TOO LATE

This is an AJ-short-story that I wrote when I was inspired by a Jennifer Lopez song, which is also called 'Too Late'.
There are two parts, or two stories, but they belong together. The first one is written from AJ's (ex-)girlfriend's point of view, the second - as you may have guessed, is written from his point of view!
As always, I hope you like the story - let me know!

By the way: there is no sexual content in the story, so everyone out there can read it! :o)

Ya know what would make me really happy?? If you would...
...send feedback to:

FunkyBone@backstreet-boys.com

TOO LATE
(Lena's point of view)

"What's wrong?" Leena asked concerned, gently stroking AJ's cheek with the back of her hand as they sat together on the couch in her living-room. All evening she had noticed that something was different about him. She knew he was exhausted from practicing for the up-coming European tour of the Backstreet Boys, the famous singing group he was part of. But she also knew there was something else...
AJ stood up, brushing her arm away from him. "Leena, I... we gotta talk", he said in a serious tone of voice.
"What is it?" she asked, taking her legs of the couch and sitting straight up.
"Leena, I've gotta go!" he simply stated.
"AJ, you've just arrived... If you're tired you can always stay for the night, it wouldn't be the first ti-"
"I'm not just talking about tonight", he cut her off. "I'm talking about leaving you."
Leena felt as if a cold, invisible hand began strangling her. It felt like being suffocated not only to hear him say the words, but feeling his hard voice cutting right through her soul, like a knife through her flesh. His voice that usually talked so softly to her, when she was sad or when they had woken up together in the mornings. His voice that had aroused her whenever they had made love: raw, pure, full of lust and passion. His voice that had made her laugh or cry, when she heard him telling stories or when he sang a beautiful ballad to her.
"Are you talking about the tour?" she asked with hope in her voice, but the knot in her stomach told her he was leaving for good.
"We never should've been together. It was a mistake to start this whole thing", AJ said, his voice softening up just a little.
"This whole THING?" she asked upset, trying to fight the tears that were welling up in her eyes. A cold shiver ran through her, her breathing becoming irregular. "AJ, what...I don't understand what's happening here."
He looked down at her for a minute, his face showing no sign of emotion, before he turned to go: "It's over!"
Leena jumped up and rushed over to the door of her apartment, blocking the way for him. "You're not just gonna leave like this", she said. "AJ, I need to know what got into you all of a sudden. This is..." She stood there, shaking her head, not believing what was about to happen.
"It was all my fault, Leena. I never should've been with you", he said again. He paused for a moment, struggling with himself, then added: "I never really loved you. I'm sorry..."
Leena stared at him like he was a complete stranger. He was sorry? Sorry? He was just walking out of her life, without an explanation, without any reason it seemed, and all he could say was he was sorry?! She couldn't react as AJ walked past her through the door, not looking back. Without another word he closed the door behind him.
She turned around slowly, staring at the door, as if it would open again any second and he would come back. But she heard him start his car outside and driving away. He was not coming back. Not tonight. Not ever. Leena's hand flew to her mouth as her whole body started to tremble and the tears couldn't be held back no more. She broke down crying her heart out right where she had been standing, her body shaken by her sobs.
"I should've known", she whispered to herself, tasting the salt of her tears. "This was bound to happen, I should've known..." All those times she had told herself everything with him was too perfect, all the times she had told herself she should've kept some distance and not give in to him so fast were coming back to her right now. "Damn you, AJ! I should've known..."

