Chapter 6
The next 3 days were a blur to me. My mom spent most of her time keeping busy with the funeral arrangements, while I helped take care of Kevin and tried my best to be strong for her. Knowing that my father wouldn't want me to fall apart was enough to keep me going. My friends called and came over every day, supporting my whole family to the best of their ability. The funeral was very nice with tones of flowers and our family and friends. I did my best to try and think of this as not a funeral, but as a celebration of his life. Afterward we had some of the guests back to the house for drinks and a catered dinner. As my mom spoke to the relatives I excused myself and went to my room. I had done very little crying over the last few days and the build up had finally gotten to me. I put in my new cd single "Let the Music Heal Your Soul," and cried myself to sleep that night.
The next six weeks were the worst of my life. I was really miserable but I didn't show it at home for fear that it would get my mom upset. Melissa did her best to cheer me up with news about the Backstreet concerts, and how much fun we were going to have. For a while I considered not going cause the timing was really bad. But afterward I realized that the whole reason my father bought me these tickets was because he knew the whole time that their music is what kept me level headed during his illness. With Nick's determination and positive influence in my corner, I had made it through his sickness and his death the way that he wanted me too. And I also realized that he would never except me not going to these shows.
Christmas day came and went that year with not a whole lot of fuss. But it did seem strange without my dad there to share it. But I kept a good attitude up for his sake and my mom's.
On December 30, 1998, Melissa and I woke up at 5a.m. and packed up the car for our trip to Tampa. Just as we finished I told Mel to go ahead and get in the car, I wanted to go back inside and make sure I hadn't forgotten anything.
I got to my room and looked around for anything else I might need. Nothing that I could see. Just as I was leaving my eyes fell on a picture I had taken that day at the House of Blues. I looked at Nick and thought back to everything that had happened. Then I began thinking of my dad, and how much I wished to comehome tomorrow and give him the details about the concert. Even though I knew I couldn't. I looked one last time at the picture and then set it back down.
"Don't worry dad." I smiled at the photo.
"I'll take more pictures for ya." I closed my door behind me and left.
"How you've changed my world, you'll never know. I'm different now, you helped me grow. I'm gonna love you boys, you are so fine, Angel's of Mine."
"What you mean to me you'll never know. What's inside me I have to show. You came into my life, straight from above. When I lost the hope, you showed me love. I'm checkin' for you boy's, your right on time. Angel's of Mine"
The End
