Nick with worried eyes. She sighed, the pain she felt evident: "The doctors say it's gonna be ok, that he just has to get past this delirious state now, but it seems it's just getting worse."
Nick stepped up to the bed his friend lay in. Placing a hand on AJ's forehead he wondered: "Why is he sweating so much? He doesn't have a fever!"
Denise shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Nick, would you bring me some fresh cloths and water?"
"Yeah, sure", Nick nodded, walking out to get what he was asked to bring.

It took AJ a while to realize that there was something wet at his lips. When his consciousness came back slowly, he also noticed that the sun's light wasn't dazzling his eyes anymore through his closed eyelids, like it had done before. It took a lot of his energy to open his eyes, but when he did he stared into a pair of other eyes. They were a dark green, surrounded by long black lashes and their mysterious beauty was emphasized by the black and dark red make-up applied on their eyelids. When AJ took in the rest of the face that pair of eyes belonged to, he realized that a girl was kneeling beside him, blocking the sun. Her long black hair hung down her shoulders to her waist in few thick braids. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
When he opened his mouth to speak, still no sound would escape his lips. Then he felt it again - wet and slightly cool against his lips, flowing into his mouth. Water. It even took some strength to swallow it, but he did and his body reacted with a tingling, but also aching feeling. The more water he drank, the easier it ran down his throat and soon he gulped it down thirstily.
When he had had enough, the girl traced his lips gently with two of her fingers. AJ looked up at her, emotions mixed inside of him. His eyes told her his gratitude, but also observed her curiously. At the same time he wanted to cry at her chest, if only he had had the strength to do it and enough liquid inside of him to shed tears. He was scared and realized shocked that the girl was all alone as well. Was she just as lost as he was? Or were people near, maybe even living somewhere in the desert? Would they die here together?
Before he had a chance to ask anything, the girl stood up. It was only now that AJ could see her clothes. She looked like right out of one of the tales from Arabian Nights, with clothes that seemed to consist of only thousands of veils and golden chains that showed off her beautiful figure. A black bra-like top covered her breasts, attached to it were black and dark red see-through veils that hung loosely down her arms. Her legs were covered by also black pants, which also seemed made of veils, but her belly was bare and so were her feet. AJ wondered bewildered how she could walk on the hot sand, how she could seem so well and strong, although they were surrounded by nothing. Nothing but sand and creeping death, it seemed.
He also wondered if she would talk to him. Her face hadn't shown any expression yet, but therefore her eyes seemed to speak, sparkling with a hundred emotions. Her gaze was anything but neutral, but he couldn't tell whether her eyes loved him, hated him, were afraid or concerned or plain curious. It seemed like all of it. But what they SAID right now was: Get up! She was just standing above him, not doing anything, but somehow AJ knew what she wanted him to do.
So he tried to get up, but fell back onto his back, closing his eyes again. He felt pain and he felt that he wouldn't be able to defeat the sun's heat. When he opened his eyes again the girl still stood there, as if she was waiting for him. AJ chose to ignore his body's pain and his mind that had given up before and scrambled to his feet somehow. As soon as he did, the girl turned her back to him and walked away. He wanted to follow, but wasn't fast enough and suddenly... she disappeared. All his eyes were still able to see was the reflected light from the sand that created surreal patterns in the air. She had walked into one of those pictures of light and disappeared from his view as if she had stepped into another realm. And all that was left of her was the sweet, intoxicating smell of her body...