Hours later Leena sat in front of the fireplace, not being able to sleep. She was wrapped in her bedspread, the fire sending out even more warmth, but she felt ice-cold as one shiver followed the other. "I never really loved you..." Those words kept repeating in her head, shattering her world in even smaller pieces every time. She remembered all the times she had shared with AJ. In only five months he had become her whole world. She had never lost her independence or had given up her private life away from him, but she had lost her heart to him and with it allowed him to become the most important thing for her. It had felt so right to invite him into her life, he had seemed so perfect for her...
People had always told her she fell for the wrong kind of guys and Leena had always known it was true. That's why in all of her previous relationships she had taken things very slow, making sure that she didn't open up to a guy totally. Making sure that he wasn't the center of her world. It had been wise for her to do it because eventually the guys had left her or she had decided to leave, but at least she had always saved herself from major heartbreak. But then things had so suddenly changed that afternoon she had met AJ down on the Florida Keys. They had hit it off right away. Never had run out of topics to talk and laugh about, dancing and kissing through the nights and enjoying the same things. She had been so thrilled when after a while they had discovered it would not end as a weekend-vacation fling, but that he wanted to stay with her. When he couldn't see her sometimes, he called at least twice a day, or even showed up on her doorstep in the middle of the night, claiming he couldn't have stayed away from her any longer. Sometimes he had also left in the middle of the night, but she knew he always had places to be at because of his job.
Things had become really serious after a month already. He had been talking about her moving in with him, had given expensive presents to her and introduced her to his mom. The way she felt about him was so brand new, but she felt like she had loved him all her life. She had believed he was the one. Mr. Right. She had believed they would always be together.
But now here she sat, tears still falling from her eyes now and then, wondering why he had left from one day to the next. She thought about possible reasons for his decision, but not many came to her mind...
Her age? No, AJ had never had had a problem with her being two years older than him.
Management? No, the guys in the band had been allowed to have girlfriends and also "present" them to the world.
Had she done something wrong? No, there had not been a serious fight, nothing he had complained about. They had been happy. So happy.
Another woman? ...
Leena sighed desperately. How could he have left her with no answers, with no explanation at all?! Could it really be another woman? Had she been just an affair for him, nice fun on the side but nothing serious? She knew he could be a good actor when he wanted to. But she refused to believe that he had been able to fool her all this time, that she had judged him so terribly wrong. All those times he had said he loved her... Was it all a lie? Would she ever find out?

Almost three months had passed and AJ hadn't called. She had not expected him to appear on her doorstep, knowing that he was on tour in Europe, but for a while she had hoped something would happen. She had hoped he would return and come back into her arms.
But life had to go on without him and with every day that passed without a message from him, Leena felt herself growing out of this relationship. She wondered if she had ever really known him. She still loved him, in a way she probably always would, but she had decided not to cry over him anymore. Her nights were cold, her days less bright now, but it was no use to live in the past. He obviously didn't want her back and she was not going to beg for his return. By now he was right - it was over.
But then one day in early September her door bell rang. Leena went to open the door, finding herself in front of a huge bouquet of roses. It lay on her doorstep, a card attached to it. AJ was back from Europe. Back in Orlando. Wanting to be back in her life. Leena grabbed the roses and threw 'em right into the next best trash can. The suffocating feeling was back, but no tears this time. Two months ago she had wished for this to happen, she probably wouldn't have even thought about not letting him come back and just welcomed him into her arms again. But that was two months ago.
Only three days later she saw him on a street near his house. He was walking down the street towards the direction her car was coming from. Brian, his fellow band member was with him, dribbling a basketball and laughing about something. She had to admit that AJ looked miserable, but shook the thought that she could be the reason aside quickly. He had been the one leaving her, not the other way around. What happened next replayed in her mind, whenever she thought of it later, in slow motion, like in a movie: their eyes met and locked, while she drove past him. She shot him a final cold look, before continuing driving down the road. In the rear view mirror she had seen him turn around, his gaze following her car. She tightened her grip around the steering wheel as her hands began shaking.
That night she came home, finding a message from AJ on her answering machine. He wanted - no, he NEEDED to see her. He said he wanted to explain what had happened and that he didn't mean what he had said that night he left her. Before he hung up he said he loved her. Leena deleted the message right after listening to it.
The next day he called again. "Leena, please let me come over, we gotta talk", he pleaded.
She snorted. "That sounds awfully familiar. I remember you saying that three months ago before you got up and left - and never returned."
"I have returned...", he said softly.
But soft didn't work with her anymore. "No, AJ, you have not!" she replied calmly and hung up.

