The next morning everyone in Liz's apartment was on pins and needles. Jack did NOT approve of Justin staying the night, but for his daughter's sake, he let it slide. He didn't feel that Justin was taking her illness seriously enough and wondered if he would be a hindrance to her recovery. He had stayed away from him all morning.
Justin could tell that Jack was upset with him but knew he couldn't get into anything with him today. This was Liz's first day of treatment and she needed everyone's support and understanding, not two guys arguing over something as dumb as Justin sleeping FULLY clothed with his daughter.
The two didn't do anything – which was the last thing on Justin's mind. All he wanted was to be near Liz as much for himself as for her. He was hiding so much from her and knew it was bound to come out but the longer he waited, the more he hoped she would see why he was doing this and wouldn't be too upset with him.
As for Liz, well she was doing as well as could be expected. She hadn't been alone all week since her father and Justin both arrived and although she loved them dearly, she wished she had had one minute to herself so she could let her pain and fears out – for no one else to see.
She didn't want anyone to worry about her more than they were so she kept her feelings inside so they wouldn't see her break. She knew it would all come out one day but for now, she wasn't allowing it to. She had to keep her head clear for the events of today and the weeks to come.
Jack had dropped Liz off at the clinic at 10:00 that morning so she could receive her first treatment. She had to be there for several hours while the drugs were administered. Jack had asked if she needed him to stay but since she would be in a room hooked up to tubes and needles, she told him that she would be fine. She needed the time to talk to the nurses, get any concerns out and mentally prepare herself for the challenge ahead.
She also told Justin that he needed to get home and do some things for himself today. He argued with her but when she looked into his eyes and told him that she would be fine, he couldn't go against her wishes. He would do practically anything for her – and had done just that.
He was busy at home, talking with his mother on the phone – who would be returning with the girls in a few days, asked the guys to come over so they could straighten out a few things and even invited Johnny. He had a lot of explaining that he had to do and needed them all there in person.
They had spent most of the morning and into the afternoon discussing what Justin had proposed. NONE of them were thrilled about the situation but Justin was determined to make it work. He understood the risks involved but when he closed his eyes and pictured Liz's face, he knew it would be worth it. SHE was worth it.
They did their best trying to talk him out of this but his mind was set and they knew it. None of them wanted to admit it but they were extremely proud of their youngest member and what he was giving up for Liz. They knew he loved her but this was beyond anything they had seen before.
Time would only tell if Liz would be as proud.
Meanwhile, Jack had picked Liz up from the clinic and had her safe at her apartment. She wasn't feeling the effects of the chemo just yet. She knew that within a few days, she would know just how much agony she would be in and tried to focus on how she felt right now.
Her mouth was a little dry and her stomach was queasy but it was bearable. She was extremely tired by the three-hour session and was fast asleep when Justin called to see how she was doing. Jack answered the phone on the first ring, so she wouldn't wake up.
"Yes Justin, she is home but she's sleeping right now." He said into the phone, waiting to hurry up the conversation and get back to fixing himself a snack. Truth be known, he didn't want Justin around today and was going to see to it that he stayed away.
"Oh okay. Listen, I'm just about done here so I'll just grab something to eat and be over in about an hour." He started but Jack interrupted.
"No, I think it would be best if you stayed home today. Lizzy's not feeling well and you know what the doctor said, the next 7-10 days she can't be around anyone with a cold. I heard you sneeze yesterday and I think it would be best if you kept your distance at least for awhile."
Justin knew what he was trying to do. Justin wasn't sick, he only had allergies and they weren't bad but he would do what Jack asked and stay away for LIZ'S sake and not his. "Yeah, I see what you're saying. Look, if you'd just give Liz the message that I called and when she's up to it, if she would return my call."
Jack smiled, content to have gotten rid of Justin for today at least. "I'll do that son. But don't be surprised if she sleeps all day and doesn't call until tomorrow."
Justin just rolled his eyes in disgust. Her father wasn't going to do this forever – he would be leaving next week anyway so Justin would bide his time until then. "Yeah, okay. Just tell her that I'm thinking about her and love…"
"Yeah I got it. Bye Justin." Jack said, interrupting Justin's plea of adoration for his daughter.
"Man what a jerk." He said as he clicked the phone off.
"Who's a jerk?"
Justin turned his head and glanced over his shoulder as Trace walked into the room. He sat down on the couch and promptly flung his legs on the coffee table. He had a sandwich in his hand and was taking a big bite when Justin replied.