Denise was bringing a glass of water to AJ's lips, forcing him to drink in small sips. Kevin and Nick were sitting on the other side of the bed, watching with concern. Whenever AJ woke out of his sleep for only a couple of minutes, they forced him to drink. Water, tea, soup, juice - anything was good, because in the state he was in, AJ wasn't able to eat anything. What worried everyone even more was that he didn't stop sweating, although he still showed no sign of a fever. They were afraid that maybe the doctors hadn't diagnosed AJ properly, that he probably had a virus or whatever. But they kept saying AJ had only been extremely exhausted, which had led to his break down. That and the fact that he had been drinking constantly the past few months. The other guys had seen it coming, had tried to keep AJ away from alcohol, but more and more often they had found themselves drinking with him. Everything had been going down for them - everything except their career. As much as the Backstreet Boys loved what they were doing, and no matter how much money, fame and joy it brought, they couldn't deny that their success was also the reason for all the bad that took place in their lives at the moment.
The tight schedule that was sending the Boys all around the world took them away from the people they loved. Howie hadn't been home long enough, after his sister passed away, to comfort his family and let them comfort him in return. Brian hadn't been there for yet another anniversary his girlfriend had wanted to celebrate with him - and so she had decided they should go their separate ways. AJ had begun drinking, not being able to cope anymore with everything this business brought with it. Kevin found himself more and more often losing his temper about little things, because the pressure and constant working was driving him insane. And finally Nick had had to realize that growing up in the music business had left its traces, had made him grow up to be a man he never wanted to be. Behind their smiles the Backstreet Boys were hiding their unhappiness well.

AJ didn't know what to do. He kept on walking aimlessly through the many dunes, always hoping the sight before him would change, when he made it over yet another one. But all he saw was sand. He didn't know how much time had passed since he was here, or how much time had passed since the mysterious girl had disappeared. To him it seemed like years. Like life-times. He felt as if he had died a thousand deaths in this desert already.
He lifted his eyes to the sky. Never before had he seen a sky like this. It was blue, but it was empty. No clouds, no birds, nothing except the golden, blinding star that was the sun above him.
AJ knew he was running out of time. He couldn't survive here much longer. But there was no escape, was there? Closing his eyes, he gave up. Dying would be so easy. It couldn't hurt more than he was hurting already. He just had to lay down and sleep. And never wake up.
He smiled as he felt his life draining out of him slowly. He had got used to the burning sensation on his skin, caused by the sun and the sand he was laying on. He was so out of it, out of his own body, that he couldn't feel the pain anymore. But once again he was brought back to life by that same cool feeling against his skin. This time water poured all over his face, in drops, as if a tiny cloud was letting raindrops fall down onto it.
He opened his mouth, welcoming the drops, and opened his eyes as well. The girl was back, he noticed amazed. Her hand was lingering above his head. She was slowly pouring out a vase of water, letting the water splash on her hand, so that it fell all over his face. AJ felt ashamed, when he saw the blaze of anger in her eyes and he knew that she was angry at him. It seemed she wanted to yell at him that she hadn't saved him, so that he could give up again.
AJ turned around, resting on his hands and knees. He looked up at her and she simply gave him a nod, her eyes not angry anymore, but still strict. AJ took a deep breath, hating the feeling of hot, thick air filling his lungs. He needed to get out of this desert.
He stood up, awed at the way the girl moved as she turned and started walking away from him. She moved like a cat, in perfect motion. Like a wave. AJ's jaw threatened to drop, as he saw small flowers growing out of the sand, where her feet had touched it. This couldn't be happening, could it? Who was this girl?
This time AJ was determined not to lose her, to follow her to wherever it was she was going to. He willed his legs to move, and step by step followed the path of flowers.

Brian had taken a turn in taking care of AJ, while Denise had left to get rest and to eat. They were all still worried, but it seemed as though AJ was coming around. He didn't toss and turn as much anymore, and sleep finally seemed to be helping and not haunting him.
Brian soaked the cloth he was holding with water again, before he washed off the sweat on AJ's face with it. He couldn't help but think that maybe this break down could be a blessing for his friend. If his body got used to being without alcohol for days, maybe it would be easier for AJ to stop drinking completely. Brian knew that AJ had to want that, that his addiction was an emotional, not a physical one. But maybe this would also be a warning for AJ. Just maybe they all would see better days again, if only they would stick together.