It was a week after their short phone conversation: Leena came home late that evening. She had been out with friends, actually even enjoying herself a little, although AJ had been on her mind a lot. He and all the pain he had left her with.
She came home to find him sitting on her doorstep. First she stopped dead in her tracks, but slowly continued two seconds later. She stopped again a few feet in front of him. AJ stood up and she felt his eyes wander over her body. He took in her beautiful figure, her hair, lips and her eyes and she knew he wanted her. They had always wanted each other, not being able to keep their hands off the other's body. She missed the feeling of his lips on hers, the warmth of his body at night and all the emotions he had caused inside of her. But no matter how much she missed him, she wouldn't be his puppet. She wasn't going to play his games.
"Leena, I've waited for you", he started.
"I could figure that much. What do you want?" She surprised herself as she realized how strong she was. Her voice didn't break one bit, she could breathe normally and the longing to fall into his embrace didn't kill her. It was over.
"I'm sorry for everything I said before I left. Baby, I was so stupid. I was scared about where we were heading to - it was all too much too fast. But now..."
"AJ, stop it", she calmly interrupted. He shut up, looking at her expectantly with pleading eyes. "What makes you think I still want to hear this? You left me not caring to tell me anything. When I needed you, when I needed your explanation, you were gone. You shouldn't have come, AJ. Not anymore." She walked up the few steps to her door, where he was standing. She wanted to open the door, but AJ gently grabbed her arm, turning her so she was facing him.
"Please...I know I hurt you. I hurt myself. Leaving you was the biggest mistake I ever made! I swear I'll never hurt you again, this time I'm here to stay. Leena..."
"First you say you gotta go, that we shouldn't have been together and it was all a mistake, and now you come back here...still with no real explanation... Do you even know that I would've given anything to be with you? All I wanted was to be yours, the one and only. Every day we were together I dreamed of all the things still to come and then you come along telling me you never loved me anyway!" All the emotions Leena had been keeping inside came to the surface now. She needed this final break, this chance to say what she couldn't have said before because he hadn't been around anymore. "You say you wanna stay? Who says I'm going to take you back, AJ?!" She freed herself from his grip, sadly looking up at him. "Go home, AJ. There's no place for you in my life anymore. You came back too late." She opened the door to her apartment and stepped inside. She realized that he knew she was serious, he knew she wouldn't take him back. His eyes sparkled from tears in it, his expression like that of a beaten child. But despite the love she still felt for him, desperation and anger welled up in Leena now and these feelings needed to get out in the open as well. Giving him, herself and the relationship they once had the final punch, she added: "It's sad to say it, but by now I'm sorry also. For ever meeting you, for letting you in my life and for loving you. I'm sorry."
"Leena...", he exclaimed once again, as if he longed to say her name and with it letting the feelings happen that he hadn't allowed himself to feel before. "I beg for another chance, a chance to prove to you I'll make it better this time. What more can I do? Tell me and I will, just let me be with you!"
Leena shook her head, softening up now that the anger was gone once and for all: "Don't call again, I don't wanna hear from you no more. Don't show up on my doorstep, AJ, no more. You know me better than anyone and knowing what kind of woman I am, you should've known I've moved on without you. I've made new plans and you're nowhere to be found in them. It's too late!"
Leena closed the door, silently saying good-bye to the man she had wanted to grow old with. But people make mistakes, things happen and that is just the way life and love goes. Three months had been enough to separate them, they were worlds apart now and it was too late to go back.

It's never too late, they say. But sometimes they are wrong...

TOO LATE
(AJ's point of view)

She closed the door and with it broke my heart completely. I don't think I ever felt that much pain before. I don't think I ever loved a woman that much before, and I doubt I will ever again. She broke my heart and I knew I deserved it. I deserved so much more, for I hadn't treated her any better three months ago...

Leena and I had met on the Florida Keys a couple of months ago. I remember the day like it had happened just yesterday. I'll never forget the moment when I spotted her on the beach. The moment her laughter stole my heart away and blew my mind.
She was always full of energy and happiness, and all she had she gave to me as well - from the very beginning. She truly loved me, loved me for me, and in the end I had to realize that that was what broke us apart. I fell for her so fast, I learned to love her and everything that had to do with her so fast that it still amazes me. Still scares me.
After only weeks I couldn't picture my life without her. I asked her to move in with me and wanted to give her the world. All I wanted was to spend my life by her side. She was so perfect for me. Leena was smart, beautiful and funny. She showed understanding for my job and all the little problems that came along with it. She loved me even though I'm crazy at times, even though I'm difficult at times, but she knew how to deal with me. She knew how to speak to my heart, my mind and how to arouse me to no end. A single touch from her, a look, a word and I was ready to sacrifice anything for her. Leena was all I wanted and all I needed to be satisfied in every way.
But then came the day I got scared. The day reality sneaked up on me, when the first rush of overwhelming emotions was gone. I started to think about us and what we had, instead to continue just feeling what she meant to me. I told myself it was all too perfect and once I would be away on tour things would change.
What if she realized she couldn't handle my being away for so long so many times because of the Backstreet Boys?!
What if her feelings for me would change? What if she even found someone else, while I was gone?
What if she broke my heart?
I decided I couldn't take it no more. I couldn't take the risk of letting her break my heart, or of us breaking each other's hearts. So it had to end, before it really began, I thought. I didn't realize it had begun the moment I had laid my eyes on her...

