CHAPTER 17
The way back to the hotel was a silent one. Anya was so out of it that she could have a root canal done and not even know it. Justin was too lost in his own thoughts to know what to say. He had called JC from the hospital to let him know what was happening and to tell the others when they got back. They got to their hotel room and Justin put Anya straight to bed. He didn't try to get her into her pajamas. It was no use. She was so out of it and he didn't want to hurt her hand on accident. He setteled in beside her and tried to fall asleep.
The morning would come too soon for him. He had barely gotten three hours of sleep and now it was time to get up and go tape their performance for MTV. After he had gotten out of the shower, he noticed that Anya was awake and watching TV. "Hey, how are you feeling today?" He asked her. She didn't respond to him. This worried him. Was she still doped up? Was she is so much pain that she couldn't even speak? What was it?
"My hand hurts." That was all she said. Justin came over to her. He sat next to her on the bed.
"Do you remember anything about last night?" He hoped she would be able to tell him what had happened. He knew the girls were yelling at her and he saw the beer thrown at her and obvisiously knew her hand had been broken, but why was what he didn't know.
"I'm suppose to go back today for the cast." He thought she was still out of it and knew that would work to her advantage. She knew he would buy that and not ask again. She did remember last night vividly but was not ready to talk about it with anyone, especially Justin.
"Listen, I have a performance to get to. Beth and Kiley are on their way down here and are going to take you to the hospital to get your cast. If you need me to go with you, I will. I can bag this performance. The guys can cover for me and say that I'm sick or something." He didn't want to leave her but he didn't want to disappoint all the people who had come to see the group.
"No, go Justin. I'll be fine with the girls. After I get the cast on, maybe we'll come by and see you guys if there is time, okay?" She hoped he would buy her little act and leave before she broke down. She needed to be alone and somehow she knew she had no chance in hell of being alone after last night. Justin would see to that if he knew what had really happened.
"Okay, I'll go. You have my cell number. Someone in the group will have it, a bodyguard probably, so call immediately if something is wrong."
"I will. I promise if something goes wrong, I will call." All of a sudden there was a knock at the door and Justin stood to get it. There was Beth and Kiley waiting to come in and JC was right behind them waiting to take Justin with him.
"I'm sorry, man, but we have to go. Are you alright, Anya?" JC asked with concern.
"I'll be fine. Thank you for asking, JC." Justin came back over to Anya and pulled her into a big hug, careful to not touch her hand.
He leaned forward and whispered in her ear, "remember call me if you need me. I'll be back as soon as I can. I love you." She couldn't take it anymore. She was about to break down right there.
Luckly for her, Kiley stepped in and broke the two up. "I know you hate to go, Justin, but she will be fine. We'll take care of her and we'll call if anything changes." Justin gave Anya a quick kiss on the cheek and left with JC.
When they were gone, Beth was the first to ask, "are you really okay? None of that I'll be fine, crap. Tell us the truth." Anya knew she couldn't keep anything from these girls. They had seen it all and knew when someone was lying.
As tears came to her face, she quickly wiped them away with her good hand. "I don't know. I really don't know." All three girls embraced one another. Anya knew she would have to tell someone sooner or later about what happened. She could trust the girls but could she find the words to say what went on in the club? Time would only tell.
They arrived back to the hotel after Anya got her cast put on. She was tired and wanted to rest. Beth and Kiley were worried about her. On the van ride back from the hospital, they had heard her mumbling to herself. Something about "she wanted me to stay away from him." Both girls had no idea what she was talking about but feared it was because of last night.
Kiley had walked Anya up to her room and got her settled when the phone rang. It was Justin saying that the guys had to stay and do a couple of more things and wouldn't be back until dinner time. He asked how Anya was holding up. Kiley informed him that everything went fine at the hospital and she was resting now. She didn't tell him that she was worried about Anya, Justin had enough to deal with right now. He let her go and returned to the guys to finish the day so he could get back to Anya.
The guys made it back to the hotel later than they thought. As Justin walked towards his room he shared with Anya, something came over him. He came to the door, not knowing what to expect or do. Part of him wanted to run to her, comfort her and part of him wanted to turn away. He didn't want to have to see the same painful lost look in her eye that she had this morning when he left. He knew she needed him but would she tell him what had happened to her at the club last night?