"Oh, Ebby's dad. I swear that man hates me and I haven't done anything to him." He replied as he kicked Trace's legs off the table and gave him a smug look. "You always scuff it up with your boots." He said, pointing at the black soles of the his shoes.
Trace just matched Justin's look and shook his head. "Anyway, I can see why Liz's dad can't stand you." Justin's eyes shot up at that remark. "Oh come on, you know as well as I do that any girl's father is going to be leery of you. You're this huge star that could have practically anyone you wanted. You live the WILD life of drugs, drinking, and girls all over the place. You know the drill. What father wouldn't be worried about that especially since Liz's is sick now."
Justin had told Trace about Liz's cancer and knew to keep his mouth shut. He wouldn't say a word to anyone else until Liz felt up to having more people know. But with Trace's statement, Justin just threw himself back on the couch and covered his eyes with his hands. "Trace, you know I'm not like that."
"Yeah, I know but Liz's dad doesn't. All he sees is what the media portrays you and other guys in your position as. He doesn't see you for you. You're gonna have to work on that if you're gonna stay with Liz."
Justin's head shot up again. "OF COURSE I'M STAYING WITH HER! Why is everybody questioning me on that? My Lord, I have busted my butt trying to get things worked out so I CAN be with her. No one believes that I'm sticking around, why is that?" He asked, completely frustrated. One, for the morning he had with the guys and Johnny and two, for dealing with Liz's father.
Trace took another bite of his sandwich and spoke as pieces of ham and turkey tried to escape his mouth. "J, I'm not saying your intentions aren't noble but look at what you're doing. You're willing to give this all up for Liz. You're gonna do something that could cost you everything for someone you've only been with since the summer. How do you think everyone's suppose to react to it?"
Justin returned to rubbing his eyes. "I don't care what they think. I know what I'm doing and you would do the same thing if Jenny had…if she had, well you know."
Trace just shook his head and took a sip of his Coke before answering him. "Dude, you can't even say the word. Liz has CANCER, you know that, right? She has CANCER. Say the word."
"I can say it. I can. I just don't want to. Anyway, you'd do the same for Jenny." He replied, trying not to sound upset but it wasn't working. He could say the word but just didn't feel like it – or so he told himself.
Trace stood to walk back into the kitchen to throw his paper towel away and get another Coke. "I don't know if I would." He said as he retreated into the other room.
Justin jumped up and ran after him. "You lie. I know that you would give up your life for Jenny and don't deny it."
Trace reached inside the refrigerator to grab another drink. "Justin, fine I would do anything for her but I'm not you." He said as his eyes lit up at the site of leftover pie in Justin's cold storage unit.
Justin came up behind him and slammed to door shut. "And what does that mean, you're not me."
Trace waved him off and opened the door back up so he could get the piece of pie and bring it out to eat. "Justin, I'm a normal guy. I work everyday with normal people. I have normal friends – except for you of course. I don't live out of a suitcase. I don't have millions of people wanting to marry me or just have one night with me – well, there was that one chick in Vegas, you know the one – never mind." He said, taking the last bite of pie before wiping his mouth clean.
Justin just sat down on one of the barstools and folded his arms across one another. "I know what you're saying but Trace, you just don't get it. I CAN'T let her go through this alone. I just can't."
Trace took a bite of the pie, without a fork, and walked up to Justin. He put the piece in Justin's face as an offering but Justin just waved him off. "Man, Liz has her family, Lynn, the guys, even the girls when they find out. She's not alone. You don't have to do this for her. She knows you love her."
Justin heard Trace's words but he just knew in his heart that he was doing the right thing. "I hear ya but I can't explain it. This is something I HAVE to do for her and myself. I have to." He repeated as he took his eyes and cast them out the window to look at the beautiful day today was.
The sun wasn't shining, in fact, it was raining quite hard, but he knew that Liz loved the rain. She would sit on the porch, her eyes closed and simply feeling the cool breeze in her face as it seemed to light up. He could almost feel the rain on his own face at that moment.
Trace just shook his head at his best friend. No one understood what was going on in Justin's head – or heart for that matter but he was fearful that it would all come back to haunt Justin if he wasn't careful. He was risking everything for Liz and she didn't even know it.
What she would do when she found out – Lord only knows – but Trace wasn't looking forward to that day.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" Jack asked as he saw his daughter walking slowly into the living room of her apartment.
