CHAPTER 21
Justin arrived at the hospital 45 minutes later. When Lisa called, she didn't tell him about the baby, only that Anya and her had been in a wreck and she was in the hospital. He didn't ask any questions, just cut his evening short and rushed to the hospital. Since he left her in Cancun, he thought about her everyday. The nights were the hardest on him. He missed laying in bed talking to her about each others day. He missed her voice, her smile, her face, her…well, you get the point, he missed everything about her. The other guys had talked to her from time to time but he tried to stay away. Just the thought of hearing her voice over the phone was enough to drive him back to her, but he promised he would never look back.
So many times he wanted to take that promise back, take the words he had said to her in Cancun back, run to her and beg her to forgive him. He told her in his letter that he would return to her but as time passed, he gave up. He loved her, still loved her, but he couldn't face the fact that she had been hurt because she was with him. He knew if the press found out about her than it would be World War III. Everywhere he went, every person he was seen with was automatically linked to him. He grew tired of the press following him around and trying to stir up trouble. He didn't want that to happen with him and Anya, so he left, he gave up.
Now, here she was in the hospital and had asked him to come see her. He found Lisa in the lobby and walked up to her. "Hey, Lisa, how are you doing and how is Anya?"
Lisa had told him that Anya wanted him to come to the hospital. She knew that if she asked him to come and he thought Anya didn't want him there, he would show up and Lisa felt that it was time he knew about the baby. Please forgive me for this, Anya.
"I'm doing okay. A few bumps and bruises that's all. Anya is upstairs, they want to keep her for observations for a couple of days."
"How hurt is she that she has to stay that long?" He became very worried now. When Lisa called, it sounded like Anya would be okay and now she was staying a couple of days. Something is going on here and I don't like it.
"Justin, before you go see Anya, I think you need to sit down. I have something important to tell you."
He didn't like the sound of that at all. "Lisa be straight with me, what is going on and are you sure that Anya wanted me to come?"
"Well…to tell you the truth, she has no idea you are here…don't look at me like that…I had to lie to get you to come here. It was the only way I knew you'd show up. Please, I have a lot to tell you and not a lot of time. Visiting hours are over but I think you could probably still see Anya seeing as you are the baby's father."
She waited for him to soak it in that she had just told him he was the father of Anya's baby that he knew nothing about. "What…what did you just say?" Justin got very uncomfortable all of a sudden. Had Lisa just said what he thought she said?
"I said that Anya is upstairs in the maternity ward, hooked to a bunch of machines, praying that her baby…your baby…will not make an appearance for the next six weeks." She knew it was wrong of her to be telling Justin this but he deserved to know even if Anya would never speak to her again. Lisa knew how much they loved each other and this "promise" they made that kept them apart, had to be broken for the sake of their child.
Justin still didn't believe any of this. He hadn't been with Anya since Cancun…oh shit, Cancun, I forgot to use…oh shit. "Cancun?" He looked over at Lisa.
"Yeah, Cancun. The medication Anya was on didn't help the situation any. Her birth control pills didn't work the way they should when someone forgets…."
"I know, you don't have to remind me." Justin couldn't believe what was going on. That night in Cancun had been so special to him. That was his last night with Anya and he wanted it to last forever. I guess I got my wish, we'll never forget that night. "Wait, you said that there is a problem with the baby?"
"Yes, the wreck caused stress on the baby and her body is trying to go into labor but the baby is too small to have a good chance at survival without complications. She has to have bed rest for six weeks and then if the baby is born, she would be stronger. I'm sorry I had to be the one to tell you all this, but Anya didn't want you to know about the baby. She was afraid you would come back to her for the baby's sake and not because you loved her."
Justin heard this and got angry. He understood that Anya would want his love but to keep something like this was just cruel. "I don't care what she was doing, I should have known about this from the start. I deserve to have a say in all of this. I need to go talk to her." He got up and began to walk to the elevators.
"Please, Justin, hear her out, she did have good reasons. She loves you more than anything and was just trying to protect you and the baby from the same people you were trying to protect her from. Don't make her upset, she has to stay calm, remember that."
Justin got into the elevator and rode it to the 3rd floor. He started walking to her room when it hit him what Lisa was talking about. Six months ago, he left Anya because he feared for her safety from his fans and then she turned around and did the same thing in trying to protect him and their baby from them. How could he be mad at her for that, but, still, she kept the baby a secret and he didn't know how to handle that.
He knocked on her door but got no answer. He slowly walked in and found her asleep. He walked over to her and noticed right away that Lisa was telling the truth. Her stomach wasn't big by any means, but she did have a lump in it. He sat down on the stool that was beside her bed and looked at her. He hadn't seen Anya in over six months and her face was turned away from him but he could tell she hadn't changed, she looked as beautiful as he remembered.
He brought his hand to her stomach and gently touched it. Immediately something moved inside. He found himself overwhelmed, to say the least. He had felt babies kick before but now he was feeling his child kick and that feeling was incredible.
