(Meanwhile at the hotel in Louisiana)
"Hey, J, you wanna go for a swim?" Chris asked as he came out of the bathroom and into the room he was sharing with Justin.
He merely kept his eyes focused on the television set that was in front of him. "Nah, not right now." He replied as he lay back on the bed and put his hands behind his head.
His eyes closed for a moment before Chris spoke again. "Dude, are you okay?"
Justin moaned softly before slipping his hands from around his head and began to rub his eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why'd you ask?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe because since we boarded the bus this morning, you've been like a walking zombie. You didn't even laugh when I made Joey spit Sprite out of his nose." He said as he put his hands on his hips and gave his best impression of Justin pouting.
Justin removed his hands from his face, rested them on his stomach but never opened his eyes. "Sorry but I just didn't find it funny, that's all. Besides, can't I have one day that I'm not Mr. Chipper to everyone around me?" He asked.
"Mr. Chipper? When have you ever been Mr. Chipper? J, you wake up on the wrong side of the bed EVERY morning but there was just something about THIS morning that made it different. So, I'll ask again, what's wrong?" Chris began as he moved closer to the bed Justin was lying on. He sat down beside his friend's stretched out body and leaned back on one of his hands.
Justin really just wanted to be left alone. He didn't want to talk to anyone about what was going on inside of him. His confidence level had dropped considerably since last night. After Liz ran out on him, he felt lower than the scum on the bottom of his shoe. She had poured her heart out to him over the past few days, explaining what she wanted in a relationship – if she was ever in another one.
She told him about not wanting that kind of pressure or stress on her right then but for some reason, Justin just had to go ahead, take the plunge and see for himself if she would turn him down.
He was about 90% sure that she wouldn't. She seemed to really like him and from the way she acted – in her room with him and JC to the way she let him hold her hand on the balcony, Justin was so sure she felt something towards him.
'She just doesn't know it, yet' was what he kept saying to himself. 'Soon she'll realize that she wants me too' he repeated all morning.
Both sounded completely stupid to him by now but that was all he had to go on. He was stuck and didn't know what to do about it. He had made his move and she ran away.
'Get over it, you obviously saw something in her eyes that just wasn't there' he was now saying to himself. 'Dammit Justin, why?' he cursed himself.
This whole time, Chris had seen a mix of emotions wash across Justin's face. Something was definitely up with him but until he felt like talking, Chris knew his attempts were hopeless.
Justin snapped out of his trance when he felt the bed rise. He opened his eyes and saw Chris standing over him. "J, I know SOMETHIMG is bothering you. I don't want to push it but if you wanna talk, you know where I'm sleeping tonight." He said as he grabbed a towel, his key card and headed towards the door. He was going to go see if Joey or Lance wanted to go for a swim and leave Justin to his thoughts.
"Thanks man." Justin replied as he assumed the same position with his hands behind his back and closed his eyes. "I'll think about it." He said as wiggled deeper into the cheap comforter that lie underneath his worn out body.
Chris could only nod his head at his friends saddened form. He thought maybe this had to do with Britney since he wasn't with her right then.
She rode with them on their bus to Louisiana but Justin really didn't say much to her – or anyone for that matter. She knew something was wrong with him and was hurt that he wouldn't tell her. She hopped into a car when the buses arrived at the hotel and went to her home. She didn't want to be around Justin when he was deliberately keeping something from her. Her feelings were too hurt right then to even want to be around him.
Chris sighed, hoping that whatever Justin's problem was, that he would either get over it or reach out for someone to help him. They had just begun the tour and a moody Justin would only make the next two months absolutely unbearable.
'Lord help us all if he doesn't snap out of this one.' Chris said to himself as he let the door to their room close behind him.
As he was out in the hallway, he ran into JC and Lance. The two were laughing about something and Chris being the nosey one that he was, he had to get into the conversation, forgetting for the moment the lost look he had just seen from his youngest bandmate.
Luckily, Justin was able to find a few moments of peaceful sleep. He let his mind wander to the place just beyond the horizon where dreams took shape and had meaning. The deeper he fell into the bedding below him, the more relaxed he became.
Suddenly, he found himself at home – but he wasn't alone.