She slumped down on the couch and snuggled up next to him, putting her head on his shoulder. "I feel awful." She mumbled out as an enormous yawn overtook her. She covered her mouth with her hand but her dad noticed it shaking.
"Lizzy, are you okay?" He asked, taking the trembling hand and holding it in his own.
She simply nodded her head to him and pushed her shoulder a little closer to his body. "Daddy, this is just one of the things I'm gonna have to expect. I'm fine though so you don't have to ask. I'll tell you when I'm not."
He brought her hand up to his mouth and gently kissed the back of it. "I know you will. I just worry about you. You're my little girl."
She smiled against his shirt and hugged him as tight as she could, which wasn't very tight but he understood the meaning behind it. She was definitely feeling awful but she couldn't sleep any longer. Her body ached and just laying in her bed was beyond miserable for her. She enjoyed being here in the quiet of her apartment with her father but wondered something.
"Daddy, where's Justin?" She asked as her head began to rise and she looked at him.
He saw the paleness on her face but the tenderness in her words and knew he had done a bad thing. She did need her rest but the way her eyes were twinkling at just the sound of Justin's name, he felt that he shouldn't have told him to stay away.
"Lizzy, he called earlier when you were asleep. I didn't want to wake you so I told him that when you felt up to it, you'd call him back." He replied, hoping she didn't notice the nervousness in his voice.
She didn't seem to hear it, only asked if he could get her the phone. She had woken up several minutes ago and looked around to find Justin no where in sight and that had made her feel worse. She knew she was just starting this rollercoaster of a ride and didn't want to lean on him for everything but what her father couldn't give her, Justin could. She NEEDED him by her side right now.
He handed her the phone and told her that he'd fix her something to eat, but she declined. Her stomach was turning and food was the last thing on her mind. He nodded his head and helped her back into her room. It was late that evening when she had finally woken up but she figured Justin would still be up.
Her father told her that he was just in the next room if she needed anything but that he was heading to bed soon. She kissed him goodnight and as he shut her door, she dialed the all too familiar number and waited for his answer.
"Hello." A tired voice came over the phone.
Liz didn't recognize the voice and wondered if she had called the right number. "Um, is Justin there?" She hesitantly asked.
She heard a yawn from the person on the other end and him shifting around before answering her question. "Oh, yeah just a sec." Suddenly a loud yell sounded through the phone and Liz had to hold it away from her ear. "JUSTIN!"
She laughed when she heard him shuffling around to get the phone. He must have hit something on his way over because he yelled a few obscene words out that only made Liz chuckle more. She heard him ask who was on the phone and the other person tell him 'some girl.' She could just picture him rolling his eyes and waving him off so he could go back to sleep but to her surprise, he answered right away.
"Ebby?" He asked quickly, hoping it was her calling.
She smiled warmly and snuggled down in her covers at the sound of his voice. "Yeah it's me. I hope I didn't wake you up." She told him as she heard his throat being cleared.
"Um, no…well, yeah I guess you did, but that's okay. I tried to stay up but I didn't know when you'd feel up to talking. So how are you feeling?" He asked as he left the living room that he and Trace had fallen asleep in and walked to his room to lay down. He wanted to get comfortable for his late night chat.
She took a deep breath and exhaled it before speaking again. "I guess as good as can be expected. But I didn't call to talk about me. I wanted to know how you are?"
Justin knew what she was doing and he decided he would go along with it. She didn't want to discuss her illness right now and that was fine with him. If she acted like everything was fine, then it would be. "Oh nothing much. I talked to the guys today, in fact they came over and we had a long discussion about the future of the group."
She didn't understand what he was talking about so she had to ask. "Justin, um, I know I'm still out of it but that didn't sound good. What did you have to discuss about the future of the group? You're not leaving to go on tour again are you?"
He hit himself in the head when he realized he had just about let it slip out about what he was doing. He had to think of something to cover up and fast. "Oh, um, no we're not going out on the road anytime soon, in fact, it might be awhile before we do again."
She was confused by this and wanted to know more about this discussion. "Justin, then what is going on?"
He took a deep breath, knowing that she had a right to know what he was up to but didn't want her finding out everything just yet. "Well, it's just that JC's working on a couple of songs for this new group and he wanted to know if it would be okay to take a little break from us so he could do it. I of course agreed with him so that I could spend more time with you and the others are okay with it too."
