The next afternoon, Liz was talking to Mandy, who had shown up to see how she was doing. Liz was very uptight about her looks, since Mandy hadn't seen her without hair, so she kept a baseball cap on, that hurt her tender scalp. Mandy told her to go into Justin's room and find a bandana – he had to have a million of them to hold that mop of his out of his face – she told her, which made Liz laugh. Liz declined though. She didn't want to snoop in his room or even be anywhere near his stuff. They would only make her think of him and she was trying not to.
It was a difficult task, seeing as she was living in his house but in her room, she felt away from him and felt content. Her heart was still broken and she didn't know how it would ever heal. She needed him there for her and kept coming back to what he said the other night.
He hadn't returned home in several days and she wondered if he ever would. She felt awful that she was keeping him from his home but he had said he wouldn't return until he could make it up to her. What was he up to? She had thought about that all week, in between visits to the bathroom, of course.
Her body was better today. This was the middle of her second treatment and the worse was over. She was still achy but at least able to eat a little. Mandy was having a hard time with Liz but was doing her best too.
"Are…are you sure you don't want any more?" She asked, noticing that Liz had barely touched her plate.
Liz shook her head and pushed the food to the middle of the table. "No, actually, that is more than I've eaten in awhile. I'm okay though. I need to see if this will stay down or not before I try any more." She replied as she sat back in the seat and rubbed her stomach.
Mandy sat nervously across from her. "Oh, okay. So, um what do you want to, um do now?" She said, struggling to get her words out.
Liz noticed her apprehension and simply stood from her seat and came around the other side of the table to grab Mandy's hand and make her stand as well. "Come on, we need to get out of here." She said as she led her outside and onto the patio.
Mandy wondered what was going on. Liz brought her over to the lounge chairs for them to sit in and enjoy the late fall weather. She hesitantly sat down and watched Liz do the same. "Um what are we doing out here?" She asked as Liz shuffled her thin body around in the hard plastic chair before she answered her.
"Oh, I just wanted to come out here and talk. Look Mandy, you don't have to be uncomfortable with me. I want you to just talk to me like we use to do when we shared a room on the road. I want to hear about Nikki and Jeremy. I want to know about the guys you've met at the shows. Stuff like that. Please Mandy, that is what I need. Just treat me normal."
Mandy hung her head, ashamed that she had acted all weird before but this was too much for her. Liz didn't look like herself but now she saw that underneath, she was the same friend who she would tease and drive crazy trying to get her and Justin together. She nodded her head at Liz and put her fears to the side and the two just talked like friends for awhile.
That meant more to Liz than anything.
"Look, I know you don't want to do this but I think we should go upstairs and find you one of Justin's bandanas. That hat has to be uncomfortable." Mandy suggested as Liz tried to worm her way out of it.
"Um, I don't feel so good right now. Maybe I should lay down." She started but Mandy wasn't buying it.
She just grabbed Liz's hand and dragged her back inside. "Don't give me that. You wanted me to treat you normal and I'm doing it, so get your butt up those stairs and lets get to finding you something other than nasty A&F hat. It does NOTHING for your look."
Liz didn't want to be in Justin's room but she had to smile and laugh at Mandy's tactics. She allowed herself to enter the room and while Mandy dug through his closet, Liz sat on the bed.
"Jackpot." Mandy said as she found a drawer in the closet and brought it out. She smiled mischievously at Liz as she dumped the contents out of it. What appeared to be tons of bandanas fell on the bed.
Liz's eyes lit up. There were every color imaginable in there and she wondered why he only wore two or three different types with so many to chose from. He had received most of them from fans the moment he started wearing them and had kept every one.
She giggled when Mandy held a few up that were decorated 'interesting'. "Oh my, I don't think he'll be wearing this one." She said as she flung Liz a bright orange one with the words 'Timberlickin' Good' on it in gold rhinestones.
Liz busted out laughing and simply threw it back to her. "We're not getting anywhere. Look, I know the one I like. I saw Justin wearing it awhile ago." She started as she began thumbing through the pile.
"Well, what's it look like?" Mandy asked, discarding the tacky ones.
"Oh, it is really plain looking but I like it the best. It's red with these black lasso looking designs all around it. Sort of like this but different." She said as she held up a deep blue one that looked nothing like she was trying to describe.
Mandy just shook her head. "Um, Lizzy, that doesn't make any sense. We'll never find it if you don't know what you're looking for." She said as she held up several more, only to get a 'no' from Liz.