He was so alone. He had never felt so lonely in his life. Panic rushed through his veins, now that that girl had convinced him once again to fight for his life. Panic, because he was still so confused. How and when the hell had he got here? Wasn't anybody looking for him?
But when he tried to think of someone he would know, not a single face came to his mind. He couldn't even remember his own name, nor where he was coming from (he couldn't be born into this desert, or could he?) or where he should be instead.
"Where are you?" AJ managed to choke out, startled at his own voice. Raspy didn't come close to describing it. It sounded as if by now his voice was only sand, too, just like everything else surrounding him.
He had lost her again. The flowers behind him had disappeared, and the ones ahead of him where still leading him nowhere. "Where are you?" he called out once again, just a little louder this time.
"Right here."
AJ turned around in a swift motion, finding the girl right behind him. He stumbled a little, but regained balance again before he fell. He could do nothing but stare at her, once again being overwhelmed by his feelings. He didn't know where to start with his questions, didn't know how to thank her, didn't quite believe what was happening to him.
"Why are you following me?" she asked friendly, but it didn't really sound like a question. Or maybe just like a question she wanted him to answer for himself, not for her.
AJ just kept on looking at her, more confused now.
"Why are you following me?" she repeated.
"What else should I do?" he managed to say. "I'm lost, I don't know where to go to."
"Where do you want to go to?" she asked him, her eyes never leaving his, her gaze always confidant, self-assured.
AJ thought for a moment. Then he answered unsure: "I just want to get away. I want out...out of here, out of the desert. Maybe..." He paused to think again, his mind suddenly filled with pictures. His eyes lit up a little, but the hope in them vanished soon, as he realized how unrealistic his wish was. It would never be fulfilled. But in a quiet voice he told her anyway, what he wanted: "I want to go to the ocean."
She smiled. "So I'm asking you once again: why are you following me, if you want to go to the ocean?"
"I don't know how to get out. I don't know where to look for it", he replied, desperation evident in his voice.
"You are searching in the wrong places", she said.
"I don't understand", he admitted.
The girl's smile faded, but her eyes were still smiling at him, as she said: "You won't find what you are looking for in someone else. You won't find what you are looking for following someone else. Don't depend on others, don't search for your ocean around you. You've got to seek what is inside of you. There you will find what you want, what you need."
While still contemplating her words, AJ suddenly realized that she was once again disappearing, vanishing as she walked away from him.
"How do I search inside myself?" he called after her.
The girl just turned around and smiled at him brightly. Then she was gone.

AJ woke up with a start. He quickly closed his eyes, blinded by the light above him. It was as blinding as the desert's sun, but something was different. He drew in a deep breath of the cool air in the room, greedy for it, as if he hadn't been breathing for minutes. His heavy breathing continued, as he took in his surroundings.
"Thank God", it shot through his mind, "I'm out of the desert." Only then did he realize that he wasn't alone. The concerned eyes of his mother, Kevin and Howie were staring back at him. The blinding light came from the simple light in the room. His eyes, having been closed most of the time, had to get used to it again, that's why it had hurt first.
"AJ?" his mom asked. "Do you know where you are?" Her voice was full of hope. They had been asking him the same question every time he woke up, but never got an answer. This time she knew was different. Her son's eyes were alert, comprehending.
"Hotel room?" AJ asked tiredly, his voice hardly above a whisper. Then he shook his head. He now recognized where he was. "At home."
"Yeah", Howie smiled, as Denise sighed relieved. "How are you feeling?"
"Like shit", AJ replied and coughed. "What happened?"
"You don't remember?" Kevin asked.
They let AJ think for a few moments. He forced the memories of the past days back into his mind, then answered: "Airport. We were about to go to New York."
Kevin nodded. "You collapsed. Got us some time off, thanks Bone", Kevin tried to joke. But his tone of voice changed again, concerned again as he told AJ: "You've been out like a light for almost four days."
AJ groaned at the word "light". He clearly remembered his odyssey through the desert, the heat, the pain... The girl. He had been there for four days?
"Honey, probably you should rest some more", he heard his mother suggest. He was too tired to protest, too willing to sleep. He was so exhausted from everything. He had to find the ocean...
"There he goes again", Howie muttered, as AJ fell asleep instantly.
"At least the worst is over", Kevin said, and Denise nodded. It was only a matter of days now, until AJ would be back on his feet.

