AJ quickly regained his composure and once again rushed to her side. She was leading the way, turning left into a street. He couldn't believe she was giving him the chance to apologize. Her first reaction hadn't really given him hope and he had been shaking inside, but not from the cold. This woman was willing to hear him out and she hadn't even slapped him or anything.
"She's not like the others you've been with", he thought. "Claire, Jennifer - they would've freaked out had they been in Alyson's place. But she's five years older than them...she's a woman...and she's gonna fight you with words, man. She's so gonna kick your ass!"
"Are you gonna start anytime soon?" she asked him, interrupting his thoughts.
He realized that they were walking away from the houses and halfway busy streets to a park-like area with a frozen lake and many trees. It looked like a small wood.
"First", he began, "I want you to know that I didn't mean to leave you hanging on like that, I didn't want it to end the way it has."
"But?" she asked, still calm, almost cold.
"But I also couldn't stay in touch because...I was afraid I'd get too attached t-"
"Oh, thanks a lot", she said sarcastically. "Make me feel good. What? Was I so monstrous, AJ, that starting something more serious was so frightening?"
"No, I would've loved to start something, but that's exactly the point: I wouldn't have had time for that. No time for a relationship, no time for you."
"Oh come on...", she said, looking at him totally unconvinced.
"It's true. A week after New Year we've already been gone to Europe, came back to record, been away again to promote, come back to promote more, shot some videos, practiced for the tour, been on tour for ages and... This is the guys' and mine first vacation since the one last year!"
"All of this still doesn't explain why you just sneaked out of my life like you did, and it definitely isn't an apology, dude!"
"Alyson, I know if had called you, I couldn't have done it. I know if I had called you I would've fallen in love and not been able to stop it and that wouldn't have been fair towards both of us. I couldn't have made you wait for me all the time and I didn't want to feel even lonelier on the road than I do already. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but-"
He hadn't really hurt her way back then, but strangely enough his words pierced her heart now. To hear him say he could've fallen in love with her...she hadn't expected that. But she also wouldn't fall for it.
"Don't give yourself too much credit. I know we weren't meant to last", Alyson replied. "But the way you disappeared was insulting, AJ. It would've been ok to tell me all you wanted was fun. We both had our share of that, we had a great time. But to just leave and never come back, to just use me like that was disgusting and cowardly. You left a lasting, but not good impression."
He gently grabbed her arm and stopped her. "Aly, I'm serious", he claimed.
She loved it when he said her name. It always felt like she had never heard it before, like it was something brand new, something beautiful.
AJ had no idea how he could make her believe what he told her. Mere words was all he had to convince her, because he didn't dare to kiss her although he wanted to so bad. But maybe she would feel what he felt if he did.
Alyson started walking away again, and so did he. "How many girls did you have on the road?" she suddenly asked.
"What?" AJ said, as if he hadn't heard her.
"I asked, how many girls did you have on the road? How many did you screw?"
"Two", he admitted. "But it didn't feel good. It wasn't right. I was with another girl for three months, but that didn't feel good either. Nothing has, since you've been gone..."
"You mean, since you've gone away", she corrected him.
"Alyson", he said and stopped her again. He stood in front of her, his hands on her arms, looking deep into her eyes. It was the moment of truth. "I said that I didn't call because I was afraid I'd fall in love with you." He paused for a second, then whispered: "I did anyway..."
Alyson let out a sharp breath and freed herself from his grip. Again she walked away from him, cursing him silently. What exactly did he want? What was he trying to achieve? He couldn't seriously want to be with her, after all that time, after all that happened. Could he?
She realized that he wasn't following her yet. In her anger she suddenly grabbed a hand full of snow from a bush near her, formed a ball and, without even thinking about it, turned around and threw the snowball as hard as she could at AJ. It hit him at the height of his chest. "You ass", she exclaimed.
"Christ", she thought amused, "this makes me feel so much better!" She bent down and made another snowball. When she stood up AJ was looking at her bewildered. Alyson made a pose like she was playing baseball and threw the second snowball at AJ. This time she hit his chin and his scarf.
The two were staring at each other, with sparkling eyes. When Alyson bent down a third time, she heard AJ say: "Enough is enough, lady!" She got up, only to be hit by a snowball herself. She brushed the snow from her coat above her leg, where AJ's ball had "landed". She started to giggle as she threw the next ball at him, and before they knew it they were having a snow fight, while laughing like maniacs. She began to run away from him, grabbing snow here and there to prepare the next snow ball she could hit him with. AJ ran after her, throwing snow at her back. When she stopped and turned around to throw her snow ball at him, he was so close that he couldn't stop in time. He tackled her to the ground and they landed in deep snow, still laughing. When they calmed down, AJ still didn't have any intentions of getting up from her.
Alyson noticed her heart beginning to beat faster, even faster than after all the running. He was so beautiful... The grin still on his lips, stars dancing in his eyes and suddenly the grin faded to a smile and she knew what he wanted. Lord, she wanted him to kiss her, too.
"You're fast", she whispered. "All the touring left you in good shape."
"What a luck", he whispered back. "I might have lost you otherwise..."
AJ couldn't resist any longer. He lowered his head slowly to hers, his heart beating wildly as his lips finally touched hers. Alyson wrapped her arms around his neck, pushing herself up, closer towards him. They opened their lips at the same time, wanting to deepen the kiss. She moaned as colors danced in front of her closed eye-lids. It had always felt as if their lips had been made to kiss the others. Their tongues were playing with each other, teasing, caressing, tasting each other's sweetness and unique flavor. AJ let out a deep moan that shattered every rest of resistance she might have still had inside.
They probably wouldn't have stopped kissing for days, if they wouldn't have been interrupted suddenly. They began laughing again, as a heap of snow landed on them that fell off the tree they were laying under. They shook the snow off of themselves, but AJ still didn't get up.
He spent the next minute just looking into her eyes and enjoying having her smiling up at him. He had missed her so much. He had longed for that kiss of hers, for her touch. He hadn't been lying when he told her he had fallen in love with her, despite everything. Despite the sudden end. "Alyson...", was all he could say, but with it showed her every emotion he was feeling for her.
He said her name and it made chills run down her spine. Could he be serious? Could he really want to be with her? Alyson shook off all her thoughts. She didn't care, and it didn't matter. All she wanted was to be here with him, was to make love to him and have another Christmas like last year. He made her feel so good, he raised emotions inside of her she never knew existed. She could think about the end when it came. But maybe, just maybe this time they would have a happy ending.
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