The two of them continued to look but it was getting hopeless. Every one Mandy held up, Liz just frowned at. She had a particular one in mind but couldn't find it. "Forget it, its not here. I don't know where that bandana could be." She stated as her and Mandy sat on the bed in defeat.
"Is this what you're looking for?"
The girls turned their heads to the doorway and there stood Justin, wearing the exact bandana that Liz was searching for. She smiled at the discovery but then became quite nervous that he was back – and she was in his room. Her pain and hurt returned the instant she noticed him and she wanted to leave but Mandy had other plans.
"That's the one. Lizzy, he had it the whole time. Justin, come here." She said as she waved him over to the bed but he refused to approach them. Mandy thought it was because of the tension of being in the same room again and she wasn't going to see them apart any longer. She had forgotten about Liz's illness for the past hour and that anything was wrong. To her, Liz was still the same person she always had been and her and Justin belonged together – Mandy concluded.
She leapt off the bed and stood in front of him. "Well, if you're not going to play nice then I'll have to be mean." She started as she reached for the bandana. Justin held her at bay, not wanting her to take it off his head. "What, you don't want us to see that mop? Is that Chia pet in need of a trim?" She teased as she stood on her tiptoes to grab it.
"Mandy, cut it out. Stop. Don't do that." He tried but she kept at him. He moved his body out of her way and over closer to the bed. "Ebby, do something. Get her off me." He pleaded but Liz stood her ground.
"Nah, I think you're doing just fine, Justin." She said as she began examining her nonexistent nails.
Justin just shook his head. "I don't think you understand…Mandy quit…I don't think you want to see what'll happen if she gets this off my head…I said STOP." He continued to battle her but that caught both of the girls' attention.
Liz raised a hand to Mandy and told her to stop. She then stood and approached Justin who was straightening out his shirt. "What did you mean by that?" She asked as his face began to lose it's color.
"Um, nothing, just that my hair…it um looks awful." He stuttered out but Liz eyed him closely.
His usual curly weeds would stick out of the bandana for all to see but she didn't notice them now. "Justin, did you get your hair cut?" She asked, bringing her hand up towards his head but he backed away.
"Well sort of…" He began but just the mention of a haircut made Mandy leapt on him.
"Ooh, let me see." She squealed as she grabbed a hold of the red bandana and stripped it off him. She gasped immediately when she saw how much of a haircut he got. "Oh my, you didn't." She said as her hand covered her mouth.
He looked on the verge of tears. He didn't want this to be a surprise. He had wanted to talk to Liz before he revealed what he had done but Mandy saw to it that his plans were changed. He glanced to Mandy and she didn't need anything to be said. She excused herself immediately and walked out of the room.
He turned to Liz and sheepishly smiled at her, bringing his hand up to his head and rubbing his scalp. "Um, so what…what do you think?" He asked, completely nervous now.
She took him in but didn't know what to say. "Why?" She asked, finally getting a sound out of her mouth.
He took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a brief second to calm his nerves then walking up to her. He kept his eyes locked on hers, slowly slid her hat off, then reached down and grabbed her cold hands. He leaned in and brought his face within inches of her own. "For you." He said as he saw her eyes fill up with tears.
"But…but I don't…" She tried to get out but the words weren't forming this time.
He let go of one of her hands and brought his to her face. He lifted her chin so that their faces were on the same level and leaned in. His mouth was so close to hers that the trembling of her lips were shaking his as well. "So you don't have to do this alone." He told her as his lips grazed hers.
She didn't let him kiss her because his act of compassion made her breakdown and cry right there. She lowered her head to his chest and cried into his body. Her arms wrapping tightly around his waist as he held onto her as well. "Ebby, this time its for real. I'm not leaving again." He said into her neck as he bent his own head down to her.
That made her body shake more as the tears cascaded down her cheeks and soaked his shirt. She knew that he had given her a home to stay in, to recover and fight her illness but no one was truly able to know what she was feeling or going through. They weren't in pain all the time. They didn't have physical signs of the hurt. They couldn't be in her shoes to know how it felt.
But Justin came awfully close.
She calmed herself down and pulled away from him a little. She closed her eyes when he brought his hand up and wiped her face dry of the tears. She couldn't believe he had done this – for her. She sucked in a couple of heaps of air before getting her voice back. She reached up to his face and continued its course to his head.
She rubbed his shinny scalp and almost laughed at the way it felt. Hers was raw and hurt to the touch but his was as soft as a baby's butt and had to cover her mouth so the giggle wouldn't escape when her hand ran over a huge bump on the top. "Um, you're a little lumpy up there." She said and to her surprise, he just started laughing.
