CHAPTER 12
"Now that I have your attention, can I talk to you?"
She stood there speechless. Never had she imagined he would be at her door. After what seemed like an eternity, she found her voice. "Um, sure, come in." She stepped out of the way and let him into her apartment. She realized she still had her phone on and she went to put it back on the receiver. When she returned, she found him already seated on the couch, looking at her. She nervously sat beside him. She was having a hard time understanding why he was here and why she felt so uncomfortable around him.
They never felt uncomfortable around each other. They were good friends. Sure, they slept together, just once though. Sure, he had lied to her about going out with Libby, but that was no reason to feel uncomfortable around him, was it? Of course, it's a good reason to be nervous around him. What is he going to say to me? Before she had time to say anything, he began to speak.
"I just want you to listen to me, okay." She nodded. Good, I don't have to talk yet. "I should be really mad at you for not calling me when you got home, but I'm not. I know that what happened in Los Angeles was not planned. I just want you to know that I am sorry for anything I did to make you feel that you couldn't talk to me."
"Justin, it's not that…."
"No, please, just listen. I have some things I need to say to you and then I am going home to get some sleep. I have a plane to catch in the morning back to New York. I just needed to see you to say these things." Anya looked at him and agreed that she would not interrupt him again. She sat there with her hands in her lap, afraid that he would see her shaking. He took a deep breath before he continued.
"I have been thinking about you all week. Thinking about the video, Libby, lying to you and especially about that night we spent together. I'm not going to tell you that nothing has changed between us because it has. As I said in the hotel room, I have wanted to be more than friends with you for a while now and didn't know how you felt about me. I don't want you to tell me anything until you think about what I am saying to you. So, here goes. When I first met you, I wasn't sure about your intentions towards me. I am very cautious of people and what they want from me. You seemed like a trusting person, but I have met a lot of people I thought I could trust and become friends with, only to find out they only wanted me for my name. I liked you from the beginning but it wasn't until you told the guys and me about Ben that I realized how much courage it took to tell us. I found myself not being able to leave you. Here you were, someone we had just met a short time before and you were opening up to us and telling your most private secrets to. I think that was the day I knew I wanted you in my life. That was the day I knew you were someone I could put my trust in and become friends with. I didn't expect anything else to come from it but friendship. Our talks over the phone and emails brought me closer to you and then when you came to LA, something inside me changed. I noticed you in more than a friendly way. I knew nothing would happen between us. One, you were always telling me you felt like my older sister, so I knew age was a big factor in that. And, two, you were still getting over Ben. I didn't want to take a chance and ruin our friendship or push you away. When I saw you with Joey doing your part for the video, I knew I had to do something. It was eating me up. I was so jealous that he got to be with you and not me. I knew that nothing was going on with you two but I still felt jealous. You really confused me when you helped Libby talk me into going out with her. I don't know why you did that but I figured it was because you thought of me as just a friend. When I stayed with you that night, something inside of me just clicked and I couldn't help myself. I wanted to be with you so bad it was driving me crazy. I don't regret our night together. It was one I won't soon forget, but I didn't handle the morning after too well. I am so sorry about the Libby thing. I really was only going to go out with her just once and not again. I should have told you the truth but I was afraid that it you hurt you. I didn't know you had heard me. I have never lied to you before then and I'm not lying now. Please forgive me. What I really want to say is that…I love you." He waited for any sign that would indicate that she heard him.
Anya just sat there, looking down at her hands, not sure of anything right now.
"What I want to know is if there is any possibility that you feel the same way about me. You don't have to answer me right now. I know I have said a lot to you and my surprising you couldn't have helped. I just needed to see you and let you know how I feel about you face-to-face. You deserve that much." Again, he looked for a sign, something from her and he got nothing. "Please, think about it. Put away all your thoughts of Ben. You know I would never hurt you. Forget about our age difference. I don't care about how old you are. All I care about is you. I am going to go now. You have my number when you want to talk. Please promise me you will call this time. I know you won't break a promise. So, please promise." He, too, was looking down at his hands when she finally responded.
"I promise." That was all she could say at that moment.
He nodded his head and got up to leave. As he reached for the door, he turned around and told her, "I'll be waiting for your call. I love you Anya, don't forget that." With that, he was gone.