She had been lying to him when she said she was fine. She couldn't tell him that because of him, she had broken her hand. Because of him, she had beer thrown on her. Because of him, she was yelled at and called names. But, was it his fault? All he had ever done for her was love her. And, boy, did he love her. She knew by the little things he would do for her, how much he cared. Then, why would a total stranger tell her to stay away from him and hurt her just because they loved each other? She knew who he was when she became friends with him. Then when their relationship had developed into more, it had never bothered her that thousands of girls wanted him. She knew it but had never seen the extreme measures they would go to for him. If one girl at a club could do this to her, what would the next girl do?
Was he worth this pain, this anguish? In a couple of weeks, he would be gone for 5 months. Going on a world tour was exactly what the group needed to promote their new album. Still, five months, five long months without him. No more long talks. No more stolen moments. No more holding hands, sweet kisses, walks in the park, passion filled nights, nothing. Five months would test their love, their commitment to each other. Being apart for a couple of days was hard enough on her. She longed for his touch, longed for the way she felt when he was near. How would she survive all those months? She asked herself again, was he worth it? Hell yeah, he's worth it. But, how do I tell him what happened and reassure him that I'm not going to let some drunk-off-her-ass girl push me around and make me stay away from him. She knew what she had to do but how he would take the news was what worried her.
Justin opened the door to their room. He looked around the darkened room searching for any sign of life. He couldn't tell if anyone was in there or not. It wasn't until he looked on the bed, that he notice the last rays of light from the day resting on her sleeping form. He crept over to the bed so not to wake her.
As he sat down beside her, he let out the breath he hadn't noticed he was holding. He was thankful she was asleep. This way he could take her in, every part of her in, without her knowledge. He sat there for what seemed like a lifetime, just watching her sleep. Although she had been heavily medicated the night before, she still tossed and turned in her sleep. Now, here she was looking more peaceful than he had ever seen her. I wander what's going on in that head of yours, he thought to himself.
As if by reflex, his hand found her face. He ran a finger down the side of her cheek, up her chin, and onto her lips. They finally rest on her forehead, where he brushed a stand of hair out of her face. As he ran his fingers through her hair, Anya let out a slight moan. This startled Justin ever more when suddenly he felt a hand touch his own.
"Hey there. When did you get back?" She asked, trying to wake up.
"Just a little while ago. I didn't want to wake you." She began to sit up and stretch. "No, no lay back down. You don't have to get up. I'll leave you alone so you can sleep some more."
A smile came to Anya's face. He really is the sweetest person I know. I am so lucky to have him. I'm not going to lose him. The smile soon faded when she noticed the concerned look on his face. "We need to talk." She told him.
"Are you sure? If you don't feel like it, we don't…." He started, but was interrupted.
"No, I need to tell you the truth about last night." All he could do was nod his head in agreement. She sat up in bed and took a deep breath to try to compose herself. "Let me start by saying that last night when we were dancing, things have never felt so right to me. I love you and didn't care who saw us together."
"Why do I have a feeling there is a big but in there somewhere?"
"Because there is. Now, could you please not interrupt me again?" She said in a sarcastic tone. All Justin could do was smile at her. She always knew how to lighten even the tensest situations. "Seriously, I don't know why this happened to me." She began, as she pointed to her hand. The hand he had tried to avoid looking at since he had entered the room. Seeing her small hand in that all too familiar white cast made him shudder. How could anyone do this to her, he thought to himself.
He placed a hand gently on hers. Although it hurt to have him touch her, she relished in the feeling and would not dare tell him to remove it. She needed him. She needed his touch, the feel of him next to her. She knew now was the time to tell him.
"She came up to me at the bar. I could tell she had been drinking. She asked me what my problem was. I didn't know what she meant but before I could say anything, she told me to stay way from you."
Justin heard this but could not comprehend what was being said. Did this girl hurt Anya because of me?
