What If Its You

Kevin and I have been friends since elementary school. We did everything together. We were in 4-H together, sat with each other on the bus, went shopping together, horseback riding, swimming, biking, everything that you can imagine we did it together. Except anything sexual. We never dated or kissed on the lips or had sexual thoughts about each other. We were the bestest friends in the world and nothing was going to change that.

He moved to Florida to work at Disney and we kept in touch. I went to see him a few times and of course when he was home we would get together. He met a girl when he was working in Florida. They fell in love and been in love ever since. It wasn’t until he had this strong love for someone else that I realized how I really felt about him.

After being at Disney for a while Kevin got signed with a group called the Backstreet Boys. He started touring around the world. I talked to him less and less, but we still kept in contact and would see each other when he was home.

It has now been almost 7 years since he met his girlfriend and started with the Backstreet Boys. I can’t believe how famous little Kevin Richardson is. I am so proud of him. I knew that one day I would pick up the most read magazines and see him on the cover or on the inside as the ‘Sexiest Pop Star’.

Back seven years ago was when my real feelings for Kevin came up inside of me. But I didn’t let anyone else know, I didn’t know how to say anything. He had a girlfriend and was chasing one of his dreams; I couldn’t stop him from doing that. I have just kept it to myself this whole time.

About a month ago I was driving to work and I was listening to the local country radio station and I heard a song on there. It made me cry so much that I had to pull the car over to the side of the road. It was “What If Its You” by Reba. It described perfectly my situation with Kevin. This is how it goes…

I've got something to tell you that I just can't say
So I'm writing it down in case maybe someday
Our lives take a turn down a road
We can't see right now
I know you're happy and I'm happy for you
But since you found each other
I've been so confused
Cause I believe there's one soul on this earth
That was meant for mine
I was sent here to find

What if it's you
What if our hearts were meant to be one
What'll I do
Knowing that I'll never love anyone
As much as I do love you
What if it's true
What if it's you

If destiny called and I missed my cue
Do I get one more chance
Oh how I wish I knew
I'll never again put my heart in the hands of fate
If it's not too late

What if it's you
What if our hearts were meant to be one
What'll I do
Knowing that I'll never love anyone
As much as I do love you
What if it's true
What if it's you

If I ever hold you I'll never let go
But if I never do how will I know

What if it's you
What if our hearts were meant to be one
What'll I do
Knowing that I'll never love anyone
As much as I do love you
What if it's true
What if it's you

What'll I do
What if it's true
What if it's you

I sent that song to Kevin along with a note that told him to listen to the words because it was saying what I have wanted to say for the past 7 years. He wrote me a letter telling me that I am still the best friend he has ever had and nothing will change our friendship but that he was in love and he was sorry he couldn’t share the same feeling I had for him.

I have come to accept that, what else can I do. I can’t sit around and mope the rest of my life. I now have found a man, whom I love very much. But like the song says ‘I’ll never love anyone as much as I do love you’…I love you Kevin.

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