She joined in and the two of them had to double over. It felt so good for Liz to be laughing again. She hadn't had much to laugh about but Justin always seemed to amaze her. Just when she thought he had destroyed her soul, he reached in and brought it back to life. She knew now that he was telling the truth when he said he wouldn't leave again. No one would want to be with a bald popstar!
That thought alone made her giggle again. She reached down and grabbed the red bandana off the floor and held it up to him. "I think you're gonna need this back." She said as she fixed it on his head.
He smiled warmly at her and chose his favorite one for her to wear. "Now we do this together." He told her as he slid on the blue bandana and leaned down to kiss her forehead when he was done. "I love you." He said as he moved to hug her to him.
She nuzzled up to his shoulder and closed her eyes as her arms found his chest. She pressed herself so close to him and felt more safe now than she ever had before. "I love you too. Thank you, Justin. Thank you for this." She replied as another tear fell down her face.
They were a team now and would fight this demon inside Liz with everything they had. If Liz struggled with the strength to go on, she only needed to look at him to find a partner who would give her what she didn't have. He wouldn't let her down again.
Oh boy - was Lynn upset – and touched at the same time. She had to sit down so she wouldn't pass out when Justin revealed his freshly shaven head to her. She couldn't believe he had done that but when she saw Liz reach for his hand and squeeze it tight, she knew that he had done it for her. He had done it so they could be closer and her heart about exploded with pride for her son.
He wasn't a child any longer. He was a man…a man who was so in love with this wonderful woman by his side, that he'd risk everything for her and Lynn couldn't be happier. She knew he would see this through to the end. To the very end with Liz.
"Hey will you excuse us mom?" Justin asked as he stood from the table and took Liz with him. She nodded her head and smiled as the two of them made their way out the back door. He held Liz's hand and led her through the yard and next to the small pond that was behind the house.
She smiled and closed her eyes when the cool fall air filled her lungs and the sun shone not too bright that day. They made their way in between two trees and she instantly noticed something she hadn't seen before. A white woven hammock was held in place by the two trees that housed the biggest grapefruits known to man.
She hesitated when he walked her over to it and motioned for her to lay down. "Um Justin, I don't know about this. Is it safe?" She asked as her hands ran through the weaves and she tugged on them to see how sturdy they were.
He just shook his head at her. "Yes it's safe. Now, come on. I'll go first." He told her as he slid down to the hammock and laid his head back. He waved her over and helped her onto it, scooting a bit so she could snuggle up to his side. He held her in his arms with her head on his chest as he rubbed the skin on her shoulder.
They laid there just relaxing and being together. Neither one wanted to say a word and break this moment but Liz had a few things on her mind and wanted to talk about them. "You know the doctor said I may never have children." She announced out of nowhere.
Justin shifted his weight a little when she shocked him by her admission. "Where'd that come from?" He asked, not really wanting to talk about this, but knowing that the subject was bound to come up some time.
Liz just tightened her hold on his body as she nuzzled closer to him. "I don't know. It was just something they told me the last time and I've been thinking a lot about it. How can I not? If I make it through this, I still may not be whole…" She started but he moved her off him and onto her back so he could flip himself and lay above her.
"Ebby look, I don't care if you can have kids or not. All I am concerned about is you surviving – which I know you will. Whatever happens after that, I will just be thankful to have you alive."
"But Justin…" She tried to interrupt, though he wouldn't allow it.
"No buts about it. I don't want you worrying about the future. I know you have to think about it but please just concentrate on the here and now. If you can't have children after this is over, then you can't. If you can and you want a dozen, then we'll have a dozen. I just want you with me and I don't care about anything else."
She just shook her tired head to keep her emotions in tact. "You would want kids with me?" She asked, not believing that he would actually be wanting a future with her. They had mentioned it before just kidding around but the look on his face told her that he was serious.
He smiled warmly at her and nodded. "Ebby, I know I am jumping the gun on this one but yes, I would want children with you if you can have them. I've thought a lot and after this is all over and you ARE better, I still want to be with you. I want to come clean with the press about what I did. I want to take you out to awards shows, to concerts, to parties, just about anywhere I go, I want you with me. I plan to be with you for a LONG time so no more talk about kids. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."
He leaned down and did the only thing he knew would keep her from saying another word. He pressed his lips over hers and heard her let out a sigh when they touched. He felt her arms encircle his neck and her fingers instinctively tried to find his curls to latch onto. When she didn't find them, she let out a giggle into his mouth and he broke the kiss.
"It'll grow back." He told her as she smiled and brought him back down to her level. They continued to act like everything was back to normal for them. Right now, they were two young people, in love and living for the moment.