Chapter Seven: Any Better
I can't get it any better
I always end up killing time
Time for love and time for living
Time to find what's really mine...
-Vertical Horizon
One, two, three, four, turn around,
crouch down, diagonal arm slash, pelvic thrust…the dance movements blurred
together in AJ’s mind as his body repeated them over and over.
“Come on guys, let’s make this one part a little sharper,”
the Boys’ choreographer called to them as she started the song over on the
portable CD player in the front of the room.
It was yet another morning dance rehearsal in preparation for the
upcoming tour, and AJ was sweating so profusely he could barely see.
Wiping the perspiration out of his
eyes, he studied himself intensely in the mirrored wall in front of him for a
moment.
Loose pants, no shirt,
tattoos everywhere, skin glistening—he winked at himself playfully in
approval.
A moment later, he
blushed and tried to look busy as he realized that Kevin had seen his joking
gesture.
After the next run-through, AJ walked quickly to the front of the room to get
the water bottle he’d placed there before practice had started.
He took a quick couple of gulps, letting the excess water flow down his
chin and mingle with the wetness already there.
“Okay, let’s do this right so I can leave,” he joked to his four
companions as he rejoined them.
“You’re one to be talking,” Howie laughed. “You messed up the last time
we did it just now, not us.
Keep
your mind off the girls and on the dancing, all right, Alexander?”
The other guys chuckled and took their places again.
As the music started for, hopefully, the last time of the
morning’s practice, AJ realized that Howie was right.
He’d been thinking of Adrienne when he accidentally mixed
up a move a few moments ago.
He seemed to be stuck when it came to that girl.
This was the first time he had ever been so torn between liking someone a
lot and only liking someone a little.
Sometimes
he thought she was super; sometimes he wasn’t all that impressed.
He guessed that it depended on his mood, but still…it was just weird.
A few days ago they’d met for lunch at an upscale restaurant and had had a
pretty great time.
AJ was taken
aback at how chatty Adrienne was – he could hardly get a word in edgewise. He
didn’t dislike her talkativeness, it was just new to him.
In a way, he found it rather cute and endearing.
As was typical for his fledgling relationships, he was most attracted to her
physically.
He knew it was probably
“wrong” of him to think about her sexually before they had gotten to know
each other at all emotionally, but hey…he had hormones and fantasies like any
guy.
Whenever they were together,
he admired the shine of her straw-colored hair, the slight curve of her chest,
the supple strength of her tanned legs.
She
noticed, of course, and actually seemed to respond positively, grinning even
more teasingly or running her finger absentmindedly down his arm.
That was what confused him.
Weren’t
girls supposed to shy away from physical intimacy in the beginning stages of
getting to know a man?
That was his
experience in the past, but Adrienne seemed to be different.
He didn’t want to label her easy, but she was definitely
available to him…in every way.
At
least, that’s the way it seemed.
There’s just this Chase guy to worry about, he mused to himself.
If only she would agree to stop seeing both of us at the same time.
It kind of bothers me. I
mean, I’m goddamn AJ McLean, Backstreet Boy.
Why would she want some regular Joe when she could have…me? He smiled amusedly to himself, not really realizing how
conceited his thoughts would have sounded to anyone else.
But then, long term, I don’t know.
She’s
cute, fun to hang out with, and quite a possible sexual conquest, but I don’t
know if I could stand to, like, live with her or anything ridiculous like that.
We’ll just have to see, I guess…
Suddenly, his foot slipped out from under him and he went flying, face first,
into the ground directly in front of the back-up dancer next to him.
He tried to get a deep breath but failed, as the wind was knocked out of
his lungs when he fell.
After a moment of silence, he looked up and grinned
sheepishly, and everyone in the room began to laugh and make fun of him
jokingly, meaning no harm.
“Okay, that’s it, AJ,” the choreographer blurted out in between her
unprofessional fits of giggling.
“You’ve
got one more shot at this, because I’m tired and I want to go home.
So make it a good one, freak!”
“Yeah, yeah, you just watch.
I
was just making sure you were paying attention,” AJ joked smoothly.
“This time I’m gonna rock your face off.
I’m gonna blow your mind.”
He
settled into position as the music started for the final time.
She was the only person around, and the
stillness would have been complete if she hadn’t been working that rowing
machine for all it was worth.
Its
whirring filled the air with noise as she pulled with all her might, faster and
faster, pushing herself to the edge in the hope that today she might beat her
own personal record.
Last hundred meters, Gwen thought to herself.
She would have shouted it aloud had she had the energy, but she didn’t
want to waste any breath during her last twenty seconds or so.
Before she knew it, she was done, and she looked at the screen displaying
her time.
“8:17,” she muttered to herself.
“I
missed it by one lousy second.”
She sat idly on the machine for a few moments more, wiping away the sweat from
her eyes and fighting back the nausea she always felt after a hard workout.
Soon she felt steady enough to get up and get her things together,
although her legs wobbled a little as she walked down the stairs from the second
floor of the boathouse to the parking lot.
Gwen tossed her athletic bag into the backseat of her Jeep and settled herself
in the driver’s seat.
“Yuck,” she exclaimed.
“I’m
getting sweat everywhere!”