Anya sat there for what seemed life forever. What just happened here? Am I dreaming? Did Justin just fly all the way here just to tell me he loves me? Wait a minute, he said he loves me. She ran to the door, flinging it open and ran down the stairs, hoping to find him before he left. She was too late. She didn't see his car anywhere. Should she call him now? Should she wait?
These things were going through her mind when her roommate, Lisa, walked in. "Hey, how was your day? Mine sucked big time. All I want to do is take a long bath and go straight to bed. Hey, you don't look so good. Are you okay?" She asked her friend.
"I'm not sure." Anya said as she closed the door and walked back to her own bedroom. "I'm going to bed. See you in the morning." She shut her door and collapsed onto her bed. Surprisingly, she fell asleep instantly.
Morning came too early and Anya raced around her small apartment trying to get ready for work. She had to be there early and was already running late. Her body was in motion but her mind was on something else, Justin. On the way to work, she realized exactly what it was her heart was telling her to do. She wanted him. She wanted him so bad it was killing her. If she could have only thought straight last night, she would have told him. He just surprised her so much that her mind went to mush and no words could come out of her mouth. Now it was too late. He was on a plane back to New York and then off to Europe for a month. She knew she would call him, but she wanted him there with her when she told him how she felt, just like he had done for her. She wouldn't be able to wait a month to talk to him. That wasn't fair to either of them. She decided that as soon as she did her rounds, she would call him while he was still in New York.
It took longer to see the kids and get things set for the day then she had imagined. There were three people out today and it would be just her for the first few hours. When she finally got a free moment, she picked up the phone and dialed his cell. Please be there. She thought as she heard the phone ring once, twice, three, times. He's not going to answer.
Just as she was about to hang up, she heard a voice come on the other end. "Hello" was all he said. She knew it was Justin. The words she had practiced all morning were failing her. Her brain was working but her mouth wasn't moving. She started to panic, thinking he would hang up before she could get a word out. "Anya is that you?" He asked.
"How did you…."
"Caller ID my dear. I know your work number remember?" He added with a slight chuckle to his voice. She was glad he was in a good mood. She loved to hear him laugh. She loved him. Now, all she had to do was tell him that.
"I have been going over in my head what I was going to say to you when I called, and now I can't think of a word." She said honestly to him. She hated not being able to just come out and say it but something was holding her back. She didn't know what it was but something kept her from saying those three little words he longed to hear.
"Oh" was all he could say. "Listen, I am about to board the plane now, so, I guess I better go and let you get back to work. If you think of what you wanted to say to me, give me a call."
He was about to hang up when out of no where; "I love you, Justin." She said it. She actually said it.
"What?" He asked, not sure he heard her right.
"I said I love you, Justin. That's what I wanted to say to you. Well, I wanted to say a lot more but I just skipped to the good part." She said imitating the same chuckle he had a few minutes ago.
"I thought that's what you said. I was just making sure. You are sure?" He asked, praying this was not a dream.
"Ever since that day at my apartment when I told you about Ben and you refused to leave me. You just held onto me and would not let me go. I have never felt so safe in my life. I owe you so much, Justin, and yes, I am sure that I love you."
She felt on the verge of tears when she looked up and saw her boss standing in the doorway. "That's very kind of you to say, Anya, I love you too, but get back to work." Her boss told her as he turned to leave, laughing to himself.
"I guess you better get back to work. I have to get on this stupid plane now and leave you for a month. I wish I was with you right now." Justin told her as a big smile came across her face.
"I know you do, I do too. I am sorry I didn't say anything to you last night. I was in complete shock when you showed up. It took me a while to realize that you were really in my apartment." They both laughed at that. "Listen, it will only be a month, right? I will email you later and we can talk some more. You are going to be so busy that the month will fly by, don't worry." She was trying to reassure him and herself, that everything would be okay.
"Yeah, only a month. I will talk to you real soon. I'll let you know what's going on over here and I want to hear more about how much you love me next time."
"You are so full of yourself aren't you?"
"You bet I am."
"Get on that plane and hurry home, okay." She wanted off the phone as soon as possible. The longer she stayed on, the harder it got to say goodbye.
"I'll talk to you soon. I love you, Anya."
"I love you too." And with that, they both hung up to begin a month of long lonely nights apart. They had finally found what they both were searching for and now were going to be apart for a month. This month better go by fast. They both thought.