It was a month later that AJ was sitting at the airport, waiting for his flight to be called. A smile played on his lips as he thought amused and happily that they had actually done it. The Backstreet Boys had taken three full months off. That meant: no performances, not a single interview, no recording in the studio, not even a meeting with management. They were really free to do whatever they wanted. "For three goddamn wonderful, fucking months", AJ's mind cheered.
Knowing that he had initiated all this made it even sweeter. After his recovery he had invited Kevin, Brian, Nick and Howie over one evening. He had only told them he had made a decision, knowing full well that had made them nervous. When they had arrived at his house that evening, he had stated that he wanted three months off from the Backstreet Boys - for all five of them. The words the mysterious girl had said to him in his dream, or whatever it had been, hadn't left his mind and he had been thinking about it constantly, but he hadn't shared his "experience" with anyone. Finally he had realized that there was truth in her words, which had led to his decision concerning the Backstreet Boys.
"Bone, do you wanna quit?" Howie had asked timidly.
"No", AJ had quickly said, then had regretted it already. "I don't know", he had finally admitted. "I just know I need this time to get away and to become a sane person again. I can answer your question, when I'm back. First I need some time alone."
Brian looked hurt, as he asked: "Why do you have to get away from us? Why don't we all go somewhere together? Maybe that would help. Talking about everything, ya know."
Kevin had nodded, agreeing with Brian because of other reasons. He had still been worried about AJ and his alcohol abuse and hadn't wanted him to be alone, without anyone who knew about his problem. Kevin had talked to AJ about it afterwards and AJ had tried his best to calm his older, brother-like friend down. He had assured Kevin there was nothing to be worried about anymore, because he had decided he wanted to stop drinking.
"I don't think that's a good idea", AJ had answered Brian honestly. "Rok, I think it's time all of us start standing on our own feet. Depending on no one else but ourselves. It can't go on like this - Howie cleaning up my mess, you cleaning up Nick's, Kevin Howie's and so on. I know I can always come to you with my problems, and I'll always be here to help you anyway I can, but by now I stopped making my own decisions. Everybody knows what my life should be like, other people decide where I'm gonna be tomorrow and they all think they know who I am. Everybody except myself seems to know who I am and what I should be doing. This has gotta stop. Now! All of us have arrived at our breaking points and you know it. If I don't get these three months off, I'm afraid I'll be dead within two months longer in this insanity." AJ had stopped and looked at his friends, trying to figure out their reactions.
To make a long story short - they had all agreed willingly. They knew he was right. Especially Brian remembered that he had already almost sacrificed his health for their career once, and back then they had sworn it would never come to this again. Now had come the time to keep this promise.
Of course management had freaked, saying that they at least had to do some minor appearances, or else their fan base would vanish. The Boys said they A) didn't care and B) had more faith in their fans than their managers obviously had. Three months could be an eternity in the music business, they all knew that. But as Brian had said: "Things will work out the way they are supposed to be. Either the Backstreet Boys will live on or they won't - it will all happen for a reason. And right now this reason is saving ourselves."
"Flight 374, Orlando - New York - Algier!"
AJ's head jerked up. That was his flight. What exactly had driven him to do so, he didn't know, but he had decided to fly to Algeria. One reason was that he could hopefully stay unrecognized over there, keeping things on the down low. Another reason was that after all he had experienced in his delirious state, something called him. A quiet voice in the back of his mind, memories, curiosity. The desert was calling him and he wouldn't resist. He had survived once. Now he was out to find his ocean.