Trying
not to make too much of a mess, she flipped the radio to her favorite station
and hummed along to whatever song was playing.
The windows were down and she let the hot breeze evaporate the
perspiration from her skin, leaving only salt.
I would kill for a shower, she thought lazily.
Or a bottle of ice cold water.
Pulling out onto the highway, she decided to make a stop at Adrienne’s
apartment.
The two girls hadn’t
seen each other for a day or two, and Gwen wanted to see what was going on in
her friend’s life.
Plus, maybe
Adrienne had a bottle of water or two to spare.
Fifteen minutes later Gwen was knocking on Adrienne’s door.
“I’d hug you, but you look disgusting,” Adrienne giggled when she greeted
Gwen, ushering her inside.
“Please
don’t touch anything until you wipe yourself off with a nice cool
washcloth.”
“Very funny,” Gwen grinned.
“At
least I’ve been working out.
You’ve
been sitting on your cute little ass in your tidy little room, probably talking
on the phone, while I’ve been erging a 2K and trying not to vomit
afterwards.”
“That’s gross.
I don’t know
why you always throw up after practice.”
Adrienne walked to the refrigerator, pulled out a bottle of Zephyrhills
water, and tossed it at Gwen.
“I don’t always throw up.
I
just push myself really really hard, and then I feel like throwing up.
I don’t always do it.”
“Right, right.
Anyway.
Got a boyfriend yet?”
Gwen sighed in mock disgust and put her hands on her hips, balancing the bottle
of water in the crook of her elbow.
“I
refuse to even answer that question.”
After
a teasing glare from Adrienne, she continued: “Oh fine, you know I don’t
have one, so why do you even bother asking?”
“I haven’t lost hope for you yet, Gwen Craven.
Someday you
will meet the man of your dreams.
I’m sure of it.”
“Okay, you can believe whatever you want.
But for the love of God, stop asking!
If I ever meet Mr. Perfect, you’ll be the first one to hear about
it!”
Gwen laughed playfully and
took a long swig of water.
Perfect.
“Well, if you don’t have a boyfriend, what the hell have you been doing with
your life?” Adrienne kidded.
“I
would certainly be bored to tears.”
Gwen sat down with a thunk in an overstuffed chair.
Adrienne continued to move about her apartment, bustling with energy, not
staying still for a moment.
“Well,”
Gwen sighed, “if you’d been coming to practice recently, you’d know that
we have a big regatta next weekend.
So
I’ve been training for that, and…”
“We have a regatta next weekend?” Adrienne broke in.
“Oh damn, I couldn’t row in it even if I had been
practicing.
I’m going to a very
important concert and I’m so very excited!”
Gwen contemplated for a moment whether or not to ask which concert Adrienne was
going to, but decided not to.
It
probably wasn’t important.
“Why
are you so busy right now?
Oh wait,
let me guess.
Date?”
“But of course, ma cherie!” Adrienne called from the bathroom.
“AJ and I are going to a movie.
I
have no idea what we’re seeing.
I
probably won’t see much of it anyway, though…” she concluded
provocatively.
Gwen sighed.
“You make me sick,
have I ever told you that?”
“Many times, darling.
Many
times.”
“Just checking.”
Gwen had absolutely no recollection of any association between her and AJ…her
mind made no correlation between that name and the man she had connected with
for one perfect instant on the night he and Adrienne had met.
It were as if every event of that night had faded into the depths of her
subconscious, hidden from the probing eyes of memory.
“I talked
to Corrina last night,” she said, letting her eyes drift shut. She was so tired…
“Cool beans.
What’s up with my
chica?”
Gwen yawned.
“She’s, um,
she’s doing fine.
Working on
getting into law school, being wild and crazy, same old stuff for her.”
Adrienne emerged from her bedroom wearing a tiny black sequined skirt with
strappy heels and a low-cut red top.
Even
Gwen had to admit that her friend looked beautiful, although showing a bit too
much skin for even Gwen’s liberal taste.
“Do I look okay?” Without waiting for a reply, she continued:
“I’ve decided to break up with Chase.
I’ll call him on the way to the theater so that I’ll have
good news to tell AJ when I get there.
Exciting,
isn’t it?” Again, she went on without pause.
“Well, I hate to put a stop to this wild shindig, but I’m gonna have
to roll. I’m going to be late if I don’t leave now.
I’m meeting AJ at the theater in…oh, approximately nine minutes.”
“You’re never going to make it on time,” Gwen reminded her as she hopped
to her feet and grabbed her car keys where she had deposited them on the kitchen
counter.
“Yeah.
Your point?”
Adrienne’s eyes twinkled as she showed Gwen out.
Gwen drove home slowly, without purpose, for unlike Adrienne she had no previous
engagements that night and had nothing to look forward to besides studying and
maybe doing a little bit of writing in her creative journal.
The world around her seemed a deserted universe, her solitary existence
the only sign of life for millions of miles, the blackness of the night deep and
infinite.
Would it really be so bad for me to take a hint from Adrienne? Gwen tapped
her fingers against the steering wheel in contemplation.
Is it really so good for me to be alone?
I think it is, but I’m not so sure all the time.
It’s been so long since I’ve really shared myself with another
person…emotionally, sexually or otherwise.
I think I’ve forgotten what it means to fall in love…