I wish that for just one moment you could be me just so you could know how much…I love you
Several weeks had passed and Abby grew closer with her friend. Her and Belle stayed two days with the guys then headed back to the beach to get Belle's mom and return home.
Abby was good about keeping up with the guys. They all called to check on her and Belle and even one of them planned to visit her in a couple of days. Abby was too excite for that. She desperately missed him.
The past two years had gone by in a flash compared to the weeks that kept them apart. Although they had talked to one anther over the phone, it wasn't the same as 'seeing' him in person. She missed his laugh, his smell, his touch, him…she missed him. He was the closest thing to a brother, father, even lover that she had in her life. She needed him as much as he needed her. They were a part of each other's lives, there was no denying that.
"Girl, you have to stay still. I can't fix your hair if you keep moving around like that." Belle said interrupting her very agitated cousin.
"I can't help it. His plane landed almost an hour ago and he's not here yet. What could be taking him so long?" Her question was answered when the doorbell rang. "It's him!"
Abby jumped out of the seat in the bathroom, causing Belle to gall back and bring her with her. The two lay on the floor, Belle's hand held tightly around the ponytail of Abby. Their bodies tied up. The girls began laughing.
"Now that's a sight I don't see too often." The comment came from the entrance of the bathroom. There stood Abby's friend, smiling at the two.
Belle untangled herself from Abby and stood up to approach their visitor.
She smiled at him before she passed by him. "She's all yours now." With that, Belle excused herself and left to go to her own room.
He chucked to himself when he saw her sitting there in the floor of the bathroom with half of her hair hanging out of the ponytail. "Here, do you need some help?" He tried to say between laughs.
Her face tried to stay upset but she couldn't hide her smile. She was too happy to have him here. "You know I can hear you laughing. Remember, I know where you're sleeping tonight." She warned.
"Okay, okay, I got it. Let me help." He walked over to her and picked her up then helped her to her seat in front of the mirror. "Not to sound insensitive or anything but why are you in front of the mirror if you can't see yourself?"
"Oh, that's for Belle. She likes to look at herself in the mirror and admire herself." She said, laughing. "She's so vain."
"I completely understand. We have a couple of guys in the group that are that way, too." He joined in with her laughing.
Her laughter soon faded when she went to feel her hair. It truly was a mess now. She tried to put it up but couldn't get the lumps out.
He saw her struggle and asked if he could help. "Are you sure you want to?" He answered her 'yes' then reached for her hair.
He gently took her hair in his hands, running one hand through it to loosen any knots she had. He saw her face and body relax and smiled at her. She was just so great to him and he was glad he had decided to come visit her.
"I can tell you've done this before. Sister?" She asked as he finished putting her hair up.
"No, Chris." This caused her to bust out laughing. "Seriously, when he had his braids, he'd make all of us put his hair up for him and he's the one with four sister, go figure." He tried to hold it back but her laughter was too contagious and he found himself joining her, again.
He really felt wonderful when she was around. He didn't have to act a certain way, be a certain way, or look a certain way. He was free to be himself, just himself. That's one of the things he treasured most about Abby. She accepted him for him and didn't want anything from him but friendship.
They had talked for a few weeks before he arrived at her house. Their conversations would include what the other guys were doing, how rehearsals were going, traveling, everything to do with his life. He shared it all with her. She begged to know about it because his was a way of life she would never know but desperately wanted to understand. Through his words, she got to imagine a different way of life.
In return, she would share her days with him. Her dreams, her struggles, her happiness, all of that she gave him. By this, he was able to experience a part of his life that had been missing: the normal life he didn't have any more.
He finished putting her hair up and the two decided to get him settled in his room and then go for a walk. Abby wanted to show off her small town to him.
"Hey, do you wanna take Betsy with you?" Belle asked her cousin.
"Nah, I have someone else to guide me around." She said as she linked her arm through her visitor.
He smiled as her, forgetting she couldn't see him. His face soon changed to one of guilt. He had to keep reminding himself that Abby was blind but the way they talked and stuff the past few weeks, she seemed just like everyone else. He knew her handicap didn't bother her so he had to come to terms with it too and get over it.
"What's wrong?" She asked him.
"How did you…"
"I felt you tense up when I put my arm through yours. Is everything okay?"
"Oh that, yeah I'm fine, just a little cold that's all." He said, looking at Belle to see if she picked up on his uneasiness. She didn't seem to notice so he shrugged it off and told her 'bye' and led Abby out the door and onto their first stop.