He could smell something cooking and slowly crept nearer to the kitchen. He rounded the corner and heard laughing from behind the swivel doors. He could make out the sound of a woman's laugh and someone else. He didn't know who was in his home but had to find out.
He pushed the doors open and saw Liz giggling at something JC said to her. She looked absolutely amazing to him at that moment. Her hair flowed down to the middle of her back and she took a hand to push the few strands that fell towards her eyes. She didn't have her glasses on so Justin could see the sparkle in her gorgeous eyes, as she seemed to shine at JC. Her customary business suit was replaced with a pair of loose jean shorts and a plain white T-shirt. As her bare feet shifted on the floor, her toes curled up against the cool tiles below her.
He watched as she placed a hand up to her face to hide the laughter that was escaping her mouth. He wanted to walk up to her and take her hand away just to see her smile. But before he had another thought, she caught his eye and motioned for him to come over to where they were speaking to one another.
He slowly approached his friends and smacked JC on the back in a friendly gesture. He didn't want to look at Liz because he was afraid he would do something she didn't want. JC noticed the strained look on his friend's face and excused himself, saying he had to make a phone call.
When he left the kitchen, Liz smiled shyly to Justin but returned her attention to the task at hand. "Um, do you want to cook the spaghetti now, or should we wait on the others?" She asked as she grabbed the box that was sitting on the counter.
She turned her body to face Justin and held the spaghetti box in her hands. Justin had no idea what she was talking about. She saw his confused look and giggled before giving him the answer to the question that was spread across his face.
"Remember, Joe and the guys are on their way here for supper? You wanted JC and me to help you cook. Does that ring a bell?" She asked as she took the box and lightly struck him on the forehead with it as if to wake him up.
He scratched his head in the spot she had just hit and smiled at her. He didn't understand what was going on but wasn't about to question a thing. He was just glad that Liz was in the same room with him, laughing and having a good time.
"Oh, yeah, um dinner." He replied but saw her hold up the spaghetti box again and motion with her eyes for him to answer her question. "Oh, sorry. Yeah, go ahead and make the spaghetti I guess." He really didn't know when the others were going to show up so he just went with his first thoughts.
Liz smiled warmly at him and tapped him on the shoulder as she scooted past him to grab a pot from a nearby cabinet.
He looked at the huge pot of tomato-y sauce and realized that he should be helping. He picked up a wooden spoon and began to stir the concoction. He watched as Liz moved around his kitchen as if she had been there before. He wondered if she had?
His thoughts were interrupted when she asked him if the sauce was done. "Oh, let me taste it to make sure." He said as he dipped the wooden object into the red liquid.
He brought his lips up to the spoon, blew on the sauce to cool it down then put it in his mouth. He raised an eyebrow and looked to the ceiling, trying to contemplate whether the sauce was good or not. He wasn't sure so he asked Liz for her help.
"Hey, can you tell me if this tastes okay?" He asked as he brought the spoon back up with another heap of sauce.
Liz finished putting the spaghetti into the now boiling water then wiped her hands off on a dishtowel before walking up to him. She smiled as she leaned in and grabbed the spoon away from him.
His face dropped a little, he had wanted to feed it to her himself.
Liz saw this and could only give him the mirror image of the pout he was showing her at that moment. She changed her facial expression to one that Justin hadn't seen before. This look was…well it was…sexy.
She gave him a little smirk before placing the spoon down on the counter and then reaching up with her hands and putting them on his chest. She raised herself on her toes and brought her face within inches of his. "Sure, I'll give it a taste." She said as she brought her lips to his. He let out a moan when he felt her hands travel up his body and her fingers lace within his curls. She smiled against his lips and heard another moan escape his mouth when she licked them with her tongue.
His hands tightened around her body and she knew that he was enjoying this but their guests would be here soon and they still had to finish dinner. She broke the kiss but didn't pull far back. She smiled at him and said, 'tastes good to me.'
Justin didn't understand the change in her but he wasn't about to question it. He could only smile and leaned back down for another quick kiss before he heard JC enter the room again.
"DUDE, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"
Justin shot up from his place on the bed and looked around the room hurriedly. JC stood by the bed with his hands on his hips.
Justin adjusted his vision by rubbing his eyes. He was dreaming the whole time but it had felt so real. He gave JC a questioning look. "JC, what are you doing here?"
