C.W sits all scruched up in a datrk closet holding a lit candle.
C.W: Hello, I'm Christopher Walkin and this is my lonely dark closet. Today we're going to discuss...um
He looks around and then looking strangely mumbles something. He then proceeds to pull a sock from his underware.
C.W: uh...
He places the sock on his hand.
C.W: This is my friend...socko! Let's give him a hand ladies and germs.
Socko: Hey, hey
C.W: What's on your mind socko?
Socko: Well Chris, just one thing.
C.W: and what's that?
Socko: ...Avacadoes...
C.W: Socko, why on earth do you have avacadoes on your mind?
Socko: They're sexy!
C.W: You are one sick piece of foot wear, you know that?
Socko kisses C.W on the cheek.
Socko: I love you!
C.W: I love you too Socko!
They look at each other and then begin to french kiss.
The show is cut off by an executive sitting in a chair wearing a sock puppet and talking to it quietly. She notices she's on and puts her hand wearing the sock behind her back.
Executive: Hallo, we at the beyond Channel would like to emphasize that the views on Closet Talk with Christopher Walkin are...not necessarily our own.
Cop(off camera): Hey you!
The executive reacts in surprise casuing her to reveal her sock as she looks around confused.
Executive: What, what, what, what?
The cop walks in.
Cop: You're charged with molesting children's socks!
The executive jumps out of her seat and screams at the cop.
Executive: I don't know what you're talking about!
She points at the cop with the hand wearing the sock. The cop slowly turns their head to look at the sock hand. The executive looks sort of bewildered at her mistake. The cop looks the executive solemnly in the eye.
Cop: You make me sick!
The cop punches the executive, who stumbles upwards and looks toward the camera.
Executive: and now back to our regularly scheduled program.
C.W and Socko face opposite directions.
C.W: I'm not talking to you!
Socko: and I'm not talking to you!
C.W: Bite me!
Socko bites C.W
C.W: You jerk!
Socko laughs and bites him again.
C.W: I'm gonna kill you!
C.W pulls socko off his hand and begins to stomp him in the closet's closed quarters. He stops and straightens his hair.
C.W: Anyway, here's out next guest...John Malkovich!
Malki: Actually I'm not...
C.W: Pleasure to have you on the show John.
Malki: That's the thing you see, I'm not John-
C.W: That's funny, I remember you having less hair and those breasts are a new look for you aren't they?
Malki: Like I've been trying to tell you, I'm not John Malkovich.
C.W: Then what are you doing on my show? Security!
Two sock puppets grab malki.
Malki: What are you doing!?!
A crew member walks up.
Crew member: um C.W?
C.W: Hey, what's this person doing on my show? Where's John Malkovich?
Crew member: Well that's just the thing, John couldn't make it, this is Malkia Jonovich a Rhydin Vampiress.
C.W: A word
C.W and the crew member turn away from Malki.
C.W: A vampiress, isn't that a little dangerous?
Crew member: Not at all, she signed a contract promising not to kill you.
C.W: Well, that's comforting...I guess.
Crew member: Right, well get interviewing.
The crew member walks away and C.W turns to Malki who looks very annoyed.
C.W: Let her go boys.
The socks let go and leave.
C.W: s-s-so sorry about the misunderstanding Ms. Jonovich.
Malki: Why socks?
C.W: huh?
Malki: nevermind
C.W: Soooo, what's it like being a blood sucking daemon of the night?
Malki: peachy
C.W looks puzzled.
C.W: So do you have anything to do with John Malkovich?
Malki: I'm a fan of his.
C.W: Interesting. What did you think of his latest film "Being John Malkovich"?
Malki: It was a wonderful, well-done, surreal, dark comedy with superior acting and a great story. And I enjoyed seeing John Malkovich dance around in a sheet.
C.W: I see, so how 'bout my pointy teeth in "Sleepy Hallow"?
Malki: I haven't seen it, I don't see new films often.
C.W: but you could imagine what it would be like if you did right?
Malki: sure
They both sit there for awhile not saying anything.
C.W: Sooo...
Malki: You want me to imagine that I've seen "Sleepy Hallow"?
C.W: uhhuh
Malki rolls her eyes.
Malki(mock enthusiasm): Oh your pointy teeth were, uh, sharp and, uh mean looking.
C.W: Boo-yah!...I mean why thank you. Say, do you like socks?
Malki: not usually
C.W: oh...well what about comedic bumper stickers?
Malki: Depends. Do you have any blood sausage or, I don't know, something? I'm rather hungary.
C.W: What are your plans for the future?
Malki: getting something to eat.
C.W: If I...um, gave you $50 right now, what would you do with it?
Malki: get something to eat.
C.W coughs, excuses himself and adjusts his collar revealing his neck. Malki jumps up.
Malki: That's it, I can't take it anymore!
C.W: What!?!
She leaps at C.W and bites his neck. He screams. A slide saying "Please Stand by" appears.
Person: Do to complications we will now play excerpts from Lord B'vorks Condensed Radio Frequency until the normal time of conclsuion for Closet Talk with Christopher Walkin.
Lord B'vork: HaHaHaHa 'datz zooggy Gunter.
Gunter: yeah bozz.
Tigarofzer: woop woop meow
All:(laughs)
Lord B'vork: Tigarofzer you're a party animal!
Tigarofzer: Zaaaaaaa
All: (laughs)
Gunter: ey you 'ere 'bout dat new um thing?
Tigarofzer: unbuzrafzzzrnbin
Gunter: ya dat thing
Lord B'vork: HaHaHaHaHa you're talking about the, um, the sprint wireless web?
Gunter: yeah
Lord B'vork: my god, what a piece of anakkkky akkyak ptippbt. Those Earthlings are so stupid.
Gunter: e
Lord B'vork: I mean come on you fools! My race had that junk over 100 years ago.
All: (laughs)
Gunter: e
Lord B'vork: I swear what an ugly kkkikky nanana shadobe-ping nawatoot, and he's smart! Ha, on my planet smart people i'za mega keen purdy.
Tigarofzer: heggeggeggy...hobbaba shmay
Lord B'vork: That's right, it's time to go. Let us sing the farewell song.
All: When you're bummed out and upset and you have nothing better to do, pull up a chair and let you brain drown in it's own cranial spit, because there's little else better to do than watch Lord B'vorks Condensed Radio Frequency. he makes money off of your wasted time. How cool is that? Really cool, cooler than you, cooler than your friends, so cool you should kill yourself because you're so inferior!