They walked around the neighborhood, which took all of about 30 minutes. After the fire, Abby had come to live with Belle and her mother in the small town. She loved being out in the country. It was such a change from the city she grew up in with her family. It was definitely a big change to her but a good one. The city reminded her too much of what she lost. The country and its inhabitants were just as kind as they could be and all accepted her right away.
Abby had him lead her to the school her and Belle just graduated from in May. "This is it. Not much more to our little town. I know that over there…" She pointed to her left. "Is the town hall. And to the right of it is Sam's Grocery Store. A few more shops here and there but not much in the way of entertainment around here. We usually go into town to see movies or hang out with friends."
He looked over at her and smiled. She seemed so content in this town. He wondered if he would ever be at a point in his life where he could enjoy a place like this. He wasn't from the biggest city in the world, but it was much bigger than this one. But there was something about this place that made him feel at home. The people they met along the way were very friendly and said 'hi' as they passed. Not one of them recognized him and he thanked the Lord for that.
Small towns were probably the best when it came to that. Him and the other guys could go and walk among the people and not a one knew who they were. Sure, every once in a while one or two would recognize them, but on the whole, they were safe. Here he would be able to be himself and not worry about what waited for him back home.
He tightened his hold on her arm and leaned towards her to give her a kiss on the cheek. She asked him what it was for. "Just my way of saying thanks for letting me see you and stay in your home. I think this place is great…a little small, but still great. I would love to just chill in a place like this for weeks. No interruptions, no fans, nothing but sleep, relaxation, and peace. Now don't get me wrong…I love going out and partying with the best of them but sometimes we all need a break from that lifestyle and what a better place to be than here…with you."
He noticed the change in color that came to her face. He smiled when he realized how embarrassed he just made her. She was too sweet and kind and a compliment like he just gave her got to her every time.
She felt eyes on her and immediately laughed. "My face is red isn't it?" She heard him say 'yes' and she continued. "Well, if you'd stop giving me compliments like that than it wouldn't embarrass me."
He held up a finger to her mouth to get her to be quiet. "Never interrupt someone who is complimenting you. That is one thing I have learned these past few years, for you never know when it might be your last…but in your case, I highly doubt people will ever run out of good things to say about you."
She squeezed his hand a little and laughed. "You are the charmer aren't you?"
He chuckled at that. "Yeah, I learned from the best."
They both laughed a while longer as they continued their path back to Belle's house. Right before they reached the hill that led to the house, she stopped him.
"Oh God." She said. He turned to face her and to see what was wrong. "Smoke. I smell smoke." She looked around out of reflex, hoping to find the source of it, pushing away the bad feeling she had in the pit of her stomach.
He looked around with her and stopped suddenly when he saw its source. "Oh shit."
She started to panic when he said that. She knew by the way he reacted and now that he was cutting the circulation off to the her arm that her feeling was true. "Please don't tell me…"
"Come on, let's go." He didn't answer her. He knew that she knew where the smoke was coming from.
They ran as fast as they could, considering he was helping Abby and she couldn't see where she was going. They reached the fence that surrounded the house and both turned quickly when they heard the sounds of a fire engine coming towards them. "Abby, you stay right here by the fence. I'll go in and see if I can get Belle and her mom out."
He let go of her hand, placed it on the fence, and ran into the house searching for any signs of life. What he didn't notice was the Abby let go of the fence and went in behind him. She wasn't about to let her second family die in another fire, like it had claimed her first.
She was familiar with the house enough to know where everything was. She could hear faint yells coming from her friend and then she heard Belle's voice upstairs. She was trapped and couldn't get out. Abby had to think quickly. She reached the laundry room and grabbed a sheet out of the dryer and threw it into the utility tub where she turned the water on and drenched the sheet in water. She flung it over her body and proceeded to feel her way around to the back staircase.
The fire hadn't reached that area yet and so she was able to climb the stairs and find Belle upstairs. Somehow when the fire started, a few beams from the old house came loose and fell as it started to collapse. Belle was right under one of them. She yelled for Abby and she came running as fast as she could.
She threw the sheet off herself and bent down to try to lift the beam off her cousin. "I…can't…get…it…to budge." She said as she strained to get her free.
"Please keep trying. Please Abby, I don't want to die." Belle said through tears. She didn't want to be left here in the fire to die like Abby's family had done. She begged Abby to find the strength to lift it off.
Abby yelled as loud as she could for someone to help her. She knew the firemen and her friend were either in the house or right outside. Someone had to hear her.