JC shook his head and asked him again what was going on. "I got a key from Chris, he said something was up with you so I thought I'd come in here to see if you wanted to talk but saw you hugging and making kissing noises into your pillow, so again – what the hell are you doing?"
Justin was beyond embarrassed at that moment. He knew why it felt so real – he was making out with the hotel pillows! He sat up slowly and gave his friend a crooked smile while he scratched his head.
"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you." He said as he gave JC the most confused look he could.
JC softened his face and sat on the other bed to lie down himself. He lay on his side, propping his body up on his elbow and curling his knees under. "Does this have anything to do with a certain beautiful assistant to ones mother that you just happen to be with last night?" He asked as he raised his eyebrows up and down at him.
Justin slammed his body back onto the bed and chuckled. "Okay, so maybe you WOULD believe me." He said as he turned his body to the side and copied JC's position. He began to pick the fibers of the comforter before he spoke again.
"Man, you're the only one who knows I like Ebby so I guess I'm glad you came by." He looked up at his friend and smiled when he saw the genuine concern on his face.
He lowered his eyes back to the bedding below him and continued. "Well, last night I kind of…well sort of…kissed Ebby."
"YOU DID WHAT?" JC said before Justin could continue.
Justin merely nodded his head. "Yeah, I kissed her. Man, it was perfect. We were on the balcony, looking at the stars…hey, did you know we saw a shooting star. It was really cool and…" He started but saw the impatient look on JC's face. He cleared his throat and began again.
"Sorry, um well, anyway the night was perfect. I thought I saw something in her eyes and when she turned to leave and I snapped. I just grabbed her, turned her around and forced myself on her."
JC's eyes widened at that last statement. Justin hurried to restate what he meant. "It's not like that. I didn't FORCE myself on her but I guess I sort of did by kissing her like that. I just couldn't help myself. Lord, it was amazing. At first, she was shocked, I could tell that much. But when she relaxed and kissed me back…man, I thought I was going to melt right there. I mean, it was THAT intense." He finished and started to take a breath.
JC looked at him with a questioning expression on his face. "So, why are you so down now? You don't regret it do you?" He asked. Something had to have happened to make him look like his dog got run over.
Justin let out a sigh before telling JC the rest.
"Well, she broke the kiss and ran out and I haven't spoken to her since. I think I scared the crap out of her. I don't know what to do now." He said as he pulled a loose string on the comforter then flicked it towards JC.
JC caught it and balled it up with his fingers as he answered his friend. "Man, I told you to be careful. I understand that you can get carried away but you knew she wasn't looking for any kind of relationship."
Justin had to interrupt. "JC, I know that but you weren't there. The look in her eyes wasn't one that said 'I don't want a relationship' but more like 'KISS ME NOW'…okay, so they didn't say that but you know what I mean. I thought she wanted it too. All the signals were there but when she pulled away, I saw pain in her eyes and regret. Now, I've completely screwed this one up. If my mamma finds out I did this, I'll get it for sure." He said as he flipped his body to allow his stomach to come in contact with the bed below him. He smushed his face into the pillow and wanted to return to his dream. At least everything in that was going good.
JC scratched his forehead for a second, trying to figure out any advice he could give Justin. He finally sighed and said the first thing that came to his mind. "J, I really don't know what to say but did you ever think that maybe talking to Lizzy could possibly help? I mean, she probably won't go to any of the girls and tell them about this so she's alone. She might just want to talk it out with you and you two can get a good laugh then go on as if nothing happened."
Justin leaned his head up and turned it to face JC. His shoulders were slumped into the bed and his hands were under the pillow that his head lay on. "But I don't want to act as if nothing happened. I don't regret what I did but wish I just handled the situation better. I should have stopped her last night before she left or at least called her by now or something. I just don't know what to say to her."
JC saw in his eyes that he was serious about not wanting to forget about Liz. She was a wonderful woman and he had to smile that Justin was able to see past the rough exterior of hers and see the true beauty inside. "Well, why don't you start with 'I'm sorry for not calling before now'."
Justin smiled halfway into his pillow before closing his eyes. Liz's face appeared and his smile widened at the dream he just had. If he ever wanted it to come true, he HAD to make the first move. He wasn't about to let Liz go another minute without knowing that he was thinking of her.