Liz believed him and pulled a pillow closer to her to feel the cottony cover on her cheek. "Oh, well tell JC I hope everything works out with this new group and I'm glad he's doing this too so you can be around. I mean, you don't have to be with me all the time but just to have you near, is going to be wonderful."
He smiled at that and hoped that what he said next would be okay for her too. "Ebby, I know I don't have to be with you but I want to. I want you with me all the time. I want you to lean on me for anything. I want to wake up every morning and see your face, have you near me, know that you're safe. I don't want you away from me. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
Liz laid there thinking of what he was talking about and the only thing that came to mind was something SHE wasn't ready for and couldn't figure out why he was. "Um, Justin are you sure about this? I mean, is this what you really want because I don't know about it."
"Yes I'm sure. I've thought about this for awhile now and no one can change my mind. This is what I want and I hope you do too. I love you and don't want to go another day without you."
Liz heard his sweet voice and although she wasn't sure about his motives behind the proposal, she had to feel even more loved than ever before. "Then I say yes." She said as she began breathing harder. She couldn't believe she had just accepted like that without giving it more thought.
"Great. I can come over tomorrow if you want and we can do this." He said, happy that she said yes.
Liz was taken back by that. "Tomorrow? Isn't that a little soon?" She wondered what he hurry was.
"Oh, don't worry, I'll do everything. You won't have to lift a finger. But do you think your dad will mind?" He asked, just imagining her father's reaction when he found out.
"My dad will kill me. What am I thinking? Justin, this is too soon, I can't do this. We're too young, you're too young. We haven't known each other long enough for this…" She began rambling off after realizing that her father would have a coronary when she told him.
"Ebby, what are you talking about? I know I'm young and so are you but what's wrong with living with me while you have your treatments? I mean, my mom will be here most of the time to help you out when I can't."
WHAT?
She didn't expect that. She had to chuckle at what she had been thinking. "Oh, um yeah, sorry about that. I thought you meant something else." She said, continuing to laugh.
Justin was confused. "Are you okay?" He asked, concerned why she was hysterical right now. Was this a side effect or something?
"Yeah, I'm fine. Look, I understand now but I don't know. I don't want to put you out or your mom and…" She began but he stopped her.
"Ebby, I'm not taking no for an answer. You are going to need help in the next few months and it would be so much easier on you. You'll have the house to yourself most of the day with my mom working and I'll stay out of your way but I just want to come home to you and know you're okay. I don't want you to be all alone at night. And I know I'm being selfish here but I wouldn't mind seeing your smiling face every morning."
Liz felt beyond moved by his plea. How could deny him? "Justin, I don't know about this…but…I guess I could try it. Now, you know I'm not going to be smiling much while all this is going on?"
"I know but I just want you near. I want to protect you if I can. Please, Ebby, I promise things will be better this way. I have a huge house where you can get lost in if you want. You can either be around me or can go off and be alone. Whatever you want, I'll give you. Whatever you want."
Liz sighed deeply into the phone and smiled while she answered him. "All I want is you, Justin, so yes, I'll move in."
Justin felt his heart beat faster when she said that. He wanted her as close to him as possible and with her living in his house, he could take care of her. "I'll be over tomorrow bright and early with the guys to help get your stuff together then you and your dad can come here."
"Yeah, that sounds good. I should be okay for the next day or so but after that, I'm suppose to start feeling the effects. I don't know how fun I'll be by then but tomorrow should be okay."
Justin took a deep breath and tried not to think of her sick and hurting like she probably would be soon. "Okay, however you feel tomorrow don't worry. I'll get the guys to do all the work so you don't have to move a muscle. I'll get things ready here before we come to get you."
"Sounds wonderful. Look, I'm starting to feel bad so I think I need to get going. Is that okay?" She asked as she felt her stomach turn and knew she would be visiting the bathroom soon.
"Yeah, you don't have to ask me if that's okay. I'll let you go. Please try to get some sleep and I'll see you tomorrow. I love you." He told her, hearing the pain in her voice and questioning his decision but had to shake that off. He HAD to do this for her and knew he was doing the right thing when he heard her reply.
"I love you too. See you tomorrow." She said as she slowly lowered the phone in her hand and clicked it off.
Justin laid there in his warm bed, looking up at the ceiling and knew he was doing the right thing but wondered if other people would see it that way.