A few seconds later she heard the footsteps of someone coming up behind her. Two arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her up to a standing position. "Dammit, I thought I told you to stay outside."
She wasn't in the mood to get a lecture from anyone for trying to help Belle. "Listen, this is my family and I wasn't going to let them die in here like my father and brother. Did you really think I would stand by and do nothing? I may not have eyes to see with but I still have a heart. I don't stand around and let others do things I know I can do. So please SHUT UP and help me move this beam off her."
He was taken back by her outburst but soon realized why she had come into the house. She pointed to Belle on the floor and quickly the two of them lifted the beam off and Belle scrambled out from under it. She hugged her cousin but the reunion was short lived when they felt the floor beneath them start to give way.
"We have to get out of here NOW." He told them both.
"No, where's mom?" Belle asked.
"I got her out already. The firemen are here and are trying to put it out but we have to get out now before it blows."
Just then, they felt another tremble and then one of the boards broke beneath one of them. Belle looked around in search of the missing person. "NO!" She yelled when she couldn't find Abby.
They both looked down through the floor and saw her lying in a pile of wood. She fell onto the floor below and wasn't moving. Belle started to run towards the stairs but was blocked when a fireman stopped her.
"Miss, we have to get you out of here. The house is about to go." He grabbed her around her waist and helped to her towards the back stairs.
She kept saying that someone had to go after Abby and the fireman told her that someone was with her right then.
He helped both Belle and Abby's friend outside and to her mother who was holding Betsy by her leash. At least those three were safe. But what about Abby?
Belle turned to see a fireman carrying Abby out of the house as it suddenly exploded, sending everyone within a 50-foot radius off their feet. The blast was so strong that Belle could feel her face on fire, though it wasn't.
"Hey, is everyone alright?" Asked one of the firemen as the others were being helped back to their feet moments later.
Their visitor quickly stood and dusted himself off before looking towards the house and noticing the injured fireman and Abby laying on the ground. He yelled as he ran towards the two. He rushed to her, stepping passed the fireman as if he wasn't even there. He knelt down beside her and brought her into his arms. He held onto her lifeless body screaming for someone to help her. He couldn't lose her. He had just found her. The one person who had been through the same nightmare with him and helped him get past it.
He wouldn't be able to face this again. Not ever again.
He could hear the cries of Belle and her mother as the paramedics came running towards him. They tried to pry her away from him but he held her tight. "She can't leave me. She can't leave me." He looked up in to the eyes of a paramedic and pleaded with him. "Please don't let her leave me."
All he could do was give this young man a small smile and tell him that they would do all they could for her but he had to let go of her first. He reluctantly opened his arms and they immediately swept her up onto a stretcher and began working on her.
He stood there looking at his surroundings for what seemed like hours. The scene around him made the flashbacks come crashing back onto him. It was the same as before, but with less injured. The screams, the fear, the fire, the smell was the same and he felt his world spinning uncontrollably. He thought he was going to pass out when Belle came running up to him.
"She's awake." That was all she said. They both ran over towards the ambulance where they had taken Abby. They saw her torn clothing from where the paramedics had to cut in order to get to her wounds. They saw her glasses off her face and her eyes closed but her mouth moving so they knew she was at least coherent.
He slowly approached her and touched her hand. "Are you okay?" He asked as tears streamed down his face.
She heard his words muffled by the tears and reached her hand up to his face and wiped them off. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." She smiled to him and asked him to lean down and hug her.
He did as he was asked and felt her cough when he squeezed too hard. "Oh I am so sorry, I…"
His sentence was cut short when he saw the look on her face. It wasn't a look like she was fine or that she was going to be fine. She was in a lot of pain and it hadn't been from the hug. "Abby, you're not fine, tell me what it is?"
She held her hand up to her mouth, afraid to say the words to him or anyone else that was around. He begged her to tell him. He needed to know what was wrong so he could help her. "There's nothing you can do…I'm bleeding internally…which means…I'm dying."
She heard Belle scream and yell 'no' but what got to her was the body that enveloped her a second later. "Please don't." She said to him as he continued to hold her. "Please don't cry for me…"
He leaned up and looked at her after she said that. "What? Why would you say that? How could you possibly think I wouldn't cry for you?"
"I don't want you to cry for me because of this. Please don't do it. Think of it as my time to go see my family. And this time I will SEE them. Don't be sad but happy for me. I miss them so much and want to be with them."
"What about me?" He said barely above a whisper.