"She told me I had no right to be close to her man. That you were hers and I should stay away. I knew I shouldn't have said anything but I couldn't help it. I told her that it would be hard to stay away from you since I was your girlfriend. She called me a liar and said that you wouldn't give a slut like me the time of day. That's when she picked up the beer and threw it at me. I was completely shocked and went to grab a napkin off the bar. That's when she slammed the glass down on top of my hand. The next thing I knew, you were taking me to the hospital. The rest you already know." Anya looked down at their hands, still together. She hadn't noticed how bad her hand hurt. All she cared about was having Justin near and hope he understood.
Justin didn't know what to say. This girl, this stranger in a club, had assaulted someone he cared about, someone he loved because she was with him. How could he have let this happen? He knew people would be angry when they found out about the two of them, but he never thought someone would hurt her like that. Then it hit him; he was to blame for all of this. He lowered his head, ashamed to even look at her. "This is all my fault."
"What?" She had been so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't know what he had said.
"I said I'm to blame for all of this. You told me you didn't want to go to the club but I insisted we go. If I had only brought you back here, none of this would have happened."
"Please, don't blame yourself for something some girl at a club did. You had no idea this would happen. Besides, I choose to come with you. I could have come back to the hotel but I didn't. Don't blame yourself for this?" She could see the hurt in his eyes and it frightened her. He's closing off. He's shutting me out. I can't let him do that.
"But I do. Because of me, you got hurt. I don't ever want that to happen again." He said as he let go of her hand and slowly stood up. Panic ran all through her body. Oh no, please don't leave. Don't leave me.
"I don't want to hurt you anymore. By staying, I am." He walked over to the door but stopped as he heard her continue.
"If you leave, you will hurt me more than you know. Don't let this come between us. I don't care what happened, what was said. I am not staying away from you. I love you. I need you. Please don't leave." Tears were now flowing freely down her cheeks. She hadn't remembered crying like this in a long time. The past 24 hours had brought so many emotions to the surface and she had tried to push them down. Now, she couldn't take it anymore. The last time she had cried like this was when she had told the guys about Ben. That was the night Justin had refused to let her go. Refused to leave her alone. That night she had found her best friend and love of her life. Now, it was her turn. She wouldn't let him leave. Not blame himself for what had happened to her. They would get through this together.
Justin saw her crying and his heart broke. He hated to see people cry, especially when he was the cause of it, but he couldn't imagine anything worse happening to her. He had to get away. He knew the pain she went through with Ben and now this. If he could change this he would but he couldn't change who he was and that was the worst part. "Anya, I can't…I can't do this to you…to me. I am going to be gone for 5 months. I'm not going to be around to protect you from other people when they find out about us. Look at what this girl did to you. I don't want to think of what could happen next. I can't think of that. I want to protect you and keep you safe and the only way I know how is to leave. I love you too much to have you with me and get hurt again."
By this time, Justin, too, had begun to shed his own set of tears. He couldn't look at Anya. He knew if he did, he would lose it, run to her, and hold her. He didn't want to leave her but couldn't take the risk of having her hurt again.
This whole time, she had sat there, on the bed, motionless. How could he say this to me? If you love someone you fight for them, right? How could he do this, just leave me. This can't be happening. This can't be happening. She tried to speak, tried to reason with him, tried to reach out for him, but couldn't. She knew in her heart there was no changing his mind. That was one of the things she learned early on about Justin, when he made his mind up, there was no changing it.
"Will you stay with me tonight, just for tonight. I'll get on a plane back to Florida tomorrow. Please, Justin, just one more night?" There she was pleading for one more night, one more hour, one more moment with him.
He slowly turned around, taking his hand off the door. Without saying a word, he walked over to the bed and enveloped her in his arms. He held her close to him, not wanting to let her go, but knowing he had to.
She felt the warmth of his body against hers and she nearly melted right there. This was going to be their last night together, or so he thought. Anya knew they would be together again. She didn't know when, but she felt in her heart that they would. She pushed that feeling to the side for the time and thought only of the man holding her. How long will it be until we are together again, holding each other like this? I don't know but I'm not going to let go just yet.
She leaned her head up to his ear and whispered "make love to me."