"You're right…" He started as he bounded off the bed and sat up so suddenly that JC jumped himself. "I'm gonna give her a call now before I chicken out." He said as he reached inside his bag and grabbed his cell phone.
He didn't give JC time to say that he would leave him alone. Justin walked over to the sliding glass door and opened it to go out onto the balcony. He would find his own privacy there.
JC smiled when Justin's retreating form disappeared from his site. "He's so hooked it ain't even funny." He said, shaking his head then clicked the TV back on since he had turned it off when he first came into the room, only to find Justin making out with his pillow. JC got a good laugh over that, one more time before resting his eyes on the screen and started watching 'Good Times' reruns. "Gotta love a young Janet." He said as Janet Jackson's Penny character was in a heated argument with JJ Walker.
"DY-NO-MITE!" JC yelled in unison with the lead character once the scene was over. He didn't bother searching for Justin. He would be here when he re-entered the room to talk if he wanted to.
Liz awoke early that evening and had to admit that she felt a little better. The nap she took worked wonders. Her mind was clear, she was able to think again…and for the first 30 seconds, she didn't think about Justin. When she walked into her kitchen to get a glass of water, her eyes darted to her calendar and she noticed the date. She instantly remembered that the guys had the night off but were probably in Louisiana right now partying up a storm – 'and Justin's no less partying with Britney'. She said to herself, then slapped her head with her hand.
She couldn't go a minute without thinking about him. "UGH! Why does he have to be so damn alluring?" She said aloud to no one in particular. She shook her head to get him off her mind.
Grabbing the glass of water, she made her way over to her couch. She decided to see what was on TV and as she plopped down on the couch, she heard the ever-familiar sound of the person on the tube.
"DY-NO-MITE!" She yelled as JJ came into view, and she laughed whole heartily for the first time in days.
When the episode was over, she wiped a tear out of her eye. "I love that show." She said as she flipped through the channels to find something else to watch.
The channel surfing led her to The Disney Channel and she stopped when she saw what was playing. She smiled warmly to herself and clutched her knees to her chest. Her smile spread across her face and up to her eyes when she saw a yellow cuddly bear grace the screen in front of her.
His pals and him were in search of their lost friend. She giggled when she heard the bear speak and remembered watching Winnie the Pooh as a child.
She settled into the couch, making herself comfortable and not caring that she was a grown woman, enjoying a cartoon. This was the new movie to the Pooh collection and Liz had never seen it before. Pooh and his friends were on a search for Christopher Robin. Liz laughed at their antics, felt sorry for Piglet and sighed when Eeyore came on screen. Eeyore was always her favorite growing up.
The misunderstood one of the bunch. That was what she felt like as well.
She had so much on her plate that at times, all she wanted to do was give it up and start over. She wanted to know what it was like to have FUN – pure fun. Letting loose, giving in to temptation, being young – those were the things she wanted more than anything. But she was in no position to go against her mother's demands.
She sighed, she needed to talk to her father. He'd know what to do.
She reached for the cordless phone but stopped short when a sad tune came on the TV. She brought her hand back to her lap and listened to the words that Pooh sang while he was thinking of his lost friend.
Come out moon
Come out wishing star
Come out, come out
Where ever you areI'm out here in the dark
All alone and wide awake
Come and find meI'm empty and I'm cold
And my heart's about to break
Come and find meI need you to come here and find me
Cause without you I'm totally lost
I've hung a wish on every star
But I hasn't done much good so farI can only dream of you
Where ever you are
Liz listened closer to the sad words. He was longing to find his friend to make him whole again. He wished with all his might to find him. He was looked at as a simple bear but to Liz, he had a heart of gold. Put everything aside – the only thing that mattered was his friend.
I'll hear you laugh; I'll see you smile
I'll be with you just for awhile
But when the morning comes
And the sun begins to rise
I will lose you because it's just a dream
When I open up my eyes I will lose youI use to believe in forever
But forever's too good to be true
I've hung a wish on every star
It hasn't done much good so farI don't know what else to do
Except to try to dream of you
And wonder if you're dreaming too
Where ever you are(Winnie The Pooh and The Search For Christopher Robin)
Liz heard the last lines of the song and she let her mind wander again. Was Justin thinking of her too? Was he dreaming of her the way she dreamt of him – holding her in his arms, whispering into her ear things that only she could hear, and planting kisses on her lips.
Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted when she heard the phone ring.
She sighed loudly, turned the volume down on the TV and reached for the phone. "Probably Mommy Dearest calling to see which executive I mad cry today." She said as she mentally prepared herself to speak to her mother.
"Hello."
There was no answer on the other end so Liz asked again. "Hellllooooo." She said, dragging the greeting out. "Is anyone there?" Still no answer. "Okay, then…goodbye." She started but was suddenly stopped in her place when she heard a voice on the other end.
"No, please don't hang up."
Liz had no idea who was talking so she asked 'who…who is this?'
She heard the person on the other end clear his throat and at first, squeak but coughed to get the lump out and started again. "It's…its Justin."
Liz sucked in a huge gulp of air and thought she'd choke on it. She had just been thinking about him – well she couldn't stop but still – and now he was calling her. 'Maybe he was thinking about me too.' She said to herself.
"Ebby, are you still there?" He asked, bringing her back to reality.
"Oh, um yeah, I'm still here Justin." She said but quickly realized how awkward she felt at that moment.
There was a few seconds of silence before Justin spoke up again. "Okay, listen, I need to get this out before I turn into a complete chicken and hang up on you." He started.
Liz said she'd listen to him and told him to continue. He cleared the nonexistent lump that was again in his throat and began.
"Well, I just wanted you to know that was…um thinking about last night and…and wanted to call to see how you were." That was NOT what he wanted to say but his confidence was in short supply when it came to Liz. She seemed to either fill it up to the point of eruption or brought it down so low he never wanted to lift his head again.
"Um, I'm fine. Is that ALL you called for?" She asked, baiting him, hoping to get more out of him.
He knew what she was doing and took that as a sign – good or bad – to continue.
"Oh, no that's…that's not all I wanted to know. I um, well…I've been thinking about what happened last night and I um…um wanted to know what you were thinking…if you even thought about it today." He said. He wanted to come right out and tell her that he was going crazy but he didn't want to scare her any more than he already had.
Liz sat there on the couch, not really knowing what to say. Should she tell him the truth and tell him that he made her insides melt when he kissed her? Or that she could still feel his arms around her waist while his hands roamed her body? What about the fact that she could taste his lips or smell him on her clothing even now?
No, she couldn't say any of those things. She had to talk to her father first before even thinking about changing what she was suppose to do.
"Um, Justin to tell you the truth, I've had a long day and have been asleep for most of it. I spent the morning with your mom and then came home to sleep, so no, I haven't put much thought into what happened last night. Should I have?" She finished and wanted to hit herself again. She sounded like a complete bitch at that moment.
She heard Justin suck in his own gulp of air before he sighed into the receiver. "Oh, okay, well, I just wanted to make sure you were alright with what happened. I guess it must have been the night or something but I just got carried away. I wanted to apologize and let you know that I am sorry about it and hope that we can still be friends." He said though it pained him to mouth the words. He just wasn't sure about anything anymore.
Liz heard what he said and a part of her thought that he was only saying it so he wouldn't be embarrassed because she was more or less turning him down again. But another part of her knew that wasn't the case. He probably really was only calling to make sure she knew he was sorry for it and wanted to be friends.
She opened her mouth to speak but could only muster a whisper in response. "Yeah, we can still be friends." She sighed and knew she had to get off the phone NOW. "Um, Justin, I need to go. I have someone beeping in on the other line and I'm expecting a call from my mom, so I'll talk to you later. Thanks for calling to check on me. Bye." She said without giving him a chance to reply.
She hung the phone up and slowly slid it down her body to rest it over her heart. She held tight to the cordless phone and willed the tears that were brimming in her eyes to NOT fall. She wasn't about to let some guy make her cry –but Justin wasn't just SOME guy – he was THE guy.
'What do I do now?' she asked herself as she slid her body down on the couch and turned the volume back up on the show.
She heard the famous lines that Christopher Robin had said to Pooh in the beginning of the movie.
Remember:
You're braver than you believe
Stronger than you seem
And smarter than you think
Liz thought about that and wondered if those words would apply to her. She would need to have a little blind faith in those words if she was going to make it through the summer.
She raised her eyes to the ceiling and prayed for the saying to come true.