He was lost in the moment when he felt a hand on his. "It's okay baby, go back to sleep." Anya started rubbing his hand that was on her stomach. He thought she was awake, at first, then noticed she was only talking in her sleep.
He looked down and saw that she was holding his hand. The feeling of her hand on his brought back so many memories that he found himself on the verge of tears. Here was the woman he told over and over that he loved, laying in a hospital bed doing all she could for their child. If it was possible, he began to love her more.
When she had moved earlier, she turned her face towards Justin. He now saw the full effect of the wreck on her face. On her forehead was a bandage with bloodstains and her cheek was swollen and bruised. He felt the urge to lean down and kiss her wounds to make them better. He debated that for a moment, then realized that since she was asleep, she wouldn't know. He slowly leaned toward her, as he had done so many times before. This time he was a bundle of nerves. He had wanted to be close to her for so long and now he was, in a matter of speaking, only she didn't know it. He closed the distance between them and placed gentle kisses on her forehead and cheek. He was hovering over her and when he brought his lips onto hers, it seemed like the most natural thing to do. His lips touched hers and that same feeling came over him. As he was leaning back up, Anya opened her eyes.
"Justin…" She tried to wake up. " What are you doing here?" Her eyes were like lead. After a couple of seconds, she realized this wasn't a dream and the man she had tried to avoid, tried to get over, was standing over her, holding her hand and had just kissed her. "Justin, I thought I told you never to scare me like that."
She still had her sense of humor. Justin was relieved she hadn't thrown him out of her room yet. "Lisa called me and told me you were in a wreck so I came down here immediately."
He squeezed her hand and when she went to look at it, she noticed that it was on her stomach. Oh shit, he knows about the baby. Lisa, I'm going to kill you.
He saw her eyes look at their hands and then notice her stomach. He smiled at her to reassure her that he knew and was okay, she didn't think so. "Justin, I can explain…."
"Lisa already did. She told me about the baby and although I am very upset you didn't tell me, I know you don't need me upsetting you right now. I want you to get your rest and we can talk about what we are going to do about this later."
Although Anya was happy to finally see Justin after all this time, she quickly remembered how he left her, never called, never visited, and then tonight, had gone out with another girl. Anger rose in her and before she knew it, she let go of his hand and started yelling at him.
"What do you mean what we are going to do about this later? There is no we, did you forget that you left me. You left me because some girl broke my hand. You got scared because of a fan. You didn't even try. You ran away from me. When I needed you the most, you left. You knew how hard it was for me to let go of my past but you helped me get through it. When no one else could, you healed me."
Justin was taken back by this. He had every right to be mad at her and was trying to hold in for the baby's sake. "I was worried about you and didn't want you to be hurt."
"That's bull and you know it. You were only worried about yourself and what your fans would say. I would have given you anything. I would have done anything for us, but you gave up on us a long time ago. So, I repeat, there is no us."
That was the last straw, Justin held his anger back long enough. "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"
"I want you to be honest with yourself. Ask yourself why you are here, because you love me is that it or is it because you feel guilty? Guilty that you walked away from us at the first sign of trouble. And, don't give me that excuse that you wanted to protect me from your fans. You had no intention of telling them about me. Maybe I didn't want them to know, but I deserved a say in our relationship. You had control from the start. Well, now its time I took control."
She tried to stop the words from coming out but she was just so upset that they seemed to flow. "I want you to leave. I have more important things to think about than you. If this baby survives, I am keeping her. She is my responsibility not yours. I don't expect or want anything from you. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about you being the father. I don't want your fans to know about the baby. Who knows what they would do to her." She was so upset she didn't know what she was saying or how to stop it.
Justin had been so angry that he felt like throwing the stool he sat on around the room. He had wanted to yell and scream at her a minute ago. How could she say that she deserved a say in our relationship when she didn't give me a say in our child's life? But, after she finished, he didn't know what to say to her. Lisa had told him that she was very upset and may say or do things that she normally wouldn't do. He tried to keep that in mind, but every word she said was true. He loved her but he hadn't thought about telling the public about their relationship. He convinced himself it was to protect their privacy. Now, he wasn't sure. Maybe he didn't say anything because he didn't want to upset his fans. The group had been through a lot the past year and now their popularity was skyrocketing. He couldn't take the risk of damaging his or the groups careers. The others had girlfriends but he was the one the public made a big deal about when it came to dating. If they found out he had a girlfriend, some fans would go crazy. If they found out she was older, much older, they would lose it. He wasn't prepared to deal with that, so he didn't let their relationship out. He had even been surprised that the incident in Cancun hadn't gotten out.
Without saying a word, he stood and walked to her door. He knew she needed to rest and he was only making her more upset. When he was out in the hallway, he leaned against the wall and put his head in his hands. He had lost Anya and, more important, his baby. He had to do something to get them both back. He had to make things right between them. He loved Anya and was not about to spend the rest of his life regretting ever letting her go. He couldn't imagine having a child but thinking about having a child he never knew, was not an option to him. How am I going to explain this to the guys, to my family, to the world? He went home to think about what he was going to do.