"It's over!" Those were the last words I had said to her. I still don't know how I ever found the strength to do what I did that night, when I left her. I still don't know how I could leave her behind after I had seen in her eyes how much pain I had caused in her life. I can't believe how stupid I was.
The tour across Europe was hell for me, and for everyone that was around me. I was constantly in a bad mood, I yelled at everyone that crossed my path and only succeeded to keep my mask on for the fans - although I couldn't even always do that. I had never felt worse in my life. It felt like the minute after I'd left her, I suddenly came to my senses and realized what kind of sh*t had gone on in my head. I realized that I had broken both her heart and mine, in order to avoid getting my heart broken. It didn't make any sense at all, but now I was half a world away from her.
I lay in bed every night, my body shivering, because the warmth she had given me was gone. The few hours of sleep that I found were no rest at all. I had nightmares and woke up feeling worse than the day before. All I wanted was to get back home and beg for another chance. All I needed was to be in her arms.
I knew I couldn't just phone her and try to win her back. A few lines in a letter wouldn't work either. She wasn't the kind of woman that would be satisfied with that. Should she ever give me another chance, I knew I had to get through a fight with her first. She always had fire inside her. But I didn't care if she would yell at me and wish me to hell, as long as there was still a chance for us. Unfortunately I had work to do and my managers didn't give a damn about how I felt - I had shows to do and interviews to give, and I had to smile at photo shoots, although I was breaking down inside. I had to survive another couple of weeks, before I could try to get my life back on track. No, before I could try to get my life back. Period. I was nothing without her.

Finally the day came that I landed at home in Orlando. The first thought I had was to rush to her apartment - just to see her, just to hear her voice. But knowing Leena I better stayed away. I couldn't expect to be taken back just like that. I had been an ass, an idiot and I had hurt her so much - there was no way I could just show up at her doorstep.
So first I let her know I was back. I sent her her favorite roses and spent my time waiting for her call. Minutes seemed like days. The days just didn't seem to pass by, and the phone didn't ring - at least it was never Leena calling.
Then came the afternoon I finally saw her again. Brian had forced me out of my house to a basketball court, telling me how I needed fresh air and that I was looking like trash. I knew he was right, and I didn't even have the strength to argue about it anymore. I was a mental wreck. I needed her back so bad. I didn't think I could feel any worse, but I was wrong. She drove past us in her car and her look was cold, and it said to stay away - but that was something I couldn't do. I watched her car disappear again and knew I had to do something. She wasn't going to call me, wouldn't wanna see me.
I took matters in my own hands again, but nothing worked. When I was finally going insane I got in my car and drove over to her apartment. The thought that she was so close, but still so far away killed me. The thought I could never hold her, never kiss her, never make love to her or just listen to her sweet voice telling me she loved me ever again killed me. I spent that day sitting on her doorstep.

Leena came home late in the evening finally. Seeing her felt like someone knocking me unconscious. I wanted to reach out and feel her, I wished she would fall into my arms and kiss me. I prayed to God I wasn't too late.
But in only minutes my hopes were shattered. I should've known. I knew she felt my pain, I knew she felt pain, too - but she had always been stronger than I was. With every word she said she killed me, again and again. There was no way I could really explain to her why I had left her without sounding ridiculous, but even if I had found a way, I came three months too late. I should've returned the night I left her...

I can only stare at the door she just closed, through the tears in my eyes. It feels like everything inside me has died, everything but the love I feel for her. I can't just let her out of my life, I can't give up already. But I'm not sure if there is a way back, and I'm not sure if without her there is something ahead for me. I'm numb, I'm lost and I'm not sure about that, either.

It's never too late, they say. I'm afraid sometimes they are wrong...