Chapter Two: Concrete of this City

How did I become a molecule
In the concrete of this city?
Indifferent to my endless motion
In a space too small to see...
-Vertical Horizon

"God damn, I'm tired." Gwen wiped the sweat dripping down forehead on her shirt and took a long gulp from her bottle of water. Practice had just finished, and the girls' boat was making their way back down the river to the dock so they could go home. Only the four girls in the bow were rowing at the moment, leaving Gwen with a few moments to catch her breath and chat with Lara, who sat directly in front of her.
"Wish I could say that I feel your pain, but hey…I don't!" Lara said jokingly. "That's why I became a coxswain, dear. I get to yell at you and watch you suffer while I relax and work on my tan."
Gwen shot her an evil look, although her mouth was turned upward in a grin. "Don't rub it in. Please. I'm not in the mood."
"Not in the mood, huh?" Lara giggled. "Not tonight, honey," she imitated in a high-pitched voice, "I have a headache!"
"Lara, not only are you unbelievably weird, I think we're about to crash into the dock."
"What?!" Lara craned her neck around and saw that Gwen was right: the boat was approaching the dock at a dangerous speed. "Whoa there, weigh enough, guys!" she called to her crew through her headset microphone. "Everybody hold water. Sorry about that - I wasn't paying attention. It was Gwen's fault, though."
Light laughter scattered down the line of girls, including Gwen. The experience of rowing together as a team caused the girls to become extremely close to one another. Just as they all had their own roles in the boat, each girl had her own role in the friendship they all shared. Gwen was the one whom everyone (with minor exceptions) admired, liked, and respected. However, they weren't afraid to make fun of her - who wanted to be serious, anyway?
After the girls had gotten off the river, cleaned the equipment and put it all away, practice was officially over. The nine girls walked to their cars together slowly, in pairs, discussing with each other whatever was on their minds.
And did Gwen ever have a lot on her mind. She followed behind the rest, pensive, until Adrienne slowed down to walk next to her.
"Hey Gwen. How's it going?"
"Not bad," she sighed. "I'm just stressed out. Dr. Morris made me stay after the lecture today because he wanted to discuss my thesis. Or maybe I should say, rip apart my thesis. I'm gonna have to massively rewrite it. And I just don't have the time."
"That sucks. I thought your thesis was great when you had me read it for you!" Adrienne shot Gwen a sideways glance, studying her face as if trying to decide whether or not to ask her next question. "Um, Gwen?"
"Yeah?" she smiled.
"I know this is a stupid question, because you're always so busy, but…do you think you want to come out with a few of us tonight? I know it's a Thursday and all, but I'm going out with Chase tomorrow night" - she glanced over quickly to catch Gwen's reaction. Was she jealous? - "and I want to spend time with just us girls. Who knows? It could be fun."
Gwen opened her mouth, automatically preparing to give her usual response ("Oh, you know I'd love to, but I really can't. I have so much to do. Maybe next time.") but unexpectedly paused. Why shouldn't I be allowed to go out and have fun once in a while? Adrienne's right. I spend too much time working. Maybe if I socialized a little more…I'd have dates once in a while too.
"Sure," she said slowly, tentatively. "Why not? I'd love to hang out with all of you. What's the plan?"

AJ slipped his door key into the lock, twisted it, and pushed the door open. Nearly tripping over the two yapping bundles of fur lying in the hallway, he hurried over to the alarm system panel and punched in the four-digit code. Throwing his keys down onto the hall table, he slipped off his shoes and left them by the door.
The silent house echoed with his dull footsteps as he ascended the stairs to the second floor. Turning into the first doorway on his left, AJ made a beeline for the bed and let himself fall ungracefully onto it face first.
"Umph," he mumbled, his voice muffled by the blanket in his mouth.
I feel like shit. It was the only thought that floated through his brain, and he shut his eyes and repeated it over and over to himself. I feel like shit.
Why was it that he kept getting the sensation that…that the entire world was spinning madly around him and he was the only person who was left standing still? Everyone else seemed to be getting somewhere, to be making headway in the struggle of life. But AJ - no, AJ felt like he was getting nowhere, like he was trapped in a corner with no place to go.
He couldn't help the fact that he felt that way. And he had no idea why.
The ringing of the phone interrupted his thoughts. He reached across to his bedstand and knocked a few magazines and articles of clothing to the floor to uncover the phone.
"Hello?"
"Alex, honey, is that you?"
He sighed. "Yes, Mom. How are you?"
"I'm fine, dear, I was just checking up on you to see how you were doing. Do you have any plans for tonight?"
"Actually, Mom, I was planning on staying home and watching TV or something. I really don't feel that well."
"That's a shame. You're young! You should go out and have a good time. You should ask Amanda to do something. She's a nice girl."
AJ sighed again. "Mom, I told you. Amanda and I broke up over a year ago. Besides, like I said…I really don't feel good."
"Okay, honey. I'm sorry to hear that. I'll talk to you tomorrow, all right?"
"All right, Mom. Bye."
He rolled over and stared at the ceiling, tracing with his eyes the faint cracks in the plaster. The warm evening light streamed through the windows, washing everything in a warm glow that AJ did not feel.
I have no purpose, no passion. This is twisted…I'm rich and famous, and I feel like I have no purpose. What the hell is my problem. He thought it as a statement rather than a question. I feel so…lost inside.
He cracked a smile at this thought, oddly finding humor in his thoughts. What a loser he was…lying in bed feeling sorry for himself. Fuckitall. I'm going out tonight. I need to have some fun.
AJ sat up and rubbed his eyes. He gripped the bottom of his shirt and pulled it up over his head. Wearing only his loose fitting blue jeans, which hung low around his hips, he stood up and made his way to the walk-in closet across the room.
What to wear, what to wear? He finally selected a pale yellow wifebeater that was slightly translucent, allowing the tattoos underneath to show through faintly. He pulled it on, went into the bathroom and, in front of the mirror, worked some gel through his short brown hair. Winking at his reflection, he shut off the light and walked briskly downstairs with renewed energy.