She reached again for his face and brought it down to her level so she could whisper in his ear. "Should our hearts ever fall out of tune, I wish you as much happiness in your tomorrows as we found in our yesterdays." To him this was no time to be quoting but she continued. "I have to go now, I have to see my father and my brother but I won't forget you. I will always be here for you whenever you need me. Just close your eyes and you'll see me. I'll be right there, in between the day and the night. Between here and the end of the rainbow. Up in the heavens, looking down on you, I'll be there. Watching. Waiting to see you again. And I will see you, I promise you that. You are my soul-mate and I will wait for you forever."
She finished through tears of her own. She knew she didn't have long to go and needed to get out the words she wanted to tell him before it was too late.
"I wish I could take your place, trade bodies with you, take this pain away from you, just be you right now." He told her. He wasn't ready to lose her now…or ever.
"If you were me than you would know how much…" She started but quickly found the words hard to say. The pain in her chest was building and she struggled to get them out in time.
"How much, what? Please Abby, tell me what?" He held onto her hand for dear life. He knew she wouldn't leave until she was done with what she had to say.
She coughed a few times and the paramedic came over to try to help ease her pain. It was only a matter of time now. "You'd know…how much…I love you." She got it out and then her words stopped. Her body fell limp in his grasp and he knew immediately that she was gone.
Belle and her mother, along with a few neighbors that had come to help, all held each other and cried. The little girl that had come into their lives just a short time ago had brought them all such joy and understanding of the world in which she lived in. Hers was a world of wonder and enjoyment. One of love and living life to the fullest. Everyday brought a new challenge to her and she faced them all, one step at a time. She was probably the strongest person any of them had ever met, and now she was gone.
He couldn't believe she died. She told him she loved him and then left. He wanted to curse the Heavens, to yell and scream at those around him but he knew she was right. He had to let her go. He had to let her be with her family again. She wasn't afraid of the road ahead of her; she welcomed it. He never saw anyone look death in the eye and smile at it. She had conquered the world and now it was time to conquer the Heavens.
He smiled at her face. He could see the young girl in her that was shielded by the pain of this world that made her look older than she was. Now she was free. The burden was off her shoulders and she was at last home.
He leaned down to give her a kiss on the cheek and say his last good-bye's. "I love you, too and I'll be looking for you when it's my turn to leave this world. I can't wait to see you again."
He kissed her one last time on the forehead and then backed away. He walked passed Belle and the others and just kept walking until his legs finally gave out from underneath him. He sat in the cool grass and felt the wind blow passed him. He raised his head to the sky as he inhaled its scent. He smiled when he realized it was her.
She would be the wind in his face, the air he breathed, the sun in the sky, the moon at night, the music he sang, everything around him would be her. She was with him and would never leave his side. His heart was filled with her and he would be able to move on…that's what she would want.
Abby's funeral was one that the town hadn't seen in a while. Everyone who knew her was there, even a few famous faces in the crowd. They came to pay their respects to their fallen friend.
Belle got up to the podium and said a few words, as did other friends of Abby's but it was her dearest friend, her soul-mate that would have the last words about her.
"I know how much Abby loved poems…" He heard a few muffled laughs at that comment. "I know you all probably heard them all, too…but I would like to read one that I got from one of her favorite books." He cleared his throat and prayed that he would get through this.
LOVE
I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
I love you, not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.
I love you for the part of me that you bring out;
I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart and passing over all the foolish, weak things that you can't help dimly seeing there.
And for drawing out into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else had looked quite far enough to find.I love you because you are helping me make of the lumber of my life not a tavern but a temple;
Out of the works of my every day not a reproach but a song.
I love you because you have done more than any creed could have done to make me good, and more than any fate could have done to make me happy.You have done it without a touch, without a word, without a sign.
You have done it by being yourself.
Perhaps that is what being a friend means, after all.
Roy Croft
When he finished, his voice was so low that everyone had to strain to hear him. He wiped the tears out of his eyes and looked around the room. There sat all the people who loved Abby the most. He closed his eyes and a smile came to him. He could just see Abby's face turning red right about now at the sight before her. She wasn't one to make a fuss and having all these people here, saying such wonderful things about her, would definitely make her blush.
"Get use to it, girl, because I'm never going a day without thinking something good about you." He said under his breath.
All of a sudden he felt his leg twitch right under his butt and although others would say that he just had a muscle spasm, he knew different and that made him smile. "Wherever you are, I'll get you for that, you can bet on it."
THE END…